by CB Conwy
You're so immature.
Maybe. But I won. Pietr laughed, and Matt couldn't help do the same. Carla looked from Matt to Pietr, eyebrows raised.
"Sorry. He's just being... Pietr."
The nurse huffed and stood back. "Well, can he help you lie down? Because you should rest until we discharge you."
"I'm getting out of here?" Matt couldn't keep the eagerness out of his voice. His sore shoulder was in a sling and Pietr was with him; now he just needed to get away from the hospital.
"You are. We're going back to the cabin." Just you and me. There was anticipation and a deep affection in Pietr's mind as he helped Matt lie down.
Carla watched how carefully Pietr helped Matt, the Himiko gently supporting him until he could stretch out, and there was a look of almost reluctant understanding on her face. Matt smiled a little at her reaction.
"That's great. Do you know when I can go?"
"As soon as we get the paperwork done. So not for another couple of hours." She didn't sound particularly fond of hospital bureaucracy.
"Okay. I'll just nap until then." Matt closed his eyes, cuddling into Pietr's mind. His mate laughed indulgently and took his hand as he fell asleep.
4
The ride to the cabin was quiet. Matt put the seat back and rested, the low sounds of the car engine and Pietr's mind, focused on driving, a peaceful background for his doze. It seemed as though no time at all had passed before they were at the cabin.
Or rather, he saw as he opened his eyes when the car stopped, before they were at the place where there now was a roadblock and two Himiko guards.
Do you have any ID? The guard's tone of voice was brusque, almost hostile. Matt could see Pietr's eyes narrowing as he got out an ID card.
You have a human in your car? The guard hadn't looked at the card. Instead, he was looking derisively at Matt.
I do. He happens to be my human. Matt had the very strange sensation of Pietr growing mentally, unfolding his power until he came across as very big and very intimidating. He's my mate, and he's hurt.
The guard looked at the card and quickly looked back at Pietr. I apologize. I didn't mean to offend. He swallowed nervously.
Pietr just nodded curtly, not condescending to answer any further, and the bar across the road was quickly lifted to let them continue.
That wasn't unimpressive.
Pietr was just grumbling something instead of answering Matt, still annoyed with the guard's question.
They drove the last couple of miles, and when they finally arrived at the cabin, Matt got out of the car, taking in the silence after the sound of the car and the traffic. There was a gentle rustle of the wind in the trees, but otherwise, it was blissfully quiet. And totally devoid of other people, Himiko or human. He took a deep breath.
Watch it. Your rib is still sore, even if Robbie healed you.
It's not too bad. Matt could feel his shoulders relaxing, the tension slipping away now that he was here. The fractures still hurt, but the physical pain was manageable after getting away from the stress of so many people being so close to him without being able to shield properly.
You can rest all you need to out here. Pietr had stepped close, embracing him from behind and carefully avoiding his sling. Are you going to explain to me why you didn't want to talk to the police?
Matt would have shrugged, but he remembered not to at the last minute. It wouldn't have done any good.
But he beat you up, baby. Pietr had had no problems locating Matt's memories of Jones, and his mate knew that Matt had recognized his former boyfriend.
He did. But what would happen if I did tell the police? Either they would catch him, and the news would be filled with the outcry against someone going to prison for what most people would love to do. Or they wouldn't catch him, because the proof wouldn't be "strong enough" or he'd magically provide an alibi or whatever reason they would have to make up to let him go, and then people would learn that it's perfectly safe to beat up those associating with Himika. It was a lose-lose situation. That didn't upset Matt; it was just the way it was.
But he beat you up! Pietr's mind was filled with a rage he had hidden well until now.
He did, and it sucks. But I'll be fine, and I've learned not to get into that kind of situation again.
You're staying out here? Pietr's inner voice was filled with disbelief; Matt had deliberately not formed the thought until now. It didn't mean he wasn't intent on doing so.
I am. I won't keep you from doing whatever you want, and I'll go with you if you have to travel. But I'll set up business out here and use the Internet to stay in touch with the people I'll be working with. Matt hadn't made the decision out of fear or defeat; he was just very intent on not putting himself in a situation like that ever again.
Pietr was at a loss for words. It was probably the first time Matt had experienced that. We'll talk about this again when you get better, okay? And you have to rest now; you're getting tired.
Matt nodded. Okay. But I won't change my mind.
Pietr just held on to him, letting him rest his tired mind and sore body in his mate's embrace. The Himiko was caring and considerate, and the worry in Pietr's mind was subsiding.
You're coping really well, you know? Pietr tried to hide the pride in his inner voice when he said that; he didn't seem to think it was an appropriate feeling at the moment.
Shit happens. I'll rest and recover and keep on living my life with you. It's not bad. Life with Pietr, wherever it was, was infinitely better than life without Pietr. Period.
It would be very impolite not to be flattered by that, wouldn't it?
Matt laughed; his mate was so open with his feelings for Matt.
But I meant what I said: stop using your mind! You need to rest. With that, Pietr walked Matt into the house, interrupting him every time he tried to communicate with Pietr mentally.
