Only Once: A Single Parent- Hollywood Romance

by Ashley Munoz

  His eyes narrowed as he considered me. I was sure I didn’t look great, but I had a feeling it wasn’t my appearance he was trying to decipher.

  “I didn’t have a chance to tell you. Jerry sprung this on me literally seconds before Shelly knocked on my door. He was trying to get me to agree to it all summer, but I kept refusing. My silence and not returning when I said I would tied his hands.” Ryan’s voice teetered with defensiveness.

  I understood what he was saying, but it didn’t change things. He was still protecting himself and his career first, which wasn’t a bad thing. I couldn’t just expect him to choose us on the fly like that. He wasn’t used to choosing anyone other than himself.

  “I said I understand.”

  Ryan stood, pushing a path through his wild hair, tugging on the ends. His strong muscles shifted under the thin material of his shirt while he let out an aggravated sound.

  “That’s worse than you being angry with me. It means you’ve made up some reason or explanation for this, something that will inevitably put distance between us.”

  I drew my brows in. “I guess I’m confused. Would you be dating me in secret while you dated her in public, or how was that going to work?”

  “It wasn’t! I was never going to date her!” he yelled, pointing at his chest. “I was going to do the publicity shot and be done with her. It’s not set to release until I’m in Brazil and we start filming. You and I would still be dating—nothing would change between us!”

  “Except that you would be in Brazil, filming a movie with the same woman you’re pretending to date, one you did previously date.”

  “We never dated.” Ryan gave me a sidelong look while pacing my bedroom.

  I let out an undignified scoff. “I’m sorry—I’ll use the technical term. You will be filming with a woman you’ve previously fucked.”

  “Dammit, Bex,” he roared, throwing a pillow across the room.

  “Ryan, look.” I moved until I was sitting cross-legged, my head still slightly spinning, but not nearly as badly. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, but you’re an actor, a big-time one…this is your life. I understand that it’s your life. As your girlfriend, of course it’s hard for me to wrap my head around it, let alone my emotions. You have contracts and co-stars, you’re comfortable with acting, and kissing and whatever else. It’s just business to you…that’s something I’m not used to. I don’t think…” I trailed off as my voice cracked. I felt like someone had shoved a pair of brass knuckles into my sternum as I tried to regulate my breathing.

  “Don’t,” Ryan whispered in warning.

  I stared at him as he slowly knelt in front of me. I refused to be the one who ended us this time. I didn’t want to run; I just didn’t know how to stay.

  “Then tell me what to do,” I whispered back as a stray tear fell down my face.

  His thick thumb was there to catch it.

  “Just hang in there with me. I’m figuring it out. I can break a few of the contracts I’m under, but not all of them. Just stay with me, let me figure it out. Come to Brazil with me if you want to. I know the kids have school, I just…I don’t want to be away from you, but if I have to be then I want you to be confident in knowing I’ll be faithful to you.”

  My mind took a devious detour and considered what faithful even meant to someone who kissed and pretend-fucked for a living. It was his job, after all, and I’d done my research—the Brazil film was supposed to be this steamy, sexy movie about an assassin who fell for his target, a woman he ended up protecting and falling in love with. There was supposed to be a lot of what would look like sex to the audience, tons of kissing and heat.

  I wanted to say yes, and maybe I could for now…but my heart was already looking for a way out.

  “I need to think…” I tightly closed my eyes, a few stray tears slipping through.

  “Last time we took space, things ended badly,” Ryan whispered, pressing a fevered kiss to my hand.

  That was true, but this time was different. I hadn’t made up my mind to leave; I just needed to come to terms with what he was saying, with this part of his life that was essentially a part of him.

  “I’m not running, I just can’t vow to be okay with this without taking a day to really process and mean those words.”

  Green-blue eyes searched mine, digging for more truths than I provided, but exhaustion took over. I sank into his arms and closed my eyes.

