by Ashley Munoz
“We can’t be late, Mom!” Cole yelled from the porch steps.
“Hold your horses…why are you so pumped about the game?” I turned, quickly locking the door. Bella had asked to spend the day with Gloria after missing out on a sleepover.
“I just am.” His wide smile broke open across his face. I wanted to crush him to my chest.
Twenty minutes later, we arrived at the field, and Cole ran off to warm up while I headed toward the concession booth. I liked to support the team and the school in any way I could, and since business was booming, I decided to splurge. Someone was filling my two cups of hot cocoa when I overheard two moms gossiping.
“I’m not kidding you! He’s in the dugout right now!” a woman with immaculate blonde hair gushed. I somewhat remembered them…was it Kara and Tanya?
“Pshhh, yeah right. We aren’t meeting the new coach until next week—I got a calendar invite for it.”
“I don’t know what to say except that he’s in there. The kids freaked when they found out. I guess he did this really sweet way of revealing it was him with balloons and ice cream floats for the whole team.” Kara’s hair really was impressive. It barely moved as she prattled on about this supposed new coach.
My cocoa was ready, but my nachos were not, so I tugged a straw close and began playing with the fringe on the end while they went on.
“Did you flirt when you saw him?” asked Tanya?…Tana?…the woman with the T name, her ebony cheeks reddening. Great, a hot coach…exactly what our team needed. I didn’t actually really care, but hot people were always making other people so flustered…it really wasn’t fair.
“My god, I couldn’t help myself. I mean, I think he’s single…right?” Goldilocks flushed pink, bringing her hands to her face. Even if the coach was single, her wedding band indicated that she was not.
“I don’t keep up well enough, plus I heard he’s…”
“Mom!” Cole cut into my sleuthing. The two women turned in my direction, both of them with gaping mouths.
The women began whispering, standing close together. Their words were too quiet for me to hear, but they seemed to be interested in me…or my son. Maybe they recognized me as the F-bomb mom. That was probably it.
“Sorry, just grabbing some snacks.” I held up the cocoa as proof.
“I want you to meet my new coach.” My son smiled.
I wanted to meet this new coach too, merely because he’d already created such a stir.
Following Cole, I bypassed groups of people who had started showing up, reserving their spot on the freezing cold bleachers. No thank you—I’d rather stand than plant my ass on those things. I was surprised by how many families had already arrived; usually it was just a few moms who all carpooled or took turns taking groups of kids that showed up for early practice. We were never included in the carpool group texts, which was fine. We didn’t need all that texting drama anyhow.
Cole ran onto the field, making sure I was following behind. I wasn’t sure what I assumed, maybe a gathering in the middle of the field or the coach standing out where the parents were, ready to shake hands. None of that was happening; instead all the kids were running off the field, heading toward their families for the quick break before the game started.
I checked the small stadium for Gloria and Gary but saw them barely trickling in near the parking lot with Bella in tow.
“Mom, seriously…come on!” Cole called again, and this time I darted after him.
“I’m coming, sorry!”
I rounded the dugout just as two more kids high-fived, running out. Cole ducked inside, and as I set foot on the second step, I stopped cold.
Ryan was standing there, his head ducked while he reviewed a paper secured to a clipboard. I took in the dark, V-neck shirt stretched across his broad chest and how his denim jeans hung low on hips. My mouth went dry as my gaze traveled up his torso and feasted on that bronze skin peeking out of the low V of his shirt, stopping at that black ball cap covering his golden hair. Holy shit—he was the new coach?
“Ryan?” I stumbled further into the dugout, totally out of sorts and confused as to what was going on.
His aqua eyes slid up, drinking me in. “Bex…you’re here.” Not a question.
He’d been waiting on me, and Cole was in on it.
“What are you doing here?” I sounded breathless, confused…disoriented.
Coach meant he was staying…being a coach meant we’d see him every game…it meant he’d have a major role in Cole’s life.
“I’m coaching. I tried to tell you last night…” His face shuttered just the smallest bit, but he pushed past it.
“But…you’re not…” I started, but a few kids running into the cement space interrupted us.
“Coach, time to start,” a kid declared. I thought his name was Dylan.
Ryan smiled, slapped his clipboard on his thigh, and turned toward the bench full of kids. I, however, stood stunned at this development.
More kids filed into the dugout while the opposing team prepared and warmed up. Ryan began going through his speech, an encouraging conversation regarding their skills and teamwork, then the umpire blew a whistle and both teams were running onto the field.
I still hadn’t moved; my feet were frozen to the ground. If Ryan was the new coach, he had to be moving back, right? No, it could be a million different reasons as to why he was there.
“Bex, will you stay in here with me? I need to show you something after the game.” Ryan’s voice was smooth as velvet, which shook me out of my thoughts.
“I’ll be sitting with your parents,” I replied curtly, spinning on my heel toward the stands.
I may have moved away from him, but it only took a single breath to see hurt flicker in his eyes. I pushed the pain down. He’d broken us; I didn’t owe him anything.
