by Sara Schoen
I felt Volodya tense as the cold, unfeeling words left my mouth. I meant the threat, and I’d follow through if needed. I pressed the blade to his throat to emphasize my words, but before the blade could push into his skin, a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I paused, but didn’t move. I knew who it was. I hadn’t realized that the fighting had stopped around me again. Now Renegade knew the truth.
“What do you mean, how you left Ash Crest? Are you saying that you killed him?” I flinched at the anger in his words, but didn’t reply. “You’ve been lying to me about who killed him for months! You’ve sent me on a wild goose chase, haven’t you? I bet there isn’t even a Cameron Tyler who’s connected to Ash Crest!”
“Can we talk about this later?” I asked through gritted teeth. “I’m a little busy right now.” I moved my head in the direction of Volodya, who still had my knife pressed to his neck and the gun pressed to his side. “You can yell at me when we get out of here, alive. You can’t really scream at a ghost if you end up getting me killed now.”
Renegade didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. The anger, betrayal, and annoyance came through loud and clear in his gaze and posture. I didn’t have time to deal with this, or explain why I lied to him. Right now we had to focus on getting out of here. I couldn’t help but feel guilty, though. We had just started to fix our relationship, and I went and fucked it up again. Way to go, Night Stripe.
“I killed Ash Crest, and I know Camden told you how brutal I had been with him. So unless you want to suffer the same, or worse, fate, you better call off your men.”
Volodya hesitated, as if weighing his options before finally telling his men to stand down. Once the weapons lowered and they took a step back, I handed Volodya to Renegade. He would be able to keep control of him better than I could, and frankly had more muscle in case we got pulled into another fight. Before Renegade turned to lead Volodya out of the room, I handed him the weapon I had taken from Alexei, keeping my knife drawn and myself low to the ground in case I needed to jump into action.
I stood watch to make sure Volodya’s men didn’t try to shoot Renegade on his way out of the room. Once he was out, I slowly followed after, keeping my eyes on the cartel members as best as I could. It’s a rare occasion when they break a direct order, but this seemed too easy. There had to be a back-up plan, there’s no way they would let us walk out with Volodya. Even Renegade agreed with me. Once I caught up to him he followed my train of thought.
“We’re walking into a trap.”
I took in a deep breath. I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about, but I was relieved that he could hold off until later. “Most likely, but I don’t have a better plan right now. So unless you have one, then this is all we have.”
A moment of silence enveloped us as we made our way through the building. It didn’t last long. I apparently gave Renegade too much credit when I said he could hold off asking about Ash until later. “So you killed Ash and weren’t going to tell me?”
I shook my head, but otherwise ignored his comment.
“It’s later, Night Stripe. I deserve an answer.”
“No, you don’t.” My response was icy and unwelcoming. “You deserve an explanation, which I can’t give you right now. We need to focus,” I said as I pushed open one of the doors to lead us out of the building. As we walked out, we confirmed it had been a trap by the sheer number of men Volodya had waiting for us outside.
“I knew it was too easy.”
Renegade let out a laugh as he glanced toward the sky. I didn’t take my eyes off the men with guns pointed at us, but I soon heard a familiar beat of helicopter blades above my head. “Don’t worry, Night Stripe. It’s just like the Cardoza job. We have reinforcements too.” As soon as the words left his mouth, at least twenty agents, some I didn’t even recognize, fell from the sky to come to our rescue. Relief washed over me as Volodya’s men lowered their weapons and were quickly taken down by CIRA agents. I watched over the scene until I saw a few familiar faces in the distance. Demon had Katya close by, followed by Seeker and Natasha, even Whip Lash decided to make an appearance with the CIRA agents.
Demon was the first one to meet up with us and explain how he knew to send help, after letting Katya hug me and thank me repeatedly for saving Natasha. “Maverick brought a few reinforcements when Renegade asked to tag along. I guess he knew you two would manage to get into trouble.”
“I’ve never been more thankful for it though,” I said honestly. “I don’t know what we would have done without them. I’m not sure I even want to venture a guess. I’m just glad everyone’s out, maybe now we can all move on from this.” At least, I hoped that we could. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do, and I knew Renegade wouldn’t let me get away without talking to him about Ash Crest. I should have known that it was only a matter of time, and now that time had come.
I’m so fucked.
Chapter 29
I attempted to hold off the inevitable conversation with Renegade as long as possible, and because of that I could see Renegade growing more frustrated with me each minute. There wasn’t a way to prepare someone for what I would have to tell him, and I couldn’t be ready to jump into a dark abyss. So instead I took the time to thank every agent who had come to help us. I knew Renegade and I couldn’t have gotten out without them, and clearly Maverick did as well. He called in a code Blaze, it meant that there wasn’t immediate danger to other agents’ lives, but the agents wouldn’t get out without help. I’d give Maverick this, his gut was spot on.
“Where is Maverick, anyway? Did he not feel like joining the fight?” I asked as I approached our small team again, looking to drag out time a little longer. I knew Renegade wouldn’t forget that I had announced who actually killed Ash Crest, but I could hope.
