She shouldn’t cry with Reagan in the house, but she did. Slow, hot tears of humiliation and heartbreak. How could she have been so stupid? So blind?
It was unjust. She didn’t deserve this. Reagan didn’t either. That bull crap about loving Reagan and taking her to Disney World was just that—bull crap. How long would it be before Reagan wondered if her daddy could stop loving her, too?
As the last of the day turned into dusk, Kate sat on the front porch, biting her lip, wiping away her tears. A slight breeze sliced the humidity, striking her face. A car drove down Elm Street.
The stark reality of her situation hit her. Jerry had left her for another woman. But if Kate had been the right kind of woman, she could have kept her husband. There must be something basically flawed about her personality that made her husband seek out someone else. She wasn’t good enough. She never had been. Not for Jerry anyway.
And certainly not good enough to satisfy herself.
Chapter Five
“Reagan, get up.” Kate shook her daughter’s shoulder. “You’ve got to get ready for horse camp.”
“I don’t want to go.” Reagan snuggled deeper into her covers.
“But you wanted to go yesterday.”
“I don’t know anybody,” Reagan whined.
Kate sat down on the bed. She knew her daughter was simply scared. “But that’s how you will meet other children and make new friends. Besides, you always wanted to take riding lessons.”
“I have plenty of friends in Louisville.”
“You live here now, Reagan.”
“I wanna go home.”
Kate set her jaw. Reagan couldn’t go home. Not now, not when her father was busy making wedding plans and couldn’t be bothered to take her for his visitation.
“I’ve already made plans for horse camp,” Kate said as firmly as she could without raising her voice. “Come on, get up. I’ve made your favorite breakfast. Pancakes and bacon.”
“Oh, okay.” Reagan struggled to sit up.
“Great!” Kate patted the covers over Reagan’s leg. “You’ll like horse camp and Miss Sarah. We were friends growing up, and she’s really nice.”
Reagan looked disinterested. But horse camp was better for her daughter than having her bored and moping around the house all day. Actually, Sarah’s suggestion couldn’t have come at a better time.
Kate stood up. “I pressed a clean shirt,” she said. “You’re to wear blue jeans and tennis shoes. Sarah said something about boots and riding pants, but you don’t need them right away.”
“What if I don’t like it?” Reagan crawled out of bed.
“Well, you can try something else this summer. Maybe French lessons. Or piano.”
“Ugh. Horses sound more fun.”
* * * *
Supreme Stables was located five miles out of town on twenty acres of prime Kentucky bluegrass. The barn was U-shaped with a large indoor arena between two hallways that were flanked by stalls. A lounge fronted the building with a picture window overlooking the arena so customers and parents could watch the action inside.
Reagan held back and let Kate enter the lounge first. There was chaos inside. Little girls in T-shirts, long black riding pants, and short black boots sat squashed together on a worn leather sofa. Several mothers milled around, organizing bags and sack lunches on a table. An older girl monitored an ice cooler of bottled water and wrote campers’ names on the bottle caps with a Sharpie marker.
“We have a new kitten,” a small blonde child, who looked about five-years old, told Kate. She held up a tiny orange tabby.
“That’s nice.” Kate bent down to examine the kitten.
At that moment, Sarah came through the door from the arena. “You’re here! This must be Reagan.”
Kate made introductions, and Reagan said hello in a timid voice. “I hope what Rea is wearing is okay,” Kate said to Sarah.
The riding instructor glanced at Reagan. “She’s perfect.” And in an aside, she murmured. “She looks just like you, you know.”
Kate felt her cheeks warm. “So I’ve been told.”
Sarah turned back to Reagan. “You’re going to love it here. Riding horses is great fun, and the older girls will help you. Georgia over there started riding about your age, and she’s now showing her own horse.”
