I leaned in until I spoke in his ear. “Glory. Come meet her.” I grabbed the drinks and wound my way to our table with Zayn on my heels.
Avery’s eyes widened, and she might have squealed. The noise of the bar made it impossible to tell. A few tables away, the jerk scowled in Glory’s direction. She ignored him but was strung tight.
“I come bearing gifts.” I slid over the shot and drink.
She swallowed down the shot of tequila without the lime and then sipped her margarita. She tugged my arm until her lips were at my ear. “Is he mine?”
I bent to her ear. “He’s one night, only. Never more.”
“I need a night of mind-blowing sex. A fool, not let...touch me. Three months...to forgive him...fucking around.”
I’m not sure what she said exactly, but I understood the gist of it. I nodded Zayn over. “This is Glory. My friend.”
“Mama.” He spoke close to my ear. “Take this outside.”
I held up a finger and followed him into the back alley. The alley smelled fragrant, not in a good way. Trash, smoke and the stale scent of sweat combined into a haze of stench.
“How’d you find me?” I propped my hands on my hips, tired of all the biker attitude.
“I’m off tonight.” He grinned at me. “This is my favorite hunting ground.” He pointed toward the club. “There’re three of our guys in there, and I’m sure it’ll be packed, once they figure out you’re here. Rebel, Rock, Vex, and a few more.”
“I don’t like bikers following me around.” This was so frustrating. “Everywhere I go there’s a biker.”
His lips pressed tight. “So pick one.”
“I did.” My words were bitter. “He didn’t want me.”
Zayn stared down at his boots. “Shit’s getting complicated.”
It was time to change the subject. “So my friend, she’s rebounding from a jerk, and might require some sex therapy. Wanna dance with her?”
His grin turned into a sexy smile. “A specialty of mine.”
Zayn joined us on the dance floor and in minutes he peeled Glory away, with his bad-boy smile and dance moves I envied. Avery scowled at me and shouted her demand for her own biker in my ear. Why did everyone but me like the Brotherhood’s attention?
Songs changed and I danced, purging the sadness with movement. I spun around and Rock moved in front of me. Fucking all I need.
Dancing toward Avery, I mouthed, “Yours.” He might only be a one-night thing, but maybe more.
I bumped her ass forward and she went willingly. While Rock was distracted, I hurried off the dance floor straight into Vex. He pointed to the alley, but I shook my head, not trusting him there. Instead, we went out front.
“What’s the game?” His smile crooked into a mischievous grin. “You look ready for a new rider.”
Did I say it now? I’m Bear’s property.
“I’m out with my girls forgetting my troubles.” I met his gaze. “No game, not ready for anything.”
“If we were at the club—”
“I’d be Bear’s property. You going there?”
He gave me a knowing wink. “Definitely better money in his harem. And he’s damn possessive for a queer.”
I kept my mouth shut, letting him jump to his own conclusions.
“You change your mind, let Bear know. He’s got my number.” He strutted down the walk to a row of motorcycles. Six bikes? Were they all from the Brotherhood?
The night lost its appeal. Hemmed in by bikers wanting Red, I felt claustrophobic. Three bikers in less than an hour. I needed to get out of here. Time to think about my starting-over plan. I absolutely couldn’t keep dodging bikers.
I met Frankie and her boyfriend on my way to the table. They planned to leave and agreed to drop me home. I interrupted Chet, who was kissing a strawberry blonde girl at our table, to tell him I was leaving with Frankie. He nodded and turned back to his conquest.
My ears rang in the quiet of the car. First I texted Avery and Glory, letting them know where I went. I stuck my finger in my ear, trying to stop the ringing. Buckled in the backseat of their four-door sedan, relief flooded through me. Another biker catastrophe avoided.
“Thanks for the ride home. It was getting crowded in there.”
“No problem, the Brotherhood are everywhere.” Frankie smiled at me. “All the townies know they’re fine for a wild ride or a fling, not that you’d know.”
I bit my lip and tried not to be offended by her condescending words.
“But never a relationship. No, they’re white trash.” She almost whispered the last two words. “You’re better off without that.”
Who the hell was she to judge my boys? I swallowed the words pushing to flow free, like judgmental bitch, prissy know-it-all, or ice queen who wouldn’t know a good man if he fucked her. Maybe I’d lost Dare, and maybe my relationship with the bikers was touchy, but I was loyal.
* * *
Pounding woke me the next morning, so I stumbled out of bed to the front door. My muddled mind shouted Dare, and I rushed to unlock it. I threw it open and Bear’s gaze met mine.
I stepped back and let him inside before I dropped on my couch. Dare was never knocking on my door again.
Get real, Braham. You’re a memory.
The smack of my door closing made me glance up. Bear stalked toward me while looking all around my apartment. Was this the first time he’d been here? No, he’d been here before furniture, I think.
He hadn’t brought coffee. If he was going to wake me up, at least he could bring coffee. Jericho always did. I forced myself up and trudged to the kitchen to pour Folgers in my Mr. Coffee and started it percolating.
A scraping made me turn. He’d dragged my chair around so it faced the couch.