Upon my arrival, Katya excused herself. “I have business to discuss with my father,” she said as she left Demon’s side to meet with her father and sister. I didn’t want to know what they would discuss, but I’m sure I’d hear about it when they finished. She said it was needed for business, and after working with us for the last few days something told me I knew what the business was truly about. She wouldn’t want us coming after her next, though I doubted we would need to.
“Maverick isn’t much for the fighting aspect of things. He’s in his plane waiting to take agents back, and a few men who have warrants out in the states,” Demon explained as he looked over the crowd.
“Just be glad he thought ahead to call us,” Whip Lash quipped, with a ghost of a smile. “I come home from the Pacific and then immediately get sent out again in order to save you. Just like old times, Night Stripe. Glad no one died this time.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed before turning to look around the compound. The throng of people had only grown in numbers once CIRA arrived. The men Renegade and I had left behind charged out, but were quickly taken care of by agents. A few were subdued, others had been killed, and many more were under arrest. It seemed bittersweet, actually. Too many of them got to live, and the ones who did didn’t deserve a second chance, in my opinion. Especially Volodya, who remained off to the side, guarded by two CIRA agents at all times, talking to his daughters. Though from what I could see, it looked as if the daughters were doing most of the talking. I’m sure Volodya hated receiving criticism or commands from anyone, especially his daughters.
“Why did you bring Katya and Natasha back here? Why not just leave them with Maverick for their safety?” I asked. I had been wondering since I saw them after CIRA stepped in, but didn’t want to make it seem as if I questioned his judgment in front of everyone.
Demon let out a short chuckle before putting his hand on my shoulder. “You still have a lot to learn about leading, Night Stripe.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Sometimes a leader has to trust not only those who work with him, but also those under his protection,” Demon said as he removed his hand. A light smile accompanied his poetic words. “I learned t
hat lesson from you after you ran off in Sandtown.” He paused, as if to let the thought sink in before he continued. “I trust you as a partner and teammate, and I had to learn to trust your judgment instead of hovering over you all the time. I had to do the same for Katya as well. She knew that with her father subdued, the men would follow her orders, and so far she seems to be right.”
“So why did she want to come back here? What if Renegade and I hadn’t made it out or Maverick’s back up hadn’t come in time?”
“We knew you could do it,” he reassured. “But to answer your question, she wanted to come back so she could take control from her father. He doesn’t have much of a choice, other than to pass it down to her or let it disappear completely, but there’s a way they have to do it.”
“What do you think she’ll do with the control?”
“I don’t know, but at least it’s in better hands now. We will just have to wait and see.”
I was about to say that Demon should help lead her in the right direction, but our conversation was cut short as a hand roughly clamped down onto my shoulder.
“We need to talk—now,” Renegade said, a growl coming deep from his chest to emphasize that he didn’t want to wait any longer.
I swallowed the nerves that had started to swirl in me as soon as he said those words. My body naturally tensed, nerves fluttered in my stomach, and I did everything I could to avoid his gaze. I didn’t need to turn around to know he would be glaring down at me, focused on getting the answers I had hidden from him for months. Why did I think I could just keep lying to him and it would all work out on its own?
“Sounds like you’re in trouble,” Demon teased before walking away to give Renegade and I some privacy. I reluctantly watched him walk away. I felt like a child about to be reprimanded by my parents for lying. Even with Renegade forcing me to talk about it, I wasn’t sure I could tell him everything. While I didn’t feel bad about my actions, guilt washed over me at the thought of having him carry my choices on his shoulders. I killed Ash because I knew it was the right thing to do, I just never expected someone so hell bent on revenge to want the person who killed Ash. Maybe I should have.
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth when I asked you about it a few months back?” Renegade asked, wasting no time in getting to the point of our conversation. “I gave you a chance to say what happened to him and you lied right to me. You even somehow convinced everyone else to go along with your plan.” His tone was laced with pure anger. Each word had its own emphasis as he practically spat it in my face. “You’ve been upset with me this whole time for leaving you in Mexico, when it’s me who should be furious with you! You lied!”
He kept throwing jabs at my character, questioning my loyalty to him, and he went so low as to question my loyalty to CIRA. He ranted on for a few minutes, failing to notice that my hands had balled into tight fists or how my jaw remained clenched. My teeth were starting to hurt from the pressure of my jaws clamping together. I gripped my hands together so tightly that my knuckles had started to turn white before I snapped.
“I had to!” I yelled, effectively silencing him and gaining the attention of everyone around us. “I didn’t have any other choice except to lie to you, and that’s on you!”
He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off before he could.
“No, you’re going to listen to me. You have no right to question where my loyalties lie or to even suggest that you can’t trust me because I lied about who killed Ash Crest. I had to lie because you were out to kill whoever did it.” My voice echoed around us in the open area. Everyone’s eyes were on us, but I only focused on Renegade’s. His brown eyes never left mine as if he was daring me to continue. “You weren’t going to stop. You said it didn’t matter who it was, you would take them out. So yes, I lied. I didn’t feel like having you attack me because you figured out I was the one who killed Ash. I gave you a fake name, and for the record, he was someone who was related to Ash, but he died years before, which is why you couldn’t find much on him. Then I let you try to track him down and hoped I would figure out some way to call you off the search before you figured out that I lied. It was better than saddling you with what I did, or what I went through to kill the bastard,” I screamed, trying to fight the tears that had sprung into my eyes.
