“Is that what you think?” Ed’s brow creased even more.
“That’s not true.” Ryan’s words came out at the same time as Ed’s.
“Isn’t it?” She shot him a look, her eyes full of hurt. “If Noah truly wanted me to work for him, why didn’t he make an offer when I finished school? He didn’t.” Her glare shifted to her father. “And neither did you.”
“Paige, honey,” Allison’s tone soothed, “Noah didn’t offer you a job because he didn’t believe you’d be interested in working for their tiny start-up company. It’s not like you’ve kept your ambitions a secret.”
“Right. He didn’t offer, and neither did my own father.” She shoved back her chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”
Anger stepped aside to let panic have a go at him. Ryan’s poor heart took the beating. He and Paige had never spoken about their future, and he’d known from the start he was in for another tectonic shift. He just didn’t think it would come so soon. “Do you know what drives your daughter, Mr. Langford?”
“Of course I know, and it’s not going to happen. LPS is not the place for Paige.”
“She’s going to spend the rest of her life turning herself inside out just to prove to you that she’s worthy.” He was about to lose her, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“What is my daughter to you?” Ed leaned back in his chair and scrutinized him.
Allison’s eyes went wide. “Edward!”
“What, Allie? It’s a reasonable question.” He turned back to Ryan. “What are you to her?”
“With all due respect, sir, there’s no telling with Paige, and it’s none of your business where I’m concerned.” Ryan focused on the path Paige had taken when she left, watching for her return. Pressure banded his chest, and sweat beaded his forehead. “She’s coming back, isn’t she?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
PAIGE STARED OUT HER BALCONY doors at the Philadelphia skyline. The past two weeks had gone by in a blur of activity. L&L’s very first sample sale had been a huge success, and the storefront had emptied out. Her first interview with John Deere had led to the second, and the flush of her recent triumphs had buoyed her confidence enough to face the one sore spot in her life.
Since their trip to Philly, Ryan had withdrawn. He remained polite, sweet, even friendly—in a distant, impersonal way. His abandonment sliced off another piece of her heart every day, and as soon as she got back to Perfect, she planned to confront him. There was no reason why they couldn’t find a way to continue what they’d started.
Her phone vibrated in her back pocket, and she brought it up to answer. “Hey, Mom.”
“I’m here, Paige. Meet me out front.”
“I’ll be right down.” She stuffed her phone back into her pocket and grabbed her overnight bag. Locking the door, she wondered if she’d be back for good in a few weeks. She made her way to the first floor and outside, where her mother’s SUV waited. Paige tossed her overnight bag into the back and climbed into the front passenger seat. “Thanks for the ride.”
“I’m always glad to spend time with my girl.” Her mom smiled and patted her hand. “How did your second interview go with John Deere this morning?”
“Really well.” She grinned back.
“How’s Noah taking all of this?” Her mom veered onto the exit leading to the Philadelphia International Airport.
“He hasn’t said much. I’ll continue to consult for L&L if they want me to, and I’ll help them choose the right candidate to replace me.”
“Hmm. I don’t imagine they will replace you, honey. I suspect they’ll go back to the way things were and muddle along as best they can.” She glanced at Paige. “It takes all three of them just to keep up with production, and they can’t afford to pay someone what you’re worth. It would take a very special person willing to start at the bottom and grow with the company.”
A twinge of guilt trampled Paige’s triumphant high down a notch. She turned to stare out the window at the passing cityscape. “I’m going to create a document outlining a five-year plan for L&L. Hopefully, they’ll see the benefit of sticking to it.” What if they hired someone fresh out of school? Maybe a young woman. What if this new woman and Ryan hit it off? He’ll forget all about me. Jealousy stomped the rest of her brief flash of triumph down to the ground.
“What about Ryan? Obviously, he cares a great deal about you, Paige. How do you feel about him?”