"I'm going to be a harsh and unrelenting master, you know. I'll force you to relax and feel good every waking minute."
Matt thought he could live with that.
***
He definitely could, it turned out. During the first ten days or so, his mind felt too hazy to be much good for anything. It didn't matter, though; Matt rested and napped and cuddled up with Pietr to such a degree that he started envisioning himself as a big cat.
A very big cat. And very un-furry. Pietr was laughing his ass off when he caught that image. But at least you're perfectly house trained.
I think that's something you do with dogs, honey.
Yeah? You could be a big... No, wait, I can't find any good insults incorporating a dog. Can we go back to the cats?
We can go to you sleeping on the couch, big guy, Matt grumbled. He also cuddled in closer, of course. Couch time was good time.
You could probably sell that slogan to somebody.
Matt gave Pietr a whack.
Hey! What happened to not making lumps in what you use as a pillow? Pietr's outrage combined with the way his mate pulled Matt closer was a little perplexing.
You really need to find something to do. Matt opened his eyes as the thought settled in. He sat up, supporting his left arm on his leg. You do, you know? You need to get back to your job.
Hrmph.
Excuse me, what?
Pietr's mental grumble was completely incomprehensible. The only thing Matt got out of it was a strong reluctance.
I don't want to. His mate sounded as mature as a kid not wanting to go to school. I want to stay with you.
No, you don't. You need to get input from somebody other than me. You're going stir crazy out here.
Am not!
Matt had to use all of his self-discipline not to say what he wanted about that remark. "Seven-year old" and "tantrum" were some of the words that came to mind.
You keep forgetting that I can hear what you're thinking! Are you sure your head wasn't damaged?
Sleeping on the couch, remembe
r?
Pietr's response was even more incomprehensible this time. Matt had no idea how his mate managed that. He was not going to let Pietr distract him, though.
I'm serious. You need something to do. Matt blinked. What do you actually do?
He couldn't believe he hadn't asked this before. Pietr's work had just never been present in his mate's mind since they had bonded.
This and that. Administration, mostly.
"This and that"? You seriously expect me to be satisfied with that answer?
There was a weird reluctance in Pietr's mind, and it made Matt all the more curious. A little worried, too.
Come on, I want to know what you do.
It's not important. Pietr sat up, too, now, but he didn't move in close like he always did.
Matt frowned. Pietr had hidden the information about his occupation deep down in his mind, where Matt would have to use force to find it. It was the first time the Himiko had ever done something like that deliberately, and it made Matt feel confused and a little lost.
Why don't you want me to know what you work with? He poked Pietr mentally, mostly in fun.
Pietr didn't react, though, didn't even look up.
Matt got a cold feeling in his stomach. This is something I don't want to know, right?
Pietr nodded. Then he looked up. Can't we just forget it?
Matt shook his head. It was there now, like an elephant in the room. Come on; I'm sure it isn't that bad.
Pietr didn't seem the least bit convinced, and he kept his silence.
You have to tell me, Pietr. You know I can find out if I have to. Matt didn't want to, but he had always been able to find any information in his mate's mind, no matter how deeply Pietr had buried it.
Please, don't. The naked fear in the quiet plea made dread fill Matt. Something was very, very wrong here.
"You're really worrying me, Pietr. Tell me; it can't be any worse than what I'm making up right now."
Pietr's shoulders fell, and he looked down in defeat. I'm in charge of the recruiting.
His mind spoke more than his actual words. He hadn't just been some local boss; he had been a part of the coordination committee running the entire Earth invasion.
Matt's mind went blank. "You what?"
"I'm in charge of the recruiting. Or I will be again when I go back to work." Pietr didn't look up, and his mind was closed off. It should have hurt, but Matt was completely numb.
"You did that? You did that to me?" The memories of his fear the day he was harvested came back to Matt, and for a moment, he was standing outside of the black van again, certain that this was the end of his life. "That was your responsibility?"
"Yes." Pietr didn't say anything else.
Matt got up, stumbling slightly and clutching his arm when his shoulder screamed with pain at the abrupt move. "I need some air."
He turned and went out the door, almost hitting the doorjamb with his bad shoulder. He could hear Pietr get up behind him and say something, but he didn't pay attention. He had to get out.
His legs found the way automatically, the path to the oak one he had followed many times on his jogs. The ground under him seemed far away, and he stumbled more than once. When he tripped over a branch, he fell to his knees, and the abrupt movement jolted his broken bones. The pain in his face and shoulder finally tore him out of his numbness.
Pietr was in charge of the harvesting. His mate was responsible for that.
Matt remembered the screaming and crying people in the gymnasium where he had been brought shortly after being harvested, and he retched, his stomach trying to turn itself inside out. He could feel Pietr's worry through their bond, but he brutally blocked the connection, his disgust too strong to let Pietr in. He wiped his mouth and got up again, walking toward the oak tree.
He was tired, the fatigue that was part of his recovery from the attack making his movements sluggish. But he couldn't go back to Pietr now, and he forced himself to keep walking until he reached the clearing with the big oak. He slumped down on the ground by the tree, his mind a jumble of thoughts.
