“Please don’t tell him.”
“Darcy, please don’t ask me to do that.”
I don’t have it in me to fight him right now.
Apparently I drifted off, and I awake when a cold hand touches my forehead. It’s Doctor Trigiani, dressed in casual attire.
“Hello, Darcy. Dimitri tells me you fainted. How are you feeling?” She reaches into her bag. “You’re running a fever. I have you hooked into an IV. You’ve been staying in the hospital, I hear? You were supposed to be resting.”
“I know.”
Dimitri appears in the doorway, holding a bag of take-out. He removes a container of soup.
“When will I be okay to get up?” I ask as she presses her fingers to my wrist, checking my pulse.
“Oh, you’ll be on bedrest for a few days.”
“No.”
“We’re not negotiating this, Darcy. You are being stubborn, and it’s clearly doing you no favors. Now, if you get any worse, go to the hospital, all right? If not, I’ll check on you in the morning.”
I hear an uncomfortable grunt next to me. Dimitri has a phone in his hand and is extending it to me.
Great.
I take it, preparing myself. “Hello?”
“Dimitri just told me what happened…Christ, Darcy! You said you felt fine!”
“I did. Benjamin, it’s okay, I—”
“I managed to get the doctor to agree to release me tomorrow.”
“You don’t need to do that, honestly.”
“Yes, I do. You’re obviously incapable of taking care of yourself.”
I narrow my eyes, surprised by his hostility. “You’re being a jerk.”
“Well, I’m worried sick. My wife has refused to give a shit about herself.”
“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” I huff as the throbbing in my brain intensifies, plummeting my mood considerably.
“Well, stop hiding things from me and I will be able to calm down. Hearing my security found my wife naked on our bedroom floor, completely unconscious, has me just a little stressed out.”
“I’m getting off the phone now.” Dimitri’s eyes widen when I end the call, making me re-think my decision to hang up on my irritable husband, but after the days I’ve had, and the lengths I’ve gone to fake being happy, I’m in no mood for a lecture.
The phone rings almost instantly, and Dimitri bristles with worry.
“I’m not talking to him while he’s like this, Dimitri. Please tell him I’m going to sleep.”
“Darcy—”
“Please tell him.”
He answers the phone, his voice lowering as he exits the room, shutting the door. Under doctor’s orders, I eat and endure the aspect of sitting still in my own thoughts.
***
I don’t even remember falling asleep. The sky is black, lacking any visible stars. I gawk, amazed I slept the entire day. Sitting up, I reach for the glass of water by my bed, draining it in one gulp. My body is drenched, my bones weak.
There’s a note on the nightstand.
He’s called three times. Have pity on him. He’s calm but worried.
Dimitri
I lift the new phone Dimitri’s replaced after mine was destroyed in the accident and dial Benjamin’s number. It goes straight to voicemail.
“Hi, I’ve been asleep. Dimitri said you’d called quite a bit, so here I am, calling you…um, call me back.”
I hang up and push onto my hands to sit upright.
“Oh no, you don’t!” Doris is at the entrance to the bedroom. She’s holding a magazine, but she drops it onto the desk and makes her way over to me. “You’re not supposed to be out of bed.”
She fixes the pillows, pushing me back against them, and I groan. “Please, I feel gross.”
“You spiked a fever just two hours ago and threw up more than I believe is normal for a person of your size. You are not to move from this bed until the doctor gets in tomorrow.”
She rests a hand on my forehead, making a face of disapproval. I’m getting it from all sides today.
“I have to take a shower, Doris.”
“I have a washcloth.”
I’m boiling and want to be left alone.
“Don’t give me that look. God, you’re stubborn when you’re sick.”
“Please, Doris. My hair is sticking to my face. I don’t want Benjamin to see me like this.”
“There’s a good chance it will look like this anyway.”
“Please.”
She eventually gives in and helps me out of bed. In the bathroom, I hesitate briefly before stripping. I climb into the water, knowing it’s lukewarm, but to me, it’s as if I’ve plunged into a frozen lake. I wrap my arms around myself and try to endure it.
Doris helps me wash. Her fingers lightly touch my scars, and my spine snaps straight. She notices my unease and removes her hand, continuing.
I stare at the water, reveling in my own pity.
“You’ve had it pretty rough, rougher than most,” she finally says.
“It never stops. The blows keep coming.”
“It won’t always be like this, darling.”
“I don’t understand how one minute she could be completely fine, and the next minute, I’m empty and she’s just…gone. I don’t get it.”
“Honey, this is going to take time to process and heal from. Everyone knows how hard this has to be for you. Talk to Benjamin. Take comfort from him.”
“I can’t talk to Benjamin about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because he didn’t want her. The last moment I had with her was in a fight with him, when he told me he was playing the role of excited father to make me happy. I can’t talk to him and hear him speak like he wanted our baby.”
“I got a call today from a department store just outside of the city. They had received an order for items purchased by Benjamin and were trying to reach him to confirm the address for shipping.”
“What items?” I ask, hope ringing through the question.
“A crib, a changing table, toys…” She nods when my face falls. “He was furnishing a nursery.”
