They woke at just past five the next morning. Jessalyn and Jeffrey were standing beside their bed, the two preschoolers jumping up and down with glee.
“Mommy! Daddy! Is it time yet?” Jeffrey tugged on Chase’s arm.
Jessalyn tugged on Merri’s. “Can we go downstairs? And see if Santa came?”
Chuckling, Chase and Merri sat up, and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. “Absolutely,” Chase said in his gravelly voice. Grinning, the four of them clasped hands and went downstairs.
The tree with all its colored lights sparkled in the semidarkness. At the sight of the presents beneath it, the kids let out whoops of delight. Mad, happy chaos followed. Gifts were opened, one after another, and exclaimed over. Pleased that she and Chase had done well in selecting presents for the twins, because all she really wanted was for them to be happy, especially today, Merri smiled at them affectionately.
“So, did you get everything you wanted?” Chase asked finally, still curious about their secret request to Dylan Reeves, aka Santa Claus. “Everything you asked Santa for?”
“Of course.” The twins looked at Chase and smiled even more mysteriously. Then they went back to examining their new trains.
Merri and Chase exchanged baffled glances. “You want to tell us what it was?” Merri asked, as she helped to take a new doll baby out of its box.
The twins shrugged, as if the answer was obvious. They dropped what they were doing and ambled over to Chase. “For Daddy to still be here and not go away,” Jessalyn said. “And see?” She pointed at him for proof. “He’s right here. Just like we asked Santa.”
Dumbfounded, Merri and Chase stared at each other. No wonder Dylan hadn’t wanted to divulge their wish.
Chase gathered the kids onto his lap, then took Merri’s hand and reeled her in close, too, so they were all sitting on the sofa, snuggling together. Gently he smoothed a hand down the twins’ spines, and asked, “Why would you think I was leaving?”
Beginning to look a little worried, Jessalyn confided, “Because all the grown-ups said so.”
“When?” Merri asked in alarm.
The little girl frowned. “At the welcome-home party. Everyone talked about how long you were gone away, Daddy, and how they never figured you’d stay in Laramie County, if you ever came home again.”
To her distress, Merri remembered something like that being said. Countless times. She should have known the precocious, ultra-observant duo would pick up on it and internalize it.
Jeffrey leaned forward to confide, “The army ladies were sad you were leaving them, too. Especially Miss Starr. But Miss Addie and Miss Harmony said they weren’t surprised. They always knew you’d go back to Texas someday and that you had to leave them, whether any of them liked it or not!”
“We didn’t want you to leave us, too,” Jessalyn allowed defiantly, tears of anguish beginning to shimmer in her eyes.
“Yeah! ’Cause—” Jeffrey hiccupped and wrapped his arms around Chase’s neck “—we like having you around.”
“And we love you, Daddy,” they finished in unison.
Cuddling them close, Chase said thickly, “I love you both, too.”
“So you won’t ever leave us?” Jeffrey asked, while Merri swallowed around the lump in her throat.
“I won’t ever leave you,” he promised the kids gently, kissing them on the tops of their heads. Grinning, he ruffled their hair. “So we don’t need to worry about that, okay?”
They beamed, the last traces of sadness leaving their faces. “Okay.” They hugged Chase one more time, then raced off to play with their toys again.
“That was some Christmas present you just got,” Merri told Chase, still feeling a little choked up by the revelation of just how much they adored their new daddy. They’d come to count on him almost as much as she did!
He nodded, then gave her a steady look that set her pulse pounding. “It sure was.” He drew her close and kissed her, his hand drifting to her tummy, hovering protectively over the baby that just might be inside her.
“And the best thing, Merri,” he whispered, “is that for us, this is just the beginning.”
* * *
THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, Merri woke before dawn. Still so happy over the way the holiday had gone, she expected to be bursting with energy. Instead, she felt achy and out of sorts. Attributing it to all the activity of the past few days, she shook off her lethargy.
Chase studied her sluggish movements with concern. “You sure you don’t want me to do the milking?” he asked gently, getting up, too.
Merri appreciated his offer, even as she refused with a shake of her head. The dairy farming was her thing; she wasn’t about to push it off on him.
“It’s my responsibility.” Because Slim had come in on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, she was handling both morning and evening chores for the next several days.
She sauntered toward him, loving the way he looked in low-slung pajama pants and a day’s growth of beard, and she ran a palm over his warm, bare chest. “And you have to work this evening.”
He kissed her as if rest was the last thing on his mind, then promised, “I’ll have breakfast ready for you when you come back in.” He kissed her one more time before heading downstairs.
Merri went into the bathroom to get dressed and to her dismay, quickly realized why she felt so icky.
Chase knew something was up the moment he saw her face. He stopped filling her stainless-steel thermos and put the coffee decanter back on the warmer. “What’s wrong?” he asked gruffly.
