“Let me know what you come up with. Maybe you should write a book for our schools.”
“I don’t believe in writing things down. I prefer the dialog to the monolog.”
“It’s the world’s loss. Anyway, you’ve set my mind at ease about another matter. I also want you to have this.” I handed him a thick scroll of paper tied and sealed with my seal.
“It’s my succession orders. I want Tros and Fotis to take joint command, should anything happen to me, followed by an eventual move to an elected executive, like we do with Regional Governors. There’s more details in the document, such as what to do in the event Tros and/or Fotis are also killed, etc., plus a model constitution and other things. My will too.”
“I’ll take care of it. But I think it would be best for the world if you made sure that nothing happens to you. I doubt that there are many more Philosopher Kings coming behind you.”
“I’m going to do my best not to get killed.” I took a swig of vodka, thanked him and wished him a good night.
Chapter 29
All objects on earth fall at the same speed in a vacuum, 9.8 m/second2. The reason a feather falls slower than a rock is because of the air resistance.
Book of Questionable Facts – 644
In the morning we boarded the ships. On the Admiral’s ship, Melite and Rose on the deck, made us look more like a pleasure cruise than an invasion force. Pericles was with us too, along with close to 200 soldiers/sailors (some 50 of them part of Rose and Melite’s secret body guard) manning the oars of the trireme, a ship with three levels of oarsmen, and we needed all of them to fight the strong currents and winds.
In the ship behind us, sailed, Tros, Fotis and Socrates. Basically the entire leadership of our organization rode in these two ships. If we encountered heavy resistance at Ophrynium, we could all be killed and the whole world (well, the KNOWN world) would be thrown into disarray. Although, my succession orders included contingencies for Isodemos and Megakreon to take control if both Tros and Fotis were killed, Socrates had the order and he gets killed in this scenario. Still, I guess Megakreon and Isodemos were already basically in charge, so maybe nothing much would change.
I stood on the deck, Rose’s little hand in mine, worrying about all these things when Ophrynium came into sight. The captain skillfully maneuvered us out of the current and into the outer harbor where we shipped most of the oars and entered a holding pattern waiting for our other ships.
“There no war ships in the harbor. So, the only threat we have to worry about is going to be on land.” Pericles murmured next to me.
We could see activity on the shore. They had clearly seen us, the question was, would they see us as clients or attackers?
Soon more of our ships entered the harbor. We had launched a group of 20 that morning and planned to launch 20 every couple of hours as they could be prepared.
As the people on shore noticed more and more ship joining us, they became increasingly active. The captain noticed them launching a small boat.
We all watched as the boat pulled alongside our, clearly marked, flagship. They hailed us “Greetings!” They called up in Greek. “Welcome to Ophrynium! We stand ready to meet all your needs, whether for supplies, repairs, or soft beds for the night!”
And so, despite all my anxiety, we took the port by default. We simply landed our troops at their invitation and before they knew it, we had several hundred soldiers on their docks and were in de facto control of the port and shortly the city.
Even though we took the city, more or less, by accident, I didn’t want to short change them, so we still put on the fireworks show and, through a lesson learned by hard experience, we used our cannons to destroy some ships, just to show our destructive power and told many stories (most of which they had already heard) about how bloody our conquest of Sparta had been.
In addition, some of our ships, either because of confusion, or winds or poor captaining, ended up in Dardanus, where they were equally as welcoming, so we soon controlled two cities (well citylets) on the Persian side.
Ships were arriving in the harbor and soldiers were arriving on the docks long into the night. We set soldiers to building signal towers and priests to indoctrination, and paid the owners of the ships we sank more than their value.
The Persian troops were nowhere to be seen. Our new friends from Ophrynium told us that they had rarely seen Persian army troops in recent years. Occasionally, Persian war ships would pull into port.
Once we stocked up on supplies, hired more local translators and reunited with the troops from Dardanus we were ready to move on.
There was much discussion about our best route. Pericles wanted to head straight east towards a city called Gordion and from there into the heart of Asia Minor to Ankyra and then to the capital of Persia, Babylon.
Tros, ever mindful of Cilo, wanted to head south to Miletus, the home city of Aspasia, to see if perhaps our sources were wrong and we could recover Cilo sooner.
“I just have feeling that they might be in Miletus!”
“Oh, you have a FEELING that they MIGHT be in Miletus? And you want to divert this entire army to satisfy this FEELING?”
“The point of this entire army is to find my daughter!”
“No, the point of this entire army is to find your daughter and free the Persian Empire’s slaves and bring the Persians into the union and make the world safe for Kindness and Science!”
“Well, we can do that on the way to Miletus!”
I broke in. “How far is it to Miletus?”
“About 15 days march, depending on the terrain. We’ll stick to the shore and avoid the mountains. There will be smaller cities and villages along the way where we can resupply.” Said Tros.
“Listen!” interrupted Pericles, “it was a minor miracle that we weren’t met by the Persian Army at Ophrynium, maybe they didn’t know we were coming, or maybe they didn’t know our route, but now that we’re here, they know and every moment we waste, is a moment more they have to prepare. If we drive straight to Babylon we may be able to catch them unprepared.”
