by Beth Bracken
by beth bracken & kay fraser
illustrated by odessa sawyer
capstone young readers
Table of Contents
Introduction
Part 1
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Part 2
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Part 3
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Part 4
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Dedication
Discover What's Coming Next
Author
Illustrator
Copyright
Long ago, a kingdom was founded in Willow Forest . . .
The faerieground and human village weren’t far from each other. They shared a dark wood. They shared the same sun, water, trees, and air. Visitors crossed the borders.
They were happy neighbors. At first.
In the village, unrest was growing.
And in the faerieground, nothing was quite what it seemed.
Over time, the human village and the faerie kingdom grew further apart. Some humans began to spread rumors that the faeries were evil. Some faeries believed that the humans were murderers. The balance shifted. Things were changing.
And then there was a new queen of the faeries.
Calandra.
The kingdom welcomed Calandra as their queen. The king deserved love and happiness. He was a good faerie, maybe one of the best. The wedding was beautiful. It was a time of goodwill and joy. The kingdom rejoiced.
Then tragedy happened. The faerie kingdom fell quickly into ruin. Only one thing could fix it.
One wish.
The faerieground is still there, just past a wish made in the woods . . .
Soli
We are always together, Lucy and I.
Lucy is the brave one.
I am the fearful one.
We were born two weeks apart in different towns, but since then, we’ve always been together.
We are the kind of friends everyone wants.
We are never apart.
Her mother may as well be my mother.
I spend hours at her house.
Lucy knows everything about me.
Every detail of my life.
And I know absolutely everything about her.
We are best friends. We do everything together. We always have.
Or we did, anyway.
We used to.
Before.
We live in Mearston, a small town on the edge of Willow Forest. The trees in the woods are as old as trees can be. It’s dark in there, dark and scary and beautiful.
Everyone says to stay out of the woods.
Lucy’s mother told her the woods were called the faerieground. She told us never to go there. She said that faeries lived there.
She said if you made a wish in the woods, your wish would come true.
That you’d wish you hadn’t wished it.
We started going there when we were little girls, Lucy and I. We were five or six, roaming around on our own.
I didn’t want to go in. But Lucy said, “This will be our secret shortcut.” It made our walk to school half as long. So we had extra time to play, to talk, to laugh, to be together.
Lucy is not afraid of the woods. So neither am I.
Not anymore.
But I’m careful there. I stay behind her. That’s what best friends do. They stay together.
Now we are thirteen.
I still stay behind her.
Lucy has always led the way.
She does everything first.
She was born first.
Our mothers tell us she walked first, talked first.
Her first word was sky.
Mine was Lucy.
She kissed a boy first. Last week.
I wouldn’t care. I’d be happy for her. I’m used to her doing things first. I’m used to just being happy for her. Except for one thing.
It was Jaleel.
He’s the boy I like.
Jaleel is strong. He’s smart. His smile is amazing, especially when he smiles at me. It’s like I know a secret about him that no one in the world could guess. It’s like we know something secret about each other.
At school, I stay in shadowy corners, in dark spaces. Lucy is out in the light. She’s popular and friendly and bold.
I am shy and quiet. Hardly anyone knows me, besides Lucy. I’ve never bothered to try to get anyone else to know me.
I never thought I’d need another friend, not really. Not when I had Lucy.
When she’s around, she puts everyone in the shadows. And I never mind.
That’s just who we are.
Two sides of the same coin.
Two halves of the same whole.
She makes the light, and I stay in the dark.
But somehow, Jaleel saw me in the shadows.
Lucy knew I liked him, and she kissed him anyway.
Then she told me about it.
She said she was sorry.
She said it just happened.
She said it wouldn’t happen again.
Of course, I believed her.
I thought I would forgive her.
I thought she was my best friend, and she’d never lie to me.
Then at school today, I saw them together.
I was walking through the crowds after lunch, looking for Lucy. She was at her locker, fixing her long, blond hair.
She’s beautiful. Have I mentioned that?
Lucy is beautiful. I have always thought that she was more beautiful than me. But the thing about her is that you don’t notice her beauty, because she’s so kind, too.
She’s not one of those girls who is just pretty and nothing else.
She’s different.
Anyway. She was at her locker. Her hair looked perfect. The crowds parted.
