by Bella Andre
“Yes.” She’d never known her voice could sound that breathy. That full of out-and-out lust.
The next thing she knew, he was at her side and lifting her into the tub so that he sat with his back to the far edge and she straddled him. He threaded his hands into her hair, and when he kissed her, he stole the rest of her breath away.
She never wanted to stop kissing him. Never wanted to go another day or night without touching him. Never wanted to leave his arms. Never, ever wanted this moment to end.
Again, she pushed all thoughts of morning away. Right now was all that mattered—and the memories she’d take with her would get her through the tough times to come.
By the time he let her lips go, her mouth was tingling in the most delicious way and her skin felt just the slightest bit raw from the bristles on his cheeks. “I always wondered what your five o’clock shadow felt like.” She caressed his face with one hand, luxuriating in the feel of him. “It feels wonderful.”
“All this time,” he said in a voice that resonated with emotion, “we were both wanting the same thing. Each other.”
Her hand stilled on his jaw. They weren’t in an emotional danger zone yet, but if she wasn’t careful, they would be. Of course she couldn’t bury her head in the sand forever—but were a few perfect hours too much to ask? Taylor didn’t want anything to spoil her fantasy, not when she needed it more than ever.
The hardest part of it all was that her heart longed as much for deep emotion as for hot sex. In a different world, where she was perfectly healthy and Justin’s mother still a phone call away, Taylor would have leaped at the chance to declare her love to him—and hope that he would declare his right back.
But that wasn’t the world they were living in. So she would make the most of the unexpected gift she’d been given—one sinfully sexy night with the man she loved. And she would cling to the memories long after it was over.
Stuffing down the part of herself that hated having to deflect emotion, she said, “I’m so glad we’re making up for lost time tonight.” She deliberately said tonight because she refused to lie to him about a future. “I can’t wait to make up some more right now…”
She lowered her mouth to his neck, where she could feel his pulse beat steady and strong against her lips. His hands were still tangled in her hair, and as she ran kisses across his shoulders and then his chest, his fingers tightened. As though he couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go.
A sob nearly rose up in her chest. Knowing she couldn’t saddle Justin with her illness didn’t make it any easier to accept their too rapidly fleeting hours together.
She wanted to cling to him, wanted to bury her face against his neck and stay like that forever. Instead, she worked harder than ever to push away the dark thoughts—and to focus on the fact that for the next few hours, she was the luckiest woman alive.
And about to get even luckier, if the wonderfully hard erection she was wrapping her hand around was anything to go by.
The thought made her smile. So did Justin’s growl of need—and his hands coming around her waist to pull her higher.
“I need you again.” He reached for a condom that she hadn’t realized he’d brought over to the tub. “Now.”
The water sloshed around them as they both shifted so that he could roll on protection, and then his hands were on her waist, his mouth was on hers, and she was plunging down, taking all of him at once.
The breath rushed from her lungs as he possessed her completely, driving her closer and closer to madness with every beautiful thrust.
“I can’t get enough of you.” He spoke the words between kisses. “I’ll never be able to get enough.”
She wanted to tell him it was the same for her. Wanted to blurt out how much she loved him. That she’d loved him for as long as she could remember. But she couldn’t confess any of it, couldn’t live with herself if she gave him her heart tonight and then took it all away tomorrow.
Her body, however, wouldn’t listen to the rational voices inside her head or be held back by what the doctors said. And as they made love, every part of her that could touch Justin, that could pleasure and be pleasured, went all in.
Water splashed.
Hands stroked and caressed.
Mouths tasted and nipped.
And raw moans of pleasure filled her room.
Justin drove her higher and higher and higher, the rest of the world disappearing. After driving each other into frenzied ecstasy, at last they collapsed together, lungs heaving, clinging to each other so tightly that it was difficult to draw breath.
“That was unbelievable. Best day of my life.” Justin stroked the wet hair back from her face. “You’re going to run me ragged.”
She gazed into his beautiful face. “If you don’t think you can keep up…”
His grin stole her heart, just like it always had. “We Morrisons are known for our stamina.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Is that doubt I hear?”
Knowing he’d always thrived on a challenge, she said, “There’s only one way to prove me wrong.”
He had her out of the tub and bouncing onto her bed in the blink of an eye. They were both still soaking wet as they tangled mouths and limbs again. And if she couldn’t help but wish for more—for just as much emotion as pleasure—she reminded herself that even this was more than she’d ever hoped to have with Justin.
And she would never regret their night together as long as she lived.
CHAPTER NINE
Justin woke the next morning alone in Taylor’s bed. He’d much rather have had her in his arms, but she had a job to do, one that included feeding her guests.
He put on his jeans and T-shirt, then went looking for her. He found her in the kitchen with little Sophia and Addison sitting on stools stuffing fresh blueberry muffins into their mouths. Grinning like a fool, he went to say good morning and give her a kiss, but she sidestepped him at the last second. And she barely smiled back.
