“Sit!”
For a split second, Jennie debated whether to keep walking. Unfortunately, her mother still had a tendency to use grounding to keep Jennie in line. She sighed and walked back to the table and sat down.
“I had hoped you’d be mature enough to understand. Jennie, please! Don’t make this any harder than it is.”
“You’re the one who’s making it hard,” Jennie snapped back. “You’re the one who’s being immature. You said you’d love Dad forever. You said marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. We were doing okay …”
“Your father is gone. He doesn’t live here anymore, and we’ve got to stop pretending. Can’t you see that?”
Jennie folded her arms tight across her chest and stared at a bacon crumb on the plate.
“And, we were not doing okay, Jennie. We’ve been miserable … I was miserable. When Pastor John suggested I see a counselor, I did. I’ve made some serious mistakes with you and Nick, letting you hold on to the hope that your father was alive. He isn’t coming back. He’s gone. I’ve accepted that and said goodbye. You need to say goodbye too.”
“No!” Jennie wanted to get up and run. Or throw her dishes at the wall. Mom’s words hung in the room like lead weights. “Why are you doing this? Why couldn’t you leave things the way they were?” Jennie had barely finished the last sentence when something broke inside her. She pushed her palms tight against her eyes, but the tears squeezed out anyway.
Mom scooted her chair toward Jennie and patted her head. She always did that when Jennie was upset. It felt good being held by her again, like when she was little, but it made her cry even harder. Jennie didn’t want to feel good. She didn’t want to cry.
“Poor baby,” her mother crooned. “It’s going to be all right. We’re going to be all right. Gloria said it would be hard at first, but once you talk to her …”
Jennie did move then—fast. She jerked to her feet and sent the milk and coffee flying. Mom jumped up, grabbed a towel, and started mopping the table. Jennie turned away from her and ran.
“Jennie! Get back here!”
Jennie stopped at the doorway and turned to face her mother. “No way! I’m not talking to some dumb shrink. You shouldn’t be seeing her either. She’s turning you against Daddy. She might have brainwashed you, but not me.”
“Jennifer McGrady!” Mom yelled as Jennie ran out of the room. She caught up with her at the landing, grabbed her arm, and spun Jennie around. The strength in her mother’s grip surprised her. “This attitude of yours has to stop, young lady. I love you, but I’m not going to allow you to run this family. I’d like nothing more than for you and Nick to accept and love Michael as much as I do. I’m willing to give you some time, but you need to know right now that if I decide to marry Michael, I’ll do it with or without your approval.”
Her grip loosened and Jennie pulled away. Her mother’s words followed her up the stairs. “You have an appointment with Gloria on Monday afternoon. You will be there.”
Over the weekend Jennie had taken Dad’s things out three times and written him another letter. By the time Monday arrived, Jennie was ready to combat the shrink.
In the counseling office at church, Jennie talked to Gloria about school, how she loved taking care of Nick, and how well she and her mother usually got along. Since Mom had said that holding on to the hope her dad would come back was “unhealthy,” Jennie first told Gloria that she missed her father. She even said she could understand how her mom felt—which was a lie, of course. Jennie didn’t think she could ever understand how Mom could turn against Dad and even think about marrying Michael.
Jennie didn’t mention her box full of Dad’s things or the letters. She didn’t tell her about the plan to find him this summer. She was afraid Gloria would declare her a nut case. Near the end of the session Gloria tilted her head and leaned forward. “Losing your father has been hard for you.”
I haven’t lost him, Jennie wanted to argue. He’s still alive, I know it. Aloud she said, “I’m doing okay.”
She smiled. “Yes, but from what your mother has told me, you both have some things to work out. I’d like to see you once a week for a while. We have several camps coming up this summer that are geared to help adolescents deal with grief issues.”
“I’m spending the summer with my grandmother,” Jennie said. The familiar ache began to spread through her again. They wouldn’t dare keep her from staying with Gram, would they? They’d better not, Jennie decided. If they try it, I’m leaving.