  I felt a firm press of his lips to my forehead as he whispered something into my hair. I let sleep take me under as pain spun in my head like a tiny dancer. All I could think of was how I’d run from him ten years before, afraid his career would crush me, and how it had turned out that I was right.

  30

  It was Wednesday; the kids were going to their dad’s for two weeks, and Bexley had to work. So, I offered to stay with them until Logan came. It wasn’t that I even cared about the fact that Logan would be coming here, to where Bexley lived…where he’d once lived with her. What bothered me about today was the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach concerning my relationship with the Bexley and, by extension, her kids. It felt like with one false move, I’d lose them all forever. Regardless of how gentle Bexley had been with me the night before, how soft and smooth she’d been under my hands as I feasted on her and moved inside her, each stroke had been full of fear. She’s promised we would talk and figure it out tonight after the kids left.

  Still, deep down, I was worried.

  I knew I had no right to have Bexley’s assurances or her understanding regarding this Shelly Cambria thing. It was shitty no matter how it broke down, no matter what I did or what I said at the end of the day. If I weren’t an actor, me kissing another woman would be considered cheating. I’d never cared before how that made my flings feel, especially since I usually broke it off with whoever I was with if I started filming somewhere…but now that I had Bexley in the mix, it was all different. I cared more than I could afford to. If I wanted to keep my career and just get through this, I needed to push those reservations away and stay focused.

  Cole and Bella were all packed and ready to go, so we played football in the front yard while we waited for Logan. I’d spent the morning making breakfast with them, explaining about my big trip coming up and how I wanted to fly them out to visit me, how fun it would be to try out some of the resorts in Brazil. They got excited as I showed them a few pictures and videos of all the things we could do there.

  I tossed the ball underhand toward little Bella, and she rushed forward to catch it right as a dual cab pickup pulled up. It was navy blue and looked nearly brand new. I considered what Bexley drove compared to this asshole and shook my head in disbelief. What kind of man was comfortable with the mother of his children carting them around in a broken-down vehicle? Her minivan was hanging on by a thread, and that was after I had secretly had it serviced without her knowledge. If she’d let me, I’d buy her a brand-new one, but that wasn’t how Bexley operated…at least not with me.

  Opening the door, Logan strode out in all confidence and what I considered fake charisma. Who the hell was he trying to impress? I clenched my molars together as I gripped the ball Bella had dropped. She’d abandoned it to run into her daddy’s arms, just like Cole had done. Fucking hell, it was like a knife to the chest to see them in his arms. He knew it too, the prick.

  He gave me a smarmy smile as his kids talked a million miles a minute about how excited they were to go to his house. I wanted to punch the smug look off his face.

  Grimacing, I forced a smile for the sake of the kids and for Bexley. I had promised her that no matter what Logan said or did, I’d be civil.

  “Logan, nice to see you,” I said, walking up and holding my hand out to the man.

  He didn’t take it, just dipped down to grab his kids’ luggage. He told them to get into the truck while he loaded things up, but they both turned and walked toward me first.

  Bending down, I scooped them up in a big hug, returning the same
asshole smile to Logan that he’d delivered to me. Fucker.

  “Have fun you guys. I’ll FaceTime you as soon as you’re back with your mom.”

  Bella started crying, which tugged at my heart so hard I feared it would plop out on the ground in front of me. With one last kiss to my cheek, she slid down and ambled toward the open back door of the truck.

  Once both kids were in the vehicle, Logan began to load their things into the bed in the back.

  I stood watching, biting back all the things I wanted to say to this prick. I had strong opinions on how he had been talking to Bexley over the past few weeks, how frequently he’d been texting her and calling, the strange pictures he’d been sending about his new haircut and a new hat he’d bought—shit he didn’t need to talk to his ex about. I also had opinions on the fact that he’d cheated on Bexley, and that it felt like he was doing it again with his girlfriend. Dude was a total shitbag. Remembering my promise to Bexley, I ground my molars together, shutting down all the things I wanted to say.

