by Jessica Hart
`They didn't look much to me.' Luke shuffled the papers on his desk gruffly. `Can't see why anyone would prefer something like that to a proper bouquet.'
Kate wondered if he was waiting for her to reassure him that she hadn't read too much into the fact that he had given her flowers.
`There must be something wrong with my taste,' she said lightly. `How did the roses go down?’
'Received with shrieks of delight, I gather, Luke said callously, and then looked up at her She was wearing a straight rust-coloured skirt with the olive-green jumper she had worn in Paris, and looked quietly businesslike. `I don't suppose you shrieked?’
'No, but I'm sure I liked my tulips more.'
`Really?'
Their eyes met over the desk.
`Really,' she assured him.
`Kate-' Luke began, pushing back his chair, but just then the phone rang. With an exclamation of impatience he snatched up the receiver, and Kate took the opportunity to slip out of the room. She had heard enough to know that it was Helen.
Luke's abrupt swings of mood confused her. One moment he was brusque and cynical, and the next he would look into her eyes and she could swear that the smile that lurked there was for her alone.
Don't do this, Kate, she warned herself. Don't fall in love with him all over again, just when you were doing so well just being his secretary. She sat on the bus, reciting a litany of Luke's faults to herself, as if it were a charm to keep herself immune to his dangerous attraction. If only he would just stick to being rude and unpleasant, it would be so much easier.
She tried to concentrate on the evening ahead, but the first things she saw as she let herself into her flat were the tulips, already starting to open. She loved their clean lines and the graceful droop of their heads, and touched them gently as she went past. They were much nicer than roses.
For Xavier's sake, Kate exerted herself to make an effort. She looked at the black dress hanging in the wardrobe, but in the end chose the jade. The black dress belonged to Luke and that unforgettable walk through the dark, quiet streets of Paris.
Xavier was delighted to see her and full of Gallic charm. Kate found him pleasant and entertaining, but her mind kept drifting off to Luke. She wondered where he was, who he was with, what he was doing. She missed his abrasive presence with a nagging little ache.
This is stupid, she told herself as she smiled and pretended to listen to Xavier. How can you possibly be missing him? You saw him a couple of hours ago, and you'll see more than enough of him tomorrow. He'd only sit there and shout at you.
But still she couldn't wait for the evening to be over.
`And how is Luke?' Xavier was asking.
Impossible. Irresistible. `He's fine,' said Kate.
`He didn't sound very pleased when I told him I hoped to take you out to dinner. In fact, I wondered if he might have been a bit jealous, hein?'
Faint colour tinged Kate's cheekbones. `Oh, no. He's just funny about mixing business with pleasure.'
`Even though he must do it all the time working with you?' Xavier asked with heavy gallantry. `He is a hard man!'
Kate ran a finger around the rim of her glass. `He's just… Luke.'
His image rose in front of her as she stared down into her wine: the cold slate eyes that could warm with sudden laughter, the hard mouth that could soften with devastating charm, the strong hands whose merest touch could send her heart into overdrive.
`And you're in love with him,' Xavier said flatly.
Kate looked up. She could deny it, the way she had been trying so hard to deny it to herself, but it was useless. She might as well accept it, and learn to live with it.
`Yes,' she said.
CHAPTER NINE
'WELL,' said Luke, leaning back in his chair after he had finished dictating some letters the next morning, `how did you get on with Xavier 1ast night?’
'We had a very nice evening, thank you.' Kate ignored the sarcastic edge to his voice as she picked up her notebook and got to her feet. She had no intention of telling Luke that she had spent the whole time thinking about him.
`Very nice? Is that all you can say?' Lu sneered. `It must have been dull!'
`It wasn't dull. It was… very pleasant.'
`Pleasant!' Luke gave a shout of laughter `That's even worse.' He leant over the desk towards her. `If I'd taken you out on Valentine’s Day I'd have made sure that you had an evening that was wild, exciting, unforgettable… anything other than pleasant!'
