by Gahan Hanmer
"Forgive me, boys, I just got out of the slammer. Now what is it?"
Now they both tumbled over each other telling me what it was, and I could hardly take it in. Leo and the other knights and most of Albert's soldiers and a bunch of other people from all over the kingdom had moved into the forest and formed a band to overthrow the duke and avenge the king's death.
Leo alive? Gordon alive? All the boys from our guard service alive? That was what Marya had started to tell me. I was so relieved, I felt like crying. But what could a little band in the forest do against Lord Hawke?
And besides that, it was late in the year now. What could they do to survive in this wilderness once winter came? Who would leave a cozy cottage fireside to support them when snow was on the ground? When Albert went to march against Lord Hawke, hundreds had flocked to support him, but Albert had known that he had to take advantage of the high energy of the moment before it dissipated and the opportunity was lost. What kind of energy was there to draw on now, with Albert dead and the duke entrenched in his power?
"So, what will you do now that you know about the band?" Ben asked me.
"I don't know," I said, and I could sense their disappointment. Did they think I was going to rush off into the forest with my screwed-up hand and join an uprising? However I looked at it, I saw no reason for confidence or optimism. It seemed more like a terrific opportunity to die in the snow.
"Let me think it over, boys," I said, stalling. I continued to try to work, but my mind was full of confusion. What could I do with only one hand, and my left hand at that? I couldn't even hoe a row properly, let alone fight!
By sundown I was tired but I felt like I had learned a lot. After we put the tools away, Ben and Matt stopped at the cottage door for a few words with Mora and got a snack for the walk home through the woods. Here and there, off in the trees I saw a light or two as the valley farmers settled in to eat and trade stories of the day before they went to bed.
When I went inside, there was Mora with her apron on, looking like some young mountain mother out of a children's storybook. I gave her a big hug and kissed her while she stood there with a wooden spoon in one hand and the other tangled in my hair.
"Matt and Ben think you'll make a good farmer," she said as we were eating supper by the light of the hearth.
"Why is that?"
"They said they never heard anyone ask so many questions."
"If they came to live in Manhattan, the shoe would be on the other foot."
She smiled but she didn't get it. "What is Manhattan?"
"Just some place. It doesn't matter anymore. You know, Mora, it's not such early days for me to be learning a whole new line of work."
"Don't worry, Jack. We all do it together, and it's not so hard. All you have to do is keep trying, and the things that go right will make up for the things that go wrong. It's only really hard for the lazy ones and the grumblers. That's what my dad used to say."
"Do you miss your mom and dad a lot?"
"Yes, very much sometimes. But I have my baby and all my friends. I'm not lonely, especially now that you're here."
It was dark outside under the stars, and inside the cottage the amber light from the fire danced with the shadows. With the darkness came a different kind of stillness, very intimate, as if the whole outer world had become insubstantial and nothing existed outside our fire-lit cottage. Mora and I and the baby were the only people in the world until tomorrow morning, and the baby slept soundly with a tummy full of warm milk. I was just slipping my arm around Mora's waist when I heard a sharp "Pssst!" that was so totally unexpected that I must have jumped a yard in the air.
"What was that?" I said to Mora. I was reaching around with my useless hand for a weapon. The best thing I could find was the iron rod we used to poke up the fire, and I took it up with my left hand when I remembered that I couldn't grasp it with my right.
"Someone's outside," said Mora. She didn't seem worried, but a little perplexed, for it certainly wasn't the sound folks usually made when they came calling.
"Pssst! Sir Jack!"
"Who the hell is it?" I tried to sound firm and in control, but my voice quavered. My experience in the dungeon had wounded me in subtle ways, and I was still full of all the nameless fears that had seeped into my soul. The last thing I needed was to be startled by an unseen voice in the dark.
"Sir Jack! It's Leo!" said a coarse whisper, but I wasn't at all sure that I recognized his voice.
"Leo!" I called back. "Is that you?"