Kate’s gaze sought the girl manning the cooler. She didn’t look older than thirteen, but there was an air of confidence about her that Kate hoped Reagan would gain some day. Wanting what was best for her daughter, it was always hard for her not to over-mother Reagan. In fact, she bit her tongue not to give last minute instructions about drinking plenty of water and putting on sunscreen. She’d already said those things in the car.
Sarah took Rea’s lunch bag and handed it to a helpful mother. Girls scooted aside leaving a space for Reagan on the sofa. She squeezed between them.
“I’ll pick you up at four,” Kate said. “Have fun.”
But Reagan wasn’t paying attention. The little five-year-old had thrust the kitten into Reagan’s hands. Mommy was forgotten.
“We’ll take good care of her,” Sarah said as Kate left the lounge and stepped into the bright sunshine.
Kate knew Reagan would be fine. It wasn’t that. There was just an emptiness every time she was away from her daughter. Silly, she knew. But now with the divorce, Kate was doubly aware of her inadequacies and her desire to do the best for Reagan.
Could she ever make it up to her? Not having a daddy at home?
Kate stood in the gravel parking lot, gazing across the rolling, green pasture. Wind tickled her forehead, caressing her cheeks. She drew a deep breath and savored the sunshine and the cool breeze.
She’d never had a mother, only her dad, who had done the best he could. But there had always been a hole in her heart, much as she felt now, a deep emptiness as if something was missing from her life. Would a mother have made the difference?
Kate planned to make a difference in Reagan’s life. And now, she must play father as well as mother. Ironic that the tables were turned. It occurred to her that her father had faced a similar situation when her mother left them. What was the saying about life going in circles?
She didn’t want to go home. Not back to that empty apartment that wasn’t quite like home yet. Kate wandered over to a black wooden fence and grasped the top railing, leaning against it. In the field, two mares grazed peacefully with their long-legged foals. Kate couldn’t tell the sex of either baby. One lifted its head, pricked its ears and turned bright, curious eyes toward her. The pair was so beautiful. It would be easy to fall in love with these babies.
“We meet again,” a deep voice cut into her thoughts.
Kate turned around to find Scott Gray looking down at her from the back of another gorgeous horse. He wore a white polo shirt that molded to the muscles of his shoulders and arms, and denim riding pants that were long like bell-bottoms and covered his black boots so only the toe and heel showed in his stirrup. Sunglasses kept her from gauging the look in his eyes, and a black helmet covered his head.
He’d caught her off guard. She hadn’t heard his silent approach because he rode in the grass between the fence and the driveway. She swept back a strand of hair from her forehead in an unconscious, nervous gesture.
“What are you doing here?” She hoped her tone didn’t sound defensive, but she knew it must be. Heck, she felt defensive and very out of her league.
“I sometimes ride Sarah’s mare for her when I’m home. It is good exercise and a change of pace from weights or running.”
“I didn’t know you rode horses.” Kate said in a voice that reminded her too much of Reagan.
Scott was surprised to see Kate, and she appeared surprised to see him. He rested a leather-gloved hand on the neck of his horse and surveyed the woman who was responsible for a sleepless night. He almost said, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Kate,” but he didn’t. That he thought it was indictment enough. Hell, he had no business letti
ng memories of this woman keep him up all night.
So much for moving on. He’d discovered he continued to care about her, for whatever damned reason. She looked as if she, too, had trouble sleeping last night. Dark circles smudged the thin skin beneath her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” Scott asked instead.
“Horse camp.” Kate inclined her head toward the barn. “Sarah suggested Reagan give it a try.”
She shifted from one foot to the other and lifted a hand to shade her eyes. Her blonde hair was pulled back and caught at the nape of her neck. He guessed it was cooler that way. His sister Sarah wore her hair that way all the time.
Kate was slender, in her khaki shorts and purple tank top. He could almost forget she was pushing thirty and a mother. She looked as beautiful as he remembered from the old days.
“Walk with me back to the barn while I put Bella away,” he suggested.
She glanced away. “I can’t.”
