by Jess Bryant
“I can’t, Jem. We can’t. Not like this. Not yet.”
And just like that, with a few simple words, he was forced to watch that spark recede from her eyes. That awful sadness began to permeate her again and she tried to slink back from him. He refused to let her, refused to let her think that he was rejecting her when that was the furthest thing from the truth.
“I want to. I want you, but if I kiss you again I’m going to want you in my bed and if I have you in my bed, I’m going to want to tie you to me so I don’t ever lose you again.” He swallowed hard, “I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
Her eyes searched his face, her brows furrowing slightly, “You don’t get to decide what I’m ready for.”
He smiled at her argument, “Fine. I’m not ready for that right now. I need more time. We need more time before we make any big decisions.”
“Why?”
“Because the first time you gave yourself to me, I made you regret it and this time I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“I won’t.”
“You will.” He twirled her hair between his fingers, “If you make this decision when you’re vulnerable, you’ll regret it and after everything you’ve been through, baby, I don’t want you to have any more regrets.”
She pouted, “But I want you.”
Her honesty nearly wrecked him and he had to brush his lips over hers again quickly, “You’ll have me. Tomorrow. Next week. Next year. Whenever you’re ready, I’m yours.”
He bit his tongue. He wasn’t sure either of them was ready to face the rest of what he’d almost said. He’d always been hers. From the first time he’d touched her, he’d belonged to her. He hadn’t understood it then. Hell, he wasn’t sure he understood it now, but they belonged to each other. She was his and he’d hurt her once already. He hadn’t taken care of her. He hadn’t protected her and he couldn’t bear the thought of causing her pain again.
He’d spent five years living with the regret of the pain he’d caused her. He thought, maybe, she’d spent those years regretting him too. So now that they’d found their way back to each other, he wouldn’t let either of them regret what happened next.
Jemma ducked her head against his chest and sighed, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a really good guy Cash Bomar?”
He snorted, “Definitely not.”
“Then I’m glad I can be the first.”
Instead of arguing with her, he only hugged her and held her close again. He wasn’t sure he could be categorized as a good guy in anyone’s book. He wasn’t as bad as some but he also wasn’t as good as most. He’d tried though, since he lost this woman, or rather since he drove her away. He’d tried to be a better man than people expected him to be. So maybe that counted for something.
“Cash?”
“Hmm?”
“We should probably take some pictures of the bruises on my arms.”
He groaned and pulled away from her, “Yeah, we probably should, but I’m not sure having you take your shirt off in front of me right now is a good idea. You might think I’m a good guy but I’m not a saint.”
She smirked, “You’re tough. You can take it.”
When she started to pull the long-sleeved shirt up, over her head, he sighed and helped her. His pulse pounded and his erection strained his jeans when she wiggled out of it. His eyes automatically dropped to her chest. Her full, beautiful breasts were concealed beneath only that flimsy tank top and a bra and he groaned when he saw her nipples were stiff. She was as turned on as he was. She really did want him.
Jemma licked her lips, “I know what you’re thinking.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure you do.” He grumbled.
“Sure I do. You’re thinking that after everything I’ve been through, I shouldn’t be reacting to you like this.” She sighed when he met her eyes, “I know because I’m thinking the same thing.”
“Jem…”
She traced her hand across his chest, and the tattoo he realized she must have seen earlier, the one he would have to explain, “But I never did have any control over the way you make me feel.”
“Jemma.” He growled at that admission and barely resisted touching her, “I’m going to take the pictures and then you’re going to put your shirt back on and then we’re going to call Colt and see where the hell he is with Skylar. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He repeated with a huff, “Now, let’s talk about something else, something that doesn’t make me want to do things to your sexy little body we both know we shouldn’t.”
“Hmm… How about we talk about my engagement ring?”
And just like that, his erection wilted. Engaged. Jesus, she’d been prepared to marry that asshole. She had promised to marry another man. That definitely had the power to break through his lust but it also sent him careening back towards his bottomless pit of anger. She belonged with him, damnit!
“Good choice.” He grumbled as he snapped the first picture, “What about it?”
Jemma dutifully twisted her arms so that he could take the photos and even as he noticed for the first time that she wasn’t wearing that damn ring anymore he felt his anger swell. He noted the bruises as thumb prints and then the other fingerprints. There was more than one set on each arm which meant she’d struggled, broken free, and that bastard had grabbed her again. He had to work to keep his anger in check and focus on what she was saying.
“I was thinking I might be able to pawn it. I mean, it’s real and at least a couple carats. It’s worth a small fortune and I could really use the money. My only worry is that he might ask for it back.”
“Fuck that. He gave it to you. It’s yours.”
“My thoughts exactly…” She nodded, “So is there somewhere around here I could take it?”
“Big Mike still owns the pawn shop over in Falls Lake. I’m sure he’d give you a reasonable price. Of course, he’s also the biggest gossip this side of the Red River so I wouldn’t venture his way until you get a chance to tell your parents you’re back.”