"Come out!" came the same hoarse whisper; though I listened carefully, I still wasn't sure it was really him.
"Come on in, Leo. Don't stand out there in the dark." I crept around with the poker so I would be behind the door when it opened. Urgently, I waved Mora out of the firelight and she slipped into the shadows. Then I raised the poker over my head with both hands as well as I could. It seemed quite a long time before the door finally opened.
Leo looked different. His hair and beard were longer and needed a trim. His clothes were wrinkled and dusty and there was a tear in his tunic. There was a new look in his eyes too, something wild and furtive. "Are you alone?" he asked, peering around.
"No, Mora is here."
She came out of the shadows and dropped him a curtsy.
"Good evening, Sir Leo," she said. "Can I give you a bowl of stew?"
"Yes, thank you," he said like a hungry man. While Mora was dishing it up, we stared at each other in the dim light. "You're thinner," he said.
"So are you." I was trying to smile but there was an awkwardness between us.
"I'm sorry we couldn't get you out of the dungeon. We would have if we could have. I hope you know that."
"It's okay, Leo."
"Those bogus Picts lay in ambush for Gordon. They left him for dead, and it was close at that."
"Is he all right?"
"Pretty much so. He's outside."
"Really? I want to see him."
"He's on guard." There was a strange tone in his voice and I knew what it meant. We had all been on guard when Albert was stabbed. We had failed him and the whole kingdom. We had failed ourselves.
"Okay, Leo, but have him come in."
Leo went to the door and made a woodland noise with his mouth, sort of a low warble. I felt very strange. Leo was alive and Gordon too, but instead of feeling joyous, I felt agitated.
"I've changed a little," said Gordon, pushing back his hood. A disfiguring scar ran diagonally across his face from hairline to jaw line.
"I'm very glad to see you again, Gordon," I said. "Come in and have some stew."
"Yes, I would like some," he said, and he too sounded hungry.
Mora served the two men and they dug right in. I had a cup of Mora's fern tea and watched them eat. I was not looking forward to what I knew this visit was bringing us.
"Thank you, Mora," said Leo when he finished eating. "That was a fine stew. We could certainly use your talent in the greenwood if you'd like to come along with Sir Jack."
Mora didn't reply, and her face was closed as she took the bowl from Sir Leo.
"We're fairly well set up now," Leo continued, "but it hasn't been easy. None of us knew quite what to do at first. We were all in shock from the king's death, and every one of us felt responsible. Sir Bradley and Sir Maynard were just coming back to court when I went out looking for Gordon. Between the three of us we got Gordon to safety and finally we managed to gather all the other knights together. Then we decided we would never go back to court until we were ready to avenge the king."
"So what's the plan?"
"Well, the plan in the beginning was to devise a way to get you out of the dungeon, and then to mobilize the same army that marched with Albert against the duke. But the plan didn't work because the duke's security was very tight and we couldn't find a way to get to you."
"Why didn't you storm the castle?"
"Yes, well and good," said Leo, laughing as though I'd made a joke. "But we n
eeded you to lead the army as you did before."
"Albert led that army, not I."
"Yes, but don't you see? There never would have been any army without a champion to rally around. If the king hadn't needed your presence to muster that army, we would have let you stay in bed."
"You're the only champion this kingdom has ever had, Sir Jack," said Gordon. "Everybody loved King Albert, but he didn't think of himself as a fighting man and neither did anyone else. The duke walked all over him until you got here."
"And now you want me to be your champion again."
"Yes, that's exactly what we want," said Leo, a little impatiently, as though I was dragging my heels; and of course, that was exactly what I was doing.
"I still don't understand the plan. You know everybody is expecting the harvest to begin anytime now. If the weather holds, it'll be in a few weeks. But if the weather turns bad, the harvest has to happen right away. Isn't that true?" I said to Mora.
"Yes, Jack," she said.
"Well, then is anybody going to come out for a campaign right now, champion or no champion? Maybe we should wait until after the harvest."