“I just pulled the muffins out of the oven if you want one.”
Trying to convince himself that her voice didn’t sound stilted—and that even if it did, it was only natural for things to be a little awkward between them this morning, at least until they had a chance to talk—he grabbed a muffin. But he wasn’t hungry anymore…and wouldn’t be until he made absolutely sure that last night had been just as good for Taylor as it had been for him. Especially now that in the light of day, he couldn’t help but rewind back to that moment in the tub when it seemed as though she hadn’t wanted the two of them to talk about anything more than sex. He’d chalked it up to her being as physically hungry for him as he was for her.
Had he been wrong?
He’d been so sure that last night had solidified their connection on every level, from friendship to love and everything in between. But he’d made that mistake once before, after their kiss in college—the kiss that had torn their friendship to shreds.
No, he thought with a firm shake of his head. Things were different now. They hadn’t been drunk last night. She didn’t have a boyfriend. And they weren’t kids anymore. They were adults who knew their own minds and hearts. She wouldn’t have slept with him, wouldn’t have given herself to him so openly, so fully, if she hadn’t wanted to love him the way he wanted to love her.
No amount of reasoning with himself could stop him from wanting to pull her out of the kitchen and make sure everything was okay. But he knew better than to take her away from her job, of course.
Frustration rode him as Sophia and Addison’s parents walked in. “We can get the little ones out of here if they’re disturbing you,” Katie Belmont said to Taylor, giving Justin a smile that he only barely managed to return.
“I love the kids keeping me company while I make breakfast,” Taylor replied with a smile. One that was a million times bigger than the one she’d given him a few minutes ago. “You’ve been really helpful, haven’t you?” she said to the children
.
“We have!” Sophia pointed to a couple of messy piles of chocolate chips, which were slightly smeared, as though someone had licked them before putting them down. “Taylor needed us to measure the chocolate chips for cookies,” she told her mother in a voice full of proud importance.
Justin made a mental note not to eat that batch of cookies, even as he appreciated Taylor’s willingness to let her young guests help. His mother had been the same way when Justin and his siblings were little. She’d never been upset by dropped bags of flour or broken eggs. On the contrary, she made them all laugh even more whenever they made messy mistakes. And she never, ever called them mistakes.
Now, he refused to call his night with Taylor a mistake. No matter what was going on inside her head today, he knew with utter certainty that making love had been right. For both of them.
Last night, he’d finally let loose his desire for her. This morning, he would do the same with words of love. Words that he hoped would wipe away any regret she might be feeling.
“How was your night?” Taylor asked her guests.
“Really great,” Brent Belmont replied. “Your restaurant suggestions have been spot-on.”
“And we loved walking through town after dinner,” his wife added.
“And the ice cream was awesome!” Addison rubbed his tummy. “Can we go back today?”
“You bet,” said his mother with a grin before turning back to Taylor. “What about you? How was your evening? I hope you didn’t work too hard.”
Taylor’s cheeks immediately flushed a deep rose. Just the way they had when Justin had been stroking her skin, pressing kisses along the swell of her breasts, and driving her to climax with his body inside of hers.
“I didn’t work at all,” she said with a little shake of her head. She licked her lips, then added, “My night was good.”
Good?
“I had the best night of my life,” he interjected. No one had asked him, but Justin had no intention of holding in the truth.
The Belmonts’ eyebrows went up. “What did you do?” Brent asked. “Sounds like we should follow your example tonight.”
“Actually, we both just stayed right here,” Taylor replied with a laugh—one that he knew for a fact was forced—before he could say anything else. “Pizza delivery under the stars in Napa Valley,” she added with a smile. “Nothing better, right?”
Katie nodded. “Honestly, I’m not sure there is. Brent and I can’t stop looking at real estate flyers. It would be such a dream to live here.”
“It would be so lovely if you moved to St. Helena!” Taylor said, clearly excited about the idea. “We could talk more about what it’s like to live here, as opposed to being a tourist, over breakfast if you’d like. Food should be ready in about ten minutes.”
“I’m going to head out for a run,” Justin said. “Don’t wait on breakfast for me.”
His tone was brusque enough that everyone had to be wondering what his problem was. But he wouldn’t be able to sit at the table and keep a pleasant conversation going while his insides twisted up with every second that Taylor wouldn’t look him in the eye. Going for a punishing run would be the only way to keep from force-feeding the Belmont family so they’d leave him and Taylor alone to talk.
* * *
An hour later, he came back to find the breakfast table cleared and no sign of the family of four. His T-shirt was soaked—he hadn’t run that fast since he raced the mile on the track team in high school—but he headed straight for the kitchen, where he hoped to find Taylor. Alone, this time.
“Hey.” He saw her standing at the kitchen sink, still not looking at him. “Is everything okay?”
It was a tip-of-the-iceberg question. One that barely scratched the surface of what he really wanted to ask. But he didn’t want to make the mistake of freaking out completely on the morning after if it turned out that there was nothing to freak out about.
