‘That’s better,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Thank you, Maddie.’ She looked at Moss. ‘So. We can still break the Doomstone Sword?’
Moss nodded. His face was tight.
‘How?’ asked Roger, still simmering. ‘How are we going to break the blinking sword? Even with the real hammer, where do we go? We don’t know where they’ve gone.’
‘Actually, I have an idea where they’re going,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Wait here a moment, all of you.’ She wagged a finger at them and left the room.
Roger and Moss stared at each other. Maddie looked at both in turn and stuck out her tongue.
‘Make room on the table,’ said Lady Goodroom, returning with her arms full of rolled maps.
Roger and Moss cleared and wiped the table while Maddie helped Lady Goodroom to spread the maps. They placed pots on the corners to keep them flat.
‘This is my area of responsibility,’ said Lady Goodroom, waving a hand over the maps. ‘What we have to do is decide where they will first go to awaken the ogres.’
‘There are many standing stone sites where the ogres sleep,’ said Moss. ‘They cover all the lands and the islands of the four countries.’
‘They could be going anywhere,’ said Maddie, scratching at her short hair and releasing a shower of dust. ‘There are standing stones all over the place.’
‘There are some near here,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Look.’ She tapped a map with her finger. ‘That’s us. It must be within a reasonable distance.’
‘Ah, yes,’ said Moss, standing on tiptoe to look at the maps. ‘But many ogres also sleep in the lands of England and Wales and Ireland. Think of the Great Henge of Salisbury.’
‘Yes, yes,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘I know, I know. But it doesn’t make sense for Leatherhead to travel that far to begin the Awakening. They will start here, and then sweep down the country gathering more dwarves and ogres, getting stronger. Leatherhead found the Doomstone Sword in the south and brought it here. He wanted it here to bring you out, because of that spitting competition.’ Lady Goodroom looked at Moss for a few moments before continuing. ‘And so I think that I know where they are going...’
‘How can you know?’ asked Moss.
Roger and Maddie leaned their arms on the table and watched.
‘You told me, Captain Moss,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Remember when we spoke in the library about the Great Frog Gobbing Contest?’
‘I have the memory,’ said Moss, ‘but not the detail.’
Lady Goodroom continued. ‘You mentioned the name of the village where the competition was held – Fowlis Wester – a small village near Crieff, not far from here.’
‘So what?’ asked Roger, his chin resting in his hands.
‘Well,’ said Lady Goodroom, going to the map. ‘If I’m right, it’s where Leatherhead will go to start the Awakening.’
Moss shook his head. ‘Sounds roaky to me. You are grasping at a slippery eel.’
Lady Goodroom nodded her head. ‘But here’s the thing: I know the location of all the standing stones.’ She tapped the map. ‘It’s part of my job to know the exact sites, to make sure they’re not disturbed, not built on or anything like that. And Fowlis Wester, here, is one of the sites.’ She paused. ‘This, I think, is where the ogres will first rise. He will start at the place of his great humiliation. Revenge!’
Maddie clapped her hands. ‘Well done, clever Aunty G.’
‘It is still—’ began Moss.
‘I know, I know,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘It’s not certain, but it’s a reasonable assumption? You know him better than anyone, Captain Moss. But even in the short, horrible time I spent with him I got a strong sense of his obsessive hatred and desire for revenge.’ She nodded. ‘The Great Frog Gobbing Contest is where it all started. That’s where he’ll begin the Awakening. I’m sure I’m right.’
‘Hmmm,’ said Moss, nodding at Lady Goodroom. ‘I fear it may be an angry badger chase, but I have nothing better. Let us go to Fowlis Wester.’
‘Thank you,’ said Lady Goodroom, and she blew out a long breath. ‘Should we leave now?’
‘Yes,’ said Moss. ‘We have a little time to get there. The gorefiends must return to a graveyard. They will begin when it is daylight on the morrow.’
‘Right,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘It’s now a race against time to save the world. Let’s get on with it before it’s too late.’ She pointed at Roger and Maddie. ‘You two remain here. Captain Moss, come with me. We have things to do!’