"After the harvest the castle will be full of provisions," said Leo, "enough to last the duke all winter. If we have to lay siege to the castle, the time to do it is now."
"Maybe we should wait for spring," I said.
"In the spring, people will be concerned about getting some meat on their bones. There is no advantage in waiting until spring. We might just as well bow our heads and forget the whole thing!"
"How many people have you got in your band?"
"Counting men and women, there are about seventy-five of us living in the forest," said Leo, staring hard at me.
There was a silence and the cottage was full of tension. I didn't want to say what I was going to say, but I couldn't think of any other way to stall. There was simply no way in hell I was going off into the woods that night with scruffy-looking Sir Leo and scarred-up Gordon to spearhead a campaign against Lord Hawke. I just wasn't going to do it.
"I'm sorry, Leo, but I'm not ready for this."
"Sir Jack, I beg of you—"
"My hand is all screwed up, Leo," I interrupted. "I couldn't hold a weapon if I tried."
"I'm sure there's a way around that if—"
"Being in that dungeon was very bad for me, Leo. I need some time to find myself again, whoever I am."
Leo shook his hands in the air. "Then you need to come with us tonight! King Albert made you a lord and that's what you are. Tilling the soil for Lord Hawke is not the way to find yourself!"
"Sir Leo, I'd like to help you, but I can't right now. Do you want to hear me say it? I'm scared right down to my bones. I died in that dungeon, Leo. I was buried alive and I died down there. Now a part of me is alive again, but I'm not ready to be your warrior and lead your goddamn army of seventy-five people against the duke. I need some peace and a chance to get well."
"But you mistake yourself," said Leo, his body beginning to tremble. "Lord Hawke doesn't want peace. He is not a man of peace. With him in charge of the kingdom there will never—"
Gordon had laid his hand on Leo's shoulder. He shook his head slowly and glanced toward the door.
"But—"
Gordon shook his head.
Leo looked quite wild now, but he made an effort to pull himself together. "Very well," he said. "Mora, thank you for dinner. Sir Jack, I hope you are feeling better very soon because we need you desperately."
"Thanks, Leo. Don't be a stranger," I said, feeling awkward and cowardly too.
Leo's hands shook as he put on his robe and cowl, and Gordon had to steer him a little on his way out the door.
"I think I understand your fear, Sir Jack," said Gordon, pausing in the doorway. "But Sir Leo is correct when he says the situation can only get worse. Did you hear about the miller who lost his teeth?"
"I did."
"He died."
"I'm sorry, Gordon."
"In the modern world, if a million people died, we shrugged our shoulders because those people didn't seem real to us, and we ourselves never felt truly real. But here in this kingdom a man's life has a lot of meaning. When a man dies here, it's the real death of a real man. That is part of King Albert's legacy."
"Thank you, Gordon."
"But that could change."
I couldn't answer right away. "Come back and keep me posted on how things are going," I said finally.
"I will," he said, and closed the door behind him.
Chapter Seventeen
When they were gone I filled a pot with hot water and worked my hand until the sweat poured down my face. I wanted to believe that I was justified in letting Sir Leo down because of my injury and my fear, but I had no feeling of peace and my thoughts went round and round without any resolution.
Mora was solicitous and rubbed my shoulders. When the fire had burned low and she had banked the coals, we went to bed and snuggled, but I could not make love to her. I slept fitfully and awoke several times to ordinary night sounds that shouldn't have disturbed me. Having given in to my fear, my fear had increased. But what was I to do? I still had no intention of going off into the woods with Leo's band. Yet I agreed with Leo that Lord Hawke would only become more of a menace because that was his nature. By trying to avoid trouble now, I was surely making greater trouble for myself in the future; there seemed to be no right course of action.
Restless and unrested, I worked with Ben and Matt, but I didn't have much to say and they became shy with me again and talked with each other almost in whispers. At one point I overheard Ben say something to Matt about a challenge that had been sent to the duke from the band in the forest. Of course I was curious, but I didn't ask about it, stubbornly refusing to get involved.
