Jesus, she looked beautiful, even in her terror.
He hated that she was scared, and his Bear was traumatized by the notion that her fear was triggered by him, but the two sides of his nature warred for peace, because only peace would let her learn them, let her learn to be comfortable around them.
Something that was, as Ava had told their mate, imperative.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispered shyly, taking two more stunted steps toward them.
Each pass had more of her scent flowing toward them, and each time, her fright dissipated until he could sense her excitement. She was still nervous, still a little overwrought, but there wasn’t the blinding horror of before when they’d been fighting—in fact, Kon had to wonder if her reaction had been so strong because she’d shouted something before, and they hadn’t heard her, so she’d seen them fight.
And when he and Jay fought in this form, they didn’t hold their punches because they were brothers.
If anything, in this form, they could unleash all out fury on one another and not pay the price the morning after.
How did he know?
Because for the past fourteen days, they’d been kicking each other’s asses, trying to burn off some of the need that had them in a chokehold.
When their father had explained how hard it was being denied his mate, how impossible it had felt as each day passed with them being separated, Kon had never really understood.
Now, he did.
But at least Leila was around, and unlike their father, they weren’t in jail, unable to see her at all.
Leila was here, they were here. They were learning one another, and with that and time, she’d grow more and more at ease.
She sucked in a sharp breath that was followed by four quick steps. At that point, she was less than two feet away.
Now, the awe in her tone was more than just audible, it was visible too. Her eyes were shining like bright buttons, and her mouth was round in astonishment.
“You’re identical in this form too, aren’t you?” she said softly, more to herself than to them.
Kon watched as she tilted her head to the side, studied them, then as she narrowed her eyes in further contemplation, pointed to him and said, “But you’re Kon, and you’re Jay.”
Astonished himself, he turned to look at his brother who was gawking back at him.
Leila laughed, then clapped. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Not even Bears could tell the difference between them in this form. Their scents were too alike because they never shifted alone so their scents were constantly entwined, making it difficult to separate them to others of their kind.
They were a muddy brown in color, but the tips of their scruff were frosted in white, and their paws were inky black at the tips.
Even their markings were identical. They both had a patch of dark brown on their side that was near as dammit the same loose oval, and both their left ears, at the tip, were a bit floppy and didn’t stand as erect as their right.
How the fuck had she managed to discern which was which?
The notion astounded him. He turned back to her, let out a pleased rumble that was all Bear. The beast more than appreciated the fact his mate could recognize him and him alone.
It was easy, as a twin, to feel like there was no unique identity. When something as intrinsic as that was shared, it was hard to feel like you were unique because you weren’t.
And his mate had gifted them both that.
Sure, that gift came with another present… blue balls, but that would be eased with time.
For the miracle that was his mate, he could deal with that.
“Can I touch you?” she asked shyly, holding her hand out in offering.
Jay rolled onto his hands and knees. She jerked, letting out a little squeak in surprise, then settled down as he clambered the few steps between them, and nudged her hand with his head.
Her fingers trembled as she let them stroke down his head, but Jay was near as dammit purring from her touch.
Deciding that his brother shouldn’t be the only one in on the action, he rolled over too and did as Jay had done—nudged her hand so she could stroke him as well.
Lying in the center of the big bed, Leila stared up at the ceiling.
She came to bed before Jay and Kon. Usually so she could shower first without them being around to potentially see her naked, but also so she could have a moment’s peace at the end of a long day.
And today was probably the longest yet.
She’d gone from a cult, because she had to recognize that the Church was nothing more than that other ‘c’ word, to a Clan. Before, she’d been surrounded by people at all times, but her family had their own home. Their own place to escape to at night. Here? There was no escape.
People were everywhere at all times.
But at least here, she didn’t have to pretend to be something she wasn’t, or hide a lack of interest in something that bored her silly. She was free here in so many ways, and until Ava had mentioned that the men who worked here were aware she and the twins hadn’t fully mated, she hadn’t really thought much of the situation.
Sure, it was fuller on than she was used to, but it hadn’t bothered her.
Now, it did.
She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and began chewing on it as nerves, once again, hit her.
Goodness, she was tired of feeling like this.
How could the place where she’d never felt so secure and safe in all her life also be the root cause for so much insecurity?
The contrast was enough to give her whiplash!
Heavy footsteps sounded down the hall outside her bedroom, and hearing two voices she knew to be her mates’, she paused, waiting for them to come in.
Sometimes, she pretended to be asleep to stop a conversation from forming. It was a big enough leap for her to be sharing a bed with them, never mind her body, and though tonight it was probably wise for them to have a discussion, she couldn’t take it. Not tonight. Nor did she want to hide from them and pretend to be asleep.
The door opened, letting light blare in from the hall into the dark room. Kon hushed Jay who was chuckling lightly over something. “Leila’s asleep.”
“No, I’m not,” she said, watching them frown and squint at her in the darkness.