“Ok,” I said, “You make a good argument Pericles.” Tros’ face fell and Pericles smiled. “But I think we should go to Miletus.”
“What!? Why!?”
“Well, partially, because it does seem reasonable that Aspasia might be there. It is her home city. But also because I don’t think we are ready to seek out the Persian army. This army has never fought together, they’ve never even really marched together, and I don’t know that the first time they are asked to face the enemy it should be the entire Persian army. What good does it do us to get there fast, if we get there unprepared?”
“You’re not a military man!” Pericles shouted. “Of course we always want a bigger, better trained, more prepared army! But while we are waiting for the perfect army the enemy is under march!”
“I’ve decided. We go to Miletus. Make preparations to leave as soon as possible.”
“One day that soft heart of yours is going to get you in trouble!” Pericles stalked out, furious.
I knew he was right. I knew that I was playing McClellan to his Grant, but I was afraid. I was afraid to meet the Persian army head on. I was afraid of a battle that even if we won, would change us from freedom fighters into murders.
Machiavelli, at least hints, if he doesn’t say it outright, that the ends justifies the means, if your ends are just. But what about if you have no stomach for the means, no matter how just, you think, your ends are?
What about if you are just afraid?
Some Philosopher King I turned out to be.
We marched to Miletus. 100,000 troops and 450 cannon, a bazooka to kill a fly.
We took cities (towns really) along the way. There was no thought of resistance. When we finally reached Miletus, the gates were thrown open and a delegation of leading citizens and newly freed slaves met us in front of the city.
“We the citizens or Miletus, both the old citizens and the new
, greet you in the name of the Great God Einstein! We hereby officially petition for entrance into your Union. Please come, tour our city. You will find nothing but happy citizens living and working together. We have already set aside temples for the use of the Great God Einstein and schools for the use of your priests, we have also started a civil protection force, just like in Athens! All is ready!”
Something about the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. The obsequious insincerity of it all. I wanted to go back to my tent, like a petulant child, and sulk. Maybe power was corrupting me. I wanted people to be actually, sincerely, happy to be conquered by us! But, I just sucked it up and took the tour.
We questioned hundreds of people for any hint that Aspasia and Cilo had been here, and everyone was eager to help. So eager that they all lied and said yes! Yes! They were here! But it was all lies. We checked every lead that had even the slightest ring of truth, but they were all dead ends.
After a week or so in Miletus, we turned north towards Gordion, just as Pericles had wanted originally.
After we were under way, Pericles rode up alongside me. “Ok,” I told him, “You were right. It wasn’t worth the trip.”
“I didn’t come to gloat.” He replied. “I came to apologize. I was wrong to lose my temper. I understand, more than most, the pressure of command. You have to balance thousands of competing and conflicting facts and speculations and thread the best course you can find. My job is to offer advice, but you decide. It won’t happen again.”
“There is no need to apologize. I value your advice. I always have. If you see me making, what you think is a dumb move, especially a might get us all killed, kind of dumb move, I need to hear about it. This war frightens me, Pericles, and I’m not as anxious as you are to engage the enemy.”
“Let me tell you something that my father Xanthippus told me. He said, ‘Men die in war. And if you’re going to be a leader, he was a general, YOUR men are going to die in war. A good leader, is a man who finds a way to win, without losing more men than necessary.’ He wasn’t a warm man my father. My sons will tell you that I am too much like him. But he knew that to be a leader, you had to harden yourself to the fact that war means death, and then try to limit it.”
“I’m good on the limiting the death part, but not so much on the hardening.”
“I was talking to Socrates,”
“You two are becoming quite the couple of pals.”
He shrugged, “He grows on you. Anyway, I asked him, what you had said to win him to your side and he said you asked him if his society was so great to be worth the slavery of millions. So, I’d ask you the same question. Is your vision so great to be worth the death of thousands? Because that’s the price.”
“I know. And I know the answer is yes. It’s worth it. But that doesn’t make it any easier to pay.”
We took Gordion with little trouble. None of these smaller cities had much interest in fighting an army as big as ours. Some, who had big stockpiles of food, closed the gates and readied for siege, but promptly surrendered once we blew holes in their walls.
As usual after taking a city, the leaders wanted to take us on a tour. Socrates and Melite and I were being shown the wonders of the city (pretty much the same as the wonders of every other city), when we stopped in front of a cart tied to a post. “This cart is tied to this post with a knot that cannot be untied! The legends say that the man who unties it will be king of Asia.”
Holy shit! The Gordian Knot! Well, we had already taken Macedonia, there wasn’t going to be an Alexander, so… “I’ll take a crack at it.”
A priest jumped out “Oh, no sir! Only the kings of Phrygia can attempt the knot!”
“But, what if the man who will be king of Asia isn’t a king of Phrygia?”
“The prophecy says that he will be!”
“Where exactly is Phrygia?”
“Right here! We are in Phrygia!”
