He walked over, putting his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders, dropping a kiss on his neck. Gabriel was still sleep-warm and naked, which made him basically perfect.
“How’re you feeling?” Reid asked.
“You sure you want a response to that?” Gabriel kept looking out the window. Reid could see his reflection just clearly enough to know that he was watching the stars.
“Positive,” Reid said. He was genuinely curious about how Gabriel felt now that he’d had at least some sexual contact with another man.
At least he wasn’t pushing Reid away. That seemed like a good sign.
“Mostly confused. Partly grateful. I just… I don’t understand any of this. I feel… different, since I got back to Earth. Different in ways I can’t even explain to myself, let alone anyone else. And one of those differences is how I feel about you.”
“So space made you gay?” Reid asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No, I… I guess it sounds like I’m saying that, but I’m not. I think… maybe I was always attracted to men, but you have to understand, I have put aside everything in favor of my career, including things like dating or even asking myself what I really wanted. You’re my third sexual partner in my entire life.”
“Oh.” Reid said. He knew Gabriel was kind of a workaholic, but he hadn’t realized quite how far that went. “Well… I couldn’t really tell, if that helps.”
“Because you thought my nervousness was just about you having a dick,” Gabriel said. “I’m not used to sex involving other people. I guess what I’m saying is that achieving all my dreams has left me with a lot of scope to figure out what I missed out on to do it. And…”
Gabriel paused, sighing heavily. Reid moved his arms to Gabriel’s waist, splaying his fingers wide over Gabriel’s stomach, holding him just a little closer. “Take your time.”
“When I was up there, I realized how lonely I am. I have no one. And I’m trying to work out why that is, but I think maybe part of it is because I don’t know myself particularly well. It’s hard to let people in if you’re not sure where the door is.”
“You were a gifted kid, huh?” Reid asked, wanting to hug Gabriel tight and tell him everything was okay.
He’d had this moment, too, but he’d had it years ago, before college, when he’d almost died.
The moment when he realized that achieving things and working hard wasn’t life. Life was everything else, all the in-between parts. Life was about more than your career.
He was still an overachiever, but he’d learned to stop and smell the roses, too.
Nothing had stopped Gabriel until now, and he didn’t know where to start.
“Yeah,” Gabriel said. “So were you,” he added perceptively.
“Yeah,” Reid murmured, nuzzling Gabriel’s hair. “Special classes, extension programs, the works. It’s a lot to put on a kid’s shoulders. And it doesn’t give you a whole lot of space to make friends and interact with other people.”
“The only time I ever got invited to a birthday party was when the birthday kid was inviting the whole class. I learned to hate them early.”
“Oh yeah, I remember that. No prom date, either.”
“I didn’t go,” Gabriel said.
“I went to stop my mom from worrying about me. I wasn’t out then. I didn’t come out until after the accident. Mom and dad were both cool with it, and I honestly think getting hit by a car helped. I probably owe that guy a thank you.”
“He ran into you,” Gabriel said. “You don’t need to thank him.”
“Maybe I will anyway.” Reid had never really thought about it before, not like this, but now that he did, he’d gained a lot from that incident. Silver linings, and all.
“Wait, you’re really hot,” Gabriel said. “In a classically masculine way. How did you not have a prom date?”
“I was a skinny kid, too. Like I said, I kinda owe that guy. I didn’t really become the person I am now until I was in my early twenties. People change.”
Gabriel laughed softly. “Just when I thought I couldn’t like you any more,” he said. “I knew you understood me. Right from the first time we met, I just… felt comfortable. Now I know why.”
Reid’s heart soared at the thought that Gabriel had always been comfortable around him, that he felt understood. He’d felt the same way, though he hadn’t quite been able to put his finger on it. Gabriel was like him, and he was going through all the big, life-changing stuff right now.
Reid wanted to be in on that. He wanted to watch Gabriel turn into whatever kind of person he was going to, especially if he could help. It had been such a good experience for him that seeing it in another person sounded amazing.
He cared about Gabriel. There was no point in pretending otherwise.
It didn’t mean this would work out, but it did mean that Reid wanted to support him. Getting to hang out with him more often would have been reward enough for that.
Besides, with a little more confidence, Gabriel was going to be great in bed. He already had the enthusiasm, the willingness to try new things. That was the important part.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Reid said, sighing happily as Gabriel finally leaned back against him.
Gabriel hummed, going quiet as they both looked up at the stars outside. This was nice. Peaceful.
It felt like it was exactly what they were both supposed to be doing right now.
“I want more of this,” Gabriel said after a long pause. “I mean… I have to go now if I want to stand a hope in hell of being on time in the morning, but… if you’re interested?”
“Definitely interested,” Reid said, his stomach clenching with excitement. Gabriel wanted to come back.
They were both free to see where this could go, and Gabriel wanted more.
That was exciting. That felt good.
“One more kiss before you go?” Reid asked, backing away a pace to give Gabriel room to move past him.
Gabriel smiled up at him, stretching up to brush their lips together, a happy rumble escaping the back of his throat. He was so perfect when he was sleepy that Reid could barely handle it.