  Finished with settling the kids’ things, Logan turned toward me, giving me an odd look, like he was confused about something.

  “Look, Ryan…no hard feelings.” He opened his arms, like he was surrendering to me.

  I quirked a brow in confusion.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You know…I saw the news article about you and Shelly Cambria…” He whistled, looking off to the side. “I guess I’m just confused as to why you’re here with my kids when you left their mother for another woman.”

  What the fuck? My publicist promised me it wouldn’t release for another few weeks.

  He stalked closer, shoving his hands into his jeans, but all I could focus on was how this would devastate Bexley. Shit, she’d be humiliated. Even after I left, she would be, but how would it look if this broke while I was still in Oregon?

  “Tough break for Bex, but I’m sure she’ll bounce back. I mean…” He laughed, shaking his head while kicking at something near his foot. “We never really finished what we started a few weeks ago—might be nice to see where that leads once you take off and go make your movie with your new actress girlfriend.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I could barely contain the anger rattling through me. It was like a live wire, ready to shut everything the fuck down.

  He stalked closer, narrowing his eyes. “The kiss Bexley and I shared that morning you showed up with coffee. Once you left, we headed inside and started talking…and well, one thing led to another, and she ended up on the counter, and I ended up between her legs.”

  My chest constricted as my fears and insecurities tangled in my head like a web. Anyone else and I wouldn’t care; anyone else and I’d walk away because I got the girl in the end. But he currently had my girl’s kids in his truck…he would forever have total access to Bexley. He’d always be in her life, and I’d always wonder if they could possibly work things out for their kids. This was what she’d been keeping from me every time I asked. This was what she’d lied to me about.

  Too distracted by my vision blurring, I missed how much closer Logan had stepped. He’d closed the gap between us, now a mere foot away. He was testing me. He knew he could tempt me to punch him in front of the kids.

  “While you’re off filming in Brazil or wherever the fuck you’re going, I’ll be here, repairing the damage with the mother of my children and letting her be the shoulder I cry on as I explain that my relationship with Dana didn’t work out.”

  I was going to kill him. Fucking murder him.

  Right as I stepped toward him, the back passenger door opened and Cole hopped out, asking if everything was okay.

  Logan smiled broadly and turned to leave. Cole’s gaze flitted from me to his dad, an uneasy look crossing his features. I smiled to put him at ease and watched as Logan helped his son back into the truck.

  Once they pulled away from the curb, I sank to the grass and took a few shallow breaths.

  She’d ripped my heart out without even being here to do it. She’d hinted at ending us the other day when things with Shelly came up, and I should have known this was the real reason behind her understanding, her acceptance regarding me kissing Shelly. Anyone else would have yelled or screamed their frustration, but she just went along with it.

  Now I knew why.

  31

  My stomach was a tangled mess of knots all day. The article with Ryan kissing his co-star had already been splashed across social media and talk shows. Judy gave me light duty, restocking our lower-level closets, where I’d be alone most of the day. It was a kindness I hadn’t earned from her, but I’d be eternally grateful to her for it.

  I just wanted to soak in the bath with a glass of wine and a book. No electronics, nothing that could tell me what the world currently thought of my dating life. What made things worse was I hadn’t heard anything from Ryan all day, not even after the kids left…which was another reason my stomach felt like it had gone a round with a professional boxer. We’d made plans for this evening to talk and process, to make a plan for what would happen moving forward.

  It hurt that he’d left me without so much as a warning or heads-up regarding the article, and as much as I’d thought I could go along with it once he was in Brazil, actually seeing the photos now made me realize I couldn’t. Ryan was mine, and I didn’t want to share him with a fake girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter.

  Pushing through my front door, I was greeted by a mostly dark house. It wasn’t dusk yet, but the darkening sky had plunged us into muted gray skies.