“Why are you sitting in the dark, sugar?” Jay asked as he trudged in, toed off his big boots, then raised his legs and settled on the bed to her left. Kon rounded the bed, did the same, then settled to her right.
Sandwiched between them, she felt, as she usually did, both safe and overwhelmed. They were so big and she was so small. They crowded the bed in a way that made her feel like she had barely room to breathe, and yet, the creature inside her who was accepting them as her mate enjoyed the closeness. Needed the proximity to shore her up for the next day, a day where she wouldn’t be with them all the time.
What astonished her was the fact she actually wanted to be with them all the time. And she meant that. Wholeheartedly.
For a solitary creature one who preferred her own company to the voices of many, this was as big a change as everything else that had happened in her life of late.
She sucked in a breath and admitted, “I find the dark relaxing.”
“I’d say you should have been mated to a vampire, but that would make me want to beat up the vampire and snatch you away,” Jay teased, then he curled onto his side, and nudged her with his knee.
In the middle of the night, they often crowded her. When she awoke, she was usually snuggled in between them, their thighs arcing over her hips, pinning her to the bed. In a way, it could have felt predatory, but it wasn’t. It was instinctual. It was simply that they needed to be as close to her as she was to them.
With a shaky sigh, she turned her head to the side and pressed it against Kon’s arm.
“You okay, sugar?” he asked softly.
“Just overwhelmed,” she admitted in a whispery voice. The dark facilita
ted words she’d likely never admit in the light. But here, with them between her, no pressure, and if anything, only comfort offered, she could relax. Be at ease.
It was always the way, she found. It was with the morning, with the break of dawn and the interruption of the many people who lived within the Clan that brought trouble and strife. At least, that’s how it felt for her.
“Why are you feeling overwhelmed?” Kon asked softly. He didn’t sound surprised, but then, he never did. She wasn’t sure if that was because he was impossible to shock or if it was simply that he knew she was feeling that way and had anticipated this conversation at some point in the future.
“I just am,” she whispered softly.
“Is it the Clan or the clubhouse?”
“Both. But more than that, it’s the expectations.” She gulped, then blindly reached for Jay’s hand behind her. When he clasped her fingers in his, she tightened hers and whispered, “I-I didn’t realize how you two were at loggerheads until today.”
Jay huffed a breath. “Sweetie, I’ll kill Ava for telling you about us fighting. There’s no harm in it. We do it all the time.”
“Yeah, but I’d assume before I came along, it wasn’t every day?”
“Well, no,” he admitted softly. “But that really doesn’t matter. It’s a way of releasing the pressure. Of keeping calm and not stressing out. More importantly, it keeps us from crowding you. That, more than anything, is what counts.”
She felt his sincerity. It bled through his words, making each one resonate with the truth of that statement.
Goodness, she was fortunate. Never more had she been reminded of that than she was at that moment.
Though she felt there were expectations, they weren’t going to rush her into anything. But was that fair on them? Was it fair to let them keep on beating each other up because they needed her? The one woman they were born to have?
The trouble was, Kon’s candor had frightened her. His inference that she’d have to take the two of them, at the same time, was so far beyond her comfort zone, there was no comfort to be found. None at all. Not even in the fact that these two beautiful males were hers and that they both wanted her like that.
She pursed her lips and said, “I don’t think I can take both of you.”
“I told you you shouldn’t have said that,” Jay groused at Kon.
“I won’t lie to her,” Kon immediately countered.
“Well, you shouldn’t have scared her either.”
“I’m here, guys,” she told them with a huff.
“I know, but I’m mad at my brother, Leila. He should never have told you that. Not when all of this is so new to you.”
“It’s only new because of my background. You shouldn’t have to treat me differently.”
“The very fact you’re our mate makes it so that’s the exact reason why we have to treat you differently. And there’s no harm in that. None whatsoever. You deserve to be treated like spun glass, Leila. Why? Because you’re our mate. You’re ours. We love and hold and cherish and protect what’s ours.”
Feeling tears prick her eyes, she whispered, “Thank you.”
“No. You don’t have to thank us. It’s not about thanking us. It’s the truth. A truth you need to accept.” He sighed, then rolled over onto his side so he could look at her rather than the ceiling. “Leila, let’s get something straight here. We are both yours, but that doesn’t mean to say we have to be with you at the same time.”
At her side, Kon stiffened, and she sensed that he wanted to disagree. He remained silent though and instead, Jay carried on, “Whatever you want and need, we’ll give you. If you don’t think that’s a part of our future together, then we just need to learn to deal with that.”
She blinked, a little confused. “Are we talking about the same thing?”
He laughed. “I hope so.”
“I’m not talking about sex, period. Y-You know that, right?”
Kon snorted. “Yes. We knew that. We’ll wait for as long as you need us to wait, babe, but we can’t wait forever. The call to claim you will decimate us in flames before that happens.”
