Conflict of Interest

by N. D. Jackson

  Shellie smiled, enjoying this small amount of power she wielded. “But you don’t want someone like me and I can’t afford to fall for someone like you.” Her bravery now gone, she hid herself behind her large coffee mug.

  “What exactly is someone like me?” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer but he had to know what it was about him that turned her off so emphatically.

  Shellie sat down the mug and slowly picked up a peach slice from the fruit salad on the table. Biting into the succulent peach she moaned in satisfaction as a small stream of juice fell down the corner of her mouth. Blotting it with her napkin, she finished chewing and returned the napkin to her lap. “You really want to know?”

  He nodded, still staring at the spot marked by the peach juice, wishing he had licked it off.

  “Well Noel you’re beautiful,” she held up her hands to prevent him from responding. “Don’t deny it ‘cause we both know it’s true. It just is. And you’re successful, very successful. As such you have a certain type of woman in mind to match your image. That woman is breathtakingly beautiful with long legs and perfect hair, and most importantly she is just as successful as you.” She paused to pour a glass of fresh squeezed apple juice. “This woman fits your lifestyle. You can introduce her to your friends and your colleagues without feeling embarrassed and without everyone wondering what you see in her.”

  “Shellie I’m sorry to break this to you, but I don’t care what other people think about me.”

  She raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you?” Her look was daring him to deny it.

  “I don’t.”

  “Then why do you waste money on thousand dollar suits? Designer shoes? $50 underpants?”

  “That projects a certain image of success, which can be helpful in the business world. But it isn’t what you’re suggesting.”

  “I don’t mean to offend you Noel, but it isn’t a judgment merely an observation.” She took another sip. “It’s fine that you care. In your world how you look is part of your business, I understand, I just want you to understand.”

  He stared at her lips for far longer than he should have, but the way she said his name had him rock hard under her kitchen table and based on what she just said, that’s exactly where his hardness would stay. He counted to ten before saying a word, taking a moment to just savor her. She really had no idea that she was beautiful. Sure she wasn’t supermodel beautiful but he’d been with enough models to know that kind of beauty wasn’t real. This morning with messy hair and an old nightie, she looked more beautiful than the last ten women he took to bed. “So,” he began, “because you find me gorgeous,” he said with a growing smile, “you won’t give me a chance?”

  A deep sigh of frustration escaped from her. He just didn’t get it and he never would because a guy like him could never understand how plain old Shellie with the nice rack, didn’t want to be with him. “It’s not about whether I find you attractive or not, Noel.”

  “I believe you said gorgeous,” he corrected her.

  She rolled her eyes, but a hint of a smile broke through her armor. “Whatever you want to call it, it isn’t about what I think. You are,” she tapped her fingers on the table searching the air for the right word. “Right. You are quantitatively good looking. By any objective measure of beauty, you would be high on the list. Therefore you find it unfathomable that I—looking as I do—wouldn’t want to be with you.”

  “But you do!”

  “See? Unfathomable.”

  “This isn’t arrogance, its certainty! You responding to my kisses and moaning into me and coming in my mouth, that’s how I know you want me as much as I want you. So if you’re going to tell me why we shouldn’t be together then at least have the balls to tell me something true.” Shellie sat back in her chair arms crossed, ready for a fight. But Noel was no longer in the mood to fight with her. Obviously her past was preventing her from recognizing pure logic so he would have to trick her into getting to know him. “I don’t want to fight with you Shellie, honestly. I just want you to get to know me instead of lumping me into some group based on how I look or how I dress or how much money I earn.”

  “How do you propose we do that?”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “I don’t know how I let you talk me into this, but I doubt watching you spend lots of money on overpriced clothes is going to change my perception of you.” She sat in the passenger seat of the luxury rental car delivered this morning as he barreled down I-57, gripping the door handle for dear life.

  “Maybe it was my charm or how gorgeous I looked in my underwear over breakfast.” He smiled, thinking he could never get enough of teasing her. She was so sexy when she was mad, all that fire and spunk that made her hazel eyes golden and her wild curly hair with that sexy just rolled out of bed look.

  “Maybe it’s because I felt sorry for the homeless naked guy standing in my kitchen.” Looking sexy as hell in a pair of boxer briefs I’ll never forget. She couldn’t deny that her opinion of him had changed somewhat over breakfast when he wasn’t oozing charm and fake sincerity. She would rather he kept up the façade since it made him easier to resist, although not much easier since she still had her eyesight.

  “None of that now, Shellie. You’re getting to know the real me today.”

  “Yeah yeah, so let’s get on with the real you. Tell me about your last girlfriend.”

  He knew she just wanted him to prove her right about who he really was and if he told her about Katya she would never let her guard down. So he started where she was least likely to find fault. His family. “I’m glad you asked,” he smiled over at her, placing his hand on top of hers. “I don’t have a large family it’s just mom, dad, me and my sister Abby. My parents still live upstate where I grew up. Abby lives in Park Slope with her husband and twins, who are adorable by the way, and I live on the Upper East Side.”

