by Tara Wyatt
“C’mon,” Bliss said, heading for the door. Around them, couples stood with their hands on each other’s’ fun bits, frozen like awkward, erotic statues. Once they were out on the sidewalk, he released the breath he’d been holding. His skin still prickled, the humiliation at crashing into that stupid fucking gong still fresh. He pushed a hand through his hair, relieved to be outside. “My store’s just around the corner,” she said, apparently completely unfazed by the class or Theo’s awkward display. “Want to check it out?”
“Uh, sure,” he said, glancing back at the meditation center, wondering what the hell else was going to happen in there tonight. He shuddered to even think about it. His fingers itched to pull his phone out of his pocket so he could call Lauren and tell her all about it. And he would, but later. He’d already been enough of an ass tonight. The least he could do was keep his phone in his pocket and not pull a Giovanni.
Bliss’s store was on West 25th, one of many little shops in a row. She fished a set of keys out of her enormous mesh bag and then pushed the door open, a set of chimes tinkling overhead. The store was dark, having closed for the day at 6 pm, and it smelled of cinnamon and incense. The inside was small but every single possible space was used, displaying shelves of candles, oils, and incense. Another row of shelves held loose leaf tea and mugs, and another at the back was lined with books. Theo’s eyes roamed over the displays of crystals, tarot cards, dried herbs, Native American dreamcatchers, and little fairy statues.
“This is really impressive,” he said, stepping further into the store. She flicked on a lamp behind the glass counter lining the far wall.
“Thank you,” she said with a little shrug. “I love helping other people connect to the spiritual world. In fact…” She leveled her gaze at him. “Would you let me read your cards?”
Theo frowned. “Um, I don’t think…”
“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Let me do a reading, and then you can go home.”
Guilt gnawed at him, and he opened his mouth, but Bliss cut him off with a raised hand and a smile. “We’re clearly not a match of any kind, Theo. It’s okay. I’m not into you, either. Like, at all.”
He felt both relieved and mildly offended. “Oh.”
“Let me read your cards. I have a feeling that you’re working through something right now, and the cards might be able to provide some guidance.”
He shrugged. “What the hell. Sure.”
“Go select a deck that speaks to you,” she said, pointing in the direction of a shelf lined with decks of various designs. He strode over to the shelf, feeling like a complete idiot, and glanced at the rows of cards. There were decks that featured sea creatures, fairies, the planets, angels, flowers, and cats. He ended up selecting a fairly simple one with medieval style illustrations. Bliss nodded her approval when he handed it over to her. “A classic Rider-Waite deck. Very nice.” She took the cards out of the box and started shuffling them with her eyes closed. Then, with precise, deliberate movements, she laid the cards out in an intricate spread. She flipped the first card over.
“This card represents your current situation. This is the six of cups, and it’s reversed. That means that you’re living in the past. You’re holding yourself hostage to what was instead of opening yourself up to what could be.” She flipped over the next card. “This next card is your action or task card. The nine of wands. Interesting.”
Theo found himself leaning forward, peering at the cards, interested despite the fact that he knew this was all baloney. “What does that mean?”
“The nine of wands shows an injured man, clutching a wand. He’s hurt. Weary and tired. He’s endured battle and survived, but there are scars. To find what you truly seek, this wound must be overcome. You have to find a way to heal in order to attain your heart’s desire.” Bliss didn’t say anything more, just moved to the next card. “This will show us your strengths. The nine of pentacles.” She glanced up at him. “You’re very self-sufficient. You’re financially comfortable and lack nothing. You have a strong work ethic. You’re not scared to hustle or put your nose to the grindstone. So let’s see how that will help you with this upcoming challenge…” She flipped the next card. “The High Priestess, reversed.” She frowned, peering at the card. “Your challenge is that you’re disconnected from your heart’s desire. You’re keeping a secret, and it’s eating you alive, Theo. In this particular case, I think your strength might be a weakness, because you won’t let anyone else in.” She shook her head, almost looking sad. “The final card will show us your ideal outcome.”
He held his breath as she flipped the card. His heart pounded in his chest, and he couldn’t believe how invested he was in this silly game. But right here, right now, it didn’t feel silly. Not with the way each and every card was hitting home.
She flipped the card and Bliss smiled. “I had a feeling this is what we’d be seeing. The Lovers.”
“What does it mean?”
“Your ideal outcome is love. Romantic love. Choosing love.” She trailed her fingers over the exposed cards. “You live in the past. You have scars because of things that have happened, and you let those scars define you. You work hard and feel that that should be enough to make you happy, but it’s not. You know there’s something missing from your life. Something you’re scared to admit you want because of those past wounds.” She looked up and laid a hand over his. “You have to dig deep, find your courage, and choose love in order to be happy. Truly, fully happy.” She tilted her head and studied him.
He pulled his hand away, feeling raw and exposed. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he paced away from the counter and the cards that couldn’t possibly have shown her all of that.
“I hope I’ve given you something to think about,” Bliss said simply, beginning to gather up the cards and carefully put them back in the box.
