He justified his reasons for following Tara home, for eating at her restaurant three times a week, and for often visiting her at the house on Saturdays with Mike. It’s for Mike. The boy needs a mother figure around. But Ben had to admit, he enjoyed Tara’s company too. The thought of her moving away threw him for a loop. He stared at her diminutive figure, bundled in a fisherman’s coat, and concentrated on quietly keeping pace with her. He wouldn’t confuse the issue by outwardly escorting her home.
During his second weekend in Maine, Miles slept at a tiny inn, refusing to stay at Torchlight, which was again without any running water while the crew worked on the upstairs plumbing. He tried to talk Julia into staying with him, but she refused, ignoring his obvious insinuation.
“Come on, Julia, we’re practically engaged.”
“But we’re not really engaged, are we, Miles? And even if we were, I still wouldn’t sleep with you.”
“Hmm. Can I help it if I find you incredibly attractive? But play by the rules; I respect that. In any case, it’s not sanitary to live in a place without water. Come into some semblance of civilization. Stay with me. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“No, thank you. We’ll have water back in a few days, and in the meantime, I’ve made do with a shower at Tara’s every couple of days. I reserved some water for sponge baths before they shut off the main. Really, Miles, where’s your sense of adventure?”
He looked at her askance. “I could ask the same question, but I’ll ignore that comment because I don’t want to ruin our weekend together. We have some wonderful plans.”
“We do?”
“Well, don’t look so surprised. Your old Miles has a trick or two up his sleeve.”
She smiled at the glint in his eye. “Such as …?”
“I’m going to show you the town.”
“Miles! I’d love that. I haven’t had much of a chance to see anything, with all the work to be done here at Torchlight.”
“Good. Then it’s a date.”
He was moving to kiss her when Trevor walked in the front door. Miles scowled at him as he and Julia parted. “Don’t you knock?”
“Good to see you, too, Beckley. Guess you didn’t realize, this house is my work zone. Julia stays in her room if she wants privacy.” He looked at his boss for the first time. Trevor clearly understood he had broken up a romantic moment and was doing his best to stifle a smile. “That’s still the arrangement, right?”
Julia shifted, obviously uncomfortable with the way Trevor was drawing her to his side of the sparring. “That’s true—”
“There you have it. Straight from the boss’s mouth.”
He brushed by as Miles bristled. “Isn’t it a bit late for work?”
“I get paid for overtime.” Trevor’s eyes twinkled with mischief. He headed toward the kitchen to meet the plumbers in the basement, but paused in the doorway. “Oh, and Miles, too bad you haven’t been around more. There have been all sorts of interesting developments lately.”
Miles glared back at him.
“Would you two knock it off?” Julia asked, looking from her agitated boyfriend to her general contractor.
Miles’s face was an angry red, and the veins on his temple bulged. He looked at Julia accusingly as Trevor disappeared. “What’s been going on around here? Has he made a move on you?”
“No. Of course not.” She shifted uncomfortably. “We’re just friends. We’ve shared a few evenings of reading and such, but that’s it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Miles!”
“I’m sorry, but something about that man drives me crazy. I think he’s after you, Julia.”
She looked toward the door and back to Miles. “Even if he were, I wouldn’t return his feelings. The man is a wanderer.” She embraced the man she had known for over a decade, dated for the last four years. “I prefer to know that the man I’m interested in will be around, not to wonder when I wake up if he’s off to some new territory.”
Miles studied her in his arms, wondering if she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince him.
“I’m not surprised you two don’t get along; you’re so different. But I would have thought the two of you would be mature enough to get along. For my sake at least.”
Miles softened, inhaling deeply. “I’ll try. I’ve certainly dealt with his type before.” He paused in the entry.
Julia changed the subject. “You could put on your jeans and help us out here tomorrow morning. There’s plenty to do.”
Miles smiled down at her. “There’s a part of me that wants to do just that. But I have business calls to make, letters to fax. Meet you back here at five?”
Julia’s disappointment was evident. “Miles, are you ever going to help me?”
He took her chin in his hand and raised her face gently to meet his. “This is your dream. Chase it if you must. But do not expect me to. I have my own dreams. Isn’t it enough that I visit, take part in the dream a little? Better than not at all, right?”
She sighed. “Five will be fine.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
That afternoon Julia was working upstairs, removing molding to be refinished, when she heard a large freight truck pull up front. What on earth is being delivered now? She walked downstairs and opened the front door.
Trevor was already outside, talking to the driver and his assistant. He looked up and grinned at Julia.
“My luggage!” he explained excitedly. “Bring it around the side,” he directed the driver and followed them toward the cottage.
Julia watched as the truck, loaded with several large trunks, three sizable wooden crates, and two suitcases, pulled forward.
“Where’d it come from?” she called to Trevor’s back.
“Nepal,” was all he threw back over his shoulder.
Miles arrived promptly at five, showing up at her door with a glamorous bouquet of spring flowers—purple irises, barely open, bright yellow daffodils, tulips of violet, soft pink, and pale yellow, and fragrant stock of several shades.
“Why, Miles, I’ve never known you to give me anything other than red roses.”