Kate clutched her notebook defensively in fro of her and kept her composure with an effort. I might not have enjoyed that so much.'
`Why not? Too daring for you? I can't belie that after the way you were carrying on in Paris!’
The mockery in his voice hurt her. So he had had a wild evening with Helen, had he? He obviously thought she was no fun compared to her.
`Surely it's who you're with on Valentine's Day that matters more than what you do?' she said coldly. `You don't have to paint the town red to have an unforgettable evening if you're with the right person.'
Luke's face closed. `How right you are!' he said, and spun round in his chair, effectively dismissing her.
He was withdrawn for the rest of the day. Kate knew that she should have been pleased at having been able to hide her feelings so successfully, but she was restless and miserable, and eagerly accepted Serena's invitation to go and see the latest release at the cinema that evening. The film had been slated in the reviews: mindless entertainment was just what she needed.
It didn't take Serena long to worm the truth out of her. In spite of all Kate's attempts to appear bright and cheerful, her friend brushed aside assurances that she was fine and demanded to know what the matter was. In the end, Kate gave in.
`It's Luke,' she admitted as they queued to buy their tickets.
`I knew it!' Serena crowed. `You've fallen for him, haven't you?'
Kate nodded, shamefaced.
`It was inevitable,' Serena reassured her. `I guessed as soon as you started going on about how difficult he was; it was a dead giveaway. I don't blame you. He's terribly attractive, even if he is as awful as you always say he is.'
`He's not awful!' Kate sprang instinctively to Luke's defence, and then subsided. `Well, not all the time, anyway.'
Serena glanced at her mischievously. `I thought you said he was rude and arrogant and horrible and thoroughly unpleasant?' she said in an innocent voice, recalling all Kate's phone conversations over the past weeks. `Not to mention overbearing and unreasonable!'
`He is, but…' Kate trailed off, unable to explain, and Serena rolled her eyes.
`Oh, Kate, you have got it bad!'
`Yes,' Kate said a little wearily. `I have.'
Serena touched her arm with quick sympathy. `What does he feel about you?'
'I don't know.' Kate thrust her hands in her pockets and stared glumly down at the pavement. `Sometimes I think he finds me quite attractive, but the next moment he's being unpleasant again. He wouldn't go out with Helen and Lynette if he was interested in me, would he?'
'He might if he was trying not to be,' Serena said not very clearly. `He's awfully proprietorial as far as you're concerned, isn't he? Look at the fuss he made about your going out with Xavier! It sounds to me as if he was jealous.'
`You wouldn't have thought so if you'd seen him this morning. He was impossible!' Kate remembered morosely. `I made the mistake of telling him I'd had a pleasant evening, and he sneered all day, comparing it to the wild, exciting time he'd had with Helen.'
`In that case, he's definitely jealous!' Serena said wisely. `Why don't you tell him how you feel?'
'No!' Kate recoiled instinctively. `I couldn't possibly.'
`Why not?'
'He doesn't want to get involved with anyone.
He's told me as much. He'd hate a clinging, emotional woman.'
`You wouldn't be clinging, though,' Serena pointed out. `You're not the type.'
`No, but I couldn't be detached either.' Kate's e
yes were clear as she turned to look at her friend. `I love him, Serena. I've never felt like this about anybody before. If it were just a crush I might be able to laugh it off. We might even be able to have a brief affair. That's all he'd be interested in, but that kind of casual physical relationship wouldn't be enough for me.'
She paused. The queue was moving closer to the doors and her eyes fell on a still advertising the film. The hero and heroine were exchanging a passionate embrace. It reminded her of the time Luke had kissed her on the street corner. `I love all of him,' she went on slowly. `I love the difficult, annoying things about him as much as the way he looks, or the way he makes me feel. If I can't have all of him I'd rather keep my feelings to myself and carry on as his secretary. That way, neither of us is embarrassed.'
Easy to say, but as the days passed Kate found it more and more difficult to hide her feelings for Luke beneath her aura of cool efficiency She watched him with a heightened awareness, and flinched whenever he brushed against her inadvertently, reaching for a file or leaning next to her to look at the diary.