“I like kissing you,” Gabriel said as he backed off, wetting his lips.
Reid grinned. “Feeling’s mutual,” he said.
“I really do have to leave.” Gabriel glanced at the door, sighing heavily. “See you again soon?”
“Whenever you want,” Reid promised.
Gabriel had him wrapped around his little finger already, and he didn’t even know it. Hopefully, it’d stay that way.
Chapter Fifteen
Despite having urgent emails in his inbox and work he really had to finish by the end of the day, Gabriel’s mind kept wandering back to Reid again and again.
Last night had felt so good. He wished now that he’d been braver to start with, asked for more, but Reid was still interested. They could have more, later.
It had been too much and not enough all at once. Reid’s hands on him in a context where he was allowed to enjoy it had been amazing, even better than he’d imagined, and he wanted more of that.
So much more.
He wanted Reid’s cock. He’d been scared to ask, but ever since the thought had occurred to him he couldn’t get the idea out of his mind. Maybe he’d hate it, but the thought was hot, the idea of being on the receiving end for once so exciting that he could barely contain himself as he pictured it.
Reid was really hot, too.
It was really starting to sink in for Gabriel that he was definitely attracted to men. That he always had been.
He hadn’t had a whole lot of time to find out. All the sex he’d had before last night had been initiated by someone else.
With Reid, it had been different. Better. Before it had definitely fulfilled a need in Gabriel, but now it seemed like something to look forward to. Something that didn’t have to feel awkward and embarrassing, something that could be enjoyed.
He’d never really enjoyed sex before and he ha
dn’t realized until Reid had come along.
“Hey,” Alice waved a hand in front of him. “Are you in there?”
Gabriel blinked, coming back to reality.
“Oh, I, uh…” How long had Alice been standing there? He’d completely zoned out. “I was just… thinking about… someone…”
He blushed all the way down his neck, the collar of his t-shirt suddenly itchy.
“Gabe’s got a giiiiiirlfriend,” she sing-songed, grinning broadly.
“A boyfriend, actually,” Gabriel said.
Within a half-second, his stomach sank. He shouldn’t have said that.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” he added, panic making his heart pound in his chest. “I don’t, I’m not… no one knows… I’ve never…”
Alice shushed him gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, hey, chill. It’s okay. I’m not gonna out you without your consent.”
Gabriel nodded, hearing everything Alice was saying but not entirely convinced it was true.
He had no idea what it would do to his career if people knew he was gay. It had never come up before, it had never been an issue.
But now… now it was. He’d never really thought twice about it before, rarely been aware of the sexual orientation of the people he worked with, but now he was suddenly hyper-aware that some people would care, that he’d need to be careful about who he told.
He’d never even considered that he might, at some point in his life, need to be out.
That seemed like such an alien concept that Gabriel wasn’t sure he could even begin to understand it.
“You look like you’re still freaking out,” Alice said.
“I am,” Gabriel admitted, knowing there was no point in lying. He trusted Alice. He hadn’t known her long, but like Reid, he just trusted her.
“I’m seriously not gonna tell anyone,” Alice said. “I have a girlfriend,” she added.
Gabriel blinked at that. She said it as if he should have known that, and he wondered now if she’d told him before and he’d ignored it.
He did that sometimes. Not on purpose, but because it didn’t really matter to him. As long as she showed up, did the work, and didn’t make their shared space unusable, Gabriel was happy. He wasn’t in the habit of prying into other people’s personal lives.
That was also why he didn’t have any friends. Maybe it was time he started paying attention.
“I… did I know that?” Gabriel asked.
“I didn’t tell you, but I feel like it’s something most people figure out from all of the rainbow-colored shit I carry around.”
“I didn’t even notice.” Gabriel looked down at his lap, ashamed to admit that he really hadn’t been paying attention.
“Right, which is why I thought you were straight.”
“I was. Or… I guess I wasn’t, but… I don’t know.” Gabriel shrugged. “I want to say it’s just this one guy, but it’s also kind of not, and I’m very confused. I’m not afraid to be out, exactly.”
That was a lie, but it was one Gabriel was happy to stick to right now.
“You’re just in your questioning stage. I get it,” Alice said. “I’m not exactly a gay guru, but if you’ve got questions… I’m good at giving terrible advice.”
Gabriel laughed. At least she was being honest. “I’ll keep that in mind. Right now I’m just… at the start of something. I’m sorry for zoning out. Did you need something?” Gabriel asked, proud of himself for one of the smoothest subject changes he’d ever managed.
Alice gave him a look that suggested she knew exactly what he was doing, but intended to go along with it.
“I just wanted to know if you wanted anything while I’m at the coffee shop.”
“Oh, umm… I could probably use a coffee, actually. And maybe a muffin? Hang on.” Gabriel paused to grab his wallet out of his laptop bag, handing Alice a twenty-dollar bill. “I want to buy yours, too.”
Alice raised an eyebrow.
“It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone. Especially not alone in my own field.”
Alice laughed as she took the bill from him. “Dude, engineering is gay. All engineering is gay. We’re everywhere.”