  She wasn’t surprised that he lived in the richest part of the city. It fit his image and everything she thought about him. What surprised her was the tenderness in his voice when he spoke of his sister’s twins. “Your sister has twins? Are there any other twins in your family?”

  Noel smiled, happy to have won at least one small victory. “Yeah, Abby has a boy and a girl, identical twins. My mom was a twin but her sister died about a week after they were born.”

  “I’m sorry, Noel.”

  “It’s okay. I mean I obviously never met my aunt, but I guess it’s affected my mom all these years.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He stared straight ahead, his grip tightening on her hand. “She was a good mother, pushing me and Abby to reach our goals. But she was cold.”

  She looked over at him, the lines around his face tense and harsh and felt sorry for him. It didn’t matter if she thought a cold mother was better than no mother at all, she could see that he still hurt and that made her heart weep for him. She rubbed his hand with her free one. “I’m sure getting over that kind of loss isn’t easy.”

  He shrugged, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah I guess not. What about your family?”

  Shellie looked out her window at the acres of farmland they whizzed by, hating that he decided to talk about family instead of girlfriends. She wasn’t sure what to tell him. The truth would have him pitying her and the last thing she wanted was his pity. Hell if she saw pity in his eyes she would jump him right in the car to stop it. She couldn’t lie because she was an awful liar who often forgot the lies she told. So she took a deep breath and began. “I was raised by my grandparents from the age of ten.”

  “That must’ve been hard with them being old.”

  She was surprised at the sympathy in his voice and decided to continue. “Actually they were great. My grandpa is the best man I ever met. He taught me how to fish and how to fight. He tried to teach me how to shoot a gun but I kept closing my eyes when I squeezed the trigger so it didn’t work,” she laughed at the memory. “My Granny, well she was a spitfire of a w
oman. She was barely five feet tall but I swear she is the strongest woman who ever lived. She ran a small bakery from her home while my grandpa was away at war and she cooked until the day she died for widows whose husbands never returned. She was amazing.”

  Noel saw her turn in an effort to hide the tears that escaped down her cheek. He wished he could comfort her but he knew if he stopped the car she would get the wrong idea. So, he pulled her hand up to his mouth and pressed his lips to her knuckles softly.

  It was a small gesture but Shellie was touched by it. There was no heat, no lust behind it just one person offering a small bit of comfort to another. “Thanks,” she said it so softly she wasn’t sure he heard it.

  “Your grandparents sound incredible, Shel.” He liked the way her shortened name just rolled off his tongue. “I never met my grandparents.”

  She didn’t know if she was more disturbed that he had used her nickname or by the fact that she wasn’t as disturbed as she should be with his familiarity. “They were all I had and I miss them so much.”

  He didn’t want to pry but he just had to know her entire story. “What about your parents, where are they?”

  “My mom got into drugs when I was young and my dad left before I was born. All I know of him are old photos.” She braced herself, ready for his pity.

  “Well I guess you lucked out with your grandparents then, because my parents were nothing to brag about.”

  She was grateful that he didn’t offer his pity and happy he attempted to lighten the mood. “Thanks Noel.”

  He was confused. “Thanks for what? Making you relive some obviously awful moments from your past?”

  “Thank you for not pitying me.”

  “Pity you? You should pity me. I’m the one who grew up in a cold home without life or emotions or love. If it weren’t for Abby I don’t know if I would’ve survived.”

  “You did more than survive, you thrived.”

  “Maybe in business but I’m pretty much crap in the rest of my life.” Noel glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t know where that had come from, he never even thought that to himself. But if he were going to be honest with Shellie then he may as well be honest with himself and admit that he was crap outside of work. He went through women like he went through designer underwear, he didn’t keep in touch with any of his friends and he only saw his sister maybe six times a year. The longest relationship he ever had was the one with his personal trainer, and that was for purely selfish reasons.

  “So what you’re saying is even the beautiful supermodels you date aren’t enough to keep you interested,” she decided to lighten the mood for him this time.

  He chuckled at that. “Yeah I guess you could say that.”

  “Then what chance do I have,” she mumbled to herself.

  ##

  Noel heard her question but he decided that the day would go better if he just kept that bit of information to himself. She wants me, he thought triumphantly to himself. Now I just have to get her to admit it. She broke through his thoughts, “So you’ve already passed the outlet mall about fifty miles ago. Care to tell me where you’re taking me?”

  He turned his attention to her, staring into her playful eyes. “Don’t worry Shellie, we really are going shopping. I just thought we’d have more fun if we went to Chicago.”

  She wagged her finger at him, “Sneaky, sneaky.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  “No, I didn’t think we’d find anything up to your standards there anyway.”

  “Speaking of standards, what’s with all the black lately?”

  “What do you mean, lately?”

  Noel could sense that she was piling the bricks back up around her but he had to try. “I mean when I first met you, your clothes were bright pinks, yellows, greens and oranges. I didn’t think you owned any regular colors,” he laughed at his own joke. “Now all you wear is black and I want to know why.”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” she muttered to the window.

