Padraig

by Mia Malone

  Gibson winced, but Paddy kept talking, suddenly needing to get it all off his chest.

  “And she was so damned young, Gib. I couldn’t take that away from her. She deserved to live a little. Hell. I wasn’t ready to settle either, and I was such a fucking idiot. Thought we had plenty of time. She never dated much, and I kept an eye on who she was seeing. There wasn’t ever anyone serious, so I figured… Shit. Asked her out a few times but she always thought I was joking.”

  “Why the –”

  “I asked her in my usual smooth-talker way which was mostly because I was nervous… Or, I don’t know. It had worked with every other goddamned girl, and it felt safe. She raised her brows and told me to cut it out each time, though. I backtracked and was gonna ask her again, for real. Then Dad got sick, and I was working around the clock. Around that time, her grandma died, so she was fighting like a wildcat to keep the diner from going under. Then Dad died, and shit got even worse with the company. And then…”

  “Marybeth got pregnant,” Gibson filled in the sentence.

  “And Jenny got married.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been –”

  “Marybeth had stuck a needle through the condom a couple of time.”

  Gibson reared back and did it in a way he lost his balance and ended up on his ass. Paddy couldn’t hold a snort of humor back as he stretched his hand out to pull his friend off the floor.

  “That’s the reaction I had too,” he murmured.

  “You sure?”

  “Found more of them.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I told Marybeth to move in while she was pregnant, but that her ass was out once my daughter was born. I even talked to a lawyer, was gonna drag her to court to keep Annie if I had to. Had figured out that I had to get my act together by then, so I hoped to God I’d find a way to talk to Jenny, make her understand. Stupid bloody fool. She didn’t want me anyway.”

  “Paddy –”

  “She got married, Gibson. Hated the shithead, but she wanted him, and I stepped back to give her that.”

  “I’m not sure she loved him, Pad. Surprised the hell out of me when they got engaged. Joke too, he thought they were breaking up.”

  “They stayed married for a while.”

  “Marybeth lived in your house for a while, Pad.”

  “Miserable years, man. Hated her guts intensely and had to pretend shit was okay because of Annie. Relieved like you wouldn’t believe it when she packed up and left.”

  “We all knew that, or suspected, at least. None of us understood why you didn’t just tell her to leave, Paddy.”

  “I worked a lot. Annie needed a mother.”

  Gib scoffed, and Paddy straightened.

  “She wasn’t much of a mother but –”

  “Do not give me that shit, Padraig. Not when Annie spent every afternoon, and every evening you were away with a woman who loved her. Who fed her and taught her how to cook. Helped out with her homework. Put band-aids on her knees and talked to her about shit.”

  Paddy leaned his elbows on his knees and let his head fall forward on an exhale.

  “Jenny.”

  “She even bought her first tampons.”

  “What?”

  “She did.”

  “How the –”

  “Walked into them in the grocery store as they were… contemplating options. Annie turned an interesting shade of pink, but Jen just looked at her and said calmly,” Gib paused, grinned at the memory, and continued in a high-pitched voice, “Annie. Gibson is a grown-up man, and he knows women menstruate, so he will not be shocked or say something that makes either of us uncomfortable.”

  Paddy couldn’t stop himself. He started laughing. Jesus, that was his Jenny alright.

  “What the hell did you do?”

  “Told Annie she should go with Jenny’s advice since she menstruated a lot more than me, but that I liked the pink box because of the swirly flowers on it,” Gibson said and barked out a short laugh. “Walked away thanking the Lord I only got boys.”

  “Fast thinking,” Paddy chuckled.

  “Desperate thinking,” Gibson corrected him. “Jenny did shit like that all the time, Pad. Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

  His chest felt tight suddenly when he realized that he hadn’t known all of what Gibson was telling him, but he’d known. And he’d just let it happen.

  “I knew,” muttered feeling like even more of an idiot than he had before.

  “I still don’t get it, Paddy. You messed things up back then, but it wasn’t all your fault, and she made mistakes too. What I don’t get is why you haven’t done shit since Marybeth moved out. Hell, she kicked Martin out about the same time.”

  “Fucking weird, Gib. It was the same weekend.”

  “No shit?”

  “Jenny went away, and you weren't living here, but even you must have seen she was different when she got back. Kept to herself. Joke was worried as shit about her. I tried to talk to her a few times which only made her pull back, and I figured she needed time to get over the divorce.”

  “And then…” Gibson prompted when he didn’t continue.

  “Things settled. I don't know. Things with Marybeth were so fucked up, and at first, I just needed…” he trailed off and wondered how much he should share.

  Then he decided that he’d better just get all of it off his chest. Not talking about it had gotten him nowhere so why the hell not throw it all out?

  ***

  Jenny

  “Can I say something?” Lee asked when I’d rambled for a while without making any sense at all.

  I watched her mutely.

  “Why won’t Paddy just call this Doug person and tell him you two called it quits but you still don’t want to be the reigning queen of an organization which I must say has the coolest name I’ve ever heard?”

  “What?”

  “The Wolves MC. Just imagine the tattoos those guys must have.”

  “Lee!”