“Your mother mentioned that, but I think we can still work some therapy in. In fact we have a camp beginning June first. We still have some spaces available. Why don’t we sign you up?”
Jennie didn’t like the idea of them talking about her, or making plans for her life, but she kept quiet.
By the time Jennie got out to the car, her hands were shaking so hard she could barely get the key into the lock. Something about the way Gloria had talked made her wonder if Mom would make her go to therapy instead of to Florida with Gram. She couldn’t let that happen. Somehow in the next two weeks Jennie had to make them think she’d made a miraculous recovery. She’d go to the stupid camp if she had to—at least it would get her away from Mom and Michael for a week. By then Gram would be home for sure. They would go to Florida, and maybe Mom would forget about the counseling. Maybe, once Mom talked to Gram, she’d forget about Michael too.
Jennie hated lying, but she hated what her mother was doing even more. What else could she do? “Gram,” Jennie whispered, “I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, but please come home. I need you.”
For the next couple of days Jennie almost stopped worrying. She had called the courthouse and discovered that as long as Mom was still legally married to Dad, she and Michael couldn’t get married. Besides that, Mom had said she thought it was probably too soon to get married and that Nick and Jennie needed to get to know Michael better.
On Wednesday afternoon, Jennie let herself relax and even managed to have fun when Michael took her, Lisa, Kurt, and Nick to the amusement park. I’m not selling out, she told herself. I just don’t want to get into another big hassle with Mom. Except for asking how the counseling session had gone with Gloria, they hadn’t talked about Dad.
Mom talked a lot about Michael, though, and Jennie tried not to listen. And she tried not to notice how happy they were together or how much Nick liked him.
On Thursday Jennie was feeling almost normal again. Mom had invited the whole family to dinner so they could get better acquainted with Michael. As soon as they’d gathered in the living room, Lisa cornered Jennie in the hall. “I’ve got to tell you something,” she whispered. “Let’s go to your room.”
Once upstairs, Lisa shut the door and leaned against it. “I think you’d better sit down.”
“What’s going on … it’s not Gram is it? Has something happened?” Jennie plopped onto the bed. She could tell by Lisa’s expression that the news was not going to be good.
“Not Gram,” Lisa answered. “Mom said the sheriff had talked with Gram and she’s fine. This is about something else. Ah … has your mom said anything about Michael lately—I mean about getting married?”
“She said he’d asked her to marry him, but she can’t unless Dad is declared legally dead. And that can’t happen for two years. Mom’s still married to Dad, and if I have anything to say about it, she always will be.”
“That’s what I was afraid of. Personally, I think you’re wrong. I’d think you would want your mom to be happy, and besides, Michael’s really nice.”
Jennie glared at her.
“But I think I know how you feel,” she said quickly. “If anything happened to my dad, I’d probably feel the same way. Anyway, I overheard your mom and mine talking this afternoon. I think your mom and Michael are planning on getting engaged.”
“But they can’t,
” Jennie insisted, swallowing back the panic rising inside of her. “It would be wrong. She’s still legally married to Dad.”
“They can now.” Lisa’s words hit Jennie with the force of a shotgun blast. “Your mom filed for a divorce.”
7
Lisa sat on the bed next to Jennie and draped an arm across her shoulder. “Bummer, huh?”
Jennie didn’t answer. What could she say? This was worse than anything she could have imagined. She felt numb, as if all the life had been sucked out of her by some invisible alien.
“I can’t believe your mom didn’t tell you.”
“I think she tried, but I wasn’t listening. I was so sure …”
“What are you going to do?”
Jennie could only stare at Lisa, as if she were in shock.
The announcement came after dinner. A kind of numbness settled over her and lessened the impact when her mom and Michael told the family they were officially engaged.