I smiled and waved, but Lucy didn’t see me. She wasn’t looking my way. She was smiling up at someone else, someone taller.
And the crowds parted more, and as everyone moved from between us I could see who the someone else was.
It was Jaleel.
He leaned down and kissed her. She stood up on her tiptoes, reaching for him.
That’s when Lucy saw me.
Lucy
Soli is like my sister.
All I want is to take care of her and make her happy. She spends so much time feeling bad, feeling dark, hiding away from everyone.
I wish she’d come out in the light like me. I wish she’d let people see how wonderful she is. I wish she could do that.
I love Soli. Like a sister. Except she’s not my sister. And here’s the thing: Sometimes I think my mother likes Soli more than she likes me.
I know that’s crazy. But ever since we were born, Soli has spent hours and hours and hours at my house.
I’ve watched them together.
; My mother has fed her. My mother has bought her clothes. My mother has dried her tears. And my mother watches her.
Not in a creepy way. In a loving way. In a careful way. In a protective way. In a way she hardly ever looks at me.
As if Soli needs extra care. As if her own mother is not enough. As if my mother needs to take care of her too.
Or like I don’t deserve as much care.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve left Soli behind. Sometimes it feels like she doesn’t like doing the things I do. She’s so quiet. She’s so careful. I like being loud and bright and full of life.
Once I had a party. I was ten. My mother bought cake and sparklers.
I didn’t invite Soli. I didn’t even tell her about it.
When my mother found out, she cried. “She’s your best friend,” my mother said.
She is. She is my best friend. She is like the other half of me.
So of course I changed my mind. I invited Soli to the party.
But is there anything wrong with wanting something that could be just mine? Something I wouldn’t have to share with my best friend, my sister?
My own mother? My own friends? My own party? My own boyfriend?
Does it make me a bad person?
She asked me to talk to Jaleel and I did. I talked to him. And I liked him. I didn’t mean to. It just happened. Sometimes when you talk to someone, it just happens. You like them. And we kissed, and I told Soli about it, and I said I was sorry and that it would never happen again.
I thought it was true.
Then, at school today, she saw me kiss him again.
Soli
After school, I run home through our shortcut in the woods. I follow the path I know so well. I’ve never traveled it alone.
My backpack bounces against my back and my heart pounds. My feet stamp the ground.
I hear her voice. “Soli!” she calls. “Soledad! Wait! Stop, Soli, stop!”
I don’t want to stop.
So I keep going.
Right now, I feel like I never want to talk to Lucy ever again.
“Come on, Soli, wait up,” she calls. “I mean it. Turn around! Let me talk to you. Please! Soli, please!”
In my head, I’m thinking No, no, no.
But my legs stop moving.
I stand in the middle of Willow Forest, waiting for Lucy to catch up to me.
She grabs my hands, and I pull them away.
She looks me in the eye, and I turn my face.
“Why did you lie to me?” I ask.
Lucy sits down on the grass.
“I didn’t mean to,” she says. She pulls out stems of clovers and twists them in her long fingers. “I meant it when I said it wouldn’t happen again. I didn’t think he actually liked me.”
“Maybe he doesn’t,” I say.
I want to hurt her feelings. I want to make her feel as bad, as stupid, as pathetic as she’s made me feel.
How has this happened to us?
How can I have these feelings of anger toward my best friend?
Lucy shrugs. “Maybe not,” she tells me. “Maybe he doesn’t really like me.”
Then she looks up at me.
She stands and pushes a string of flyaway hair away from my face. “Maybe he doesn’t like me,” she repeats.
“Maybe,” I whisper.
Lucy looks away.
“But now,” she says. “Now I think I really like him. I’m sorry.”
I feel tears crawling out of my eyes. One slips down my face.
“How could you do that to me?” I ask.
“I know you like him,” Lucy says softly. “And I know why.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because he’s a nice guy,” Lucy says. “Because he’s nice to you. Because he notices you.”
She’s right about that.
Jaleel notices me.
And not in a bad way, either.
And he is nice to me, nicer than any other boy I’ve ever known.
Once I was in the hallway and I tripped. I don’t know how it happened.
Maybe my shoe came untied.
Maybe someone stuck their foot out on purpose.