  “Although since you’ve had some fun with a few of the Wolf-brethren – and again, way cool name – you’d know more about that than me.”

  “Lee!”

  “What?”

  “Paddy?”

  She smiled softly and rubbed her hands gently along my upper arms.

  “Sweetie,” she murmured. “Didn’t you realize that Paddy could call this whole shit off immediately?” she asked, and added pointedly, “If he wanted to.”

  No. I had not realized that at all.

  “The whole thing sounds a bit juvenile,” Lee said.

  It did actually. I still didn’t know what to say.

  “He got caught off guard. He told you so himself, but the drive back is more than an hour. He’s a clever man so either he went completely off the rails because someone else suddenly wanted to touch his nice and shiny toy, or else he calmed down and figured it out but decided that his toy would soon be old and dusty, so it was time to pick it off the shelf and start playing with it.”

  I blinked.

  “Lee?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Your analogies fucking sucks.”

  “Whatever,” she said breezily. “The question is; if he wants to pick the toy –”

  “Lee.”

  “Right. If Paddy wants to do the nasty. With you. What will you do?”

  Yikes. She went from zero to hundred without blinking.

  She was also very much on point.

  “I’m not sure that’s what he wants,” I countered.

  “But if?” she asked.

  “Faking some old ladylike relationship doesn’t mean –”

  “But. If?” she repeated with a little bit of steel in her voice.

  It felt like her brown eyes anchored me while I made my mind up, and my lips twitched with a small grin. Paddy had put us in a strange situation, and I didn’t know if he’d done it deliberately or just from a knee-jerk reaction to something another alpha male had thrown out, but it really
didn’t matter. If it meant I got the chance to have a fling with him, I’d grab it. He was the one who pushed us into this whole mess, so I’d make him promise we’d remain friends no matter what, but if it all meant I got to be a little bit naked with him, then yeah. I totally would.

  “If that’s what he wants, then I might just take him up on that offer,” I said and added with a wider grin, “I might even push him in that direction.”

  “Okay,” she said calmly. “For what it’s worth, I think you should.”

  I blinked. She’d suggested more than once that I should do what I’d just said I’d do, and I’d always told her I wasn’t interested. I’d lied, but she’d never seemed to suspect it.

  “I don’t know what it is, but there’s something between the two of you. Like a sparkle, or something.” She paused and grinned. “Plus, I do yoga with him, so I’ve seen what he looks like in tights.”

  She wiggled her brows, and I felt the muscles in my shoulders relax. Yes, I thought. I’d made a decision, and it felt like I had a stupid swarm of butterflies in my belly, but I wouldn’t chicken out. I’d tell Paddy we’d go ahead and pretend I was his girlfriend, or whatever he wanted to call it except old lady which was a term I did not like. Since I knew him, I also suspected strongly that this would lead to us ending up in bed, and I’d make sure I enjoyed what time we got together.

  “Great,” Lee cut into my thoughts. “Now that we sorted that out let's dissect his rant, word for word. And then figure out what you'll wear.”

  “Wear.”

  “Dinner? Paddy? Looking like an old rag versus looking like a hot mama-jama?”

  “What’s a mama-jama?”

  She grinned at me, and when she did, I realized that the fog clouding my brain since Paddy started shouting at me had disappeared. I had calmed down and sorted my head out, which was precisely what she'd intended.

  “I have no clue,” she said. “But you’re gonna look like one.”

  I started laughing, gave her a one-armed hug, and then we went through Paddy's rant a few times. And then we debated the merits of my low-scooped pink Harley tee which did wonders for a cleavage that honestly wasn't incredibly impressive, versus the new, black halter top which made my arms look friggin’ awesome.

  ***

  Padraig

  “Oh, Paddy…” Gibson said, with both pain and pity in his eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  “I get that you don’t want every man and his dog to know, but I think you should tell Jenny.”

  “I know.”

  There really wasn't much more to say after that, so they sat in silence for a while, both men deep in thought.

  “Good thing you’re were doing a lot of the construction work yourself back then.”

  “What?” Paddy asked.

  “Jesus, the calluses you must have had. No one would have noticed though, with you building shit all day long.”

  To Paddy’s surprise, Gibson’s eyes were suddenly full of held back laughter.

  “You’re joking about it?”

  “It’s almost twenty years ago by now, Pad. Yeah, I’m joking about it.”

  “Okay,” Paddy muttered.

  It had actually been funny, but he wasn’t going to tell Gib that because it would open up to a flood of stupid jokes. On his behalf.

  “Speaking about twenty years…”

  “Seventeen.”

  “Why have you still not tried to –”

  Paddy threw his hands up in a frustrated gesture. He didn’t want to answer, but he did anyway.

  “I don’t fucking know. Once things settled down, we just… settled. We’re good friends, and she’s never given any indication she’s interested in me like that. Don’t want to destroy what we have because what we have is good too. Plus, Joke would have a shit-hemorrhage.”

  “Paddy.”

  “What?”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  Paddy turned his head to the side to look straight into Gibson’s eyes. With that question, Gib had hit the core of the whole goddamned mess. He closed his eyes for a second, and then he told the truth.