“Make yourself at home,” I groused. “Redecorate if you want.” When the coffee finished brewing, I poured a steaming cup and sniffed its aroma. My brain started working. “Coffee.”
“Hate it.” Bear’s flat voice was cold.
I arched an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Tucking my legs under me on the couch, I sipped my java. His deep brown hair wasn’t contained in a ponytail but flowed down his back in waves.
Then he scowled, and the smooth planes of his face turned hard.
What have I done? I drank down more coffee, hoping the caffeine started working. I should gather my wits if he planned to chew my ass.
The silence stretched while he shot lethal glares at me.
His lip curled, but I wouldn’t call it a smile. “Don’t fuck with me.”
“Okay.” I hadn’t been.
“You using me to twist Dare up?”
He surprised me, and I set my cup on the end table. “What the hell?”
“Last night. The whole last week with you making friends with the townies. When will you have the buzz you need to make Dare insane with jealousy?” His words were venomous and the barbs struck.
“You think I’m going out to hurt Dare? Like I could.” Ugly knots of rage tightened inside me. “Is that who you think I am?”
“You tell me. You’re at Paradise. Half the Brotherhood hang there on the weekend, not me or Dare. Who you been talking to? You go shaking your ass, but you turn all the boys down. Use my name with Vex.” He stood and paced away from me. Turning back toward me, cruel lines twisted his face. “You working for me? Vex congratulated me on my acquisition.”
“You said I could use you, so I did. Why are you so pissed?” I stood now, pacing, trying to calm down.
“Because I don’t like you using me to create a rep—one that Dare will hear about.”
Despair washed away the rage. Time to move on. No one kicked me out, but staying might be too damn painful and way more complicated.
“I was...” I choked back tears
“...distracting myself from the jagged wound right here.” I beat my chest, turning away as the tears began to flow.
I heard Bear’s boots cross to me, and he stood before me, tugging up my chin. I spoke the words pounding in my mind. “Do you know the last time friends offered to take me out? Help me through a tight spot?” My words were hollow and full of anguish. “Try never.” I met his gaze.
“We’re here for you, Mama.” He touched my chin.
I flinched away from his now tender touch. His poison rotted my insides. I didn’t need his compassion.
“No...you...” I gestured to him “... all want me, but none of the club are here for me.” Anger and hurt warred inside me.
He moved back and sat in the chair. His mouth pressed into a thin line. “You aren’t after that?”
I laughed and to be honest it sounded crazy. “I’m not that person without him. We created Red together, now she’s gone. Maybe I’m weak, definitely stupid, but I don’t want anyone else.” My hands raked through the red curls I despised. “I’m Lila, and she’s never lasted this long without finding a man to erase her problems. I’m trying to survive. I ain’t got enough left for games.” I carried my cup to the sink, about ready to crack. “Let yourself out, everyone else does. Go back to the women who are tough enough to mend their broken hearts and plan revenge or world domination.” I huffed a dry laugh. “I should take lessons.”
The distance to my bed seemed endless.
Hands grabbed me and spun me into his chest. And as soon as my cheek hit his body, the tears came. Weak. Pathetic. But I couldn’t hold the floodgate another second.
I don’t know how long I cried, but when I came up from the mindless place where my grief lived, I was seated on the couch next to Bear with my face buried in his shoulder.
I pushed up and practically ran to the bathroom. My eyes were slits in the swollen red flesh surrounding them. I stared in the mirror and tried not to freak out.
No one but Dare had ever held me when I cried, mostly because I never cried in front of anyone. I’d reached a whole new level of pitiful. I started to open the door, but panic paralyzed me. What did I do now? I had no idea so I straightened my spine and inhaled—time to suck it up.
I found Bear sitting where I left him. He met my gaze and then found anything else to look at.
“Thanks.” I added more sass. “I finally believe it.”
His brows bunched, and a curious gaze met mine.
“You are gay. Here you are wiping up my tears like my GFF.” I winked at him.
A strangled laugh burst from him. “Shit. That’s funny.”
“Pop?” I needed one myself. My throat burned.
“Yeah.” He stood and followed me to the kitchen.
I brought out two cans and handed him one. He took it, pinning me with his stare. “I’m sorry. You aren’t like the people I know.”
I shrugged. “They sound tougher than me.”
“Tell me exactly what happened.” He glared at me.
I told him about the breakup, not because I wanted to, but I figured he deserved it after I’d blubbered all over him. Drained of emotion, the telling wasn’t as painful as when I’d told Avery. I finished my story, and he assessed me with scary intensity.
He set his can on the counter with a thunk. “Why do you think he freaked out? It’s not his style.”
“He’s got fucked-up ideas, probably because of the reading problem.” My hand covered my mouth, and I stared horrified at Bear. “Uh, no, because he’s Dare, no problems.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Lila
Not a great save, or even a save at all. I’d shared Dare’s deepest secret, one I didn’t know to be true.
I am so stupid.
“He tell you that?” His face blanked.
I shook my head. “He’s fine, and never told me anything. But I can’t be held responsible for his shit. I own my past. He can at least do the same.”
