by Ashley Munoz
I looked down, thinking over all the horrid things Ryan had probably told them, and heaved a sigh. He may not have said a single word, and Gloria Prince was a kind woman, always had been. So, I owed it to her to ring the doorbell and at least see how she felt about me.
Pressing my thumb to the round button, I stepped back and waited for her to answer. I could hear her two dogs barking in unison, running closer and closer to the door until it finally swung open.
“Bexley!” Gloria beamed and pulled me into her arms without a second thought.
Something inside broke and shattered as she clung tightly to me. It was what I’d always imagined it would be like to have a mother hold me on the bad days, one to run to when I didn’t know what to do. Ryan must have loved having these arms when his life got scary.
“I’m so glad you came!”
Wrapping her arm around my shoulders, she pulled me further into the house until we were making our way toward the back patio. She had several outdoor benches and deep cushioned chairs set up around a slate fireplace. Large umbrellas stretched out, providing shade as the glittering lake splashed gently at the edge of her back yard.
“Here, let me get you some coffee.” She walked over to a coffee bar and began talking a mile a minute about the beans and when she’d visited Costa Rica the year before and how she’d learned so much about fair trade coffee and how important it was to her to start thinking harder about her purchases.
I listened easily as she regaled me about her travels and jokes about Gary in different jungle-type environments, but not once did she bring up Ryan or ask about our breakup. Or, for that matter, Shelly Cambria.
Finally, I’d had enough.
“Gloria, why won’t you ask me about Shelly and Ryan?”
Her soft blue eyes searched my face as she tipped her white mug back. Setting it down on the side table next to her, she let out a heavy sigh.
“I knew that stunt was fake. I remember Ryan telling me about that snake of a woman. What I’m more interested in knowing is why you allowed it.” She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, gently gripping my hand as if to reassure me.
Words tangled in my mind, defensiveness rising and falling like a crescendo in my heart…but none of those words mattered. This was his mother, the woman who’d carried him, raised him, who knew him better than anyone else on the planet, except for maybe his father. There was no use in mincing words with her.
“Because he needed to do it for his career, and while I was willing to support him the best I knew how, he actually broke it off with me.” It hurt like hell to say those words, to swallow down my own pain and how much it hurt to see him on those magazine covers kissing another woman while I shopped with my kids, how I had to live with that reality when he’d willingly left me.
How my kids hadn’t seen anything about it yet, I had no idea…but it was only a matter of time before everything blew up in their tiny little faces. I hadn’t protected them the way I should.
“Oh honey.” Gloria leaned forward until she was hugging me.
Again, like it had the first time, it completely wrecked me. I could feel my throat throb in pain as I held back tears, until I finally couldn’t bear it.
“No one ever talks about that part of love, how imperfect and painful it is, how necessary it is to fully love and appreciate someone.” She rubbed soothing circles into my back as tears fell down my face, pooling at the tip of my nose and crashing to her shoulder. “Sweet girl, you’re worthy of that same sacrifice, that same devotion. You deserve someone to love you like that, and if my son isn’t the one to do it, you need to hold your chin high until you find the one who can.” Gloria leaned back and rubbed the wetness from under my lashes, locking her gentle gaze on mine.
I didn’t have words. No one had ever cared for me or said anything like that to me besides Shay, and sometimes I didn’t listen because I wasn’t sure if she’d picked it up from some inspirational tweet or Photogram picture.
“You can demand that he picks you. You can choose you and your kids and expect that he does too…that’s okay, and after ten years of having his dream, I think it’s high time he realizes he’s about to lose the only one that ever really mattered to him.”
I felt more sobs and hiccups erupt from my chest. It was like my heart was having a come-to-Jesus moment with my soul and there was no redemption in sight. I wept and wept into her arms as she rocked me and allowed me to be broken.
I had never considered that I was worthy of being chosen first, regardless of how much I wanted it and even though I’d left Ryan for it. I’d never actually believed it about myself. Even while I had worked for my design degree, Logan had worked his own job, still expecting me to be a mother and girlfriend while I studied and went to school. I was never looked in the eye and told I was important, told I counted just as much as they did, and now, for the first time in my life, I realized I desperately needed someone who would tell me that.
Two hours later, after I had collected myself enough to have an actual conversation with Gloria, we ate lunch and gossiped about nothing and everything. When I was about to go, she grabbed me in a tight hug one last time.
“I can’t force you to do this, but Gary and I would like the chance to get to know your kids…and you. You all live here, and whether or not my son fixes this, you’re important to us, and we want you to come see us. Bring the kids, let them have fun here…we’re here for you, Bexley.”
I cried again as I nodded my agreement and then drove home with the biggest smile on my face. Maybe it was possible to be happy and full without being in a relationship. For the first time in a really long time, I had hope that I’d be okay.
Over the next several weeks, our weekends were spent at Gloria and Gary’s. The kids quickly fell in love with fishing on the lake. I sat with Gloria while she fixed different meals, watching how effortless it was for her to dice and chop and throw different ingredients together, like it was second nature. I took notes, helped prep food as often as possible, and then of course by the end of the evening, we’d enjoy a meal together.