Her stomach flipped. Did motherhood come with the ability to read minds? “Everything is up in the air with Ryan. I thought we were going somewhere. Now I don’t know.” They turned onto the ramp leading to the airport check-in area and merged into the tangle of traffic inching along and dropping people off. An opening appeared in the never-ending stream of cars. “Here is good, Mom.”
“Call us and let us know when you hear from John Deere. We love you, Paige.”
“I love you too. If I get the job with John Deere, I’ll be back in Philly by the first of May.” Why didn’t that thought make her as happy as it should have? Her mom pulled over to the curb, and Paige hurried out and grabbed her bag from the back.
“Give our love to Noah, Ceejay, and the kids, and tell them we’re looking forward to our visit in July.”
“I will.” She waved and started for the ticketing area. The human resources woman at John Deere said she’d hear one way or the other by Friday. Today was Monday. She had five days to obsess about it. Going through the security check took much less time than she’d expected, and she had time to kill before boarding. She visited some of the shops and chose a couple of inexpensive toys for Lucinda and Toby. One of the benefits of her extended stay in Perfect had been getting closer to her niece and nephew—Ceejay too. She’d miss them. Settling into an uncomfortable plastic seat, she flipped through a magazine and waited to board.
After an uneventful flight, her plane taxied to a stop. Paige hit speed dial on her cell the minute everything shut down. “I’m here,” she told Ceejay.
“We’re halfway to Evansville. We’ll meet you outside the baggage claim area.”
“Great. See you soon.” Paige checked her watch. Almost three, and it would be four by the time they returned to Perfect. Ryan had started going to a group on Monday afternoons. She’d watch for his return. They needed to talk.
Her heart lodged in her throat, Paige walked along the path to the carriage house. Memories played through her head of that first night when she’d fallen into him, the first time they’d made love, the picnics they’d had on the way to Philly. How could he just turn it off the way he had? She rapped on his door. “Ryan, open up.”
The door swung open, and he frowned at her. “What?”
Pushing past him before he could shut her out, she lifted her chin and faced him. “We need to talk.”
“All right. How did your second interview go?”
“It went fine. Why have you shut me out?”
“What choice do I have?” He sat on the edge of his couch and flipped his sketchbook closed, pushing it back on the coffee table. “It’s not like I have a whole lot of options here.”
She paced. “That’s it? I might get a new job, so we’re through?”
“Look”—his mouth formed a straight, unhappy line—“I told you I liked what we had, and I wanted it to continue. You’re the one who’s leaving, Paige. Not the other way around.” He averted his gaze, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “If you don’t get this job, you’ll get the next. One way or the other, you’re already on your way out of my life.”
“I love what we have, not had, Ryan. There’s no reason we can’t continue. This is the twenty-first century. We have airplanes and cell phones. What if I came to Perfect a couple of weekends a month, and you could—”
“That won’t last, and you know it. You’re going to travel for your job. Living out of a suitcase gets old fast. Besides, you’ll meet lots of new guys out there. You’re going to forget all about me.”
I
mpossible. “What if I asked you to come with me back to Philly? Would you?” Her world came to a standstill while she waited for his reply.
Ryan shot off the couch and crowded her space. “What if I asked you to stay? Would you?” His eyes roamed over her face hungrily. “Doc says I already suffered from PTSD when I enlisted. Too many months of heavy combat, the suicide bombing on top of the trauma of Theresa’s death…I’m damaged goods, darlin’.” He turned away and plowed a shaking hand through his hair. “I have a lot of work to do, and this is the best place for me to be right now.”
Her insides imploded. “Ryan—”
“I just want you to be happy, Paige.” He faced her again, his expression anguished. “Will you be happy if you get this job and prove yourself to your daddy? If that’s what it takes, if that’s what you really want, I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“It’s not that simple. Yeah, I want my dad to see me as someone he can trust to take over LPS, but it’s also about proving something to myself.” She wanted to pull her hair out by the roots. He was so stubborn. “I got my last job because of my father, not because of who I am or what I can do. I need to know that I can get a job based upon my own merits. I have to follow through on this, or I’m always going to have doubts.”