Regret at having spoken too eagerly, too soon, filled her cheeks with heat. “I’m not pregnant,” Merri admitted with embarrassment.
His face fell, and somehow it helped to know that he was disappointed, too. He came toward her, arms outstretched, and held her tightly. “Ah, Merri, I’m sorry.”
His tenderness melting her heart all the more, Merri fought back a sudden rush of tears. “I’m the one who’s sorry,” she said, hoarse with disappointment. How could she have been so foolish? So hopeful? Knowing what the odds were that she would conceive during the first menstrual cycle of trying, whether they’d known when she was ovulating or not?
Merri gulped. “I—”
“Hey. Hush…” Chase stroked a hand down her back, then hugged her again. “You’re going to get pregnant.” His deep voice rumbled in her ear. “Probably sooner than you think.’ He drew back and, hooking his thumbs beneath her chin, lifted her face to his. Grinned in the familiar, unrepentant bad-boy way he employed whenever he wanted to make wild, passionate love with her. “In the meantime,” he murmured with a wicked gleam in his eyes, “think of all the fun we’re going to have trying.”
He was ready now. Feeling his erection pressed against her, Merri ran her palms down his back to his buttocks. “You’re such a great guy.” She fitted her lower half to his, knowing another bout of lovemaking would make them both feel better.
But right now, the herd was waiting....
She rose on tiptoe and kissed the underside of his jaw. “Rain check?”
“An extra special rain check. Whenever you feel up to it,” he promised huskily. “Until then… my offer to do the milking this morning is still good.”
“No.” Knowing she needed the time to herself, to think about—and accept—the disappointment not being pregnant had brought, she channeled her inner sassiness. “But I look forward to that breakfast you’re going to fix me when I return.�
��
Chase grinned and promised, “I’ll make sure it’s an extra special one, too.” They kissed again, and he swatted her playfully. “Hurry back.”
So glad he was in her life, Merri dutifully agreed.
Unfortunately, when she returned to the ranch house, she quickly realized their first holiday together had taken another unplanned turn.
A rental car with out-of-state license plates sat in the driveway, a lone suitcase and Santa hat in the backseat, a single coffee cup in the holder. Unexpected company? Again?
Merri had a sinking feeling she knew exactly who it was.
Chapter Fifteen
Chase stared at Starr, glad that the twins were still upstairs, sound asleep, and that Merri was out in the barn. The last thing she needed was to find him with a woman hell-bent on making a pass at him. “You have to leave,” he told Starr grimly.
She ignored his attempts to politely show her to the door, and stalked past him to the kitchen. “Not until I save you from yourself.”
This, Chase thought, did not sound good. He tried to head her off. “We’ve been friends a long time.” Which was the only reason he was being as circumspect as he was.
Moisture brimmed in the young nurse’s eyes. “And I’ve loved you forever,” she said thickly.
“I’m sorry, Starr.” Everyone had hinted that this was the case. He had figured he could avert confrontation by pretending not to notice his former coworker’s crush. As firmly and kindly as possible, he said, “I don’t feel that way about you. I never have. I never will.”
Tears spilled down her face. “You don’t know what you feel! If you did, you never would have married Merri after being back in Texas for just a few days!”
There was a certain truth to that observation, Chase admitted ruefully to himself. When he’d first become involved with Merri, he’d had no idea how hard and fast he would fall, or how mind-blowingly happy she—and the kids—would make him. But now he did have a family, and he was determined to protect them.
He sent Starr a warning glance. “You don’t know anything about that.”
The nurse scoffed and stomped closer. “I know this. You haven’t let yourself be serious about anyone since your engagement ended.”
Chase shrugged. Nothing complicated about that. “I didn’t want to date.”
Starr glared at him. “And now suddenly, out of the blue, you want to marry someone—just like that? Be honest.” She balled her hands in frustration. “This is all about honor. You’re with Merri out of some cockeyed notion of responsibility for your brother’s kids.”
It had started out that way. Now? “It’s complicated,” Chase finally allowed. About so much more than just the twins and his inability to legally claim them as his own without defaming the Armstrong family name. “I don’t expect you to understand,” he said grimly. Nor would anyone else. Chase knew he was doing what was best for everyone.
Starr paced back and forth, years of emotion spilling out. “I understand this. You can’t build happiness out of a need to behave with integrity.”
He’d done pretty well so far. Because the truth was, the past five weeks with Merri and the kids had been the happiest of his life.
“Standing by family and behaving honorably will take you only so far. If anything, your work in the field hospital should have shown you how short and precious our lives are! You have to stop worrying about everyone else and start seeing to your own needs.” Starr grabbed a tissue and wiped the moisture from her cheeks. “You’re such a good guy, Chase…” She held out her hands beseechingly. “You deserve so much more than a dutiful marriage to Merri can give you.”