Roger turned back to the table as Lady Goodroom and Moss left the room. He gazed at the map and found his home town, Perth. He placed a finger on it. ‘That’s where I live,’ he said to Maddie, leaning on the table beside him. ‘Or at least, that’s where I used to live.’
Maddie smiled at Roger and whispered back. ‘You’ll get home again, don’t worry.’
‘You were very brave,’ said Roger. ‘I could never have done that. Driving through the doors.’
‘I was, wasn’t I?’ Maddie gave a nervous giggle. ‘What a mess, though. And the owner of the tractor won’t be very happy when he comes to collect it tomorrow and finds that it’s missing.’
Lady Goodroom came back into the room, looking for her car keys. Moss was right behind her. ‘Ah, yes,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘While we’re gone, Maddie, can you tell the farmer who owns that tractor that we’ll make sure we pay him back.’
‘I won’t, because I’m coming with you,’ said Maddie, standing up straight and staring determinedly at Lady Goodroom.
‘Maddie, you’re not—’
‘Yes I am!’ Maddie spoke very calmly. ‘You’d all be dead if it wasn’t for me. I got that tractor. I drove it. I saved you. My plan worked. Yours didn’t even get started! I am not staying behind.’
Roger looked up at Lady Goodroom and Maddie facing each other.
‘No, Maddie,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘You have to stay here, it’s too dangerous.’
‘I’m coming with you,’ said Maddie. ‘And nothing will stop me.’
‘But Maddie, dear,’ said Lady Goodroom, holding out both hands. ‘Uncle Pen. You have to look after him.’
‘Put a healing spell on him. That’ll keep him safe while we are away. I’ll be much more use with you than at home.’
Lady Goodroom looked at Moss and Roger. They both nodded.
‘She may be a younghede human,’ said Moss, ‘but she is no tirly-puffkin.’
Lady Goodroom sighed. ‘Fine.’ She put her hand on Maddie’s shoulder. ‘But you must do as you are told. Right, we’re leaving in five minutes! Everyone have a quick wash and brush-up.’
As Lady Goodroom and Maddie left the room, Moss stood in front of Roger.
‘I thought you had a full understanding of the hammer,’ he growled.
‘Nope,’ said Roger. ‘No idea – I just thought we were playing a daft game.’
‘Hummnnumph!’ Moss’s face darkened again. ‘I do not play... daft games!’ He muttered under his breath for a few moments before speaking again. ‘I forget that most humans are not clever. They are easily pitchkettled. Dwarves have the intelligence. And, of course, merry-go-down had been taken.’
Roger looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath.
‘You know you are still the one who has to break the Doomstone Sword?’ Moss asked.
Roger breathed out slowly and looked at the dwarf. ‘Why? You could get someone much better than me.’
‘No doubt,’ said Moss. ‘But once I have named a Destroyer, they cannot be un-named. Not until the deed is completed. And my instinct when we first met is right. You are a warrior, Destroyer.’
‘I’m not,’ said Roger. ‘Why can’t you just say – OK, it’s not you any more, it’s you – and pick someone else? Who else knows it’s me, apart from Lady G, Penrose and Maddie?’
‘I know!’ thundered Moss. ‘And a dwarf keeps his word, unlike humans. And I have a reputation for sound judgment. I would
rather eat a vanished turnip than have dwarves say I was wrong. You are the Destroyer.’ He turned round and swept out of the kitchen, trailing dust.
CHAPTER
Eighteen
‘It’s this way,’ said Lady Goodroom, as her old Jaguar saloon left the A9 on the outskirts of Perth and took the road to Crieff. ‘We carry on past Methven until we see the sign for Fowlis Wester, then it’s on the right.’
Roger sat in the front passenger seat clutching the real hammer in both hands. He was squeezing the hammer so tightly that his hands were tingling. He tried to relax his grip but the tingling was still there. Perhaps some magic was leaking out?
Moss and Maddie were in the back of the car. Earlier, when Lady Goodroom had switched on the car radio, Moss had jumped off his seat and banged his head on the roof. He was still muttering and growling, but he had stopped swearing.
Daylight was just beginning to creep over the countryside.
‘That’s Methven,’ said Lady Goodroom, switching off the car lights. ‘We’re close.’