  “I don’t understand. That’s why I’m asking. Those colors were so vibrant and full of life, just like you.”

  “It was time for a change.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I think my clothes were giving you and guys like you, the wrong impression of me.” She took a breath but continued before he could say anything further. “My last few relationships have been with guys like you who are out of my league and who I shouldn’t have been dating in the first place and they didn’t end well, as you probably guessed. After,” she tried to find a word that wouldn’t offend but would get her point across. “After our encounter and then finding out about your assistant, I decided it was obviously something about me, giving out the wrong impression.”

  “And you decided it must be your clothes?” Noel felt like the lowest life form listening to Shellie talk about how she didn’t deserve gorgeous guys like him and that it was his fault she was now walking around like she was in mourning. He knew he had to make her see herself differently if he wanted her to see him differently.

  “Well one of my exes flat out told me that he thought I was a ‘free love’ kind of girl since I wore long dresses and flowers in my hair.”

  “So one guy and you’re changing who you are? That doesn’t sound like you Shellie.”

  “I’m not changing myself to get him back. I’m changing to find someone who likes me for me, not who he thinks I am.”

  “You mean like what you’re doing to me?”

  Shellie shook her head. She was hoping to avoid this conversation. “Not at all like that, actually. You want to be someone else Noel, I think you really do. But within hours of being intimate with me you were screwing your assistant in your apartment!” She hadn’t meant to yell but, well he wasn’t going to make her feel guilty for protecting her heart.

  “First of all I did not fuck Amelia! She is my assistant and I don’t sleep with my assistants. Second,” he held up another finger, “she is in a long term relationship and I’m pretty sure Tam is going to propose to her soon!” He hit the steering wheel with his fist. “Dammit Shellie I tried to explain this to you but you didn’t want to listen to me.”

  “I know what I saw Noel and what I saw was your assistant,” she pointed at him, “sneaking down the stairs and slipping her shoes on about an hour after my party ended. She looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching her, just like someone cheating on her boyfriend would do.”

  Noel spoke again, this time the very picture of calm. “I asked her to accept your invitation to find out why you weren’t interested in me. She came up afterwards to fill me in.” He was embarrassed but it didn’t matter anymore as long as she believed him. He looked over at her tentatively waiting for her to unleash her anger on him but she did nothing and she said nothing. She sat staring straight ahead as though counting the yellow slotted lines dividing the lanes. He waited patiently hoping that his confession would garner some response. They drove in complete silence for a few miles, Noel glancing over at her every so often to see if she was ready to talk.

  Shellie couldn’t believe what he just admitted to her. It was so immature, so embarrassing so ridiculous that he had to be telling the truth. The way his face reddened when he confessed she knew it had to be true. Then she thought about how dazed she had been in front of Amelia. Her disheveled hair, swollen lips and lack of underwear and she cringed at what Amelia probably told him, unaware that he was the reason for her disarray. Then she did the only there was to do.

  She laughed.

  ##

  Shellie and Noel rode the remainder of the trip in amiable silence. She was lost in her thoughts, wondering just how sincere he was about his relationship with Amelia. She wanted to believe him. It would be easy to believe him with those expressive green eyes that seemed to reveal every emotion. The sincerity of his embarrassment made it easy to believe that he was telling the truth. Her problem, if you could call it a problem, was that she wanted to believe him beca
use it would make her life easier. She wanted to believe him because she wanted to believe his feelings for her were genuine and she wanted to believe him so they could finish what they started a few weeks ago in the kitchen.

  But she knew better than to succumb to her desires, especially when all the warning signs were right in front of her. He was a flirt, a far too good looking flirt with a lot of money and charm to spare. Based on all of her previous experience she knew that the man beside her was trouble, yet she couldn’t resist the urge to run headfirst in the direction of what would inevitably be a beautiful disaster.

  She sighed heavily and focused on the changing scenery surrounding her. She loved coming to the city. Ever since she was a young child she came up to Chicago to see the fireworks on the Fourth of July, to see the city draped in winter snow every Christmas and most years she even stayed a few days to enjoy the epicurean feast known as the Taste of Chicago. The city always left her feeling invigorated and renewed, despite the hectic pace of life inside the concrete walls of Chicago. She knew they were drawing close to her beloved city as the looming fields of corn transformed into flat manicured suburban laws and concrete foot paths. The traditional big red barns were but distant memories behind her and those large farm houses were replaced by single and multi-level homes. But just as she began to get used to the suburban scenery her favorite view was coming into sharp focus.

  The moment Shellie knew she would begin a lifelong love affair with this city was at the tender age of 10. It was the first time she had been awake as they entered the limits of the city and the sight of the skyline took her breath away. Sure, part of her amazement was the skyscrapers that seemed to reach to the clouds but more than that she fell in love with the sleek lines of the buildings and the way the city seemed luminous at night. The lights flanked the city in a way that brought to mind a dreamlike state, which was usually how she felt each time she set foot on Lake Shore Drive.