“I get that, and I’m…I’m not going to try and persuade you to do something you don’t want to do.” The muscles along his jaw twitched. “The last time I did that, the whole thing ended in disaster. Someone died.”
“Oh my God! You’re comparing our situation to what happened with Theresa?” She did her own hair pulling. With both hands. “There is nothing about this that is even remotely the same. You’re just being obstinate.”
“I’m obstinate? What about you?” His voice rose. “I watched you during the sample sale, little girl. You were lit up like a Fourth of July sparkler. The ideas you have for bringing L&L forward are amazing, and you love working there. You love it, but you’re too damned stubborn to admit it’s the perfect job for you.”
He pointed at her, his face a mask of hurt and anger. “You’re the one throwing us away because of some wrong-minded notion you have about taking over a company you don’t even really want. Your own pride has blinded you to what’s right with your life. Instead, you choose to focus on what you imagine is wrong.”
“You’re so far off.” Her hands tightened into fists.
“No, I’m not.” He moved away and gave her his back. “Go on, Paige. I said everything I have to say. I wish you well, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Grief and anger grabbed her by the throat and choked the breath from her lungs. Tears flooded her eyes, and the urge to throw things and slam doors propelled her out of his apartment. “Stupid, stubborn man,” she shouted, giving in to the urge and slamming his door so hard the window rattled.
Her gut twisted, and tears streaked down her cheeks. She stomped back to the big house. Too bad she couldn’t throw open the sliding patio doors, because she wanted to. She pushed it hard enough to make it bounce back and headed for the back stairs.
“Whoa.” Ceejay met her at the top of the second-floor landing. She had Toby in her arms and held Lucinda’s hand. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Lucinda’s eyes went big and round. “Auntie Paige, why are you crying?”
“No reason.” She shot past them and shut herself into her room. She threw herself facedown on the bed. She and Ryan were through. The sooner she got a job and left, the better. She cried until she ran out of tears. Spent, she remained where she was, laid out in one big dejected mess on the mattress.
The door creaked open. “Hey.” Ceejay walked in, still holding Toby. “I put a movie on for Luce. Do you want to talk?”
Paige groaned. “My life sucks right now.”
“I’m guessing this has something to do with Ryan.”
“He just dumped me.”
“Oh, Paige.” Ceejay sat on her bed and set Toby free to roam.
He crawled over and patted her damp cheeks, bringing a watery smile to her face. “He went all distant on me after our trip to Philly, and I decided to confront him this afternoon.” She grabbed a few tissues from the box on her nightstand. “He doesn’t want to…to…”
“Don’t you think his reaction might be more about protecting himself than wanting to end things with you?” Ceejay bit her lip and regarded her, as if wondering how much to say. “He’s fragile right now and trying really hard to work on getting better. Your leaving is going to be quite a blow. As far as he’s concerned, it’s another loss in his life when he’s already lost way too much.”
“Oh, great. Now, on top of everything else, let’s add some guilt to my load of crap.”
“Paige, it’s because of you that Ryan wants to get better. We all know he’s crazy about you.”
“Sure.” She sighed. “That’s why he let me go without a fight.”
“He has PTSD. He’s using all the fight he has just to maintain. You don’t have to go, you know. You do bear some responsibility for the way things are ending between you two. Cut him some slack.”
Ceejay’s words bit into her, because she couldn’t deny their truth. Guilt sucks. Paige rolled over and let Toby tumble over her. She hugged him and sat up, taking in his sweet toddler scent. “I’ve made a huge mess of everything. Ted doesn’t want me to stay. He says watching Ryan and me together is too difficult. Ryan’s already quit me, and being around him would be too hard for me.” She shrugged. “I have to get this job, otherwise I’m screwed.”
“You’re not screwed.” Her sister-in-law chuckled. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you I’ve been where you are. All it takes is a single step to turn things around.” She rose and reached for Toby. “I’m going to go fix dinner. Want to help?”