  “Fucking it up.”

  Gibson’s face softened, and his mouth twitched a little, but it wasn’t mockery. If anything, it was compassion, which would have surprised a lot of people because Gib wasn’t exactly known for his gentle side. They had been friends for a long time, though, so even though Gibson covered it up carefully, Paddy knew he had a soft core beneath all of his well-known badassness.

  “Good. A little fear will keep you on your toes now that you’ve made your move,” Gibson said calmly.

  “What? I haven’t –”

  “Sure you have.”

  “Gibs –”

  “You’re gonna let Doug have her?”

  “Hell no.”

  The answer was out there before he could stop himself and his voice had been a lot rougher than he would have liked. Gibson immediately raised his brows in a small but damned annoying I told you so-move.

  “What did you tell her?”

  “Asked her if she wanted him.”

  “And?”

  “She says no.”

  “And?”

  Christ how Gibson could be a pain in the ass when he felt like it. Paddy also felt like a moron suddenly, sitting there with a swarm of fucking butterflies in his goddamned belly, so he scowled to hide it. He could tell by the look on Gib’s face that he hadn't hidden shit and that was annoying too.

  “Told her she had the afternoon to figure out which way she wants to go with this. We’re having dinner at my place tonight to talk.”

  “There you go. You’ve made your move. It’s not as if you couldn’t just give Doug a call, tell him Jenny broke shit off with you but still doesn’t want him.”

  Paddy’s mouth twitched because that thought had indeed occurred to him, but he had discarded it immediately. Damn if Gibson wasn’t right. He’d made his move.

  “Now you have a choice to make too, Pad.”

  “What?”

  “Either you kick your ass into gear and go get her, or I will put you in a body cast.”

  “What the hell?” Paddy snorted, but Gibson wasn't laughing.

  “I am not fucking joking, Paddy. I get why taking a chance scares the shit out of you, but I don’t care. I know what I found with Lee, and you need to man up because you’re gonna go after it too.”

  Why did he feel like an even bigger fool suddenly? It wasn’t like he was afraid. Or not much, anyway.

  “What if I mess shit up?” he asked, knowing it sounded defensive because that’s how he felt.

  “What if you don’t?”

  Yeah. What if he didn’t?

  “You’re Padraig Callaghan. It’s not as if you don’t know how to handle a woman. I get that this is different, but Pad, it also isn’t. You’re a fucking fantastic friend and an above decent man. Always has been, so just be you. You got this.”

  “Giving me a pep-talk, Gibson?”

  “You seem to need one.”

  Damned if he didn’t have the best friend in the entire world because he had needed one. He’d let the years just slide by, with a lot of what-if’s and excuses, but here they were, and Gibson was right. This time, he’d go after her.

  That decision pushed another wave of relief, but also anticipation through him.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about all of this,” he said quietly. “Pretty stupid of me.”

  “Well, you always were pretty,” Gibson retorted, and they grinned.

  “I won’t mess up.”

  “I know.”

  “Jesus,” Paddy said and made a face. “Look at us. Two middle-aged gentlemen sitting here talking about our feelings.”

  “Mostly your feelings actually.”

  Paddy snorted out laughter and relaxed into the couch, tilting his head back to face the ceiling and wondering when one was supposed to feel grown-up. The date of birth on his driver’s license was a damned clear indication he w
as one, but the difference between being able to make responsible and rational choices appropriate for his age and actually feeling like an adult had never been so glaringly clear to him before. He felt like a fucking teenager; nervous and jittery and excited at the same time. What the hell was up with that?

  “You want another drink?”

  “Hell, yes.”

  Gibson poured a healthy dose of liquor in his glass, served himself, and then they drank in silence.

  “You’re gonna have to talk to Joke, man.”

  Shit. He would have to talk to Jenny’s brother.

  “He won’t be happy.”

  “Probably not, but we have to find a way to sort that. You do not want this to end up in a place where she has to choose between the two of you.”

  “I’d lose,” Paddy murmured, knowing how tight the Tucker siblings were.

  “I’m not sure you would,” Gibson protested. “Doesn’t matter, though. Either choice would break her, so you’d both lose.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” Paddy muttered, not looking forward to sharing what was going on when he wasn’t even sure himself what the hell was going to happen.

  “Can I go get them now?”

  “What?”

  “Called them when I saw you coming, they’re sitting in Mac’s car outside and by the way my phone’s been buzzing in my pocket, they’re not too happy about it.”

  ***

  Paddy kept it simple and shared that he'd publicly be Jenny's gentleman caller for a little while until Doug had settled down. The old-fashioned phrase did not give him the desired chuckle.

  Joke just narrowed his eyes and asked calmly what the hell that meant, so he added that it would involve taking Jenny on dates, sharing how it was no big deal, they would take it from there and see what happened, hoping Joke would settle for this.

  He didn’t, so Gibson butted in and said it would be good for Jenny to go out with someone like Paddy instead of joining the Wolves on her own for their festivities. Joke had unfortunately albeit predictably heard about what went on at the Wolf compound, and he was not happy to hear about his sister’s participation in their events.