“I thought it was time for a change,” he said with a wink. “Spring flowers, symbolic of a new era for us.” He leaned close and gave her a deep, searching kiss. Julia settled into his arms, longing to feel intimate with him, but the kiss did little for her heart. She gave him a tentative smile. It’s as if I’m giving him a smiley sticker for effort, she chided herself. She turned and set the flowers in a glass of water, deciding to arrange them in a vase when they returned. Resolutely she took his proffered hand and stepped out of the house.
As Miles and Julia walked out onto the porch toward the Lincoln town car he had rented, Trevor drove past them on his motorcycle with a wave.
Julia stopped and watched him go.
“Julia?” Miles questioned, closely watching her.
“Trevor didn’t say he was going anywhere.”
“Does he tell you everything?” Miles asked.
“Not everything. But my goodness, Miles, we’re working close together. We talk.”
“Is that all you do?”
She turned to confront him. “Are we going out for our date, or are you going to grill me about Trevor?”
Miles looked from Julia to Trevor’s departing figure, then opened the car door. “Shall we?”
Julia got in without a word. Why was she concerned about where Trevor was going? It was certainly none of her business. What was her business was Miles. Her dear, sweet Miles. The man with whom she had won sailboat races and danced until dawn at countless parties. He was the man she needed. Stable, strong. Hadn’t he been with her for four years? If that didn’t prove his devotion, she didn’t know what would.
Mike, watching Julia and Miles pass through town, entered the restaurant with a puzzled look on his face. The speed was only twenty miles per hour down Main Street, making every passerby gawking material. “Why does Julia hang out
with that dweeb?” he asked Tara, nodding his head toward the door.
“Dweeb?”
“The rich guy who cruises through town in those fancy rented cars.”
“She thinks he’s the one for her.”
“Why? I mean, I like Jessica, but if she acted as hoity-toity as Julia’s boyfriend does, I wouldn’t spend time with her.”
Tara dished up a bowl of chowder for the always-hungry boy. “Sometimes adult relationships can get complicated.”
“Like you and my dad?”
Tara wondered if she looked as stunned as she felt. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Tara. You know. I’m not blind.”
“Obviously. Have you asked your father this question?”
“Yeah. He gets around it every time.”
“He’s pretty good at that.”
Mike spooned chowder into his mouth as fast as he could, then smiled at Tara across the counter. He was the only one in the restaurant, as usual for this time of day. In the last two weeks, he had shown up for a bowl of soup after school almost every day and had then returned several evenings with his dad for dinner.
“You’d be a great mom, Tara,” Mike said.
“Thanks, Mike. Maybe with some practice I could be even better.”
“You can practice on me anytime.”
That evening Miles took Julia all the way to Portland—nearly two hours distant—to show her “the town.”
“I thought you were going to take me out in Oak Harbor. Can’t you even try to understand my new home? To see the good in my life here?” Julia was hungry and becoming more irritable by the moment.
“Listen, Julia. I just wanted a quiet, romantic dinner with you. I wanted to do something special, not take you to Tara’s. Was I wrong?”
Julia sighed. “No. I just wish you’d try.”
“If I wasn’t trying, I wouldn’t be here at all. Let me get used to all this in my own time.”
Julia looked at him sadly. She had the sinking feeling he would never “get used to all this.” But she had to admit, the restaurant—a restored captain’s home that overlooked the water—was wonderful. They dined on pot roast, potatoes, cabbage, and carrots.
“Takes you back to Anna and Shane’s era, doesn’t it?” Miles asked, pausing over his last bite to grin at her. “Come on. Admit it. You like this more than you thought you would.”
“I admit it. I wasn’t eager to leave Oak Harbor, but now that I’m here, it feels good. I haven’t explored much of Maine yet. And Portland isn’t really that far.”
“Let’s explore some of it together, darling. Come. I’ll pay the bill, and we can take a walk down by the harbor, stare up at the old clippers. I’m told they have them all lit up. You can dream of Shane Donnovan and tell me what’s transpired in Anna’s journals.”
“Not a whole lot,” Julia said, wiping her mouth with the cloth napkin. “She’s still awaiting his return from California, which she spelled with a K.”
Miles smiled. He really is handsome when he smiles, she thought, staring across their intimate table for two. And he is trying …
“Let’s go for that walk,” she said, smiling shyly. Maybe they’d kiss again, and she’d remember a little of that spark she once had felt for him.
Trevor’s motorcycle was not in its usual place when they returned.
“Do you think he’s okay?” Julia asked Miles. She’d never known Trevor to be out so late. It was almost midnight.
“He probably had a date. Can I come in for a nightcap?”
Feeling oddly cross at Trevor’s disappearance and not wanting to be alone, Julia welcomed the idea. “I have only coffee. Maybe I could brew some and read to you from Anna’s journals.”
They went in the house, and Julia went to make some coffee. Her drip machine had died that morning, and so she boiled water on the stove. After setting up a filter and measuring out the black, fragrant grounds, she retrieved the latest journal from the library. How fun to share this with Miles, too. She had explained to him a little over dinner how much the journals meant to her.