Sometime after midday we had a visitor. She rode right up the path and reined in her mare at the edge of the garden where we were working. Handsome, confident, and aloof, she waited without looking at us for someone to attend her. Taking my hoe along with me, and feeling very self-conscious in my peasant tunic and wooden shoes that had belonged to Mora's father, I walked over to see what she wanted.
"Good afternoon, Lady Bennett," I said. "What can I do for you?" I had no idea how I ought to behave with her.
"Good afternoon, Sir Jack," she said in her well-shaped, upper-class tones. "Or is it Yeoman Jack today?"
"I think they call me Jester Jack or Jack the Fool, my lady, or Scarecrow Jack or maybe just plain Jack Straw."
Lady Bennett took her time before she spoke. I thought she would find my joke amusing, but she didn't even smile. She sat watching me from her horse, and there was no way to guess what was going through her mind.
"If you think people are calling you names like that, you're greatly mistaken. To the people of this valley you are still very much the warrior who sent Mike and Mitch to perdition."
"I'll take your word for it, my lady, but I'm not sure I know the difference between good news and bad news right now."
"You may call me Marsha if you wish. And I understand that you've been through the wringer. All I want is to talk to the real Jack Darcey, not to some mask you're wearing."
"Well, my name's Jack Darcey and that's about all I know for sure." Her horse kept backing up, a few steps at a time; I was sure she was doing it on purpose to draw me farther away from Ben and Matt. A few more yards and we would be separated from them by trees and brush. No matter, I saw no danger in following her.
"I heard you were a classmate of King Albert."
"We went to the same high school."
"And what school was that?"
"Chesham Prep in Birchfield, Connecticut."
She laughed at that, a short laugh like a bark. "Well, then I hardly think you need to be confused about who you are."
"Because I went to Chesham?"
"Did you graduate?"
"I did."
"There, you see? When I first saw you, you were dressed as one of the king's knig
hts, and I thought that role suited you very naturally. You could just as easily be a lord as a knight, but a peasant? Never!"
"Marsha, what do you want?"
Again she laughed. "Can't we just talk? Are you so busy with your farming that you can't spare me a moment? I'm really not such a bad person, Sir Jack. You might be interested to know that I attended Finch."
That was an interesting coincidence all right. Chesham boys used to have a couple of dances every year with the girls from Finch. "Is that so?" I said. Was she being kittenish with me? It was hard to be sure, but I was certainly getting that impression.
"Yes, that's so," she said, dismounting and looping her reins over a low branch. "I suppose it really doesn't matter where we went to school. That was on a different star a long time ago. But who knows, we may have something in common."
Now I was certain she was flirting with me. "Dear lady," I said gallantly, "what can a lad with a diploma from Chesham do for you that you honor me with this visit?"
She gave me a smile of recognition, but then she turned away, adjusting her cape. She had put out the bait and I had taken a nibble. That, for the present, seemed to satisfy her. "First I want to say that I'm very sorry about Albert. His death was a tragedy."
That made me take a hard look at her. What was she up to now? "Yes," I said, "and that is an understatement."
"To call something a tragedy can hardly be an understatement," she corrected me. "In the modern world, yes. The media loved to call every car wreck a tragedy and so the word lost its meaning. But here in our little kingdom, words have regained their force, and Albert's death was indeed a tragedy in every sense of the word including the fact that anyone with open eyes could have seen it coming."
The flirtation having served its purpose, whatever that purpose was, she now seemed bent on proving she was a woman to be reckoned with. But that was something I had never doubted since the moment I first laid eyes on her riding up to Albert's castle at Jenna's coronation with her husband and sons in tow.
"Tell me more," I said.
"I don't say this to hurt your feelings. I know that you and he were close. I say this to you hoping that you are a man of understanding who will listen to what I have to say, because this kingdom is deep in crisis."