“Thanks so much for the reading, and I’m sorry the class didn’t work out,” he said, heading for the door. “It was nice to meet you.”
“Your heart is bigger than your fear!” she called out, her voice mingling with the chimes as he pushed his way out the door.
The evening air was brisk, October now gripping Manhattan in its chilly arms. But even though it was cold and he was over twenty blocks from home, Theo started to walk, needing to burn off the restless energy zapping through him.
The cards didn’t mean anything. They were totally random and open to interpretation. It was just a game. A silly, stupid game that wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real, because if it was, it meant that he really was in love with Lauren. It meant the thing he’d been struggling against for a while now was real.
“Fuck,” he whispered, ducking his head against the wind and walking faster, shouldering his way between people on the busy sidewalk at the corner of 8th Ave and 27th. He had to fix this. He had to find a way to get rid of these feelings for Lauren. Because if he loved her, and he told her, and she didn’t feel the same, then things would forever be changed between them.
Even scarier was the thought that he’d tell her and she would feel the same. Then they’d start dating and he’d eventually freak out and screw it up and lose his best friend in the process.
Neither of those were good options, which left him with figuring out how not to love her.
And he didn’t know. He just didn’t fucking know.
8
Lauren stood in the middle of Theo’s living room. Bright, autumn sunshine streamed in through the windows, making everything look as though it were glowing. Dust motes floated in the air, swirling gently. Theo stood only a few feet away from her, studying her intently, a crooked smile on his face.
“Tell me what you want,” he said, his voice low, almost raw. He rubbed a hand over his mouth, his thumb lingering on his lips as his eyes devoured her.
She took a step toward him, closing the distance between them and took one of his hands—so big, so strong, so perfect—and placed it just above the apex of her thighs. Then she arched up on to her tipt
oes and whispered in his ear.
“I want you inside me.”
He made a strangled sound, almost like a growl, and then filled his palms with her ass and lifted her. Suddenly, they were in his bedroom, on his bed, Theo coming down on top of her. He lifted himself up onto his elbows and traced her lips with his thumb, groaning when she flicked her tongue out to tease him.
“Don’t you want me to kiss you first?” he asked, fixated on her mouth.
“I want whatever you’ll give me, Theo. However you’ll give it to me.”
“Christ,” he whispered, then dipped his head and captured her mouth in a deep, slow kiss. Time felt like it was slipping away and jumping forward at the same time. Where had her shirt gone? She’d had it on just a minute ago, but now she was in her bra and Theo’s hands were on her breasts, toying with her hard nipples through the thin fabric. She wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding against him, throbbing for him. Wanting this—whatever this was—so badly it hurt. She’d never ached for someone before, but now it was the only thing she could feel, this ache. This wanting and needing that was never satisfied, never enough.
He pushed her bra aside and took one of her nipples into his mouth, sending her back bowing off of the bed, and—
Wake me up! Before you go-go…
Lauren groaned and pressed her face into her pillow as her phone’s alarm started going off. Her entire core felt like it was melting, and she shifted her hips restlessly against the mattress. That was the third sex dream about Theo this week. She’d always had the occasional one about him, but now they were coming fast and furious as her attraction and feelings—and subsequent frustrations—grew. Because he was who he was. She had to keep reminding herself of that to try to stop herself from sinking deeper into her feelings for her.
But first, she’d let herself linger in her fantasy just a little bit longer. She rolled over, pulled her nightstand drawer open and dug her hand around inside. Curling her fingers around the familiar soft silicone of her vibrator, she flipped onto her back and turned it on, hoping her duvet was thick enough to muffle the buzzing sound. Not that Aspen would care. But still. Lauren cared.
She closed her eyes and slipped back into the dream, letting dirty images of Theo fill her mind. His hands on her breasts. His mouth on her nipples. His fingers inside her, this thumb on her clit. His face buried between her legs. His cock in her mouth, his hips jerking as she sucked him. Theo inside her, moving and moaning, her nails raking down his back as he fucked her into oblivion.
Her hips jerked off of the mattress as she worked herself into a frenzy with the vibrator, dialing up the speed. “Yes, yes, yes, oh fuck, Theo,” she panted, totally caught up in her fantasy.
Several minutes later, when she was flushed and shaking and a tiny bit of sweat had gathered between her breasts, she was ready to face her day, which was going to include the man she’d just made herself come fantasizing about. She pushed back the covers, still gripping her vibrator. But it looked…weird. She didn’t have her contacts in, so she reached for her glasses.
Oh God. She’d broken her vibrator. The rabbit portion of it was dangling from the body, looking sad and limp.
“Son of a bitch,” she whispered as she studied it, half mad, half impressed with herself. She’d used it so much that she’d literally worn it out. Then, because her brain was the worst, she wondered if the real Theo had better stamina. “I am officially the most pathetic woman in all of Manhattan,” she said, grumbling to herself as she pushed herself up out of bed. She tossed the broken vibrator into the trash by her bedroom door and then headed for the shower. She was meeting Theo, Willa, Kayla, Brandon, Dori and Theo’s brother Sebastian for brunch in an hour and a half.
