“No. We were in the same platoon, but none of them were in my squad. I didn’t know any of them personally.”
“And these soldiers you hardly knew, and who hardly knew you, are somewhere right now thinking, ‘If only that schmuck had aimed for the payload…’” She huffed out a breath. “Really, Ryan? I’m sure these spirits have better things to do with their time than to blame you for what happened that day. Maybe they’re somewhere right now wondering why the hell you won’t let them go in peace. Did you ever think of that?”
“No. I never did.” He couldn’t help the flicker of a grin that broke out. What she said was so ridiculous. “They aren’t real ghosts, Paige. They’re memories and nightmares concocted by my fractured psyche.”
“I know. That’s exactly my point.” She pinched him. “You’ve concocted the whole scenario so that you can punish yourself forever for something completely out of your control.”
“Ouch.” He flipped over onto his back, wrestled her down beside him on the mattress, and covered her legs with one of his. “After all this torture, I should at least be allowed to cop a feel.”
She burst out laughing. “Feeling better?”
“I will in a minute.” He kissed her, running his tongue along the side of hers while he untied the ugly robe. “Let’s get rid of this old thing.”
“Let’s not.” She caught his hands. “We have one more concoction to address.” Biting her lower lip, she glanced at him. “Theresa.”
“I already told you about her.” He rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with his forearm. “What more is there to say?”
“From everything you’ve told me, I’m guessing Theresa was a wonderful person with a big heart. How do you think she’d feel if she knew you blamed yourself for her accident?”
He made a growling sound from behind his hands. “You aren’t going to cut me any slack tonight, are you?”
“Nope.” Paige pried his arm from his face, brushing her lips across his closed eyes once she’d accomplished the task. “If your roles were reversed, would you want Theresa carrying around all that guilt weighing you down? Would you want her life to remain stuck in the past while any chance at a great future passed her by?”
“No, of course not. I’d want her to be happy.” His chest tightened, and his eyes stung.
“Let me be sure I have this right. You’d want her to move on, love again, and find happiness, but you don’t believe she’d want the same for you? Is that how it is?” Paige stroked his forehead and stared into his soul. “She loved you, Ryan. I can’t believe Theresa would want you to continue holding on to all this emotional baggage.”
His breath caught, and her words hit the bull’s-eye in the deadened center of his heart. Blinking against the tears in his eyes, Ryan’s jaw tightened. Breaking down in front of Paige was such a bitch. She must see him as a complete wuss.
She slid her mouth across his and nipped at his bottom lip. “You still want to see me naked?”
His eyes widened. “Hell yes.” Lust. Instant tears-be-gone remedy. “But not if you’re offering because you feel sorry for me or out of—”
“I don’t pity you, Ryan. Your stubborn refusal to give up the load you insist on dragging around like a cinder block and chain mostly just ticks me off.”
“Of course.” He chuckled. “I should’ve known better.”
“That’s right. You should’ve.” She untied her robe and shucked it, revealing an old faded Harvard T-shirt and a pair of matching boxers.
“Wow, Paige. Sexy robe and even sexier pajamas.”
Her throaty chuckle filled him. She pulled off her shirt, revealing her perfect, lush breasts with their dusky-rose nipples, exactly as he’d imagined. Oh, Lord. He reached out to test their warm, soft weight against his palms, running his thumbs over those perfect nipples until they peaked for him. “You are one beautiful woman. I hope you know that.”
She sighed, arching into him. “Do you have protection, cowboy? Because after watching all those bronc and bull riders tonight, I could really go for a good, long ride myself.”
“Are you saying this is going to happen because of the rodeo? Shoot. We’re going to find a new rodeo every week from here on in.” God, he loved the way she could be shy one minute and bold as brass the next. He loved her intelligence, wit, the way she looked—everything about her. Ryan sat up, holding her around the waist as he rose. He reached for the bedside table and pulled the brand-spanking-new box of condoms from the drawer. “It just so happens, I do have protection.”