Delirious and exhausted, my eyes burn with tears. I don’t want to cry anymore. She lets the news sink in and allows me some time to grieve.
“Benjamin’s spent his entire life alone, Darcy. I know this. I worked with him. He never received love from his parents, and his siblings all have their own problems. He has no real aspect of family. You are the one person he’s latched himself to in every way. He chose you for his family. He’s not going to want to risk that for anything, even for a baby.”
She massages shampoo into my hair gently. “I think you both are going through something, something completely different. I don’t think it’s that Benjamin doesn’t want a child…I don’t think he believes he should have one.”
He’s said that before.
“Besides, a man doesn’t buy out a toy store unless he wants a baby. I’ve seen enough life to tell you that.”
She kisses my cheek maternally.
“Talk to him, darling.”
***
I miss you.
I summon the courage and send the message to Benjamin, clutching the phone, waiting for a reply. I’m not even sure I’ll receive one. Not even a minute later, my phone pings.
I’ll be with you soon.
Clearly, our argument isn’t over. I set the phone on the night table and curl up under the covers, unused to the empty space beside me. I fall into my thoughts, imagining if he’d never been revived in that hospital.
This bed would always be empty.
I’d always be staring into space.
I’d have lost my heart.
Simply thinking of a life without him is enough to irregulate my heartbeat. I shoot my hand back out for the phone, and this time I dial him, holding the phone to my ear.
“Yes?” he answers, his voice full of frustration and a minuscule hint of amusement.
The sight of him
on that gurney, covered in his blood, consumes my mind. I try to think of something to say, an apology. But none of that feels right.
“What is it?” he asks gently, knowing he hasn’t lost me.
“I love you,” I whisper thickly, wishing I could erase that memory from my mind. Out of all of them, I wish I could get rid of that one.
I hear his breath catch. “I love you too.”
***
Despite how bad I feel, when Benjamin enters the apartment, I leap up from the couch. He’s dressed in a gray t-shirt and jeans, his long locks concealed by a baseball cap. Dizzily, I cross the room, feeling oddly childish.
We stop, body to body.
He smiles. I smile.
“I’d kiss you if I could,” he says, his mouth widening. His multi-colored bruises are starting to fade. I lift onto my toes, and he tilts his cheek into my kiss.
“You’re warm…you still have a fever?”
I take the overnight bag from his shoulder. “It’s manageable,” I say. “I feel much better.”
“Please tell me you’ve been resting.”
“I’ve barely left the bed, Ben. I promise.”
He’s walking well but slowly. He has to be careful. It’s nearly noon, so the sun is at full strength, illuminating the bedroom.
“Do you need help with the shirt?” I ask when we’re by the bed.
He eyes the shirt and nods. “If you could.”
I’m lifting the material carefully when he asks, “Are you working?”
The open manuscript is on the bed. I smile, guilty. “I’m doing it in bed, Ben. It’s fine.”
“Not while I’m here.”
“Didn’t plan on it.” I stand on tiptoes to get the shirt over his head. He grimaces then steps out of his jeans himself, turning down my offer of food.
“I really just want to sleep,” he says. His eyes are black and blue, but I can tell he’s exhausted by the way his body is slumped. The bandage is plastered across his abdomen, reminding me of the impaling story the nurse said, and I shield my gaze so he can’t see how affected I am by it.
It hurts him to get into bed, clearly, but he braces through it silently. I’m more at ease when he’s down on his back. I close the manuscript and set it on the night stand.
“I want you here with me,” he says, demanding my time.
I smile softly, staring at him. “Is that so?”
“I’ve had a week without you in my arms. I don’t want another second.”
His words fill my broken heart with love and admiration. I ease onto the mattress so as not to jostle him and crawl over to his outstretched arm, lowering down beside his body. He circles my back and pulls me into his side.
I cover his leg with mine, resting my cheek into the nook of his arm.
His chest is scattered with scars from the defibrillator, and I can’t help but study them. They are a new part of my husband.
“You are burning hot,” he says sleepily.
I giggle. “I can move, Ben…”
“Go to sleep.”
I don’t. I watch him, allowing myself a moment to relax, because he’s home, and he’s alive.
***
“I’ve never felt so lazy in my life. This past week has killed my body,” Benjamin complains as I switch through channels on the TV. Neither of us wants to watch anything, but there’s nothing else to do.
“It doesn’t look too bad to me.”
“You are the best ego booster.”
I press my lips to his warm pec. “I’m here all day, every day.”
The rest of the day consists of absolutely nothing. We’re in and out of sleep until the sky becomes dark. Now wide awake, I glance at the clock. It’s 8 p.m.
I’m in the bath when Benjamin fills the doorway to the bathroom, stunning me that he’s out of bed.
“You okay?” he asks.
“I’m good. You shouldn’t have gotten up. You could have hurt yourself.”
He smirks and lowers the toilet lid to sit down. “I believe we’re getting a glimpse of what it would be like to grow old together,” he jokes, clearly in pain.