“Sure.” Wiping her eyes, she got up. “Being useful is bound to be better than wallowing in self-pity.”
Paige sat in one of L&L’s second-floor offices, the same one she’d hid in while searching for a new job. She ended the call with John Deere and waited for the thrill of triumph to kick in. She’d gotten the job all on her own, based on her qualifications rather than a good-ol’-boy nudge from her father on her behalf. Plus, she’d only been unemployed for about two months—quite a feat in this economy.
The thrill never came. Instead, a dull sense of relief consumed her. Leaving the discomfort and pain of being anywhere in Ryan’s proximity sounded like a good plan.
Strange. When Anthony Rutger betrayed her, all she’d felt was anger. With Ryan, devastated was the word that came to mind, and shattered best described her present state. She’d certainly been on one hell of a bummer as far as her love life was concerned. She let out a heavy sigh.
No more men for a while. She’d throw herself into her job, give the corporate ladder a climb, and see if that didn’t turn out better than…Tears filled her eyes and slid down her cheeks so suddenly she had no time to fight them off. Dammit. She couldn’t go downstairs like this. Swiping at her cheeks, she sat back down and struggled to pull herself together. She should be happy. Shouldn’t she?
Today was Thursday. Her work at L&L was done. She could head home this weekend and take a week off to regroup before starting her new job fresh on the first day of a new month. She gave her cheeks a final swipe and headed downstairs to make her announcement. Stepping off the elevator, she looked around the production room, her gaze drawn to Ryan. “I got the job at John Deere. If it’s all right with all of you, tomorrow will be my last day.”
Ryan kept his attention on his workbench. “Congratulations, Paige. Good for you.”
“Never doubted for a minute you’d get the job.” Ted flashed her a smile.
Noah nodded at her. “You can leave whenever you want. Thanks for everything you’ve done here. We’re going to miss you.”
Ryan glanced at the wall clock. “I gotta head out for my appointment.”
“Go ahead,” her brother said. “I’ll catch you later.”
Paige tracked Ryan’s every move as he cleaned up his stuff and left without so much as a backward glance her way.
“I’m surrounded by morons,” Ted muttered.
“So you’ve said many times.” Noah wiped his hands on a shop cloth and turned to lean on his workbench. “What do you have to wrap up tomorrow, Paige?”
“I wanted to finish the five-year plan I started for L&L.”
His brow creased. “Look, I know there’s some tension between you and Ryan. Maybe it would be best if—”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about this.” She wrung her hands together like one of those heroines in an old-fashioned romance novel. “I don’t know what to do to make it better.”
“Time. Just give it some time.” Noah came over and put his arms around her. “You don’t have to come to work tomorrow. Take a day to hang out with Ceejay and the kids before you leave. We’re going to miss you, kiddo.”
“Thanks.” She nodded. “That sounds like a good idea. Do you think Ryan will be all right?” Will I be all right? She wasn’t so sure.
“He’s where he needs to be. He’s got his group and Dr. Bernard for support. Ryan’s going to be fine.”
Ted joined them and patted her back awkwardly. “You did us a whole lot of good in the short time you were with us, Paige. The sample sale rocked, and we have the ads coming out in September.”
“I really enjoyed working with the three of you. What you have here is amazing, and it’s only going to get better.” She stepped back. “I’m going to go gather my stuff, and I’ll help you clean up.” It was over, and the pain of her own losses carved out the last remaining piece of her heart.
Ryan couldn’t get to the VA center fast enough. The thin ice of his stability was cracking fast, and he had nowhere safe to stand. His jaw ached, and so did his hands. Loosening his grip on the steering wheel, he flexed one hand, then the other, trying to ease the tension. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen this boxcar load of hurt coming down the tracks, heading straight for him. He had, and yet he’d still stood squarely on the rails, a glutton for punishment.
The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) Page 25