‘There,’ said Roger, moments later, pointing at a signpost. ‘Fowlis Wester.’
Lady Goodroom slowed down and indicated right.
‘Here goes,’ said Lady Goodroom. Taking a deep breath, she turned the steering wheel and drove up a narrow road. At the end of the road stood a small village with a red stone standing in the middle of a grassy area.
‘Is that—?’ began Maddie.
‘No, no,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘That’s a copy of an old stone. We are looking for something much older. Anyway, it’s not in the village, it’s further out.’ She glanced at Roger. ‘Should I have stayed with Penrose?’
‘No, ladyship,’ rumbled Moss from the back of the car. ‘We have a task to undertake.’
‘As soon as we’ve broken the Doomstone Sword,’ said Maddie, leaning forward and patting Lady Goodroom’s shoulder, ‘then we’ll be home again.’
‘Yes,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘I know you are right, but—’ She sniffed loudly and accelerated through Fowlis Wester.
They continued up a twisting road into the countryside, leaving the village behind them.
‘What’s that?’ asked Roger, pointing left. ‘There’s a notice there.’
Lady Goodroom stopped beside a low wooden gate with a chain and a padlock lying beside it. The gate was wide open.
The notice read: Conservation area – all dogs must be kept on a lead.
‘Look,’ hissed Lady Goodroom, pointing. ‘There.’
Roger undid his seat belt and wound down his window. In the distance he could see the outlines of two buildings with a large truck standing beside them. Near the truck was a single standing stone and the outlines of several fallen ones some distance away. Small figures were moving around. One of the figures was holding something that shone brightly.
‘By the piddling puddocks of Lochranza,’ muttered Moss, his face pressed hard against the rear passenger window. ‘We are too late. The Awakening has begun.’
‘What do we do now?’ asked Roger, turning in his seat.
‘We attack,’ said Lady Goodroom, ramming the car into gear and accelerating through the open gate.
The car shot forward. Roger rocked back in his seat and refastened his seat belt. The car began to bounce along the track, faster and faster. Pheasants, disturbed by the noise and spraying earth, flew out of the heather on either side of the dirt road.
‘Look!’ Lady Goodroom nodded furiously at the windscreen.
Roger could see Leatherhead Barnstorm standing beside the only upright stone. He was holding the Doomstone Sword and looking in their direction.
‘Get ready with the hammer, Roger,’ shouted Lady Goodroom. ‘I’ll aim straight for Leatherhead Barnstorm. You’ll only get one chance.’
‘OK,’ Roger shouted back. He squeezed the hammer in his right fist and felt for the door handle with his left hand.
‘May your blow be true,’ said Moss from the back seat. ‘Go for the sword. I’ll destroy gorefiends, and the treacherous butler snort-pig.’
‘Go, Roger!’ screamed Maddie. ‘I’ll fight them for you!’
Roger opened the passenger door and held it tightly as the car bucked and swayed...
Lady Goodroom swerved off the dirt road on to the grass, aiming the car at Leatherhead Barnstorm...
And gorefiends suddenly appeared, jumping out from the heather and gorse bushes. They attacked the car, jabbing at the tyres with their spears.
There was a loud bang as a tyre blew. The car swerved and began to roll over. Everything seemed to spin in slow motion. Small coins rattled against the windscreen and an empty cardboard box hit Roger on the ear.
In fright, he dropped the hammer and let go of the open door. The hammer bounced out of the car, and there was a terrible grating noise as the passenger door was ripped off. The car smashed down on to its roof and stopped moving.
Roger was totally confused. Something was very wrong but he couldn’t quite understand what it was. There was a hissing noise coming from somewhere, and a dripping sound.
‘Everyone all right?’ asked Lady Goodroom in a muffled voice.
‘Th-think so,’ said Roger, who was just beginning to realise that he was hanging upside down.
‘Wow,’ said Maddie. ‘That was awesome.’
‘Bellringing blazes!’ shouted Moss, lying on the inside of the roof. ‘What kind of wheeled driver are you? I bash my head more times than I have worrywort soup for my break-of-fast!’
‘Not my fault, Captain,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘A tyre blew. Gorefiends, I think. And you really should wear your seat belt. Now, I would appreciate it if someone would help me. I think I’m suffocating.’