“Why not? What do you have to go home to? Housework?” They were forthright questions. It annoyed him that she was so quick to turn down his offer.
She lifted her chin. “Yes. As a matter of fact, I have housework to do.”
“Great. It will be there when you get home.” When she continued to hesitate, Scott coaxed, “I’ll show you what Reagan will be doing this week.”
The appeal to her mothering instinct convinced her.
Scott nudged Bella into a walk and Kate joined them, walking by the horse’s side. Looking down at her—viewing the top of her hair, the swing of her arms and the sway of her hips—gave him a different perspective of her. She was tanned and trimmed, this once-pampered wife of a big-city business man. But she was also worried. He shouldn’t get involved, but he longed to ride to her rescue, like some mythical knight in shining armor. He guessed he couldn’t, or shouldn’t, do that. But he wanted to.
More than anything else in his life.
She should be heading home. She should do Reagan’s laundry from the weekend and tidy up the kitchen. She should do a lot of things, but her whole life had been a series of shoulds, but right now, she wanted to go with Scott into the barn.
Maybe she could discover the mystery of the place—why horses appealed to little girls and mothers and her girlfriend Sarah from high school. And maybe she could discover what drew her to this man whom she’d tossed aside years ago in favor of the one who had just tossed her aside.
Life goes in circles. Her one big should was that she should not get interested in Scott. Not now. Not with her life in such disarray.
Scott rode through the large, open doorway into the dark hallway between the rows of stalls. He dismounted with a fluid grace as if born in the saddle. But she knew he wasn’t. She didn’t remember him riding in high school. Track had been his sport then. Track and tennis, which she had always hated, except for the pretty, little tennis outfits that looked so cute on her butt.
Heavens, she’d been shallow. The thought crossed her mind as she watched Scott pushing up the stirrups on their straps. He caught her looking at him.
“We run up the stirrups on the leathers so they won’t bump against the sides of the horse,” he explained.
She nodded, feeling like a wide-eyed child, much as Reagan would feel as the week progressed.
Scott led the brown horse into an empty stall where a box fan, attached to the metal bars of the door, rattled as it circulated hot air. He unbuckled parts of the bridle and loosened one side of the girth. Then he took the bridle off and slipped on a halter, buckling the rings of the halter to long chains tied to opposite sides of the stall.
“We cross-tie a horse, letting it cool down.” He glanced at her. Then he lifted the saddle, its pad and girth off the horse’s back. “Come with me to the tack room while I put these up.”
Kate followed him down the dim, dirt-covered hallway that smelled of the cedar shavings in the stalls. Big fans blew from the far end of the hall, making loud whirring sounds. Kate’s gaze fell heavily on Scott’s backside as they walked. As sexy as he had been in Spandex running shorts, Scott was even sexier in his tight, riding jeans that massaged his buttocks with each stride. Kate’s interest rose, and she swallowed hard.
Good gracious! Scott was hot! Much hotter than Jerry had ever been. Why had she married Jerry in the first place? She couldn’t remember at the moment. The only thing she knew was that she regretted it. Deep, heavy regret. Except for Reagan, the ten years with her ex had been a total waste of time.
The tack room was neat and tidy. Every saddle and bridle had its place. Even the sizes of the girths were numbered, and each size had its own hook. Scott put Bella’s bridle on a hook labeled with her name and slid the saddle onto an empty saddle rack.
“Reagan will learn about the saddles and bridles and how to care for them,” Scott explained as he finally unbuckled his helmet and removed it. “I doubt she’s big enough to tack up one of the horses, but she’ll learn to take off the saddle and bridle. And then she’ll put everything away.”
“Big responsibility,” Kate commented, unable to remove her gaze from his disheveled dark hair and kind eyes.
“And she’ll have fun, too.” Scott put his helmet on a shelf and picked up a bucket of brushes. “She’ll learn how to groom a horse.”