She blinked again, taken aback by the truth which glimmered in his words. “Really?”
“Really.” Kon admitted, “You know the first day, you wouldn’t have dreamed of lying like this with us, would you?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t have.”
“But now, it’s different, isn’t it?”
“Well, yes. I know you both now.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s the need that’s different. You need to be like this with us. It feeds you. Nourishes you in a way that you can’t explain because you never felt it before.”
She pondered that a second, then whispered, “Go on.”
Kon chuckled a little. “You belong to us in ways that can’t be calculated, Leila. And that works for us, too. Bearing that in mind, you’ll accept us in ways you’d never imagined possible before.”
“But that’s too much. I-I… I just can’t even think about both of you, at the same time. I’m scared. I-I’m not going to lie, I think I’m ready to be claimed by you. I feel that clamor. I feel it every day, every moment we’re apart. I look forward to the night because I know we’ll be together and that part of me will be at peace.
“Ava said that urgency will fade a little when we bond, and I think I need that. It’s making me frantic. That’s how I know this mate bond is real. I’ve never felt this way before, never thought I could feel like it.”
Jay broke in, “You want us to claim you?”
The relief in his tone had her wincing. “Yes, but not at the same time.”
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” he immediately countered.
“But, don’t you both need to… you know? If you’re to claim me?”
“No. The bond is individual between you and Kon and you and me. But it’s tied together, too.”
Kon sighed. “It would be best if we took you at the same time, Leila. I won’t lie to you either. Just like I promised.”
She froze, and Jay huffed. “Jesus, Kon, are you trying to scare her?”
“No. I told her I’ll always be honest with her. That’s only right.”
She bit her lip. “C-Can’t we just…”
“Do you know what heavy petting means?”
Leila frowned. “No. But I can guess,” she said hesitantly.
“Let’s take this slow. These past few weeks have been hard because you’ve just been acclimating to us, period. Now that you’re gentled to us a little, that means we can at least go onto the next phase. There’s no need to do this all at once.
“We can take this as slowly as you need to.”
Leila pondered that, then nodded. Some relief of her own washed through her because she needed them too in a way that was like a gnawing ache in her belly. It was like a hunger, but no amount of food would appease this need. It was for them. A beast of their making.
She bit her lip. “C-Can we start now?”
“Gladly,” Kon said gravely.
“Of course,” Jay whispered, then placed his hand on her belly.
The heat that came from his palm against her stomach was enough to have tension equally flooding her then dispersing.
How could they make her stressed and relaxed at the same time?
It was insane!
She sighed as Kon tilted her chin up a tad, then dropped his mouth to hers. Her breath washed his lips and everything in her froze at the intimacy of his face being so close to hers.
Before their mouths could touch, she whispered, “I’ve never been kissed.”
His eyes widened. She saw the bright whites even in the gloom of the dark room. “You’ve never been kissed? How is that possible?” he choked.
Over her, Jay suddenly appeared so two faces were in her immediate vicinity. “We need to share this experience,” he teased, then, with a blink of a look shared between them, they seemed to coordinate the move
and hovered over her, not stopping until their lips were touching the corners of hers.
It was overwhelming, invasive, funny, amusing, and so wonderful that she had to giggle as they both treated her to their own unique touch.
Kon’s tongue swept out and fluttered against the corner of his mouth he’d staked as his, and Jay’s rimmed her lips until he reached the Cupid’s bow and went around again for another go.
They were chuckling too as they moved away.
“How was your first kiss?” Jay teased.
“It was perfect,” she told them both, beaming brightly at the pair of them.
She could do this. She could.
Sure, it was crazy, and sure it was immoral according to the life she’d left behind, but for her? It was perfect.
She’d dive into this and soar through the waters until she surfaced and found her balance once more. With these two, balance wasn’t too far away. Balance was close, and she knew that they would always hold her steady no matter what happened.
Chapter 8
She’d never been kissed.
In all his plans, Jay had never imagined that. He’d thought that she’d have been pecked on the cheek, or that the bastard who’d tried to attack her would have ruined that experience for her too.
But no, theirs was the only kiss she’d ever know. Theirs were the only male forms she’d ever know. And Jay had to admit that his Bear reveled in that knowledge.
He loved the fact she was a virgin. Not because she was untouched, not because it meant she was ‘pure’ because she didn’t believe in that shit. What he loved was the knowledge she’d only know them.
That they would be her world.
It was only fair because she’d become theirs too. It might have seemed chauvinistic of him, but it wasn’t. Well, the male wasn’t. The Bear most definitely was.
With a sigh, Kon moved away and tilted her chin to the side, before he bent his head, so he could start to sup from her throat. The moan she made as his lips brushed her there had electricity shooting down his spine.
Goddess, everything about this woman was made to set him a light.
JAYDEN (MC Bear Mates Book 9) Page 10