We won the game, and Cole was over the moon. He jumped and screamed with his fellow teammates. Gary and Gloria rushed down to the field, sweeping Bell away with them. Through the chaos, I managed to make my way back toward the dugout, where Cole was high-fiving his friends and clapping them on the back.
Ryan was there, beaming at the kids and parents who’d come to say hello and whatever else. The way his cheekbones looked under the bill of his hat was sinful, pure sex masquerading as a mere mortal. His eyes found mine as I crossed my arms defensively.
“Mom, Dad…can you guys take the kids for pizza? I need to show Bexley something important.” He walked over, abandoning the clipboard.
His parents of course agreed, because they were the best people in the world, and the kids heard the offer. Once they heard pizza, nothing would derail them.
Once the field was mostly empty, I stood with my arms crossed, feeling more exposed than I had when Ryan had me bare in front of him. His blazing eyes raked over me as though he could peel back every layer of my soul just by breathing. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“So, what do you need to show me?”
A small mischievous smile spread across his face, but he quickly rubbed it away.
“We have to travel to see it.” He walked away, ignoring how many moms had stayed after to talk to him. I shot them looks, and since Ryan’s back was to me, I didn’t mind sporting the worst bitch face known to man. Just because he wasn’t mine anymore didn’t mean he’d ever be theirs.
Once we were in the parking lot, I stopped at the passenger door.
“Where are we going?” I asked, feeling my chest burn. I didn’t want to get into an enclosed space with him.
Ryan leaned around me, opening the door for me. “Can you trust me?”
I scoffed. Was he serious?
“Please, Bex…just give me an hour of your time. That’s all I’m asking for.”
My arms found their way in front of me again, like a protective cage.
Ryan’s features softened as he held the door. The parents began pouring into the parking lot, curious glares stabbing at our little invisible standoff.
“Fin
e. One hour.” I slid into the vehicle and buckled.
Once Ryan was in, we silently headed out of town. The radio played, or whatever was connected to Ryan’s Bluetooth; otherwise we didn’t talk. What was he expecting? I’d said everything I needed to say then he’d never called or come back for me.
“You look good.”
I already knew his calculated gaze glanced my way, but I faced my window, ignoring him.
Ryan shifted in his seat, cleared his throat. “You always look good though…I mean, when I saw you for the first time at the resort, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. You took my breath away…just like you always have.”
Pretty lies from a pretty mouth.
“I have some things I want to say, but I think I need to wait until we get there.”
I eyed the surroundings outside my window in confusion. We headed out of town, past the resort…up a winding familiar hill. I whipped my head around as we crawled up the mile from the bottom to the top of the butte.
“Why are we here?” I whispered, sitting taller as the dark iron rod gate swung open.
Had he just pressed a button, or had I imagined that? I couldn’t find my voice to ask.
The SUV crawled along the asphalt that led to a massive house. Red brick with a black door, smooth stone covering at least fifteen steps leading up to the massive stoop. There were over a dozen or so windows on the top two floors, and at least sixteen massive ones that encased the bottom. To the left was an immaculate-looking structure, clearly used for some type of equestrian event. I knew if I walked in that direction, I would see animals, or more spaces provided for them.
I exited the car, not waiting for Ryan.
Crystal blue sky stretched as far as the eye could see from where we stood. Wisps of autumn stung my face as my hair whipped around, but the tall trees along the property helped ebb the intensity of it.
I spun around, facing the house again. Ryan stood, shifting from foot to foot while he waited for me to come back.
“What are we doing here?”
“Do you remember that stubborn millionaire with the cows who wouldn’t sell?” Ryan spun the keys in his hand, flipping the small leather flap over his thumb. I tracked the movement as my emotions spiked to dangerous levels.
“He finally caved. He’s living in Florida with his grandson now.”
My mind tossed ideas back and forth like an overinflated beach ball. I wanted to jump up and down and scream for joy at what Ryan was insinuating, but he’d taught me to know better.
“Okay…what does this mean?”
“I messed up, Bex.” His voice was metal on metal, low and pained, cutting through me.
His expression shuttered as he watched me.
“That day Logan showed up…I just snapped and assumed the worst possible scenario. I figured it would have been easier to walk away than walk through playing second string. So, I left. I made you think it was you, but…” His voice tipped, the strain in it revealing more than his words. The vulnerability in it made me step closer.
“Whose house is this, Ryan?” I had to know.
If this wasn’t his, there was no point in us even having this conversation. If he hadn’t made some grand gesture then I didn’t want to show any of my proverbial cards.
“It’s mine.” He watched me carefully.
I waited, brushing rogue strands of hair away from my face.
His brown boots moved closer to where I stood.
“Bex…I regretted everything I said to you the second I said it. I wanted to come back as soon as I left, but I was stubborn. Still, once I was in Brazil, I stopped showing up for script readings and essentially sabotaged filming just three weeks before backing out of that role. I moved back to Portland and started lining up interviews to announce my retirement.”
What?