“God, let’s hope not,” I say. “I couldn’t sleep anymore. It’s frightening how much I’ve slept in the past couple of days.”
He nods. “My sister is in New York. She just called.”
I perk up. I love his sister. “Really?”
“Yes, she landed about an hour ago. She heard about the accident on the news and is pretty ticked off I didn’t call her about it. She’s getting situated in the hotel and wants to come by tonight.”
“Okay.”
“Are you all right with that? I know you’re probably not up for company, that you’re tired and—”
“I adore your sister. Of course she can come.”
He presses his lips together, appearing uncomfortable. I’m not sure why. “Cindy also called.”
“I’m thinking about going in at the start of next week,” I say, noticing the displeasure on his face.
“She’s given you time off, Darcy. Take it.”
“I’m not pregnant anymore, Benjamin. Work will be good for me.”
I’m surprised he doesn’t fight me on it. I wince for him when he stands, imagining the pain. He presses his hand over the wound as he exits the bathroom.
I’m running a brush through my hair when he opens the bedroom door, dressed in jeans and a loose shirt. “She’s on her way up.”
I set down the brush and run my hand down his back as we make our way out into the living room.
With a ding, the metal doors open, revealing his gorgeous sister.
My heart drops. I force a smile, although I feel as though someone’s punched my gut. Her stomach is extended in pregnancy, her maternity dress hugging her body snugly. Her smile is kind when she embraces me tightly. Tears form, and I force myself to look up at the ceiling, praying I can stop.
Dear God, stop, Darcy.
“Thank God you both are okay. I can’t believe you didn’t call me!”
She hugs Benjamin next, too hard judging by his grunt.
“Did I hurt you?”
He shakes his head, lying. “No, no. I’m just a bit sore.”
“You hurt your arm.”
“It’ll heal in no time.”
“Other than that, you are okay? Mom hardly gave me any details.”
Of course she didn’t. She doesn’t know.
“I’ve have a couple stitches on my stomach, but that’s it.”
I shake my head as he gestures her toward the kitchen.
A couple of stitches!
I follow them, glad she’s chatty, telling us of her latest trip to Florence as Benjamin reaches into the fridge, pulling out water bottles. He offers me one, but I decline. As much as I want to hide away in the room, I force myself to participate, nodding when needed. As happy as I am to see her again, I can’t look at her. I tear my gaze from her stomach and surge out of my chair abruptly, opening the cupboard. I pull out dry pasta, the first thing I see.
“Are you cooking something?” Benjamin is looking at me curiously.
“Yeah, I figured she has to be hungry from the flight over.”
“Oh, no. Please, don’t wait on me. You’re recovering! I’m totally fine.”
“I want to. Is fettuccini okay with you?”
“If you’re sure…that would be lovely.”
I start prepping, aware of Benjamin’s strong gaze on my back. I become consumed in what I’m doing, listening into their conversation every so often. She asks me questions now and then, but for the most part, they leave me be, which I’m grateful for.
My heart pumping irregularly, I set the creamy pasta onto plates. Now I have no excuse to move around. When I set the dishes down in front of them, Benjamin’s hand is warm on my back, rubbing.
“Thank you, baby. Sit down. I’ll get your drink. What will you have?”
“No. You’ll hurt yourself,” I argue. I pour iced tea into a glass and take a seat next to hi
m.
“So, how’s work, Darcy?”
I look up as I push in my chair. “It’s fine.”
“I heard about your promotion. You’re moving up, girl. Soon you’ll be as renowned as this one over here.” She points to Ben, and he rolls his eyes.
“I don’t know about that, but it’s definitely the job of a lifetime for me.”
“Yeah, I’m taking off a couple of months starting the beginning of August. I don’t want any stress before the birth. I read somewhere that exercise is good for the baby, so I’ve started these morning walks. It’s actually refreshing.”
I finish off my drink, setting the glass down. It lands with a louder thud than I anticipated. “Really?”
“Becca—”
I hear the wary warning in Benjamin’s tone and refuse to look over his way.
“Yeah, I used to hate exercising too. I would force myself to do sit-ups in the morning, but other than that, no way. You should definitely try some exercises soon. You’re what? Two months Ben said? I can only imagine how excited you must be.”
Her hand rubs her extended belly tenderly, loving the child growing within.
I look away from her so fast I hear my neck crack.
I can’t. I can’t do this.
I shoot up out of my chair in a flash, stuttering through an excuse.
“I…I…my head is hurting. I’m just going to go take some medicine.”
“Okay,” Rebecca replies.
Benjamin’s eyes are full of concern and knowledge. I lock myself into the guest bathroom and slide down onto the tile.
It shouldn’t be this hard. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. How will I see other mothers, children? How will I see them and not be able to imagine what I’ve lost?
This pain is foreign to me. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.
I stop breathing and look up from my lap when I hear a hurried whisper come from Benjamin. “Please, Bec, just for now, can you not talk about the baby?”
“What? Why?”
“I should have told you before you even got here.” There’s a long pause. “We lost the baby in the accident.”
We lost the baby.
Possessed By You (The Consumed Series Book 3) Page 13