She was terrified that he had guessed. The astringent quality in their relationship that h2 stimulated as well as infuriated her had gradual evaporated. Instead of their snippy exchange there were long, awkward silences intersperse with sticky lumps of conversation. They only talked about business and avoided looking at each other.
Kate felt strangely lonely. Luke was remote, detached, and she missed arguing with him more than she would have believed. She even missed his being rude.
Was he trying to warn her off?
She was dreading their return to Paris. The contract was due to be signed the following Tuesday, early in the morning, and Luke had suggested that they fly out the night before to make sure they were there in time. He had even asked if that was agreeable to her! Kate agreed in a colourless tone. Paris held too many memories. She didn't want to go there with this stranger.
The week seemed endless; Kate couldn't decide whether she longed for the weekend, or dreaded it for bringing the Paris trip nearer. She was glad that Solange was coming out of school for the weekend, and planned a non-stop whirl of activities, as much to distract herself as amuse her niece. By the time she had taken Solange back to school on Sunday evening, she was exhausted, but had recovered her composure.
It seemed unbearably intimate to be travelling to the airport together after a largely silent day at the office. Kate stared out of the window of the limousine as it crawled through the rush-hour traffic on the M4 heading towards Heathrow.
If things didn't get any better she would have to start looking for another job. Her heart cracked at the thought of leaving Luke, but he seemed to have put her at a deliberate distance, as if trying to discourage her from getting involved. Kate was humiliated by the idea that her emotions were that transparent. She had been trying so hard to appear unaffected by his sudden change of attitude.
It was after seven by the time they reached the hotel.
`I suppose you've arranged to see Xavier tonight?' Luke said in a distant voice as he signed the register.
`Xavier?' Kate repeated blankly. She had been watching his broad wrist where it emerged from an immaculately white cuff and for a moment couldn't remember quite who Xavier was. `No.'
Luke glanced at her. Was it her imagination, or did his expression lighten slightly?
`We'd better go and have something to eat together, then,' he said, but in such a colourless voice that she decided that she must have been mistaken.
`All right,' she said, equally wooden.
`Shall we meet down here in half an hour?'
'Fine.'
This is awful, she thought as she washed her face and combed her hair drearily. Everything was so different to the last time they had been here. Even when they had been arguing she had felt excited, alive.
Her eye fell on the black dress in her open suitcase. She had been so angry with Luke when she had put it on last time! There had been little point in bringing it, but somehow she had been reluctant to leave it behind.
Now she picked it up thoughtfully. It was a wonderful dress, the kind of dress that made you feel a million dollars. On an impulse, Kate stripped off her sensible travelling clothes and slipped it on. If ever she had needed some extra confidence it was now!
She kept her make-up understated, but at the last minute pinned the brooch Luke had given her across the revealing slit. She didn't feel as exhilarated as the last time she had worn this dress, but she certainly felt a lot better!
With renewed confidence in her ability to keep her true feelings hidden from Luke and return to the relationship they had had before her emotions had started to behave in such a stupid way, Kate made her way down to the foyer.
Luke was waiting for her. In his grey suit, he looked taciturn and remote. Hesitating outside the lift, Kate felt herself stung by unfamiliar protectiveness as she caught sight of his dark head. If only he weren't so determined not to depend on anyone else!
As if aware of her gaze upon him, Luke turned. Something blazed in his eyes as he saw that she was wearing the black dress, but the shuttered look dropped back into place almost immediately
Kate's chin went up at that unmistakable sign of uninterest, and she walked unhurriedly towards him.
`I haven't booked anywhere,' Luke said abruptly as she came up to him. `I thought we could just walk out and see what we find. I could do with stretching my legs anyway.'
Kate agreed in a neutral voice, and made sure there was a good two feet between them as they walked down the hotel steps and on to the street. Being too close to him would be too much of a temptation.