Every time I thought about Ash Crest, I thought about my families. I had lost so much because of him, my family and my life before the accident, and he had threatened to take even more away from me. I had refused to let him and I couldn’t be sure Renegade would ever move past his anger to understand that. “I killed him because I had to. He threatened to kill the family who adopted me. He wanted to take everything I had left away from me, and then kill more, leaving one alive so they would want revenge and the whole cycle would start over again. So yes, I did it, and I would do it again too, no matter what you say.”
A heavy silence fell over us. I could feel everyone’s eyes on us, their presence practically suffocating me. I hated to feel vulnerable around them. They needed to know I was strong, that I could handle myself if I needed to. They didn’t need to see me cry and break down. Though Renegade did, he had pushed for it. He seemed to be looking everywhere but at me. His gaze fell to my arrow tattoo, the one I had gotten to cover up the scar from my suicide attempt, and then his gaze flickered to me. The pity in his eyes angered me, I didn’t tell him any of this for pity. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell him at all.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I ordered.
“Like what?”
“The pity in your eyes is clear as day. I made my choices, and I’ve lived with them. My suicide attempt doesn’t define me, my actions now do. I’ve moved past Ash Crest and what he did. Now I’m working on making the other survivors’ lives better. I protect them when I can. I keep tabs on them and assist them when possible. To me, they don’t need to know what I did. They don’t need to know why I did it. All they need to know is that I won’t let it happen again. I’ll make sure of it.”
Renegade took in a sharp breath, relaxing his tense posture before he closed some of the distance between us to place his hand on my shoulder. It almost seemed as if he was trying to comfort me, but it didn’t seem possible. “It wasn’t pity, Night Stripe.” His voice was low and calm. “It was understanding you saw. I knew other survivors were out there, and I know life afterward was nearly impossible. If I hadn’t had Danielle then I wouldn’t have made it. You dealt with it alone. Sure, you had the Rickers, but they didn’t understand like other survivors do. You lived with it on your own, and then carried the weight of his death on your shoulders to keep the other survivors from being tracked down and killed. While I may not fully understand and haven’t fully forgiven you for lying to me or killing the man I spent years hunting down, you risked everything to keep them safe and I would have done the same thing.”
As he progressed, I couldn’t fight the tears anymore. One escaped despite my attempts to keep my tears out of sight. Renegade offered a soft smile before lightly caressing my cheek and wiping the single tear away with his thumb. The gesture, while small, sparked gratitude and old feelings that we had yet to discuss, but that would have to come later because Renegade wasn’t quite done discussing our current conversation.
“You’ve done so much for them, for me, and you did it without us knowing,” he said softly, leaning closer. “I’m upset because you lied, but you should know that I never would have gone after you, because you were in the same boat as I am. You wanted revenge, but instead of just taking the revenge and ending it there, as I would have, you protected the other survivors, and now you don’t have to carry that weight alone. I’ll be here for you now. I’ll stand by you, and fight for the same things. You have many people on this team who care for you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. Not while I’m around,” he said just before he closed the remaining distance between us and lightly kissed my lips.
It took me by surprise, but I soon relaxed
into the kiss and took solace in his words. While I was focused on the kiss, I could hear a few comments from behind me. They varied from ‘wow,’ ‘where did that come from,’ and my favorite, which I would have only expected to come from Camo, ‘about goddamn time.’
“Okay, it’s been a great show. Action, fighting, guns, even a love scene for the ladies, but it’s time to move out and head back home. So let’s get going,” Demon ordered.
I laughed as I pulled away from Renegade, thankful that Demon ordered everyone to their rightful places to head home. Renegade put his arm around me and guided me toward Whip Lash and Demon. I knew when Camo came back I’d never hear the end of ‘I told you so,’ but I could live with that. I had someone beside me as something other than a teammate. I had a friend who hadn’t fully forgiven me, but understood why I killed Ash, and a family who adopted me for better or worse once again surrounded me. CIRA is my home, and its agents my family. I couldn’t imagine a better welcome home than knowing I was done with mafias and cartels, and had my friends around me.
I couldn’t have been more ready to head home.
Chapter 30
“Oh come on, it was a poor excuse for a rescue attempt and you know it,” I quipped as I took my regular seat next to Renegade, who instantly slung his arm around my shoulders so I could move closer. Since I had returned from Russia to check on Katya we had stayed close together, and I hoped that it wouldn’t change like it did last time. We had spent the last couple of days in “marriage counseling” like Demon and Whip Lash had gone through and made enough headway to stay on the same team. He admitted that he pulled away because he was scared to lose me, but felt terrible to leave me behind. We talked about Ash Crest, and he was finally starting to come around. He still hadn’t fully forgiven me, I could feel a little tension left over, but he had started to come around. So when he leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the forehead between my comments, I was sure we would make it through this together. “You got caught and I had to come save you. I would have made it out safely if you hadn’t tried to play hero.”