"Where is the girl?" he demands.
"Katherine?"
"Yes, she needs to be held accountable. This is all because of her. Your mother's death, the death of my baby boy . . . even my mother, this is all on her. She is a curse brought down on this family. I really wanted to see her punished before I die."
"Dad, what about Amber and the baby? Don't you want to be with them?"
"Your mother is the only woman I have ever wanted to be with. Now that I know she is there waiting for me, wanting me, I can't possibly make her wait another minute."
"Father! You are talking crazy! It's just the blood loss making you think this way, please come away from there. Put the gun down and we can figure this out together!"
The gun falls from my father's hand, and I lunge forward, closing the distance between us; but I am not nearly fast enough. With a soft, sad smile my father falls back over the ledge.
30 – Tracks
I follow Jack into the dark depths of the tunnel, amazed when he flips on the flashlight. He laughs as I turn it on and off, effectively blinding myself to try and figure out how it works. The tunnel we are in is much easier to walk through than the one under the farm. A concrete dome, it feels more secure and the fear of it caving in is greatly reduced.
"Jack . . . "
"Before you ask Kat, I am not answering any questions about myself or my involvement with your brother yet. There is something I want to show you first, but after that I promise I will tell you everything."
"How do you know that is what I was going to ask?"
"You may still doubt me, but I know you. I believe with every ounce of myself that the Kat I know is the real one. Stripped away from all your rules, regulations, and prejudices, you were free. I can say with absolute certainty that our time together was the happiest of your life."
"And just how would you know something like that?" I laugh.
"Because I've met you before."
"Before! Before I was drugged?"
"Yes, before you were drugged. I knew you before any of this happened, but we will get to that later."
"You can't just drop something like that and walk away from it Jack!"
"Watch me," he laughs.
"You can be so irritating, you know that right?"
"The feeling is mutual sweetheart," he says with a wink.
We continue down the track for what seems like hours, talking about our likes and dislikes, our fears and hopes. It is the first time I have had this simple of a conversation for as long as I can remember. Jack is funny and intelligent, creative and practical. He is the most open-minded person I have ever known, but also determined and strong. There is an easy friendship that reminds me of the short time I had with Grayson on the way to the Big House, a comfortable familiarity that I have missed.
The dark tunnel is intimate and quiet and we talk mostly in whispers. Beyond our flashlight, it is infinitely black and my fear of being trapped is replaced by the fear of the flashlight breaking, leaving us lost in the dark. My stomach growls loudly and Jack stops to pull out some food from his pack. He stands the flashlight on its end, the beam of light pointing toward the ceiling, creating a dome around us. We sit on the hard ground, using the tracks to rest our backs on.
"I wasn't expecting company so there really isn't much more than a quick lunch packed in here," he apologizes. "I would have planned better but I thought I would be dead by now."
"Don't joke about that Jack. Seeing you up there was . . . I don't know how to describe it. I felt so helpless. I was afraid you would hate me. That you would die hating me."
"I could never hate you Kat. As long as the Generals are in control, my life is always going to be on the line. I was prepared to die. Until I saw you were still alive of course."
"Why did they tell you I was dead?"
"To try and break me. I didn't want to believe them at first but they brought in a scanner and he passed. I never even considered the thing could have been rigged. I didn't even know there were people left who knew how to work on them. Hearing that you were dead and watching that damned machine confirm it broke me. I didn't tell them what they wanted to know, but I didn't have any fight left in me."
"Oh, Jack I am so sorry. That was such a horrible thing for them to do to you."
"The important thing is that we are together again. Besides, when I saw your face in the crowd it told me something very important."
"It did? What do you mean?"
"Your expression. The way you looked at me. I could tell you still love me."
"Jack . . ."
"I know . . . I'll back off, but you know deep down that it's true. You may have forgotten it, but our life together is still there," he says touching my forehead. "You can't tell me that those dreams didn't feel like home. You may feel puppy love for Grayson, but I'm the one you fell in love with for real."
"How can you be so sure, that's who I really was?"
"Because you are one hundred percent different than the girl you were. I am sure no one has told you, why would they? But you are not the same girl you were before they drugged you the first time. You were just like them Kat. You were mean, stuck up, and the biggest supporter of the castes I had ever met."
"You are lying."
"I swear it's true. You were just as brain washed as all the others, worse even. That's the girl who loved Grayson, and that's the girl he loved. I can look at you and see her face, but beyond that you are a different person."
"I can't believe no one has said anything. They've seriously just hidden the fact that my personality completely changed? Why would they do something like that?"
"To keep you from asking too many questions. If you knew how you used to be, it would make you curious how someone could change so much. They wouldn't want you to realize that it comes down to the environment. When you were raised in the city you were harsh and cold, but when you were free to be yourself you became a loving and gentle person. In the city you were obedient, beyond the wall you were brave and wild."