Falls Lake was the next town over, the last one she would have driven through before her Jeep broke down. It was only slightly bigger than Old Settlers but had all the amenities a town like theirs couldn’t support. Motels, chain stores, fast food joints, Falls Lake had gotten a Wal-Mart when they were in high school and that had been big news. All of the people from the other smaller, surrounding towns went there to do their shopping and so the odds of seeing someone she knew was just as high there as it was right here in Old Settlers.
“Yeah, I might need the money before I’m ready to face them.” Jemma snorted, “Maybe you could take it over there for me and just bring me back the profits.”
It was his turn to snort, “Babe, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a Bomar. Big Mike won’t give me anything but hell if I show up with some hefty diamond ring. He’s liable to call the cops to check if it was stolen before he’d give me a nickel.”
“That’s not fair. You don’t have a record.” She paused, scrunched her nose up, “Do you?”
“No. Of course not.” He shrugged, “Nothing new since I turned eighteen anyway. I’ve been picked up a few times but they had to let me go. I told you, I don’t mess with that side of the family business but it took the cops a little while to figure that out.”
He tried not to take offense at the question she had every right to ask and told her as much of the truth as he could face. He was a Bomar. He did have a record. His juvie record was longer than his arm but he’d straightened up by the time he turned eighteen. He didn’t think now was the time to tell her she’d been a big part of that.
“I’m sorry. I had to ask.”
“It’s okay.” He shrugged, telling himself that it didn’t hurt to have her think so little of him.
She sighed, “No. It’s not. It’s just, I’ve been away a long time…”
“And things change. People change. I get it.”
“I didn’t honestly t
hink for a second that you had somehow become a drug kingpin or a thief, Cash.” She nudged him when he didn’t look at her, “I’d expect if you had you’d be living somewhere a little bit fancier than this.”
He chuckled, “Maybe I’m just hiding my money from the IRS.”
“Yeah, you and me both.” She giggled.
He grinned, happy that he’d made her laugh. It was a sound that he’d missed. Light and carefree, it had always made something tighten in his chest and now was no different.
They stared at one another as their laughter trailed off. Tension sparked and the heat that had always been between them flared again. He moved back into her and cupped her cheek, gently swiped his finger over the bruise that marred her beautiful face. She leaned into him and closed her eyes, covered his hand with her own and held him to her.
“I missed this.” She whispered softly.
His heart squeezed, “What?”
“Us. How easy it always came, talking, touching, everything.” She opened her eyes and looked right at him, looked deep, right down to his soul, “I missed you.”
The entire world dimmed down to this one moment with this one girl. Because this was what his dreams had looked like, sounded like, for five years. This was everything he had wanted but never expected to get because he’d ruined it, ruined them. And she deserved to know why.
“I missed you too.”
“I know.” She smiled softly, “Colt told me.”
He snorted, because of course his brother had. He’d left them alone for five minutes. There was no telling what all Colt had told her, but he knew there was one thing that he hadn’t, wouldn’t, because he knew Cash had to do it himself.
“Jemma, there’s something you need to know.”
She tilted her head slightly, “Really?”
“Yeah, I…”
A loud bang sounded across the room and Jemma shrieked. Cash whirled, putting himself between her and the door instinctively. At first glance, he thought he had overreacted. The pretty blonde storming into his apartment wasn’t a threat. But then he got a good look at her face and realized he was wrong. She looked ready to throttle him.
Skylar stopped in the middle of the room, her eyes flashing from open hostility to curiosity to disbelief. He stood his ground. Jemma had reached for his arm but dropped her touch away just as fast. Colt had come in behind the other woman, his hands jammed into the pockets of his jeans, an annoyed look on his face that said all he needed to know. Skylar was on a warpath.
“Cash, move away from her, slowly, or I’m going to kick your nuts so far up your ass God himself will not be able to recover them for you.”
Chapter Seven
Jemma had laid her soul bare with Cash. She’d opened up to him. She hadn’t held anything back. She’d told him everything about the situation with Hoyt. She’d told him about her doubts and her worries. She’d told him how she felt, how he made her feel, and she’d told him that she missed him.
Maybe she should have held back. Maybe she should have kept some piece of herself back from him. Maybe she should have played it safe and not risked her already bruised and broken heart.
Hadn’t she just been telling herself that it was her heart that got her into trouble? But her head and her heart were in agreement when it came to Cash. He could have taken advantage but he hadn’t. He’d put her first, even when it had hurt him to do it. It couldn’t be wrong to trust him now, could it?
She felt like if she locked her heart away that would be giving Hoyt more power than he already had. He’d changed her in so many ways. He’d taken a strong and carefree girl and twisted her ability to love and to forgive into a weakness. She had let him put her in a cage but she’d busted free of him. If she chose to stay in it now, then he won and she really was broken.
That was my worst fear for you.
Cash’s words would haunt her for the rest of her life if she let that happen. There were so many things he hadn’t said. There were so many more that he had with just that one simple yet complex statement.
He’d thought that he would break her. She could see that now. Put together with what Colt had already told her, she understood Cash far better than she had when she was a seventeen year old girl and better still than she had when she woke this morning. She’d known he had issues with his family, with his father and with his mother and even with his twin, though he would never admit to that one. What she hadn’t known was just how tied to those issues she was for him.