  Ryan was supposed to have made dinner for us…but clearly that hadn’t happened. I felt a small flutter in my chest when nervousness began to unfurl inside my limbs as I walked in and began to click on lamps.

  “You came home later than I thought you would.” Ryan spoke up from a darkened corner. He had an empty tumbler in his hand, resting on his knee as he slouched in the chair. To his right was the bottle of Jameson I kept above the fridge. It was almost empty, which meant he had to have consumed at least half the bottle.

  “Work ran late—things were a little crazy at the resort.” I set my things down and took off my shoes. My hands were trembling as I considered why Ryan was drinking in the dark, especially after avoiding me all day. I considered briefly that he was just as shaken up by the early release of the photo as I was. Maybe I needed to hear him out and see how he was doing with everything. “How did things go with Logan today?”

  I moved around the room, curling up on the sofa across from where Ryan was sitting. His shirt was rumpled, his eyes were bloodshot, and his knuckles were red and swollen.

  “What happened?” I gasped, reaching my hand out to trace his skin.

  He jerked away at my touch, which had me backpedaling fairly fast.

  “Why doesn’t it surprise me that the first thing you ask me about is your ex?”

  Furrowing my brows, I sat back. “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t pretend, Bex. Logan told me all about the kiss, how he ended up in between your legs…that day I brought coffee, that day we opened up to each other about our past…I was such an idiot.” The muscle in his jaw ticked as his emotions swirled with his brash anger. This was the Ryan who’d fucked me that night, the one who had felt like he was losing me and needed to claim me. But now he didn’t want anything to do with me.

  “I’m not pretending. I didn’t tell you about that kiss because it wasn’t reciprocated. Logan kissed me—I didn’t kiss him back.” I stood, feeling my own anger begin to surface.

  Ryan’s scoff had me glowering at him. He didn’t believe me. This was just like the night I had told him I was pregnant back in college, when he blamed me and wouldn’t even use logic, just believing I had tricked him.

  “What about you? Did you even see that the photo of you and Shelly was leaked early? Do you even care what that means for me or for the kids? You’re so worried about some one-sided kiss but more than willing to ignore
the one you actually did for the sake of acting.”

  “It’s my job!” he roared.

  He stood and walked toward the kitchen, running his hands through his hair.

  “So what else does your job allow you to do?” I stepped closer, narrowing my watering eyes. “Would it cover you if you had to fuck someone for a few ratings? How far are you willing to go?”

  Another scoff met me as his aqua eyes roamed my form in disgust.

  “I’d be willing to do whatever it takes to keep my career, the thing I’ve worked the past ten years for. After you left me, I found it, and it’s been there for me. Right, wrong, or indifferent, I’m not going to throw it all away for this.” He waved his hand between us while he scrutinized me with a furious glare.

  “You don’t mean that.” My voice came out in a shaky rasp, clinging to the shards of hope I had in the form of his drunken stupor.

  “Oh, but baby I do.” An apathetic look transformed his face, tugging the edges of his lips down and masking his rage. He looked bored as he grabbed his black duffle off the floor and walked closer to the door.

  My chest burned as the distance between us grew. We couldn’t end like this…not because of Logan…not like this.

  “Ryan…just…can we talk through this? Don’t leave.” I tried to clear the bubble of pain in my throat so I didn’t wheeze or sob as he turned his back on me. It didn’t stop the tears from coating my lashes or splashing down my heated cheeks.

  Please stay.

  “I’m not risking anything else. I almost lost this role because of you. I was confused, but now I’m seeing crystal fucking clear. You’re not over your ex, and I’m unwilling to risk you leaving me again, so my job comes first. It will always come first because I don’t trust you, Bexley. I could never trust you.”

  The door slammed as he ran down the steps and continued down the street. It had started raining, so his shirt was soaked within minutes. I flipped the deadbolt to ensure he couldn’t come back, even as invisible knives cleaved my heart in two…even as I sobbed and crumpled to the floor.