by HB Heinzer
Chapter Eleven
If there was one good thing that came from everything that happened over the weekend, it was waking up in Micah's arms on Monday morning. It would have been even better if it hadn't been a ridiculous hour when the alarm on his cell phone started chirping. Julia rubbed her eyes and saw that, for the first time in the past two years, she was waking up at an hour that was so indecent that the sun wasn't even up.
"I swear, I might be forced to kick you out of my house," she grumbled as she curled into Micah's warmth.
A smile cracked on his face, "You'd kick me out?" he laughed, remembering the first morning he'd shown up to the house and had been torn apart for waking her up before nine.
"If you're going to get up this early every day, yes, I might." She wouldn't, of course, but she wondered if she should. She was far too comfortable feeling him occupy the other half of the bed. Once the alarm system was installed, Micah and Caleb would go home and she would once again feel the cold when she reached out in the middle of the night. The emptiness hadn't bothered her for the past few years, since her marriage had started to crumble. After only two nights spent sleeping next to Micah, the thought of waking up alone was crushing. This couldn't possibly be healthy.
"Hey, what's going on in there?" Micah asked, brushing the hair away from her face.
Julia huffed, "Nothing." She wasn't about to tell him everything that was going through her head.
"You're lying." He didn't push but she could tell he wanted to.
Why had she told him that they had to be one-hundred percent honest with each other at all times? That's right, because when she said that, she thought she was having the last conversation with him that she'd ever have. Now, she wished there was a way to tell him that there were times when not being ready to say something was okay. That not saying what was on her mind wasn't the same as lying.
She rolled onto her side, she felt every muscle of his glorious chest pressing against her through the thin cotton t-shirt she'd worn to bed. She giggled at the fact that he smelled like a combination of his natural smell and her mandarin mango bodywash.
He looked down at her through his droopy eyelids. "You confuse me, you know that?" His words were playful but she could hear that he was serious.
"What?" she asked trying to pull back from his strong embrace so she could better see his face.
His arms stayed tense, not allowing her to move. "One minute, you look like someone shot your puppy and the next minute you're laughing at me. What's that about?"
"You smell like a girl," she laughed. She was hoping the statement would deflect his attention from her sullen mood.
Strong fingers started sweetly stroking her back seconds before breaking into an assault on her ticklish sides, "So, you think I'm a girl now?" he joked. She hated being tickled and Micah knew that. This morning, it was just what she needed.
Moving her hand to his hip, she slid one leg between his, "Nope. I assure you I know that you're not a girl," she whispered. Her breathing quickened at the thought of all the ways he was pure man. She traced a single finger along the deep V at his waistline, retreating before she reached the most sensitive area. Against her thigh, she could feel his body responding to her touch. She repeated the gesture on the other side, allowing her hand to dip below the waistband of a pair of ridiculous sweatpants he kept in the truck.
Micah had planned on waking up early planning to surprise Julia with coffee and her iPad in bed. His hardening length told him that plan was on hold. Julia knew exactly what she was doing to him and he planned to show her what she was doing to him.
He wanted to torture her the same way she was him. And that's why he barely allowed his calloused hands to make contact with her sides as he ran his hands under the hem of her t-shirt. He knew his actions would be his own undoing as well but he wanted this to last. When his hands finally reached the bottom of her firm breast, he splayed his hands so just his thumb grazed her beaded nipple.
Unable to resist any longer, he lifted the shirt teasing on one nipple with his tongue while he rolled the other between his fingers. He blew gently on her sweet skin as he withdrew his mouth. She arched her back beneath him as his mouth trailed down her smooth stomach. By the time he reached down to remove her innocent cotton panties, there was no mistaking that she wanted him as much as his throbbing mid-section wanted her.
Just as he grabbed hold of the elastic waistband, they shot apart at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. "Welcome to parenthood," he groaned.
Julia froze at his words. Parenthood? How in the hell did she go from looking forward to finally living alone for a while to a level of domestic life she'd never envisioned for herself in just over a week? With only a few words, Micah had thrown a bucket of water on the fire that had been raging within her.
Faster than she had since she lived in the dorms, Julia threw on her t-shirt and reached for the nearest pair of shorts she could find. Before Micah had time to say another word, she locked the bathroom door behind her and slumped to the floor. She couldn't do this. She'd almost rather face Karen and her little thug friend than deal with this. Micah and Caleb could not stay another night.
After sitting on the cold bathroom floor for a few minutes, Julia reached to the pedestal sink for support as she stood. Her stomach sank as she stared at her thoroughly ravaged hair in the mirror. How could one of the most amazing nights of her life come crashing down in such spectacular fashion?
To say the air in the kitchen was thick with tension would be the understatement of the year. Julia's eyes darted around the room trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Caleb sighed heavily and repeatedly in an attempt to show how displeased he was about waking up at Julia's house. Micah was desperately trying to figure out how to get out of the messes he'd created with the two people who meant more to him than anyone else.
As soon as he'd opened his mouth in the bedroom, he regretted the words that came out. How could he have made such a stupid statement? That's right, because he wasn't thinking with the proper head.