She was hurt. She was hurting. But she wasn’t broken. She might have thought she was. There might have been a lot of evidence to support that theory in the past twenty-four hours, but she was stronger than she’d given herself credit for. She’d hurt Hoyt. She’d gotten away. And now she was going to stand up for herself.
It wasn’t much, not in the grand scheme of things, but it was a start.
“Take it down a notch Skylar.” Colt growled as he trailed her best friend into the room. “I told you they were fine.”
“You told me a whole helluva lot of shit that made no sense. That’s why I’m here.” She snapped and then narrowed her eyes at Cash, “I don’t see you moving so I hope you haven’t grown attached to those new balls you’ve grown.”
“Skylar!” Jemma gave her a warning look, “Stop threatening his balls.”
Colt smirked, “Yeah, she likes them right where they are.”
“Colt.” It was Cash’s turn to issue a warning. “Shut it.”
His twin only smirked and nudged Skylar, “Told ya.”
Skylar looked between the two of them and Jemma fidgeted. She’d never been able to hide anything from her best friend. She knew her better than anyone. Even if they hadn’t seen each other in years, even if Skylar had been in the room less than five seconds, she knew there was no hiding the fact that something was happening between her and Cash. Skylar’s jaw fell open and her eyes went wide.
“Well, well, well, someone want to tell me what I interrupted?”
“Nope.” Jemma nudged Cash aside and hopped down from the counter. “I’m so glad you’re here. Give me a hug.” She moved towards her friend and opened her arms.
Skylar harrumphed but accepted the hug. She wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. Jemma squeezed right back. It felt good in a way that hugging Cash couldn’t give her. He offered comfort through strength. Skylar was smaller but she was no less fierce when it came to her friends and family than Cash was. She threatened the very air in her lungs she squeezed her so hard.
“You okay smalls?” Skylar whispered against her hair and Jemma smiled at the childish nickname.
“Yeah-yeah. I’m doing better.” She whispered back and felt Skylar tremble slightly.
“I’m so sorry. My phone didn’t have service.” Skylar pulled back to look her in the eye and she winced at the tears she saw gathering there, “I’m so sorry I didn’t get your calls or your messages. I would have been here if I had. You know that right? When Colt showed up I…”
“Hey.” She cut her off with a shake of her head when Skylar’s voice broke, “I know. You don’t have to apologize. I know you would have been here if you could have.”
“I told Trey going to the falls was a horrible idea. I mean really, me and the woods are a terrible combination.” Skylar tried for sassy but couldn’t pull it off with a wobbly bottom lip, “Me going camping should have been the first sign of the apocalypse.”
“I thought so too.”
“Never again.” Skylar pulled her back in for another bone-crushing hug, “I’m never going camping again. It was the worst three days of my life. Shit, what am I saying? You’ve had it so much worse. I’ll stop whining now. I’m sorry.”
Jemma smiled, “Hey, I’m okay. I promise.”
“Colt said you stayed here last night.” Skylar lowered her voice, confusion darkening her eyes when she pulled back enough to look at her again, “Are you sure you’re okay? Because I feel like I’ve slipped into some weird twilight zone
thing.”
“Oh, Sky…” She swallowed a laugh, “There’s a lot I need to tell you, clearly, but right now, these two are the smallest of my concerns.”
“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever been called small.” Colt chuckled as he moved past them, winking for good measure.
“Oh, honey… I promise you, it’s not.” Skylar shot back with a smile made entirely of sugar sweetness.
“I’d offer to prove you wrong but I wouldn’t want to ruin you for that little boy toy of yours.” He wagged his eyebrows playfully. “On second thought…”
“Oh my God, Colt!” Skylar smirked when his hand went to the button on his pants, her eyes following the movement before he stopped with a chuckle, “You’re such a tease. You never follow through.”
Jemma watched the interaction and felt her eyes growing wide. She shot Cash a glance and he smirked. She had to look away to keep from laughing. Earlier, he’d told her Colt had it bad but Skylar refused to give him the time of day. From her perspective, Skylar was giving him way more than time or attention. That was something she was adding to her girl-talk topics just as soon as they got away from the twins.
“Colt?” She turned to where he’d moved to stand next to Cash.
“Yeah sweetheart?”
“Thank you for going to get Skylar.”
His eyes drifted momentarily before returning to her, “No problem. Happy to help.”
Her eyes drifted too and Cash met her gaze. There was a strange look on his face now and it took her a moment to place it. Resignation. Her chest felt heavy when she took her next breath. He was preparing to let her go all over again.
Skylar was here. Her friend was here. The person she’d really been running to, the person she had been looking for. Skylar was here to take care of her, to offer the comfort and understanding she needed, to take her away from him.
“So…” Skylar broke the silence, “I guess we’re finally going to get that chance to live together huh?”
“Oh, yeah.” She cringed and turned back to her friend, “I was kind of hoping you’d let me crash with you until I can figure everything out.”