Maybe I just fell.
Oh, it was so embarrassing.
Sprawled on the floor, I felt my cheeks getting hot. I’m not used to people looking at me. Everyone saw.
Everyone started to laugh.
Not Jaleel.
He reached down and helped me up. Then he smiled at me and walked away.
Lucy would have helped me. But she wasn’t there.
And now that I think about it, maybe she would have laughed too.
Now she sits in the woods, trying to apologize. Trying to say she’s sorry for liking a boy who’s likable.
I should be able to understand.
After all, I liked him first.
But she promised. She said she’d go to the game, that she’d talk to him.
I couldn’t go.
If I’d gone, would things be different?
Would he be kissing me in the hall?
Would Lucy be the jealous one?
Maybe.
But she wouldn’t be the hurt one.
She wouldn’t be the betrayed one.
She has never hurt me like this before.
“I understand that you’re mad,” she says. “But—”
“No,” I say.
I shake my head.
Lucy
Sometimes you hurt your friends.
Sometimes you make your mother mad. Sometimes you have to.
I guess today was my turn to hurt the person I love most in the world.
As soon as it happened, everything turned dark inside me. As soon as I saw Soli’s dark eyes. I felt strange. I felt horrible. I felt like a burned bowl of rose petals. I felt ruined.
I knew if I could take it back, I would. I know I would.
When I chased her into the forest, I was also chasing myself. The good Lucy. Light Lucy. Lucy who makes her mother proud. Lucy who makes a mistake but fixes it.
When I finally invited Soli to the birthday party, the one I didn’t want to tell her about, her eyes lit up. She didn’t know everyone else had already been invited.
“It’ll be so much fun!” she said.
I remember still, years later, exactly how her face looked. Full of hope. Full of trust. She wasn’t surprised to be invited. She knew she belonged there.
And I felt terrible. I should have invited her first. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t. I’m still not sure.
Sometimes friends start to feel like they aren’t friends. Sisters feel like strangers.
Or maybe it was me who was changing.
After that, I was afraid to ever let Soli out of my sight. I didn’t want to make my mother angry. And I was afraid of who I’d be without my other half.
Now, in the woods, Soli is angry with me. She should be. I kissed the boy she likes. I lied to her.
It’s like the birthday party, except this time she found out, and I didn’t have time to fix it. I couldn’t make it all go away. I couldn’t un-kiss Jaleel, and I’m not sure I would if I could.
“I understand that you’re mad,” I say, sitting back down on the ground, pulling clovers, counting leaves. “But—”
“No,” Soli says.
We have been friends for thirteen years. We will be friends for many more. She’ll forgive me. I know she will.
Inside I feel my light coming back.
Like the sun is rising.
Soli
It started when Jaleel and I walked home together.
A few days ago. Lucy was sick. I left school and took the long way home.
Soon I heard footsteps behind me.
“Wait up,
Soli!” a voice said.
It was Jaleel, and he wanted to walk with me. And yes, I wanted to walk with him too.
We talked about math class.
We talked about how the leaves crunch under your feet in the fall.
We talked about my dog and how he barks at thunder.
I am not good at talking to people.
But I was good at talking to Jaleel.
Jaleel laughed every time I made a joke. I made more jokes. We talked. We looked at each other and smiled. Sometimes we were quiet, but it didn’t make me feel scared.
At a corner not far from my house, he stopped. “This is my street,” he told me. “See you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I said. “See you tomorrow.” And I smiled, and I felt my face light up.
I went home feeling like I was holding a red-hot rose in my heart.
The next day I walked to school alone, the long way. I lingered by Jaleel’s street, hoping he’d find me. He finally jogged down the block just as I was about to leave.
“Hey, Soli!” he said, slowing to a stop. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“You are?” I asked.
Then I smiled. “I’m happy to see you too,” I said.
We walked to school together. We talked the whole time.
When we were separating to walk to class, Jaleel asked if I was going to the basketball game.
“I hope you do,” he said. “You should. You should come.”
“I don’t think I can,” I told him.
I’d promised to help my mom with something.
I don’t remember what.
But I knew I couldn’t get out of it.
Not for a basketball game.
I tried to hold tight to the rose in my chest.
He wanted me to go to the game.