Kate walked beside Scott as they returned to the stall. He was tall, and she matched him stride for stride. She remembered how they’d been a good fit.
What if they still were?
Shoving aside the thought, Kate leaned against the side of the stall and watched Scott work. With short, even strokes, he brushed the horse and occasionally glanced her way.
“Want to try?”
“Oh, no! I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know how.” Why was he pushing her?
“I’ll show you.” He reached for her hand and pulled her into the stall. She stumbled in beside him, her heart pounding.
“The last part of the process is to go over the whole horse with this soft brush.” He offered her a wooden brush, and she took it into her hands, rubbing her thumb over the soft bristles. Looking up at him, her breath caught, for he was gazing at her with a mixture of longing and desire in his eyes. Was there regret in his eyes, too? Did it weigh on him as it was beginning to weigh on her?
“Now what?” she asked. How could she manage to extract herself from this awkward situation?
“You brush Bella like this.”
He caught her hand and guided it toward the horse. Standing behind her, he raised her arm to the horse’s back and moved her hand in short, quick brushstrokes along the lay the hair.
Kate was sandwiched between the warm horse and the tall man, who was equally as warm and vibrant. She felt the slight touch of his thighs on her hips. Her mind raced, and her blood sizzled. This was much too friendly. Too intimate. O…M…G.!
She shook his hand free of hers. “Thanks. I get the idea.”
He stepped back, putting a small space between them. Kate continued brushing the horse, fearing that if she quit, she’d turn around to face him and be in his arms.
That was never going to happen.
“So when did you take up horseback riding,” she asked with her back to him in an attempt to ease the tension she felt.
“When Sarah got the job here working with Robert Bass.” Scott moved away from her, picked up something from the bucket, and returned to the stall. “Riding is recreation for me. A thirty minute riding lesson has a way of clearing my mind from a hard day at work.”
“I thought you worked at home.” Kate used the opportunity to scoot out of the stall and drop the brush into the bucket.
“I do when I’m not on the road, but I still have long days at home, trying to please my clients.”
Scott stood at the horse's shoulder, facing toward the tail. He slid his hand down the horse’s left foreleg. The horse obediently lifted its leg, and Scott bent over, holding the hoof with his left hand and using the tool in his rig
ht hand to remove debris. Kate glanced his way once then quickly averted her gaze. The sight of the man’s backside bent over like that was much too tempting a view.
Three hooves later Scott was finished, and so was Kate.
“I really have to go,” she told him.
He unbuckled the chains and turned Bella free in the stall. “Let me put this back, and I’ll walk out with you.” Scott picked up the bucket to return it to the tack room.
Kate was already outside in the sunshine when he caught up to her. They walked together in silence until they reached her Honda.
She turned toward him, appraising his face. Did he intend to get cozy like that with her in the stall? Or was he simply trying to show her what to do? Kate couldn’t believe he didn’t have an ulterior motive. But what could it be? Surely he wasn’t interested in her. She was divorced, for gracious sakes. And she’d once treated him like dirt.
“Don’t worry about Reagan this week,” he said surveying her with a soft expression. “Sarah will take good care of her.”
“I know.” She dropped her gaze.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “I saw you sitting alone outside last night. You were there for a long time. I thought about coming out and checking on you.”
Her gaze shot up. “I was just clearing my head.”
“If you ever need to talk, I am a good listener.”
His offer surprised her. “I needed to be alone,” she answered quickly.
“I understand.” He brushed the hair away from her eyes.
Scott’s touch rushed panic through her. Did her eyes register the emotion?
“Sawdust,” he said. “You had a bit of sawdust in your hair.”
“Oh, okay.” She dropped her gaze again, shadowing her eyes from his pointed stare.
He drew a quick breath. “I’ve got work to do.”
She looked up again. “Me, too.”
He nodded. “See you soon, I hope.”
Kate couldn’t respond. She watched him turn toward his car. When he opened the driver’s side door, she found her tongue. “Scott!”
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