“Isn’t this part of the Persian Empire?”
“Well, yes. But we hope for liberation one day!”
“Well, if anyone is king of Phrygia right now, it would be me. I’m going to take a crack at it.”
The group of leading citizens physically restrained the priest and I bent down to get a closer look. It was a complicated knot. The problem seemed to be that there were no ends to the rope. I picked at it for a good few minutes with no success, then turned away, to the visible relief of the priest, and then, like, Alexander before me (after me? Never?) I drew my sword and sliced it through.
The priest fainted.
I felt a little guilty. But it had been fun and, now that there would be no Alexander, I didn’t want the world to lose the phrase Gordian Knot from its lexicon.
As for the Persian army, to quote Samuel Goldwyn ‘They stayed away in droves’. Where were they?
“Where the hell are the Persians?” I asked in a council meeting. “Is it even remotely possible that they don’t know we are here?”
“Not even remotely possible.” Answered Pericles. “They must have known we were coming from the moment we recalled the divisions. And, if somehow they missed that, once we started ordering supplies. Or once we landed at Elaious, well, I won’t list everyplace we’ve been, but they must know.”
“Why must they know? We don’t know where they are.”
“They must know because the kinds of things we do make a lot of people talk. Preparing an invasion force makes a lot of talk. Even just buying things. We order 300 tons of bronze for cannon balls or 120,000 pairs of spare boots and the guys who get those orders are happy and they tell their brothers who tell their friends and, well you get the idea. We take a city and everyone talks about it.
“But, just moving an army around, isn’t as interesting. Especially if they do it all the time. Still, we do know that there was a division close to Gordion less than a month ago. We just don’t know where they went. Obviously they weren’t interested in intercepting us on our way from Miletus, nor were they interested in staying in Gordion to protect the city.”
Tros added, “So, they must be avoiding us. Either because they are waiting for a better opportunity to attack, are building strength, or are trying to trap us somehow.”
“How are we looking for them? What are we doing from a force protection point of view?”
Tros continued, “We’ve got pairs of riders out for miles in all directions armed with grenades and signal rockets. One quarter day shifts. Anyone comes back late, we send a 20 soldier crew after them. We’ve seen signs of what may be Persian scouts, but could also just be travelers. So, Robert, what do you want to do?”
“Well, what can we do? We can’t find them and we can’t force them to fight. So our choices are either stay here and wait for them or keep moving and see what happens. I think, let’s keep on. Let’s see how many cities they’re willing to lose before they decide it’s too costly.”
Melite asked, “I’ve noticed it’s getting colder. What will we do when winter comes? Will we have a troop morale problem?”
Pericles looked at her. “That’s a good question. I don’t think it gets so cold here that we can’t deal with it with fires, blankets and tents, if and only if, there’s a military reason to be in the field. But if, winter comes and we still can’t find the Persian Army, we would be better off, from, as you say, a troop morale point of view, to winter in a city. Luckily we still have a couple of months before we are in full winter and we should be in control of Ankyra, if not Babylon before that.”
“Alright, get everything ready, I want us on the move in two days.”
And so, 24 or 25 days later we took Ankyra, with still no sign of the Persian army.
On talking with the locals, we discovered that Babylon was much further away than we had thought (there was nothing like a decent map in this whole damn world). It was getting colder at night and we decided to winter in Ankyra. The city was nowhere big enough to accept an influx of 100,000 extra people, which was all right, because we couldn’t have 100,000 i
dle hands in the city without trouble. So, we set about expanding the city. We took down its walls and built a permanent military/religious/educational campus.
We sent back to Athens for resupply (over our fabulous signal system!) and settled in to wait out the winter. In many ways it was the time I enjoyed most since the early days of the Distillery. I finally had time to devote real attention to my ‘Book of Questionable Facts’, teach classes, play with my daughter and enjoy time with Melite.
We built fortifications and signal towers for miles around, but never saw a single Persian soldier.
My biggest worry was Melite. She was already noticeably bigger and if we wintered for 3 to 4 months, she would be either very pregnant or have just given birth. I wasn’t sure which would be worse.
The winter progressed and with spring approaching I was going to have to make a decision. Melite was very pregnant and, of course, unwilling to consider staying in Ankyra until the baby was born if I went on to Babylon.
I wanted to stay, but was worried that the delay would give the Persian army more time to prepare. We had finally found them, right where we should have expected them to be all along, massed outside Babylon. We had scouts and spies arriving practically every day and each report was of an ever growing army.
Apparently, the Persians had recalled their troops from all over the empire and decided to make their stand at Babylon. It made sense. They must have analyzed reports of all our battles and noticed the conspicuous absence of any real fighting. Anyone could see that the thing we avoided at all costs was actual killing. So, they decided to make us fight. There would be no strolling up to the walls of Babylon and calmly destroying them with cannon fire. If we wanted to take Babylon we would first have to kill (depending on which spy you believe) somewhere between 300,000 and 1,000,000 men!
A New York Lawyer in the Court of Pericles Page 22