"I swear every time I start to feel like my feet are on solid ground, the world just falls out beneath them. How am I supposed to feel now? Am I grateful that I am no longer this spoiled princess I was? Yes, but at what cost? Look at the lives I have ruined. Do I feel more at home with you? Yes. I won't lie, but what would that mean? If I allow myself to love you again, does that justify the death of my parents?"
"Of course not. Nothing justifies what happened to them. Your parents were good people. Lucas went far beyond anything we could have expected. He needs to be stopped, and trust me those gears are already turning. If you were to love me again, all it would mean is that you are free enough to let your heart decide what you want for the first time. If you want Grayson then I will respect that, but until the day you to tell me to leave, I will fight for you."
"Why would Grayson love someone as horrible as I used to be?"
"Our horrible is his normal. He doesn't see anything wrong with supporting the caste system or keeping tight control over the people. The women he grew up with were all harsh and cold. What he saw in you was a normal upper class girl with a pretty face, someone he could relate to."
"Then why is he still interested in me?" I ask.
"From what I've seen, Grayson is all impulse. He wants what he can't have. I've been watching him for a while now, just to make sure he wasn't part of the plot against your parents. I figured he wasn't because you were taken from him, but I had to be sure. In the time that I've watched him, I have seen a very angry, very spontaneous young man who is used to getting what he wants. I have seen him obsess over something and then drop it, moving right along to the next thing. You are a goal to him Kat, you are something out of his reach."
The conversation reaching a stand still, we pack up and continue our journey through the tunnel. Less than an hour later, we reach a ladder and climb up, pushing a heavy round door out of the way. We pop up in the middle of the forest, and Jack pulls the lid back over the hole,
kicking dirt and debris to hide the entrance. We walk west toward the setting sun, the vibrant colors of the sunset flitting in and out of the trees.
"You have got to be kidding me!" I scream into the trees, a flock of black birds taking flight.
"I had to show you," he says softly, as we stare at the small rustic cabin in front of us.
"We were right here. We were here the entire time! I can almost see the tunnel entrance from here. This doesn't make any sense."
He takes my hand and pulls me up a small ridge to the left of the cabin. As we walk, the trees thin out, revealing Veracity in all its glory, not even two miles away.
"We were right here . . ."
"It took us longer to get to the clearing you woke up in than it would have to walk to the gate."
"They didn't look for me."
"My guess is that they assumed you were dead. Or maybe they searched the old cities and just never thought to look up here?"
"But in my dream, a man is telling you the army was getting closer."
"Your brother's army. He had his men searching for you from day one. He had to keep up appearances of the grieving brother. The man you saw was his top lieutenant, Matthew. Matt was my best friend once. He came to warn me that they were closing in on us. Lucas wanted me to hand you over to Matt's men so they could take you and hide you further away, but I refused."
I turn away from the city, disgusted with the life Jack was revealing as he tore down pieces of the gilded walls I had built around me. Grayson may have been torn apart by my absence but he never even looked for me until Jack left the note. If he had, I would have been found in a matter of days rather than months. I walk to the cabin, hesitant to reenter this place of my dreams. Jack takes a seat on the porch, letting me take this journey on my own.
The inside of the cabin is just like my dream. I walk over and turn on the facet, letting the water slide through my fingers. I lay my hand on the wall where Jack and I kissed, and even walk into the closet, pulling up the trap door to look down in the darkness below. It's all here. I can feel the tears making their way down my cheeks as I walk through the house, the tide of love, joy, and peace flowing from the very walls into my heart. There is no doubt that I was happy here, but was that happiness the lie? Or was it my only true taste of freedom as Jack suggested? I sit on the bed that Jack and I shared, imagining his smiling face looking up at me from the pillow. Can I let myself love him again? Can I go back to the city and my life in the big house after this?
I hear the door open and Jack's steps as he makes his way through the cabin to the bedroom. He doesn't say anything, just drops his pack on the floor before shucking his shoes and stretching out on the bed. Before I have a chance to talk myself out of it, I move next to him, curling my body into his. I am instantly taken back to the morning in the tent, to the dreams I've had since. Away from the rest of the world things have gotten clearer, and my path simpler. Unfortunately this is not the path I am able to take right now. I have to go back and clear things up with Grayson, and eventually my brother.
"We aren't going to the elder camp tonight are we?"
"Do you really think I would take you where Grayson thinks you will be? I want you tucked safe away until I know you are out of danger. Besides, there isn't even a way to get there from the tunnels."
"That's terrible," I cry. "What if they find their way down there and go looking for us?"
"Exactly," he grins.
"That was a very wicked thing to do Jack, but I'm too tired to argue about it," I say, yawning. "I'm just going to lay here with you and not pretend to hate it, but don't get any ideas, this doesn't mean anything."
"Whatever you say sweetheart."
31 – Goodbyes
SADIE
I am curled up in my bed when I feel the baby move for the first time. Its just a little flutter, the smallest of butterfly wings flapping in my abdomen. Suddenly the world gets smaller, it shrinks and shrinks until it is no bigger than this room. The most important person in my life has just made their introduction. I am a mother! A smile pulls at my cheeks as fear pulls at my heart. What am I going to do?