“I couldn’t talk your mother into marrying me, so we compromised and settled on an engagement,” Michael had said. “Now all I have to do is get her to set a date.” The way he had looked at Mom nearly gagged Jennie. She could imagine how her mom felt. He was so smooth and so nice. No wonder Mom was falling for him. Oh, God, Jennie pleaded. Make her wait. Remind her how much she loved Dad. I want my dad, God. Not Michael.
When it was Nick’s bedtime, Jennie offered to put him to bed; then after a short story and prayers, she escaped to her room. She doubted Mom would even notice her absence downstairs, and she knew Lisa would understand.
Jennie flopped onto the window seat and leaned back against the pillows. Staring outside into the darkness, she thought again about what she could do. At least, Jennie thought, if I could be with Gram, I wouldn’t have to watch. But what if Gram doesn’t come home? She shook her head to cancel the dismal thought. In defiance, Jennie got up and finished packing the rest of her suitcase.
When she’d finished, she snapped the suitcase shut and set it beside her door, then pulled Dad’s things from the closet shelf. She put on his old hat and scarf and took the souvenirs out one by one, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Jennie picked up his picture and waited for some kind of reassurance. Nothing.
Setting his picture aside, Jennie tried to block out the conflicting voices that filled her head. Face facts, one said. Your father isn’t coming back.
Your mom deserves to be happy, argued another.
You promised your dad you’d hold things together. You messed up.
The voices went on until sleep wiped them away …
In the distance Jennie heard bells. The backyard was full of flowers and ribbon streamers. Mom stood beside Michael wearing a creamy satin gown. Michael put a ring on her finger and bent to kiss her. Jennie felt a presence at her side and looked up. “Dad!”
“How could you let this happen, Princess?” He frowned. His sad, blue eyes ripped at her heart.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Jennie tried to put her arms around him and felt only air.
“So am I, Princess. So am I.”
Jennie grabbed for his hand. “Wait!” she cried to the fading image. “Daddy, don’t leave me. I need you.”
“I can’t stay. There’s no place for me here. You have Michael now.”
“No! Daddy, please, don’t go … please …” The bells rang harder and louder. Finally she awoke enough to recognize the sound and reached for the phone.
“Hello?” Jennie mumbled into the mouthpiece.
“Were you sleeping? It’s only nine, I thought you’d still be up.”
“Ryan.” Jennie unfolded her cramped legs and groaned. “I must have fallen asleep.” She rubbed her eyes. The news about Mom filing for divorce and announcing her engagement spilled out of her. Then she told him about the dream. She was glad when he didn’t remind her of how childish she sounded.
“Hey, listen,” Ryan said in a soothing tone. “Your dad would never blame you for what your mom’s doing.”
“I should have stopped her.” Jennie cleared her dad’s stuff off the bed and flopped back onto it.
“It’s not your fault. I don’t know if it will help, but I was really shook when Mom divorced my dad. I was only eight, but I figured the whole thing was my fault. Like if I’d been a better kid it wouldn’t have happened. Kids do that kind of thing. Blame themselves. At least that’s what Mom told me.”
Jennie let out a sigh that came from somewhere around her toes. “Thanks. I know you’re right, but I still feel like I ruined everything. Besides, the dream was right, in a way. If Mom marries Michael and Dad comes back, he won’t be able to stay.”
“Not with you, but you’ll be able to see him.”
“I suppose.”
“Hey … listen, I called to tell you about the house.”
“Is Gram home?”
“No, but I thought I’d better let you know what happened.”
There was a long pause, and Jennie prodded, “So, are you going to tell me or what?”
“You’ve already been through a lot today …”
“Ryan, don’t do this to me. Talk.”
“Okay, okay. Anyway, I went over to get her mail and put it on her kitchen counter like I usually do. When I walked in I heard something in the living room and then heard the front door close.”
“Did you see who it was?”
“It was getting dark, but I saw this big guy running down the road. He drove off in a dark-colored car, maybe navy blue or black. I couldn’t see what make, and it was too far away to read the license. I went after him, but by the time I got to the road he was gone.”