Gary would walk with me along the lake discussing his latest conspiracy theories, throwing me into hysterics and making me feel happier and brighter than I had in years. They became like parents to me, real people who loved me and cared for me, and they both adored my children.
Logan’s parents lived in Chicago, so they didn’t see the kids often unless they were visiting their son. In all their years alive, my kids had only physically seen their Grandpa and Grandma Woods a total of three times, and they weren’t keen on FaceTime or video usage, unlike the Princes. Even throughout the week, they would get on video chat with the kids, asking about their weeks and how school was going.
When fall sports started and I told them Cole was in baseball, I wasn’t surprised to see them both at the game that first week. They never made a scene and always wore sunglasses or hats in case they were recognized, but they never were.
Their presence both soothed and burned as the weeks went by without word from Ryan. I had no idea if he had contacted his parents or if he was ghosting them as well, but we never talked about him. I was so close and yet so far away from him and I had no idea if it bothered him that we were now adopting his parents, but Gloria and Gary had asked us to be in their lives. I couldn’t find it in me to deny them that, especially knowing they were lonely without their son, lonely with few friends they could trust now that the world knew who their son was.
We were helping each other through this, and I couldn’t find it in me to regret that. I just hoped Ryan knew how precious they were and how difficult it would be for all of us if he demanded that we stop.
34
With school in full swing, it meant my mornings were suddenly free. Thanks to my sudden fame being Ryan’s ex-fling and reporters constantly following me around, I had a surge of new graphic design clients.
It came right as journalists began swirling around the resort and stalking me while I worked
. One night I was securing the exit doors on the indoor tennis court when someone jumped out from behind one wielding a camera. It didn’t take a genius to realize how dangerous that could have been, so I handed in my resignation the next day. I didn’t even offer to finish out my two weeks because the chance that I’d use the job on a future resume was slim to none.
Somehow it worked out now that I was booked up for the rest of the year with new clients, and it allowed me the freedom to work from home. After our talk, Logan agreed to keep our conversations platonic and strictly about the kids. He also back-paid for the months he’d lagged in child support, helping me secure the new-to-me SUV sitting in my driveway. Four-wheel drive, new tires, and only a little wear and tear on the inside…it was the first big purchase of my single life, and I couldn’t have been happier, especially with winter coming.
The sun shone through the open curtains in my living room, highlighting my dust-free furniture and spotless floors, the ones I now had time to clean. I’d bought myself a harvest flower bouquet and had started decorating for fall as the color on the trees began to change. Leaves littered my front and back yard, a job both Cole and I worked tirelessly to keep up with. We loved spending the time together, and Bella loved jumping in the piles we’d cleared.
“Bexley!” Shay barged in through the front door, scaring the hell out of me. I gasped, holding a hand to my chest. I really needed to get better at locking my doors.
“In here!” I called from my office.
“Did you see this?” My best friend rushed in wearing her medical scrubs, her hair swept up in a tight braid and her face lowered, staring at her cell phone.
I turned in my chair to take her in. “See what?”
Shoving her phone in my face, she exhaled heavily. “Ryan dropped out of that movie in Brazil.”
“No!” I gasped, clutching the phone.
I usually tried to ignore the news, especially celebrity gossip, which wasn’t easy in this small town, but Shay knew I craved details about Ryan, anything that seemed real or substantial.
“It says he walked off set, broke his contract due to a family emergency.” Shay watched me for a moment, concern softening the skin around her eyes.
My heart was out of sync. It had to be. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even see as ideas spun in my mind.
“I need to call them, make sure they’re okay.” I stood, spreading paperwork across my desk and shuffling stacks until I found my phone.
“I’m sure they’re okay, Bex. I mean, you’ve been around them nonstop…you would have heard, right?” No, I wouldn’t, because I wasn’t on their list for being an emergency contact. They owed me nothing and if they were in trouble, I’d be the last to find out.
“When I last saw them they said they were going on a cruise for a few weeks, but something could have happened…I just need to call them and find out.” Concentrating, I pulled up Gloria’s contact info and dialed her. It rang a few times before going to voicemail, her cheery voice coming on the line.
“It’s Gloria. We’re unavailable until the end of October as we’re off cruising the Caribbean. Leave a message if you want, or call me next month!”
Hanging up, I slumped against the wall.
“They’re on the cruise,” I explained to my confused friend.
She’d crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lip in a nervous tic.
“So, you think it’s something else then?”
I felt my face crinkle like a piece of useless paper. “I don’t know…I need to know if they’re okay. They’re all Ryan has…if something happens to them…” I trailed off, feeling my heart beat harder and harder in my chest with every second that passed. It almost felt like they were all I had too.
“Could you call Ryan?” Shay inquired carefully.
I lifted my head as regret slammed into me. She must have seen it on my face.
“You didn’t actually delete his number, did you?”