Really the only option I have is to leave. Yesterday there may have been another alternative, the drink the red ladies use . . . but today that is no longer an option. My baby is here, my baby is real, and with that first movement, I have fallen in love.
So I will go, simple as that. Staying here means being separated from my baby, and I can't let that happen. Still, the idea is scary. It's not the leaving that I fear; I know that if I asked, Jack would help me. What I worry about is what to do once I am beyond the wall. How would I live?
"Get to your feet lazy bones," Maggie says, startling me. "That baby might make you tired, but I've never seen a mother-to-be lay about as much as you do."
"Maggie!"
"What, you think I didn't know? I share a room with you girl, how would I not know? For one thing your uniform looks about ready to bust, and you've been eating like a bird."
"Oh Maggie, what should I do? I can't give up this baby."
"Then you have to run."
"I've figured that part out, but where do I go?"
"I say try and sneak into the elder camp. I've heard rumors of a girl doing that once. Won't be very long till I get there myself, and it would be nice to have you there with me. I'm not so good at goodbyes and it would make this old heart happy to be able to say one less."
"That's a great idea! I've heard it is a great place to hide, because the soldiers never patrol inside. I can't believe I didn't think about it before. This is perfect, Maggie!"
"Glad I could help dear, now get out of bed and let's see if we can't loosen that gown any. Won't do to have anyone notice you've outgrown your frock."
"I don't know what I would do with out you Maggie."
"Sleep all day I would imagine."
GRAYSON
We lay my father to rest beside my mother and Travis. Laura stands with me as the dirt rains down, the sound of earth hitting wood forever burned into our ears. We have heard it much too often to forget it. No matter how badly we want to fall apart, we are forced to keep our tears in check. The people of the city surround us, and they look to us for strength. We are all that is left, the survivors and the last of our line.
Even though she clings to my hand, I can tell Laura is still angry. She has spent the better part of the day yelling at me, simply for wanting to burn our grandmother's body. She claims doing so would be barbaric, and after some drama and tears, I gave in and agreed to let her bury the old woman. With conditions of course, one being that she is far away from the rest of the family. I will see to it that the traitor will spend eternity separated from the ones she betrayed. Laura thinks I am heartless, but she is wrong. It is my heart that wishes to see my grandmother reduced to ashes.
Too emotional to focus on my father's casket, I look around at the carefully planned garden, the city's only unique feature. How did this happen? This used to be a place of beauty and hope, the symbol of growth and legacy. Now it is nothing more than a glorified graveyard. My father never should have buried my mother here. He should have allowed her to be taken to the cemetery beyond the wall like everyone else. The idea is to hide the dead away and remember who they were, not display them out in the open to torment their loved ones. When I close my eyes I want to see her sweet smile, or feel the way she always brushed my hair out of my face, not see her name carved into stone next to the date she left me.
As soon as the burial is done, Laura drops my hand and heads to the house. She has agreed to oversee burying our grandmother and plans to do so with as little contact with me as possible. While she is happy I agreed to spare grandmother the flame, she dislikes my order to bury her in secret during the night. The old woman doesn't deserve to have anyone from the city mourn her. She will simply disappear into the darkness, sunk into the ground without so much as a marker to prove she ever existed.
Burying my father was just the first item
on my long list of things I'd rather not do. Eager to mark off the second, I walk down to my father's suite to finish going through his things. Tradition dictates that I take over these rooms to use them as my own, but I have decided to have them emptied and converted for guests instead. For the sake of convenience I have opened up an old wing to be renovated for Laura and myself. Amber and the baby will have a nursery there as well. I plan to keep what remains of my family close together.
Next I head to Kat's suite to make sure her ladies have made it back safely, and that her room has been put back in order. Both her suite and the one adjoining it required a substantial amount of cleaning. I considered relocating her as well, but since I can't move her to the family wing, I have decided to wait until she returns to give her the opportunity to pick another suite should she desire one. When I walk in, Maggie is scrubbing my father's blood off the floor of the sitting room.
"Oh dear, you shouldn't have to see this," she exclaims when I walk in. "Such a horrible thing for a son to witness."
"I am the one who shot him. The first time anyway."
"Don't start feeling guilty about that. What you did was an act of love for Miss Kat, not an act of ill will toward your father. Now if you will excuse me Sir, this stain is just about as stubborn as your father was, bless his heart."
"You don't have to call me Sir, Maggie."
"Yes I do, and the sooner I get used to it the better."
I leave Maggie to her task and retire to my rooms to work on a letter to Lucas. Somehow I need to inform him of the recent deaths without tipping my hand. Thankfully the security of our wall gives me the ability to control the information that moves between Veracity and Axiom. After my seventh failed start at writing the letter, I try to think how Travis would spin it if he were here. Gifted with a golden tongue and a sharp wit, the boy could work any situation into something positive.
Veracity (The Seven Cities Book 1) Page 24