“It’s true,” a familiar voice said from the doorway.
Swearing inwardly, Chase turned to find his wife standing there, ashen-faced, regarding him with icy eyes.
Merri continued into the kitchen, stepping carefully. “Chase is a great guy.” She looked at Starr and continued in a low, flat tone, “He deserves everything life has to offer. We all do.”
“Which is why—” Chase said firmly, taking Starr by the arm “—you are leaving.” He marched their uninvited guest through the foyer. “I wish you all the best. I really do.” He opened the door wide and guided her onto the porch, his expression stern. “It’s not here. It’s not with me. And it never will be.”
Starr dug in her heels and glared back at Merri. “I don’t know what this hold is that you have on him, but if you have any heart at all, you’ll let him go, because you’re never going to make him happy. Duty isn’t the same as love.” Tear streamed from her eyes. “I get that you need a man to help you bring up the twins, but it doesn’t have to be him.”
Actually, Chase thought, given that they were his, it kind of did.
“And it doesn’t mean he has to marry you!” Starr spat out.
Chase caught the door with his hand before she could slam it shut. He closed it quietly, so as not to wake the children still sleeping upstairs.
As always, when returning from working in the dairy barn, Merri appeared to want nothing more than a hot shower and a set of clean clothes. She walked back through the hall to the kitchen, set her thermos on the counter.
“I’m sorry that happened,” Chase said, eyeing her pink cheeks and pale lips. “Sorry you had to hear that.”
Merri’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’m not. Because Starr’s right.” She gazed at him, her expression twisted with remorse. “We shouldn’t be together. Not like this. Not for the long haul.”
* * *
“THERE’S EVEN A TERM FOR IT,” Merri murmured wearily, reflecting on the conversation she’d had with Addie weeks before. “Crisis bonding.”
“There’s no question that the situation we have found ourselves in with the kids did turn both our lives upside down.”
“No kidding.” She’d been so full of guilt about not going to Chase sooner with what she knew—and so fearful about what the emotional fallout would be—that she’d allowed herself to think only in the short-term.
“We did the right thing, Merri, getting married.”
Had they? “I thought so at the time.”
Looking back, she wondered how she could have been so reckless. Letting herself believe that everything would work out the way she wanted, over time.
That Chase could give the kids the security and love they deserved, and her the baby she wanted. And then, when one thing led to another, and their blinding passion seduced her into letting her guard down further, she had convinced herself that their marriage could be real and lasting because her love was strong enough for both of them.
Never thinking about how much she was taking from him.
Now she knew better.
Because now she understood what it was like to love someone completely. The problem was, Chase didn’t feel that way about her.
To not have that—ever—because you were tied to someone else out of duty or obligation was just plain wrong. Starr was right about that.
Chase edged closer. “And now you think our marriage was a mistake.”
“For the long haul? Yes. It was.”
His jaw set. “How can you say that?”
Tears welled in her eyes, but Merri stayed strong. “Because it’s true,” she said quietly, wishing with all her heart that it wasn’t. “We’re through the bulk of the crisis now. The twins have accepted you as their daddy in a way that will never be undone.”
His lips formed a sober downward curve. �
��So you’re dumping me.”
“Suggesting we take a step back now, while we still can, and reevaluate. Because Starr is right to be concerned, even if she doesn’t know all the details behind our marriage.”
“Like the fact I want you and you want me…and that’s not going to change, no matter what label you put on it?”
He was talking about the purely physical again. “That particular turn in our relationship was born out of extreme stress and pressure to do the right thing by you and the kids. Our desire for each other was fueled by all the emotion and potential heartache we were facing. And those are factors no one else but us can ever possibly understand, because they didn’t live through this the way we have.”
“It seems to me that’s all the more reason we should stay together,” he argued.
If only he had said he loved her, or could love her…
“Because we’re bound to get closer, over time.”
“Or grow apart, as people sometimes do, once the crisis that brought them together ends,” she countered.
Chase studied her, legs braced apart, hands on his waist. “This is because you found out you aren’t pregnant, isn’t it?”
Merri flushed under his steady regard. “That has nothing to do with it.”
“Really?” He released a short breath and came even closer. “If the situation was reversed, if you were pregnant right now, would you be standing here, telling me we made a mistake and needed to end this?”
Misery engulfed her anew. “The point is I’m not pregnant.” And that was a good thing. Wasn’t it?
He turned a disillusioned glance her way, his hurt and dismay evident. “And you won’t give me a chance to remedy that.”
Merri hurt, too, but she knew the pain they felt now was only a fraction of what they would feel if they continued recklessly down this path. “You deserve love, Chase. I do, too.”
The Texas Rancher's Marriage Page 19