Gabriel blinked at her. “I’ve never noticed,” he said.
“Because you weren’t looking. You’ll start noticing it now, trust me. White with no sugar, right?”
“Right, just like me,” Gabriel smiled wryly.
“Daydreaming about your boyfriend is pretty sweet,” Alice pointed out. “I’ll be back with coffee soon. I hope he’s cute.”
Gabriel smiled, thinking of Reid again. Cute wasn’t exactly a word he would have used, but in the way Alice meant it, Reid was definitely cute. And smart. And funny.
Pretty much perfect.
Gabriel couldn’t wait to get a chance to see him again. This time, he was going to ask for what he really wanted.
He could worry about whether or not he was ready to be out later.
Chapter Sixteen
Reid opened the door to his apartment, still recovering from the surprise of Gabriel turning up on his doorstep.
Doubly surprised that he seemed to have brought food, in the form of takeout bags.
“This is your favorite, right?” Gabriel asked, offering up a bag with the logo from the Chinese place on the corner.
“Yeah, that’s the place I always go to, but… how did you know?” Reid asked, backing away from the door to let him in.
“I noticed the menu on the fridge last time,” Gabriel explained. “And it was pretty old and worn, so I figured you’d kept and used it. I didn’t really… I mean, I wasn’t snooping, I was just getting a glass of water.”
Reid laughed. “This is easily one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever done for me,” he said.
“I thought you’d appreciate being fed first,” Gabriel responded, following Reid over to the couch. “I, uh… you said you were interested in more?”
“So this is a booty call?” Reid raised an eyebrow. “For a guy who’s supposed to be shy about sex, that’s pretty forward.”
“I wasn’t shy,” Gabriel corrected. “I didn’t get it until now. It was… okay at best. But I actually want sex with you.” He paused. “Am I doing this wrong? It seemed like… I’m not sure how I’m supposed to…”
Reid chuckled, sitting down on the couch and sorting through the containers Gabriel had brought. “Food is a good start.”
“I stuck to a couple of soups and an assortment of dumplings,” Gabriel explained. “I figured I couldn’t go wrong that way. I can work out what restaurant you like, but I’m not Sherlock Holmes.”
“I dunno, man, that was pretty good. I have no idea what kind of food you like. Other than coffee and bacon.”
“You haven’t been to my apartment to see my collection of takeout containers. I’m super gross and I have no idea how you keep this place so clean.”
Reid shrugged. “Once you get it clean once, it’s pretty easy. I’m a minimalist.”
“I’m a hoarder,” Gabriel admitted, stealing a dumpling from the container Reid had just opened and shoving it in his mouth.
“Isn’t that hot?” Reid asked, staring at him.
Gabriel nodded, his face going a little red as he chewed and swallowed. “But delicious,” he said. “I like food to be fast and easy.”
Reid couldn’t help laughing at that. “Do you also like men to be fast and easy? Because I’m starting to get that vibe.” Reid plucked two pairs of chopsticks out of the bag and held one out for Gabriel.
Gabriel took it and broke them in half confidently. He was clearly no stranger to disposable chopsticks. “I like to minimize complications in everything outside of my work. It’s complicated enough. I don’t like to worry about things I don’t absolutely have to.”
“Hey, sounds fair to me. I guess I just care a little more how food tastes. I love this place, but I couldn’t live on it.”
“Based on first impressions, I could,” Gabriel
said. “You have excellent taste in takeout.”
“I think you’re Lee’s type, because this is more dumplings than you’re supposed to get per serve.”
“He’s gay, too?” Gabriel asked, clearly surprised.
“This whole neighborhood is pretty gay. That’s most of why I live here.”
“And the rest has to be the view, because the location sucks for you,” Gabriel said, taking another dumpling but blowing on it to cool it this time before shoving it into his mouth.
“It’s a little further away from my office than I’d like, yeah. But it’s good to have that separation between work and life.”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow.
“In this specific case, the crossover is fine,” Reid clarified. “I wish I’d met you in a bar or something, but I can live with it if you can.”
“I can live with it,” Gabriel said. “You would never have met me in a bar. I don’t do bars.”
“A coffee shop, then?” Reid tried. He could actually imagine approaching Gabriel in a coffee shop, being drawn to him, wanting to get to know him.
“Maybe. I probably would’ve ignored you if I was working.”
Reid snorted. “I get the feeling you’re always working,” he said.
“I’m not working right now,” Gabriel responded. It was a simple truth on the surface, but Reid could tell it meant more than that. Gabriel wasn’t the kind of person who’d stop working for just anyone.
Reid was special. That was obvious in everything Gabriel said, every new detail he revealed about his life.
It felt really, really good to be special.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Reid said. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
He felt like an idiot for that, in some ways. One slightly awkward handjob and he was apparently falling head-over-heels for a cute rocket scientist.
On the other hand, Gabriel was special, too. Reid didn’t think he’d appreciate hearing that just yet, but they could ease into it. Reid definitely wanted to be around him more often.
The Boyfriend Experiment Page 8