By the time she made it to Gallery Lounge, their usual brunch spot on West 47th, she was only ten minutes late, partly because she’d spent fifteen minutes shopping online and ordering a new—and hopefully sturdier—vibrator. Given the increasing frequency of her sex dreams about Theo, she had a feeling she’d need it.
“There she is!” called out Brandon, waving her over to their table. Lauren loved coming here; it was absolutely beautiful. The ceiling was made of glass and swagged with sheer white fabric, giving the entire space an airy feel. The furniture was made of wicker and rattan, all done in subtle shades of cream and gray. Leafy green plants and macrame-style pendant lights completed the décor, making it feel both bright and cozy. As they were every other Sunday, her friends were ensconced at a table in the back left corner. She waved and then sank down into an empty seat between Theo and Kayla. He was wearing a plain light gray T-shirt and a pair of dark green pants that hugged his muscular thighs. Her eyes lingered on the brown belt at his waist, and her mind ever so helpfully supplied the image of that belt hanging open as he slowly undid the zipper of his pants, and…
“Hello? Earth to Lauren? Are you lost in space?” asked Dori from a couple of seats down. When Lauren frowned, Dori pointed at the server standing just over Lauren’s shoulder, coffee pot in hand.
“You want some coffee?” she asked in a bored tone.
“Yes, please,” said Lauren, fumbling to turn over her plain white mug, currently sitting upside down on its matching saucer. She almost sent it flying but managed to right it at the last second.
Theo leaned in close, bringing his mouthwatering scent with him. “You okay?” he asked. “You seem a little on edge this morning.”
She nodded, stirring milk and sugar into her coffee with such vigor that she sloshed some over the sides. “Yeah, I’m good. Everything’s fine.”
“Okay. You know if something’s up, you can talk to me, right?”
She nodded again. Of course she knew that. And of course she couldn’t tell him what was going through her mind almost non-stop lately. Of course of course of course. She noticed there was still another empty chair at the table and was about to say something when Theo’s hand landed on her knee beneath the table. Everything inside her went very, very still as warmth radiated outward from where he touched her. He glanced over at her, shooting her a quick smile that was equal parts adorable and sexy as hell. His thumb traced a lazy circle over her kneecap, sending butterflies erupting in her stomach. It wasn’t unusual for Theo to touch her, but something about this felt…different. New. Definitely sexier. She bit her lip and sat back a little in her chair. His big hand splayed outward, his fingers covering the territory from her knee to halfway up her inner thigh. Her skin felt like it was going to burn through her jeans. A pulse had started up in her clit, an insistent throbbing she had to fight to ignore. The urge to move her hips was almost too strong. As conversation from their table swirled around her, she glanced over at him. Her stomach bottomed out at the raw heat shining out at her from Theo’s gorgeous blue eyes. She’d never seen him look at her like that before.
It was hot. It was really hot, and not helping her mission to move on from her crush on him one iota. She inhaled a shaky breath, curling her fingers into her palms.
“I thought Sebastian was coming, too,” she said, her voice coming out with an awkward squeak. Theo’s hand stayed exactly where it was, his fingers moving ever so slowly back and forth, tormenting her beneath the tablecloth where no one else could see.
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee, sounding completely casual. Completely relaxed. As though he touched her like this all the time. As though his fingers weren’t mere inches away from where she ached for him. “He’s still at my place, sleeping off last night’s shenanigans.”
Lauren saw Kayla’s jaw clench. “What? What shenanigans?”
Theo hesitated. “Uh…I think he was out with friends.” He scratched at his cheek, which Lauren knew was a sure sign he’d just spilled the beans on something he shouldn’t have.
Kayla frowned, her expression murderous. “He was supposed to be working, helping our team put the final touches on the Life Science Inc. pitch. He said there was a family emergency. Figures. Fucking Bastian.”
<
br /> Theo’s eyes widened. “Oh. Uh, whoops,” he said, rubbing his free hand over the back of his neck.
Just then, the waitress returned to take their order, saving Theo from any further grilling from Kayla.
“Lauren, you never told us how your audition went,” said Brandon, thankfully steering the conversation into less tense waters once the waitress had left. “For Lynne Townsend?”
Despite the thrill of having Theo’s hand on her thigh, a heaviness settled over her limbs. “Oh, yeah. The audition went fine, but they ended up going with someone with a ‘younger vibe,’” she said, making air quotes around the word and wrinkling her nose. She knew that the industry was competitive and that the odds of landing the job had been slim to start with, but the rejection still stung, especially given that the rejection had nothing to do with her music and everything to do with her age. She could control the quality of her performances, but her age? Not so much.
“What?” Theo asked, his strong fingers tightening on her thigh in a way that made her want to whimper, but in a good way. A very good way.
She shrugged, leaning forward to reach for her coffee and taking a sip. “That’s the industry. They’re looking for a nineteen-year-old, not someone who’s almost thirty.” Even as she tried to rationalize it and not take it personally, it still hurt. A lot. “Guess I’m just going to work at the library forever.”