“Good.” Ryan believed she wanted him out of pity? If he only knew. This ranked up there as one of the most selfish acts she’d ever committed. She’d wanted him since the night she’d fallen against his naked hardness. Selfish and risky, yet she couldn’t help herself. He filled her with such longing. He needed her, and if she were to be honest, she needed him too.
While he fumbled with the box of condoms, she indulged. Feasting her eyes at the sight of his corded torso, she followed the line of dark-blond hair down to his navel. The cutoff sweats he wore tented in front. It was all she could do to keep from licking her chops like some kind of sex-crazed animal. Admit it. You are a sex-crazed animal. For Ryan, anyway.
She wasn’t in the habit of initiating sex. In her limited experience, the guys she’d dated never tired of trying to bump up against her. Not one of them had ever given her the chance to take the lead. Ryan had placed the decision in her hands, empowering her like nothing else could, and she swelled with that power now, savoring each moment.
Paige leaned in and ran her tongue over one of his nipples, continuing to do the same to the other. The sudden intake of his breath sent a rush of slick heat flooding her center.
He tore the wrapper and set the condom on the table. “I want to see you, Paige. I want to lay you out and eat you up with my eyes.” Lifting her to her knees, he tugged down her boxers and panties. “Lord, have mercy, my hands are trembling. Help me out here.”
She giggled and flopped over to pull her clothes off the rest of the way and tossed them to the floor. “Your turn.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Ryan lifted his hips and yanked his shorts off, sending them to the floor with hers. “You don’t have to ask me twice.” His erection sprang free, bobbed and twitched against his flat belly.
“Would you mind if I…” She swallowed hard, and heat engulfed her entire body.
“What, Paige? Whatever you want, just tell me.” He lay back, watching her with hooded lids, his blue eyes a few shades darker.
“I want to do the looking and touching first.” Fascinated, she watched the artery in his neck pulse in time to the achy throbbing in her sex. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from all of his magnificent nakedness and reached for him, running her hand along his shaft, absorbing his heat through her palm. The throb between her legs grew stronger, and she couldn’t draw enough breath.
His hips thrust into her touch. “I don’t know how long that’s gonna work, but I’ll do my best. The touching part is…so…damned…good.”
Paige loved the strained hoarseness of his voice, how turned on he was for her. Smiling, she came up to kneel beside him, looking her fill and raking her fingernails lightly up his muscled thighs. She caressed his testicles, smiling when they tightened against her hands. Continuing on, she stroked his cock, belly, and ribs. Rolling his nipples between her thumbs and fingers, her heart raced as he shivered and jerked with each new exploration.
“The touching part is good,” she agreed. The scar on his hip drew her, and she leaned close to kiss the curved, twisted path. His belly quivered, so she had to kiss and lick that too. Working her way up, she tasted each indentation of his ribs, finally laving a nipple with her tongue. She blew on it, pleased when it puckered into an even tighter nub. “I love how you taste and feel.”
Draping herself over him, she aligned her thighs, belly, and chest with his and lost herself in his brilliant blue eyes. She tangled her fingers into his hair and kissed him, thrusting in h
er tongue to dance with his. He bucked beneath her, and the low, purring rumble he emitted reverberated through her. Kissing her way along his jaw to his ear, she ran her tongue over the velvety lobe, then nipped, smiling when he sucked in a breath.
“That’s it. Can’t take anymore,” he rasped and flipped their positions. “My turn.”
Paige surrendered control, relaxing her muscles and opening herself to his heated stare.
“Oh, yeah.” He spread her knees apart, and his breath caught. “You are one sexy goddess, woman. You take my breath away.”
His eyes roamed all over her, and she swore she could feel the heat of his gaze on her bare skin. He stroked and petted, starting with her collarbone, sliding down to her breasts. His callused palms created a delicious friction, tightening her into a ball of need.
“I love the girls here. Just look at how those twin peaks stand up at attention for me.”
He leaned over, took a nipple into his mouth while palming the other. She almost came off the bed as a high-amped jolt shot straight through her. “That feels so good,” she groaned.