Roger turned to look at Lady Goodroom. She too was upside down, but all Roger could see was an extremely large, knicker-covered bottom with two stout legs attached. He quickly looked away.
There was a noise from the outside and the remaining car doors were wrenched open. Roger could see the wrong-way-round face of a gorefiend leering at him.
‘Soon have you out, sir,’ said the gorefiend. ‘So sorry that you did not break your neck and die.’
Roger’s seat belt was cut and he was hauled, head first, out of the car. He stood breathing deeply for a few moments and then looked over to where Lady Goodroom, Maddie and Moss were being dragged out.
Lady Goodroom was dabbing at her nose with a handkerchief, while Moss was being stripped of his weapons. He had the same stricken look on his face that Roger had seen before – his dwarf friend was obviously once more under the power of the Doomstone Sword.
Maddie, meanwhile, was making faces and sticking out her tongue at the gorefiends surrounding them.
‘So, this time you come to me, eh?’ Leatherhead Barnstorm walked towards them, the sword leaning on his shoulder. ‘Your timing is good. Before you die you will see my triumph.’
‘What?’ asked Lady Goodroom, pulling at her skirt and staggering slightly as she looked about. ‘Where’s that cowardly butler? I’m going to do something very nasty to him.’
‘Over there,’ said Leatherhead, pointing at a valley in the distance. ‘Meeting my army. Bringing them to me – and to the Doomstone Sword.’
They all looked towards the valley.
‘I don’t see anything,’ said Maddie.
There was a signal from Leatherhead. Gorefiends prodded Roger and his companions towards the edge of the valley.
‘There, human fool,’ snarled Leatherhead. ‘Look. Do you see the battle lines for war?’
Roger looked again. He could just see two long lines of small figures moving through the tall grass. ‘Who are they?’
‘The dwarf army,’ gasped Moss. ‘They are marching to the power of the Doomstone Sword and the destruction of the human race.’
‘Can’t we stop them?’ asked Roger.
‘No!’ spluttered Moss, staggering closer to Roger. Sweat was running down his face as he
tried to resist the sword. ‘All dwarves are restrained by the Doomstone Sword spell.’ He moved even closer and hissed through his teeth: ‘Hammer?’
Roger’s head shook a fraction and his eyes flicked towards the upside-down car. Two gorefiends were standing on top of the underside, poking at the exhaust pipe with their spears.
‘Get it,’ hissed Moss.
Maddie, who had been watching the exchange between the two of them, put her fingers in her mouth and gave a piercing whistle. ‘Hey, little creeps!’ she shouted, sticking her arms out at crazy angles as she started dancing and singing. ‘Look what I can do!’
The gorefiends turned to look at the dancing girl.
Roger began to edge sideways towards the burning car...
There was a loud whooomph as the Jaguar blew up.
A flaming gorefiend shot over Roger’s head – it was making an eeeeeee-hot-hot-hot-eeee noise as it flew into the valley and exploded in a puff of smoke. The other gorefiend had vanished.
‘That didn’t go well,’ said Maddie. She stopped dancing and pointed at the nearest gorefiend. ‘Do you want to fight?’
The gorefiend lunged with its spear, and Maddie quickly jumped back.
‘Just try that without your spear,’ she challenged, but she kept her distance.
Roger looked at the pillar of smoke. He was desperately trying to remember where he had dropped the hammer. If it was inside the car... But no, wait! Just before the door had been ripped off... he was almost positive that it had fallen out on to the grass.
‘Look!’ yelled Leatherhead, laughing. ‘You sent a signal.’
The two lines of marching dwarves were joining up and heading towards the black smoke from the burning car.
Lady Goodroom tut-tutted as she looked at the marching army. ‘All of this,’ she said, half to herself, ‘because of a disgusting spitting game between two bone-headed dwarves.’
Leatherhead waved the Doomstone Sword in the air and screamed aloud: ‘Come! Come! Come, my brothers! Join the Sword! The destruction of the human race is now.’ He stopped shouting and pointed. ‘Look! Look who leads the dwarves of your doom. Queen Gwri.’
Mossbelly MacFearsome and the Dwarves of Doom Page 9