Lights flashed and blurred as they walked p~ neon advertisements and garish cafe signs and impatient cars held up at traffic lights. Horns tooted and pedestrians hurried past; she and Luke seemed to be the only people in Paris not anxious to get to their destination, Kate thought.
They looked at everything except each other until, as they came up to the Place de l'Opéra, Luke suddenly stopped at a crossing, pulling Kate back as she made to step off the kerb.
`Kate, why are you being like this?' he demanded.
Kate looked down at his hand on her sleeve and then up into his face.
`Like what?'
As if aware that he was still holding her, Luke dropped his hands and thrust them into his pockets. `You've been so distant lately,' he grumbled.
`I've been distant?' Kate stared at him in astonishment. `You're the one who's been distant!' `No, I haven't!'
'You made it very clear that you were only concerned with work,' she said. `You discourage every attempt at conversation. Every time I say good morning I feel as if I'm invading your privacy!'
`But that's exactly what I thought about you!' Luke protested. `After you went out with Xavier you seemed to retreat behind a sort of chilly façade. It was like working with an ice-cube!' He looked down at his shoes. `I know we used to fight, but after the last time we were here I thought we'd become friends.'
They were blocking the crossing. The crowds pushed past them with fulminating glances and the occasional muttered exclamation, but Luke and Kate were oblivious.
`We were friends,' Kate said.
`Then why aren't we any more? Why did you clam up like that?'
'I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you wanted to keep things strictly business.'
`A businesslike relationship doesn't preclude friendship, does it?' Luke said crossly.
No, but it made it very difficult to be in love at the same time. `No,' Kate said.
`So you mean all this time I thought you were ignoring me you thought I was ignoring you?'
'Well… yes.'
A dangerous smile lurked about his mouth. `That wasn't very sensible of you, Kate!'
`Whereas you behaved impeccably, I suppose?' Kate retorted, and he laughed, a sudden, exuberant laugh of relief. Despite herself, Kate felt her own mouth quiver in response.
`I've missed the way you answer
back when you're cross,' Luke said, holding out his hand. `Come on, let's shake on a friendly, businesslike relationship with no more misunderstandings,
shall we?'
It was what she had wanted, wasn't it? Kate felt his hand close round hers and tried to ignore the jolting response of her heart to his touch, and the small, insistent voice that said that friendly and businesslike would never be enough.
`Now that that's sorted out, where were we?' Luke asked cheerfully as they crossed the road at last. The grim look he had worn for so long now had vanished and he looked buoyant, even happy.
Kate struggled to match his mood. `Looking for somewhere to eat.'
`Well, what about here?' They peered at the menu displayed outside a small restaurant. `We don't need anything grand.'
Inside the restaurant was dark and noisy. It seemed to be full of people talking and laughing and waving their hands about. Kate felt horribly overdressed in her sophisticated black dress, but nobody seemed to notice.
She and Luke were squeezed into a corner, side by side on a plastic banquette. Their thighs kept touching, their arms brushing against each other. Luke made no effort to put some space, however small, between them.
Kate's appetite had deserted her. She picked at the trout she had ordered with a creamy herb sauce, and sipped her wine nervously. A candle flickered on the table and she kept her eyes fixed on it, hoping that Luke wouldn't see the desire written on her face.
It was all very well to talk about a friendly relationship, but when Luke's body was pressed so close to hers it was impossible to think about anything but how muscular his thigh felt, how strong his arm. She could see his hands out of the corner of her eye as he lifted his glass or reached for the bread, and wondered how they would feel against her bare skin.
She talked feverishly, unnerved by his eyes or her face, the pressure of his leg against hers, and when at last they stood up to go her knees fell weak. Luke helped her out from behind the table and kept his hand under her arm as they went outside. Kate wanted to pull herself away, but was afraid she would fall.
Luke fell silent as they walked. She had no idea where they were going, but talked on until her tongue felt thick and unwieldy and she floundered to a halt. Instead she looked up at the sky a narrow strip between the tall Parisian buildings. The moon was almost full, and fuzzy through the reflected city lights.