“Yeah?” His eyes captured hers. “How about this?” He went back to flicking her erect nipple with his tongue and ran his hand down to the junction of her thighs. Inserting his finger into her cleft, he used some of the slickness to lubricate the pulsing bundle of nerve endings of her clit. Barely touching, he began tracing circles around it, sending her into frantic, writhing desperation. The pressure built and built. Paige lifted her hips, seeking more contact, harder touch. He obliged, moving his finger in tighter, harder motions.
Ryan made that purring rumble again, and his pelvis nudged against her thigh. She shuddered with her release, coming against his hand. A record for her, that took, what, ten whole seconds? She wanted more. She sighed, put her arms around his neck, and drew him in for a kiss. He continued to stroke and tease, and she did the same, caressing every inch of him.
Pulling back, he snatched the condom from the table. “Time to get serious.” He slipped it on and came back to her. Settling himself between her thighs, he propped himself up on his elbows and stared into her eyes with such intensity she could hardly bear it.
“I want to look at you while we make love. I want to see every sensation and reaction play across that pretty face until you come apart in my arms.”
She nodded, unable to speak. He guided himself into her in a slow thrust until he filled her, withdrawing almost immediately. The second thrust hit a spot that sent waves of pleasure crashing over her. She closed her eyes and moaned.
“Open those gorgeous green eyes, sweetheart. I want that connection with you while we make love.”
She lifted her hips to meet his next thrust. “Can’t be much more connected than this.” Another wave of pleasure crested, and she forced her eyes open for him. “Ohhh. Connect a little faster, Ryan.”
“Demanding.” He chuckled deep in his throat, cupped her face between his hands, and kissed her. His tongue thrust in and out of her mouth as he picked up the pace. So, so good, everything in her world narrowed down to the building pressure. She tried to keep her eyes open for him, but it was impossible. Reaching for his fine butt, she pulled him in harder and faster, crying out with her release, then floating with the aftershocks. Ryan threw his head back and groaned long and slow as he followed her into the clouds.
He rolled off to lie beside her. Gathering her close, he whispered, “Stay.” He nuzzled the sensitive spot just below her ear. “Sleep with me tonight.”
Paige tangled her legs with his and ran her hand up and down his arm. “All right.”
“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
He got up and headed for the bathroom, giving her a view of his backside. Her throat closed up at the sight of the scars marring his back. Strong emotions welled, bringing tears to her eyes. Ryan deserved to be happy, and Perfect was the right place for him to be. Working with Noah, going to therapy, and meeting with other veterans was the best thing for him, and she wanted the best for him.
She bit her lip, worry and guilt flushing away all the pleasure she’d just experienced. What now? What about what she needed? Giving up on her goals and ambition would make her even more of a failure—not only in her father’s eyes, but in her own. Not to mention she’d be a quitter, which was not acceptable. There had to be a way to work it all out. There had to be.
Ryan returned, slid into bed next to her, and reached for the drawer holding the condoms. He pulled out another one and placed it on the surface of the table. “Just in case.” He winked.
She shook her head and laughed. “Even cowboys gotta sleep.”
He scooted down, pulled the blankets up around them, and snuggled up against her. “Cowgirls do too.” Sighing, he settled himself, wrapped his arm around her waist, and closed his eyes. “Good night, darlin’.”
“Good night, Ryan. If the ghosts come around, wake me up so I can fight them off.”
The rumble of his laughter sent a thrill through her.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered into her ear, brushing a kiss across her shoulder. “Superwoman Paige Langford.”
His girl. She liked the sound of that way too much. Lying awake beside him, she listened to Ryan’s deep, rhythmic breathing. Once she was sure his ghosts were done for the night, she allowed herself to fall asleep as well, all the while trying to come up with some kind of solution ensuring that both of them would come out of this affair with no new scars.