Ryan’s scent tickled my nose. He stood just a foot from me now, his tan skin so close…close enough to touch.
“You…” I swallowed the thick burn in my throat. “You…quit?”
He couldn’t have. There was no way. I had been there that day in his house; there was a whole team…and those questions…
“I booked all these interviews, let them ask a thousand questions, but the end result—which hasn’t been leaked yet—is that I’m retiring from acting.”
“But why?” I exhaled silently, searching his face.
It was his passion, his dream. Why would he do this?
“Why?” He smiled, stepping closer.
His fingertips grazed mine.
“Because you’re not my second choice, Bexley Black. You’re not an afterthought. I made the worst mistake of my life letting you assume you were anything less than my everything. I love you. You’re it for me. Acting was never supposed to be the thing I loved…it was only ever you.”
His minty breath cooled my face; his soft touch scorched my skin. It was all too much.
“But…” I tried and failed to even come up with a coherent response.
“I fucked up back in Portland…but I was so shocked that you’d shown up and there was so much in the works, I was afraid you’d guess at my plans and ruin the grand gesture thing.”
I tried to step back, get some air, but my throat still felt too tight.
“What grand gesture… Did you…?” I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t think it. I wouldn’t let my heart dare to hope.
“I called about this place, having remembered it might be up for sale while I was still in Brazil. The second I walked away from the film, I put a call in. I choose you, Bex. I want you.” His fingers pressed into my hips as his nose skimmed my face.
I didn’t trust my legs or my lungs to keep me standing, so I gripped his arms.
“So you…” Still not a coherent sentence in my whole damn mouth. “You moved here?”
There it was, my dumb question—purchasing a property did not mean he’d moved here. I winced, realizing my error.
“Yes, I did. I’ve also been keeping up with Cole’s baseball, which was why I stepped in and became coach.”
Wait a second… “Did you rake my leaves…and have you been watching me?”
A slow red flush took over his features, and it was cute as hell.
“Guilty. Maybe I overstepped, especially with getting Coach Meyers fired, but he was being an asshole and I couldn’t take it anymore.”
I knew Meyers hadn’t retired.
In a normal scenario, I’d fume with him over Meyers and gush about how sweet it was that he had raked my yard, but I couldn’t even grasp that tiny thread of news. I was still reeling from the fact that Ryan had been here, setting up his life behind the scenes…for us.
“So…” My voice shuddered as my head tipped back. I didn’t know what to do with this information; it was all too much and too big, but my heart was soaring.
“So, I’m not finished,” he whispered against my ear.
Gripping my hand, he led me to the steps of the house, where he tugged the key out and unlocked the door. I was greeted by greatness. There was dark walnut flooring beneath my feet and freshly painted walls in a soft eggshell hue that looked rich and full against the dark crown molding and baseboards. The windows were bright and airy, the fireplace redone with white brick. It all looked like a house I could only dream about living in, something I’d pin on one of my Pinterest boards.
“No furniture?” I looked around curiously. Ryan’s place in Portland had been meticulously thought out, so the fact that this place was bare made me curious.
“I know you love your home, Bex…but I was wondering if you’d consider moving here…moving in with me—and the kids, obviously,” he rambled nervously. I looked up in time to see his jaw reddening. “You should know…they’ve already said yes.” He recovered, smiling at me with that panty-dropping grin.
Move in…here…my dream house? I turned my back to him and headed toward the kitchen, where my heart nearly stopped. It was perfect, massive, glorious…
“You asked
the kids?” I softly exhaled, trailing my fingers along the tall butcher block counters. It was similar to what he had in Portland, which proved he was planning to tailor this house to his tastes.
“I did…and for what it’s worth, they have very strong feelings about my next question.”
I turned around in time to see him kneeling in the middle of the floor.
“I took you for granted ten years ago. I knew you were the one for me then, but I just let you hang in the background while I chased my dreams…always assuming you’d wait there in the shadow of my spotlight. Then, I get this second chance with you, and because I was too chickenshit to own up to my insecurities, I let you go again.”
Tears were already threatening to fall down my face as his eyes brimmed with love. I stepped closer to him while his throat bobbed up and down.
“I didn’t do all this right…I didn’t mean to ignore the kids. I just knew this was my end goal…I want to marry you, Bex. I want to live here, where the kids go to school, where we can visit our family…” His gaze narrowed while his lips turned up wickedly. He was talking about his parents; he’d called them our family.
My heart thudded in random, desperate bursts.
“I want to love you fully, Bexley. I want to show you that you’re my first choice. You’re it for me.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, refusing to even look at the gleaming stone inside the open, velvet box. A thousand yeses were on my tongue, declarations of love and longing, but for some odd reason the only thing to leave my mouth was:
“Why?”
My voice hitched while tears finally won the war and streamed down my face, telling a story of their own: a tale of my broken childhood, my lonely and hurting heart that never felt like it was enough for anyone to ever love me right. I suddenly felt like I didn’t deserve this kind of love or devotion from the only man I’ve ever craved it from.