“I don’t know if it is,” she replied in a soft voice.
He’d always appreciated her honesty. She never answered a question unless she was certain about it. This morning, though, her honesty was a punch straight to his gut.
“Talk to me.” He shut off the faucet and grabbed her wet hands, turning her to face him. “Last night seemed perfect. But if it was just that way for me, and not for you, you need to tell me.”
“It was perfect,” she said, her words spoken in such an intense voice that he knew she meant it. Only, instead of looking overjoyed about it, she pressed her lips together. “But—”
“You don’t have to worry,” he said. “I know I was a player in college, but that was only because I couldn’t have you. Now that we’re together, I don’t want anyone else. I’ve never wanted anyone but you.”
“You can’t want me.” She looked utterly panicked as she yanked her hands from his. “We can’t be together.”
Again, he was ready to counter her worries. “I know we’ll have to deal with the long-distance stuff for a while, but I won’t be in Germany forever. I was thinking it probably won’t be too hard to open a lab here and find scientists who would be more than happy to live in the wine country.”
“That’s not it.” She looked pale again, the same shade she’d been when she collapsed on the stairs.
“Are you feeling sick?” He practically carried her over to the stools the kids had been sitting on earlier. Was she coming down with the flu? He hated seeing her unwell, but at least that would explain why she was acting so strangely this morning.
Instead of answering him, she said, “I can’t give you what you need.”
He grabbed her hands again. “You always have, Taylor. Right from the first moment we met, I knew.” Her eyes were glassy with tears about to fall. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. You don’t have to hide anything from me. You never have. Whatever it is, I can take it.” Even if she told him that making love last night had been a mistake, that she didn’t love him, he’d somehow listen, somehow deal with the enormous blow without screwing up their friendship again.
She stared into his eyes, unspeaking, for a long moment. He saw love, he swore it. So if that wasn’t the problem, then what was?
Finally, she spoke. “I have a rare, fast-moving type of polycystic kidney disease.”
* * *
“How the hell can you have PKD when neither of your parents have it?” Justin’s voice boomed through the kitchen, so loudly that it might have shaken the windows had Taylor not recently replaced them with double panes.
Taylor wasn’t surprised by his response. It was the same one she’d had—straight-up, hard-headed, science-based denial. She’d even tried to argue with the doctor. Which was when he’d given her a comprehensive tour of autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease and then walked her through every detail of her lab results to show her how she fit all the markers. He’d encouraged her to get a second opinion, and by the time the second set of lab results came in, she’d had to accept the truth.
“With autosomal recessive PKD,” she said, “both parents can be carriers and pass it on to their children without ever having it themselves.” Knowing Justin was one of the few people who would understand what she was talking about, she further explained, “It’s associated with a group of congenital fibrocystic syndromes. Mutations in the PKHD1 cause ARPKD. Normally, it’s diagnosed during infancy or early childhood. But in some rare cases, it isn’t detected until much later in life. We read about it in our Human Anatomy and Physiology textbook.”
“I don’t give a damn about what it said in our textbook!”
Her heart felt like it would break into a million pieces from the utter devastation on his face.
“All I care about is you,” he said. “How many doctors have you seen?”
“Too many.” With many, many more on the horizon, unfortunately.
“There’s still a chance they’re wrong.”
“No, there isn’t.” She couldn’t allow him any false hope. “I’ve been through m
y lab results a million times. My doctors are right. And actually,” she forced herself to say, “I’m lucky they found it before things got really bad.”
“Lucky?” He swore, a vicious rip of words. Oddly, it actually helped her to hear them. They were all the same words that she wanted to scream herself, but hadn’t because she’d been so busy trying to hold it together for her parents. And she’d had to keep a clear head as she’d made plans to open her B&B.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me? And don’t say it’s because I was too busy with my lab research. I should have been here right after you got the diagnosis to help you deal with it, any way I could.”
“I know you would have jumped on the next plane and been here.” She would have done the same for him, and the truth was that she felt ashamed for keeping it from him this long. But she didn’t want to make excuses, not to the one person who mattered most. Which meant she needed to admit the truth instead. “Telling people makes it real.” All of the light that their lovemaking had filled her with the night before—bright, wonderful warmth that she’d need to cling to in the future—felt as though it was draining away, letting the darkness back in. “So much more real than I want it to be. I know that sounds weak—”
“Not weak. Human.” He stopped his furious pacing and moved to her side, putting his arms around her. “I understand why you didn’t tell me before, but I’m going to be really upset if you keep anything else from me. And I won’t let you use your diagnosis to push me away either.”
She shook her head against his chest. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Like hell it isn’t.”
He was clearly furious and had every right to his feelings. But so did she.
“You’ve lost enough already.” She wanted to take the comfort he offered and wrap herself up in it. But she loved him too much to take anything more from him than he’d already given when his mother was sick. She’d do whatever it took to protect him from more pain. Even if it meant giving up his love. “I can’t stand the thought of being one more thing you lose.”