Paige awoke to find herself enveloped in Ryan’s arms and in his irresistible scent. He had a leg wedged between hers, and one of his hands cupped her breast. Shivers ran down her spine as he nibbled the back of her neck, while his erection nudged against her bottom. She grinned. “Well, gee, good morning to you too.” She twisted around to face him, brushing the hair out of his face. Mischief lit his eyes, and his dimples set off all kinds of fireworks in her chest.
“Morning, darlin’.” He kissed her. “Mmmm. You taste good.”
“You’re crazy. I have morning breath.” She pushed at his chest. “Let me up. I have to go.”
“No, you don’t. It’s Saturday. There’s no reason to rush off.”
“I meant I have to go. I need to use your bathroom.”
“Oh, right.” Ryan rolled over and tucked his arms under his head. “Go on, then. I’ll just stay here and enjoy the view.” He winked.
She rolled her eyes. “You are such a guy.”
“So?”
“So I like it.” She laughed and crawled over the bed, arching her back and throwing him a seductive smile over her bare shoulder when she got to the end.
“Oh, baby, hurry back,” he rumbled. “We’ve got some serious business to take care of on the workbench here.” Ryan patted the mattress.
She sashayed to the tiny bathroom, aware of his eyes on her ass the whole time. Once she’d closed the door, she took care of her needs, washed, and used a finger full of his toothpaste to freshen her breath. Still smiling, she returned to him, thrilling at the way he tracked her every move with blue-eyed intensity. She sighed and stretched out next to him. “So, what was that about this being a workbench?”
“I’ve got plans for you, darlin’.” He rolled her onto her back and kissed her.
Tangling her hands in his hair, she pulled him closer. Where last night’s lovemaking had an urgency to it, this morning’s kisses were long and lazy. They took their time exploring and tasting each other. Ryan’s tenderness, the reverent expression he wore, and the slow heat he forged within her touched a place in her heart she hadn’t known existed. She ached with the primitive, instinctual need to bind her heart with his. Her breath caught, and tears stung her eyes. Why not? What’s stopping you?
Ambition. The driving force in her life to take over a plumbing empire, that’s what.
“I want you, woman.” He reached for the condom on the bedside table and put it on. “You’re really something special, and anyone who doesn’t see that is blind.”
&n
bsp; Had he read her mind? She frowned.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t I doing this right?” He nudged her knees apart and entered her.
“Ohhh,” she said on a sigh. “You do everything exactly right.” She lifted her hips to meet his, losing herself in the sensations, then crying out his name with her release and catching him in her arms when he shuddered with his.
He propped his weight on his elbows and moved a little inside her. Resting his forehead on hers, he murmured, “I like what we’ve got going on here.”
“’Course you do.” She chuckled. “Like we already established—you’re a guy, and what we have going on here involves sex.”
He kissed her briefly and peered into her face. “It’s not just the sex. I know L&L isn’t where you want to be, but have you considered looking for a job in Evansville?”
Her heart raced. “The search engine I use brings up jobs nationwide, Ryan. There’s nothing in Evansville that meets my criteria.”
“Can’t you change your criteria a little bit? I know you want to prove you can make it in a man’s world, but hell, if that’s all it takes, L&L definitely qualifies. Noah, Ted, and I are an all-male staff.”
“Noah is my brother. L&L doesn’t count.” A weight settled on her chest that had nothing to do with the man turning her bones to mush. “I know how important it is for you to be where you are right now.” She stared into his eyes. “I wouldn’t ask you to change your plans for me. Don’t ask me to give up my dreams or change for you. We’ll only end up hurting each other.”
“You don’t know that.” He rolled away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. “All the psychoanalysis you did on my behalf last night entitles me to do the same.” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Your brilliant plan is to live your life trying to prove something to somebody else.” His mouth tightened. “You’re wasting your time, Paige. Why not use all that ambition and talent building something for yourself? Stop worrying about what your daddy thinks, and start doing what’s right for you.”
“I am doing what’s right for me. Don’t you get it?” Her throat and chest constricted, making it difficult to breathe. “Langford Plumbing Supplies has been in my family for generations. Noah didn’t want it. I do.”
The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) Page 19