Parenthood was something he had years of experience with. Yes, interruptions were part of life but how could he expect Julia to embrace that? And then to actually say the word when they were both so aroused they couldn't see straight? That had to be one of the dumbest things he'd ever done and that was saying a lot. He was fairly certain the ache in his jeans was going to remind him just how badly he'd screwed up all morning.
"Hey buddy, we have to get going," Micah said grabbing his keys off the counter. He hated leaving things unresolved, in more ways than one, but he had an early morning meeting with a materials vendor.
Caleb looked at the clock and then glared at his father, "What am I supposed to do this early? If we were at home, I could just--"
Micah stopped Caleb before he could finish his thought. "Look bud, you know why we weren't home last night. I'm sorry, but I have a meeting that I can't miss, so we have to go."
Julia shifted in her chair, wishing to be anywhere besides caught in the middle of a stare-down between father and son. There was an entire disagreement taking place without a word being said and she was pretty sure it had to do with her. "I can take him," she said to Micah, more to break the silence than anything else. "I mean, if it's okay with you, Caleb." She didn't want to push herself on the boy.
"Yeah, sure," Caleb mumbled. Julia could tell he wasn't happy about the proposition and was only willing to go along with it because that meant he wouldn't have to be one of the first kids to school.
"Thank you," Micah said kissing the top of her head. After retrieving Caleb's backpack from the truck and giving Caleb a quick talk about being respectful and polite, Micah was gone.
The tension eased a bit once she was sitting across the table from Caleb without his father in the room. They didn't say anything to one another but at least neither of them were projecting their irritation towards Micah now that he was gone. Twenty minutes later, Caleb finished getting ready for school and packed aw
ay his sketchpad. They walked in silence to the car.
"They used to talk about you," he said, his eyes fixed on the road in front of the car.
These six words were the first Caleb had volunteered since he and his dad had their argument in the backyard. She wanted to know what he was talking about but she was also terrified to know the answer.
"Excuse me?" she glanced to the passenger's seat assessing his demeanor.
"My mom and dad. They used to talk about you," he said flatly. "Well, they never really talked. They fought. A lot. That's where I knew your name from when my dad introduced us. I didn't make the connection until now."
If Julia had a list of conversations she never wanted to have this one would have been on there. No one had been forthcoming with information about Karen, even after the attack, and now this. The one person who wanted to speak freely was a twelve year old who would be getting out of the car less than two minutes after pulling the pin on a grenade.
"Okay?" She couldn't think of anything that made her more uncomfortable than not knowing where the discussion was going. She could scream at Micah for being so stupid as to not realize his son would hear the fights he and Karen had.
"She said he'd never love her because he was in love with you." His tone was completely flat. "That true?" he asked, finally looking in her direction.
The conversation had officially crossed into territory that Julia didn't want to discuss with anyone, much less a twelve year old boy. She couldn't blow him off like he was a child who didn't deserve to know the truth. She'd lived that life and was disgusted by the number of people who lied to her face in the name of protecting her. "Yes, at one time he did love me."
"And did you love him?" he asked, picking at his cuticles to avoid any eye contact.
"Yes, I did," Julia whispered. There was a time it would have hurt to admit that but now, she wondered if that was because there was never a time when her love could be referred to in past tense. She did love him. Even with the sucker punch he'd thrown at her this morning, she still loved him.
Caleb made no motion to get out of the car as she pulled up to the curb in front of the school. "But you were gone before I was born, right?"
"Yes, I left for college after graduation and that's when your dad and I broke up." The answer was completely honest. It was more of an answer than anyone gave her questions when her mom left. In some ways she and Caleb were a lot alike. "I never even knew about you until I moved back here right before I met you."
An uncomfortable silence filled the space between them. Caleb looked like there were more questions mulling in his mind but he didn't ask them. Eventually, Caleb reached for the door handle and left. As Julia shifted the car into drive to pull away from the curb, she glanced over and saw Caleb watching her from the front doors of the school. He smiled and waved to her. Something she had said managed to put a smile on his face. The more she got to know Caleb, the less she understood him.
A pit formed in Julia' s stomach as she walked out the front door of her house, coffee in one hand and iPad tucked under her arm. Even her morning routine was thrown off-kilter by the knowledge that Karen and her little thug friend knew where she lived. Not only did they know where she lived, but Karen had been in her house. She'd walked through that door and torn apart the bedroom looking for proof that Micah had moved on. Or at least that's what she had told Officer Andrews. She had no clue about the man from the pool house. Where was he? Had he been in the house too? Was he watching her now? Julia quickly retreated into the house hoping to regain a sense of security.
That thought reminded Julia that she wanted to check in with Officer Andrews. She needed to know what was going on and if they had any leads.
Julia wanted to hate Karen for what she'd done. She seemed to be a one-woman wrecking crew when it came to shattering Julia's life. First, she killed Julia's adolescent dream of marrying her high school sweetheart and living happily ever after. Now, she had stolen Julia's sense of security and was threatening to crush her dream of living on her own for once in her life.