I brought a shaky hand to my forehead. “I couldn’t stand looking at it in my phone. He hadn’t called or texted…” I shrugged to help lighten the feeling. “Why hang on to something that was already gone?”
“Well, what if you drive to Ryan’s house?” Shay asked without skipping a beat or taking the time to tell me how stupid it was that I’d removed his number after how many years I had pined for him.
“I can’t…the kids have school…”
“I’ll take care of them—I have the next few days off,” she quickly offered. She knew how important it was for me to know if Gloria and Gary were okay; she’d seen how they’d extended friendship to us, how they’d slowly become family over the weeks.
“Are you sure?” I clutched my phone to my chest.
“Of course. Pack a bag, and if he’s not home, stay at a hotel. I’ll take the kids to school tomorrow and pick them up.” Shay pulled me into a quick hug before I darted off to my bedroom to get my things together.
Trees spearing the sky passed in a blur as I drove toward the edge of Portland. My heart rate spiked as I neared the city limits and found a familiar road winding around a large retaining wall draped in moss.
I slowed to fifteen miles per hour as I approached Ryan’s private drive. His iron gate loomed in the distance, the small speaker box and camera there for people requesting access. I had his gate code, but using it felt too personal now that we weren’t together…and what if he was home and he wasn’t alone?
My heart lurched at the idea, but I quickly tamped it down. My hands shook as I steered close to the gate and idled in front of it. I rolled down the window, stretching my arm out as drops of rain began pelting my jacket. I gulped and held my finger down on the red speaker function.
Right as I pressed it, a mechanical buzzing emanated from the gate as it began to slide open. Bringing my arm back in and rolling my window up, I heaved in a few heavy breaths. It was opening…and without me even having to say who I was, or why I was there. Ryan would have seen the car, but he didn’t know it…so why let me in? Unless he’d made my face out on that small security screen…but I doubted that.
Driving slowly down the drive, I crept up on the house and found a few cars parked in front of the large house. As I put the car in park, a woman wearing a tight pencil skirt and a stark white top walked down the stone steps. Her dark hair was swept up in a gorgeous updo, and her bright red nails clung to a black clipboard. I noticed a black earpiece tucked into her ear as well. What the…?
Getting out and shutting the door, I stared at the stranger in wary confusion.
“Sorry about that, I thought we’d given everyone the gate code. If you want to come in out of the rain, we can get set up.” She offered a warm smile, and I tried to return it. What on earth was she talking about?
“I’m sorry, I…”
She pushed her finger into her ear, cutting me off. “The caterer just got here, so yes, tell them we’re ready.”
Caterer…oh god, is this a wake? Are they organizing a wake for a death and they think I’m the person here to arrange it? My mouth went dry.
“I’m Natalie, follow me.” She smiled again, ignoring my internal breakdown.
If this was the only way to talk to Ryan about his family, I’d go along with it. I picked up the pace and followed after the woman into the warm house. As soon as we were inside, low murmuring met me from somewhere further back. Memories of the last time I was there fluttered in my chest, like they’d grown wings and wanted out, wanted to land on something familiar. I swallowed a thick lump of agony as I looked around the space.
Rain pelted the large windows encasing the living room and kitchen, and a warm fire blazed under the large television. Images of our little makeshift family curled up on the couches played in my head. I forced my gaze away as tears burned the edges of my eyes.
“You can set up in the kitchen. The food’s in the fridge, but if you brought anything extra, feel free to set it anywhere. Mr. Prince will be conducting his interview while you set up, and they
’ll expect to eat afterward. Feel free to lay out the food right over here…” Natalie’s long legs covered half the room in seconds, and I scrambled to keep up.
We darted down the hall, toward Ryan’s media room. It was large with plenty of cushy chairs and couches, with the option to have the shades open, and since Ryan’s house was on a hill, this room provided a panoramic view of the city below. I had been stunned when he showed us. The kids had opted to watch one of Ryan’s movies in this room with the shades drawn, of course, but Ryan and I had gone in that night and made love with the shades open, the city lights illuminating the dark.
“You were injured your first year in the Professional Football Association, right? What made you want to leave the league instead of waiting to go back the following season?” a soft female voice asked.
Ryan’s husky voice responded. “I was injured, but truth be told my heart wasn’t in the game. When you play at that high of a level, it’s obvious to everyone you play with and everyone you play against.”
My heart jackknifed in my chest, my eyes watering with the adrenaline rush. He was here, after so many weeks. He was here…and if he was talking, that must mean his family was okay. Didn’t it?
No, Ryan was such a good actor, there could be something going on under the surface and I’d never even know unless I talked to him.
He continued chatting about his past while Natalie led me to a long table with a black tablecloth.
“I didn’t realize they’d already started. When you bring the dishes over, be sure you’re quiet—this interview is live.” Her eyes went large, her thin eyebrows hitting her forehead.
I nodded my understanding so she’d relax. She looked really worried that I’d ruin it somehow. I set my coat and purse down and headed into the kitchen, going along with the instructions so I could have my moment.