Bear turned and walked away. I thought he’d leave because I’d dissed his brother. But he sat in the chair, staring from me to the couch. I threw away our cans and joined him in the living room.
It could be worse, at least I’d never said it to Dare.
He sat forward, elbows on his knees, hands pressed together in front of his lips. “Hypothetically, a brother had a problem like you said...” His expression flashed with rage.
Is that directed at me?
“It’s not in the past. It’s his present, his future—his fucking living nightmare.” He sat back in the chair. “You were beaten, right?” A dark, dangerous look shadowed his face.
A cold blast of outrage filled me, and I almost snapped at him, but I’d opened this door with my mouth. I gulped down the bitterness blocking my throat.
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“But not now.” He studied me. “Not for the last four years, maybe longer.” His raised eyebrows asked for confirmation.
“Close enough.” I remembered Larry and how I’d run straight from my dad to the same kind of loser who hit me. I’d stayed with him almost a year.
“That’s the past.” He spoke low and went silent for so long I thought he was done. “You think Thorn’s problems are the past?”
I shook my head. He fought his demons daily, and more often than not I bet he lost.
“Ask anyone and they’d tell you Thorn, Dare and me—we’re the hard cases. The ones others fear. My shit, mostly in the past, but liking to fuck men, it makes me harsh. Thorn, you know about.” His words were like blows.
They stole my anger, and a sick feeling rose inside me.
“If a man’s living his nightmare day in and out, you think he knows when he’s over the line?”
I thought of Thorn hitting me, and my chest tightened. I’d never considered what Dare faced every day—fear of showing his failure, and he’d see it that way.
“Fuck, yeah I get your point.” And I did, only it was too late. While I’d discovered his secret, I hadn’t thought about how it changed his reality, because he’d acted so damn confident. Now I realized how being out of touch must have freaked him the fuck out. Not that it excused the way he’d treated me, but at least I understood.
Bear nodded at me. “You’re smart and tough, you should work—”
“I don’t fuck for money,” I yelled, fed up with having to say no yet again.
Hands up, he backed up a couple steps. “I got that, loud and clear. But I was going to say, you should work with me as my gofer.”
I frowned at that term. I wasn’t a lackey.
“I mean, help out with the books, the organization of the place. Ollie does all that and I want to free up his time for better things.”
Now that sounded appealing to me, and I might need a new job, one whose boss wasn’t my ex-lover and never would be. “I’ll think it over, but I like what I do. If it’s too awkward I’ll probably take you up on the offer.”
* * *
Monday shone a bright sunny day. I’d have preferred dark clouds.
I tried to brace myself, prepare to be Lila the office manager, not Red, Dare’s girl.
I opened the shop at noon, preparing a USB drive for Maverick to pick up. Zayn and Rock arrived at noon, but I doubted I’d see Dare today since he didn’t have any appointments. Around two Maverick picked up the books, then we’d be dead until five when Zayn’s appointment came in.
About three o’clock, Rock waved and headed out. I’d heard from Avery, who’d had her world rocked Saturday night by Rock—her words. Her wordplay had made her giggle. Everyone got lucky that night but me. Glory sighed when I asked her about Zayn, and I worried she might be attached.
As the minutes ticked by, I became more restless.
I need a tattoo. Something to remind me of those failures, so I’d
quit making the same damn mistakes—a skull and crossbones over my heart. I poisoned my love life because of my past, one way or the other. I’d found a good man and drove him away—or we drove each other away—because of the baggage.
I headed back to see Zayn, I wanted to take advantage of the “employee discount.”
“Mama, I refuse to put a skull and crossbones on your chest.” He looked at his hands. “I’m not a fan of doing anything close to your tits.”
A laugh rose from deep inside me. “Didn’t you screw someone last night with tits?”
He chuckled. “I don’t think of you that way.”
“Too old? Too ugly?” I teased him.
His cheeks reddened, and I laughed harder.
“You’re like my sister. Happy now?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Sorry, I’ll quit tormenting you.”
“Hey.” Dare strode into the workroom.
I stared at my toes and then found my spine. “Hey, you need the numbers?”
He nodded.
“They’re in the office.” I moved past him and down the hall. My heart beat fast, and my mouth went dry.
I gave him the month totals. “Of course, it’s down because we closed a few days in October, but five percent better than last October.”
“Thanks, Lila.”
He strode out the door and rode away on the bike I would never ride on again.
Emotion strangled me, twisting my muscles until I wanted to curl up in the fetal position.
I breathed in a deep and rhythmic way until my chest relaxed. I chanted a single phrase: I can survive this.
“You okay?” Zayn’s voice startled me.
“Yeah.”
“Thinking about your ink.” He had a pad in his hand. “What if we put a flower, like the one on your hip, but kind of sad or withered, with blood welling and dripping from it?”
I grabbed him and kissed his cheek. “Perfect. How’d you remember my flower?”
He blushed again. “Not easy to forget.”
I smacked his head. “That’s no way to think about your sister.”
We shared a laugh and I felt a little better. Putting the Walk On Back sign on the desk, I followed him back.
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