But as much as she wanted to hate the woman, she knew she wouldn't. Karen was Caleb's mom. She didn't really believe that people like Karen or her own mother could change but she hoped, for Caleb's sake, that Karen would get help. If she was sober, maybe she could be a mother to him. She was the parent, not Julia.
Parenthood. Julia knew Micah didn't mean anything with his little declaration in the bedroom but that didn't make it any easier to digest. If she continued seeing Micah, the reality was that there would be a day when she would be thrust into parenthood. Not only would she be a parent, but she'd be the evil stepmother to a teen.
Before she had all but given up on the idea of ever having children, she pictured the much more traditional man loves woman, get married, get pregnant and raise their child scenario. Never in a million years did she imagine becoming an insta-mom to the teenage son conceived when her high school sweetheart betrayed her.
She replayed the morning's conversation with Caleb. For some reason, he opened up to her. He didn't have to say anything to her but he chose to. It was a bizarre conversation that, in Julia's mind, told her Caleb had plenty of reasons to never want her to be a part of his life. She couldn't imagine how she would have felt if she heard her parents fighting about one of her mom's boyfriends.
On the other hand, she still didn't understand why Micah brought her name into their arguments at all. She was gone. She never even knew about Karen.
By lunchtime, Julia had completely given up on getting any work done. Every time she tried to get into it, her concentration was broken by the replay of the morning in her mind. Waking up next to Micah and wishing she could do that every morning. Having the mood destroyed moments before they made love. Caleb and Micah at odds.
Closing the lid on her laptop, Julia decided to call Annie and Carly for an afternoon of retail therapy. It wasn't something she would normally do, but this wasn't a normal situation and she wanted their opinions on the mess she was in.
"That's a tough one, Jules," Carly said over the rim of her over-sized margarita glass after Julia explained all of her fears. "You and Micah never were good at taking things slow. Maybe balls to the wall is just how you operate when you're together. That's not always a bad thing."
Julia stared across the table in disbelief. She was hoping her friends would confirm that she was justified in being freaked out but it seemed like Carly thought it was completely normal and healthy.
"Yeah, but it's one thing when you're dating in school," she responded. "It's totally different now. He has a kid. A very moody, impressionable kid who's already been completely screwed up by his mom. Not to mention the fact that he lied to me. He cheated on me. Do I just forget about all of that?"
Annie chimed in, "No, you don't forget. But you do need to remember that you were both young and incredibly stupid when that happened. He did a lot of growing up while you were gone. You both have life experiences you didn't have then."
Julia was getting used to Annie jumping to Micah's defense. It was almost as if Micah had taken Julia's place in Annie's life in her absence. That stung more than a little.
"Okay, and let's say I'm willing to forget the past. That doesn't change the situation with Caleb," she said thinking back to their morning conversation, "I'm not ready to be a mom. And even if I was, I'm pretty sure he's not thrilled at the idea of another woman coming into their lives. Especially me."
There was nothing her friends could say in response to this declaration. Annie had grown up with two parents who loved her and loved each other so she had no personal experience with divorce. Carly never knew her dad and her mom left when Carly was a toddler, so she never had to deal with parents, much less step-parents.
Finally, Annie broke the silence, "Look, no one's asking you to be a mom. Not right now. And I think you're wrong about Caleb. He needs someone like you in his life. He'll see that if you don't give up on him."
"Where the hell is Pep
e with our food?" Carly whined.
"Um, I'm pretty sure his name's not Pepe," Julia laughed. "Pepe may be here somewhere, but I doubt he has blond hair and green eyes like our waiter."
"Nuh-uh," Carly said wagging a finger at Julia, "They're all Pepe. It's, like, a rule to work here or something."
Conversation ceased as not-Pepe arrived with platters of fajita toppings. Once the women filled their plates, Annie continued, "Look, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but they need you. And you need them--"
Julia stopped her friend, "No, what I need is to have some space to figure out what I need. That was the whole point of me coming up here. I can't throw that all away for anyone. I spent a decade following my husband all over the damned country for his dreams. I spent the past four years playing the part of the perfect housewife, the whole time knowing we were nothing more than roommates. I'm not going to make any decisions based on what someone else needs."
"Well, then it sounds like you've made up your mind," Annie snipped. It was obvious she wasn't expecting Julia's answer and wasn't happy about it. Other than Carly complaining about her roommate telling her she was moving out in less than a month, the rest of lunch was filled with idle chatter.
Driving home, tears welled up in Julia's eyes. No matter what she decided to do, someone was going to get hurt. By the time she pulled into the driveway, she'd made up her mind. There was no peace in her decision, but it was necessary.
Chapter Twelve
"You can't do this," Annie huffed.
Julia realized that coming back to Wisconsin had been a huge mistake. No matter how much she said that she had come home to find herself, she knew now that coming home had been a way to hide from the very thing she claimed she wanted to do. Now, she was going to correct her mistake.
The morning before she left Nashville, her college roommate had emailed her again, begging her to come to New York. The only thing that had stopped her from taking the job with a small public relations firm in Midtown was the fact that she had already told Annie she was coming home.