By the time she returned to the kitchen, the teapot was whistling, and she poured the steaming water through the filter. After fixing Miles’s coffee carefully, with just the right amount of cream, she entered the living room with their cups on a tray.
Miles waited for her on the overstuffed couch, newly recovered in a rich tapestry fabric. He sat, relaxed yet regal.
“You look like you belong in this room,” she said with admiration in her voice.
“Thank you. It feels good to be here with you, Julia.”
Julia carefully laid the tray down on the coffee table in front of them and sat beside Miles. She handed Miles his coffee and, after sipping from her own cup, opened the journal to where she and Trevor had last left Anna.
“Anna is pregnant,” Julia informed Miles. “She’s waiting for Shane to return from his voyage to California.”
30 July 1840
The heat is unbearable. Never have I endured such a sweltering summer as this New York seems to brew. Now four months along, my back aches, and I fear the way I perspire will dehydrate me and harm our child. Oh, how I long for Shane to return! It should be soon, but I am not patient. The thought of his touch makes me tremble. I want to dine with him, sleep with him, live with him, even in this, our meager little apartment. The only thing that matters is that we are together.
Julia blushed at this very personal journal entry, but Miles wasn’t looking at her. He stared at the paintings that adorned the walls.
“Are you listening?”
“Of course. She certainly is passionate, isn’t she? Is one of these pictures of Anna?”
“Above the fireplace,” she directed, pleased that he was at least interested in part of the history of Torchlight.
“Why, you look just like her! Look at her lips. And her eyes. They’re just your color. It’s uncanny.”
“I must admit, it feels a bit odd to look at that portrait. Apparently there’s another in the town library, which she founded. People remark about the resemblance all the time. It’s rather unnerving.”
Julia resumed her reading and became so engrossed in her great-great-grandmother’s prose that she failed to notice Miles walking up behind her. All at once he was kissing her neck.
“Miles …” She gently pushed him away with a grin. Now there was a spark.
He came around the couch to sit beside Julia, took her in his arms, and kissed her. His embrace felt warm, comfortable. After several moments, he drew back, his eyes taking in every inch of her. Holding her hands in his, he said, “I want to make our own history in this house. Together, in Shane and Anna’s bedroom. I want to hold you where they held one another.” His face was earnest.
Julia looked away, frowning slightly. “Miles … we’ve been through this before.”
“And don’t you think we’ve waited long enough, Julia? It’s been four years. We can wait until we marry. Or we can consummate our love now. Come upstairs. I love you. Let me show you.”
She looked into his hopeful, smoldering eyes. “Look, Miles. You’re a handsome, desirable man. But I decided long ago that I would make love only to the man whom I would know for the rest of my life as my husband. I thought you agreed. It’s the way God meant for it to be.”
He leaned toward her, kissing her soundly, than nuzzled her neck, moving toward her clavicle and sending delicious shivers down her spine. “God created us as two people with desires,” he muttered, still kissing, “a man and woman who want to be with one another.”
“And who can have each other, body and soul, once they’re married.” She gently pushed him away.
He stood, his face red. “You know I’m only waiting to ask you to marry me because I want to make a decent life for you.”
“I don’t want to push you into it, Miles. Why do our arguments always have to revolve around you? This isn’t only about you. It’s about my dreams, and your dreams, and how they meld toge
ther. I haven’t decided that you should be the man I marry. If you ever should decide I should be your wife, and you actually ask me rather than assume it will happen one day, I hope I know how to answer. But in the meantime, I wish we could just enjoy each other’s company. Are we so accustomed to the action of the big city that we can’t relate to each other without it?”
Miles ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the high ceiling. “Look, I’m sorry. You’re right. We’ve waited this long. I want to marry you, Julia. You’re the one I love. I knew you wanted to wait, so I didn’t push. But with you all the way out here, in Maine, so far away. I just want us to be close, Julia.”
“I want that too, Miles.”
He sighed. “Look, we’re tired. Let’s talk about this tomorrow after we both get a good night’s sleep.”
Julia walked to the door and opened it for him. “No,” she said slowly. “I think I came to Torchlight for a break, Miles. I need some time. Some time to figure out what I want. I long to be close to you, but I’m no longer sure that marriage is what will bring me that. I need to think! I need to think. Please, go. Go home. I’ll call.”
“What are you talking about? Just like that you’re ready to end a four-year relationship?”
“I’m not ending it, Miles. I just want a break.”
“We both know where separation leads, Julia. Maybe we should see a counselor, find someone to hear us both out.” He reached for her, but she pulled away.
“Please. Miles. Please, just go. I’ll call. I promise.”
“Julia, when I say my vows to you, it will be forever. Let me love you. I’m sorry for pushing.” His humble tone began to cool her anger.
“It’s not the pushing, Miles. I … I need time to sort things out. In my heart, in my head.”
“Julia—” He reached for her, but she held up her hand.
“Good night, Miles.” And with that, she shut the door in his face.
She leaned into it from the other side, trembling, until she heard the engine purr to a start and the gravel slide as he left Torchlight.
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