Pietr was the one who had caused the fear Matt had felt every time he saw a Himiko or heard about the kidnappings. With a shock, Matt realized that his mate had caused those people to go insane, the ones who were kidnapped and came back psychotic.
And it wasn't like the strategy of kidnapping humans was something the Himika agreed upon. Matt remembered his first conversation with Robbie, how the Himiko had been too scared of something to admit that he disagreed with the methods used to kidnap the humans.
Pietr's methods. And it must have been Pietr who caused not only Robbie's fear, but Matt's as well. Not to speak of the fear of the entire human population. Pietr was the source of all of it.
Matt reeled from the realization that his mate, the one he needed more than anything else, had been the one causing all this terror. Pietr had been cruel enough to plan all that and see it carried out. It was an unbearable thought.
Matt's thoughts kept going back to the gymnasium, to the memory of the crying and screaming and catatonic people in there. And his own fear, which had turned into anger to enable him to survive it. He tried to do the same thing now, to summon enough anger to...
To do what? He couldn't leave Pietr; neither of them would survive it, and he wasn't willing to sacrifice his life on top of everything else. He had already sacrificed his life as he knew it and maybe his humanity as well. Humans had tried to kill him just because he associated with the Himika.
And there was no way back. He was bound to someone who had done something more horrible than Matt could fathom. Just the thought of Pietr was enough to make him sick again.
He sat by the tree for hours, hugging himself and staring out at the forest surrounding him. He had no idea how much time had passed, and he started when a movement at the corner of his vision tore him out of this thoughts. It was dusk, and his body was stiff when he tried to get up.
"I don't think you should spend the night here." Pietr's voice was subdued, and he didn't try to reach Matt mentally.
Matt nodded. He cringed when Pietr took hold of his good arm to help him up, though.
Pietr froze. Then his mate pulled him carefully to his feet, avoiding all but the most necessary touch.
The walk back to the cabin took forever. Matt was exhausted, his head hurting and his body so tired that he had no other choice than to let Pietr support him. It was either that or be carried, and Matt had no wish to be that close to Pietr. He felt Pietr flinch at that thought and pulled further back mentally. He couldn't bear being this intimate after what he had learned about his mate.
Back at the cabin, Pietr helped him into the bathroom, turning on the water and leaving him alone to undress.
He clambered into the tub and sat down, pulling his legs up and cradling his left arm while the water slowly rose around his body. The warmth took away the numb feeling and loosened his tense muscles. It also took away his defenses, and Matt bent his head and wept. He didn't do anything to stop it or to wipe his cheeks, just gave in to the misery and cried. His mate had betrayed him, and there was nowhere for him to go, no way to make this better.
He was completely empty when Pietr came and helped him out of the tub later. He had stopped crying at some point, and now he let Pietr support him while he stepped out of the tub. He shrank away when Pietr tried to dry him, though. He noticed the pain on Pietr's face, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
He dried himself and got dressed. Then he stopped out of the bathroom, not knowing what to do.
"There's some food. You should eat."
Matt sat down without a word. He couldn't even tell what it was that he ate, only that it tasted like cardboard. When he had finished, he went into the bedroom and lay down, keeping his clothes on.
"I'll sleep in the other bedroom." The quiet defeat in Pietr's voice hurt some part of Matt, but he pushed it down and ignored the feeling.
<
br /> It took a long time before he fell asleep.
***
For the next couple of days, Matt avoided Pietr as much as possible. Which wasn't a lot; Matt was still so weak that he could hardly move. The long walk to the clearing in the woods had definitely been too strenuous for him, and he was sore and exhausted.
He couldn't keep up the block against their mental connection all the time. His bruised brain was still too battered to do what he wanted most of all: to shut Pietr out entirely. The brief glimpses of Pietr's mind were enough to make it all start again, the disgust and sorrow over losing someone who had meant everything to him. His head was pounding all the time, the stress and mourning worsening the after-effects of the concussion.
Pietr was there, but kept a certain distance all the time, looking defeated and worried. Even with the lack of contact, being this close was still almost unbearable for Matt, the sight of Pietr constantly reminding him what he had lost. It made him feel sick, making eating impossible, and that only made him feel worse.
On the evening of the fourth day after Pietr told him, his mate came out to where Matt was standing on the terrace, finally breaking the silence.
"I think you should talk to Robbie. You don't look well." Even through the block, Matt could feel how hard it was for Pietr not to check for himself how Matt was feeling, and how much his mate worried about him.
"What does it matter?" Matt didn't know how to keep the apathy out of his voice, and he didn't care.
"Matt, please."
"You have no right to ask me to do anything!" Matt spun around so fast he got dizzy, but he refused to take Pietr's hand when he staggered. "You have no fucking right to do that."
"I know." Pietr dropped his hand, looking both ashamed and pleading. "I know. But, please, Matt. You really don't look well."
"Of course I'm not fucking well! I just found out you're everything I despised. I loved you, Pietr!" The anger welled up in Matt, its force so powerful that he almost choked.
Pietr looked at him, eyes raw with helplessness and remorse.