“Did you call the sheriff?”
“Yeah. They dusted the place for prints, but the guy must have been wearing gloves.”
“Did he steal anything?”
“No. They figured I surprised him, and he took off before he could take anything. They’re going to beef up their patrol of the neighborhood.” He hesitated, then added, “I noticed something odd, though. Someone had switched off the answering machine.”
“You mean the burglar was listening to her messages?”
“Looks that way. I checked around and nothing else seems to have been disturbed.”
“Weird. It doesn’t make sense. He must have been after something else. That settles it. I’ve got to get down there. I need to search the house. I’ll be able to tell if anything’s missing. And if the guy comes back, I could …”
“What? Get yourself killed? No way, Jennie. Not a good idea. Besides, your mom will never let you stay down here alone. And even if she did, what would you do about school? I know it’s hard to do, but we really ought to let Sheriff Taylor handle things.”
“I suppose you’re right.” An idea had begun to form, but Jennie couldn’t tell Ryan about it, not yet anyway. She thanked him for calling, and he mumbled something about having sweet dreams. Unfortunately, the way things were going Jennie had a feeling they’d be about as sweet as lemon juice.
The next morning Jennie told Mom she’d go to the counseling camp the first week of June, but only if Lisa could go along. Both Mom and Gloria agreed.
“This will be good for you,” Mom said. “I’m glad you’ve decided to go.”
Jennie felt like a scuz ball for what she was about to do. “Yeah, I’m sure everything will work out okay, Mom,” Jennie stated. That, at least, was the truth.
“No way,” Lisa muttered, digging into her bowl of chocolate-covered nuts and rich ice cream. “I don’t care if it’ll get me to the beach for a week. I won’t do it.”
“Lisa, you owe me. Think about all the times I’ve helped you with your homework.” Jennie had planned her escape to Gram’s house perfectly but had to convince Lisa to play her part.
“This has got to be the dumbest scheme you’ve ever come up with.” Lisa stretched
across Jennie’s bed on her stomach and shook her head.
Jennie wove her braid through her fingers and walked back and forth across the area rug in front of Lisa. “It will work. By the time Mom figures out what happened, I’ll have found Gram.” I hope. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. She could be in real trouble.” Jennie told Lisa about the answering machine and the mysterious stranger Ryan had seen leaving Gram’s house.
Lisa frowned and waved her spoon in the air. “Maybe you should talk to the police.”
“Ryan has been talking to Sheriff Taylor, but they haven’t come up with anything.”
“I think you’re making a big thing out of this. Gram called the Johnsons. She was fine.”
“What if someone made her call?” Jennie knelt in front of Lisa and looked her in the eye. “What if she’s being held prisoner and whoever is holding her wants us to believe she’s safe? Doesn’t it seem strange to you that Gram would call the Johnsons and the sheriff, but not us?”
“Maybe she tried to and we weren’t home.”
“We both have answering machines.” Jennie retrieved the note Gram had sent from her jeans pocket and handed it to Lisa. “Here, read this.”
Lisa read it and handed it back. “Where did this come from?”
“Gram mailed it the day she was due back from Canada. It’s postmarked Lincoln City. Something really strange is going on, and I need to get down there. Gram is trying to tell me something in this note, but I haven’t been able to figure out what.”
“I don’t know. I think you should show this to our parents.”
“Yeah, right. They’d just say Gram is getting old and forgetful. I even thought that at first. You’ve got to help me, Lisa. What if something really has happened to Gram? I need to get to her house. There might be some clues the sheriff has overlooked.”
Lisa sat up and folded her legs Indian-style. The frown on her forehead told Jennie her cousin was relenting. “Lisa,” she pleaded. “We’ve got to try. My plan will work—I know it will.”
“This is insane. How can I take your place at camp when we’re both registered?”
Too Many Secrets Page 5