by Paul Kidd
"The gods can't be like that!" The sphinx bridled. "The afterlife is a place of beautiful reward. Dead sphinxes go to the court of Thoth in the deserts of endless dreams!"
Escalla raised a brow. "And what happens in the palace of Thoth?"
The sphinx puffed in importance. "Well, there we have access to the riddles of the universe! The library of Thoth. The knowledge of the ages! There we are allowed to file the scrolls, dust the shelves, and issue tomes to visiting…" Enid's face fell as realization struck her. "Oh, bugger!"
Escalla tipped her finger to her friend. "Yep! Got it in one."
The sphinx hunched, then suddenly shot a concerned look at Escalla. "You don't have any gods?"
"None I'd cross the street to say hello to."
"What happens to you if you die?"
Escalla hugged her hands against her face and batted eyelids. "Oh, good little faeries are supposed to turn into forest lights somewhere in the Seelie woods." The faerie sneered. "Which is why I'm a bad little faerie. I intend to take up a role as a ghost with fashion sense. Not that it matters. None of us are going anywhere!"
"Eh?"
Escalla spread her arms to encompass her friends. "Hey! I'm a faerie princess. I don't let death screw up a perfectly good partnership!" The girl turned a barrel roll in midair, flying with her back to the vast river. "Now come on! Let's get this spider bitch squashed flat so we can go home and have some fun!"
They walked to the riverbank, the roar of the waterfall so huge that they all had to shout to be heard. Instinctively they moved upstream, away from the river mists with their looping, screaming ghosts. Escalla kept up a monologue for the uninitiated mortals.
"This is the Abyss! Six hundred and sixty-six levels straight down! Each level has the surface area of several worlds, and each one is the domain of a lord of the Abyss. They call themselves gods, but they're just demons with a few ego issues!" Escalla waved her lich staff like a guide, shepherding her friends between the massive footprints left by Lolth's palace. "We read up on tanar'ri at school. Magic resistant; fire, frost, and lightning resistant. Pains in the arse!"
Henry hunched forward against the noise, trying to be heard. "How do we take out Lolth?"
"Steel!" The Justicar took the lead, spying a ragged path to the river. "Ambush and close combat."
"Close combat." Henry listened anxiously. "How do we get close? Do we have anything we can use?"
"Yes."
The Justicar marched grimly on and said no more. Escalla whirred up and took Henry underneath her arm.
"Anything we can use? Sure! Jus has a stoneskin spell on him, and I've got combat spells up the wazoo! We have a stun symbol from Enid, a portable hole, a tangling rope, a frost wand, a lich staff, Benelux, your bow, your sword, Enid's claws, and my brain! And a little dog, too!" The faerie slapped Henry between the shoulders, dangling the slowglass gem on its string. "Hey! We've even got slowglass so we can watch the action and laugh when it's all done!"
Henry reached for the slowglass, dropped it, then almost trod on it. With a screech, Escalla whipped down and snatched the prize to safety!
"Hey! Watch it! Don't break the damned slowglass!"
"Sorry!" Henry looked anxious. "Um, would that be bad?"
"Bad? Hell yes, breaking it would be bad!" The faerie waved her hands excitedly-almost shattering the slowglass against a pinnacle of rock. "This thing screws up time! You break it, and it'd trap us all in a field of slowtime. Lasts maybe two seconds for us-and half an hour everywhere else! By the time we snapped out of it, there'd be six hundred monsters all around us ready to party-hearty with our spleens!" The girl carefully stuffed the gem down her cleavage. "Definitely non-hoopy!"
"Oh. Ah, yes." Henry blinked, looking at the gem nervously. "Definitely."
Enid came swiftly to Henry's rescue. "Henry understands. Now, where is Lolth?"
"Hmm? Oh, over the river, I guess." Escalla lofted higher, squinting into the thick, foul air of the Abyss. "All we have to do is cross."
As Escalla rose from the path, something streaked from behind a jagged spray of glass and sped straight for her. The Justicar caught the motion from the corner of his eye, drew his blade, and whirled, just managing to clip the creature.
It was one of the brass locusts, its poisoned stinger held beneath it like a lance. Escalla dived aside and only just managed to swipe the insect with her staff. The locust struck the magic staff and exploded, the blast bowling Escalla through the air. Enid leaped and caught the girl, ducking as a fresh storm of locusts spat like slingstones from the dust. Forewarned, the Justicar shielded Enid, his blade whipping up to send one locust ringing off into the dust. Others hit a wall of flame from Cinders, their wings melting in the heat. The survivors looped back to make another pass, then Henry cut the leader in two with a single shot from his crossbow. The other locusts turned tail and fled, screeching like beaten children.
The comparative silence was shocking. The attack vanished as fast as it had come. Poison from a dead locust's stinger leaked into the ash, hissing and melting the dirt into glass.
The Justicar angrily grabbed Escalla by the feet and shoved her onto his shoulder where she belonged. "Quiet! And keep your eyes open!"
The locusts had come out of nowhere. The ash, dust, and smoke of the Abyss was thick as fog.
"All of you! Cover your quadrants, stay together, and keep down!"
Everything here was deadly-the soil, even the air. The Justicar kept his senses tuned to the hunt.
"Recca will be through the gate soon. The air here feels like slow poison. We can't afford to lie in wait to ambush him." The Justicar looked over the river, a place dotted with islands that Lolth's vast palace had simply used as stepping stones. "We need to get to Lolth's palace before he can catch up with us."
The sphinx creased her freckled nose. "Will he be fast?"
"He's only got one foot again. The spare parts he takes from other creatures don't seem to re-attach or regenerate."
"Oh." Ever genteel, Enid looked a little ill at the thought. "The ones you cut off when he died?"
"That's them."
Bad skelly-man walk funny! Cinders grinned, the river light chasing blue patterns through his fur. Cinders burn him good next time. Burn off kneecaps! Burn top of head! Make him go crunchy! Burn! Burn! Burn!
"Good boy." Jus seemed wary and disturbed. "But still… his technique is nothing to be trifled with."
"Ha!" Escalla had salvaged a piece of smoked fish from the portable hole. "We did better against him this time!"
"Not well enough." The Justicar walked onward to the river. "He's still kicking."
The poisoned air of the Abyss was hot and thick, and yet the place felt chill. Worst of all was the oppressive sense of evil. The ground seemed hazed with a maze of skeletal shadows-maddening shapes of bones, claws, and screaming skulls that jerked out of view the instant a head turned. The breeze echoed memories of torture and infinite, screaming pain.
By the river grew great putrid yellow trees with writhing vipers for branches. The trees hissed in hunger, forming a dense thicket that blocked the way to the riverbanks. The ground was covered in a jagged, saw-edged grass through which hissing maggots crawled. The party came to a halt and looked at the air above the river. A flock of wheeling shapes-possibly gigantic abyssal bats, possibly something even worse-kept station high above the isles.
Across the river-just barely seen-lay a white gleam of spider-web. The monstrous net rose into the sky, disappearing in a silver haze of magic. Climbing steadily up the web, gleamed a fat brass dot-the spider palace clambering for home.
Escalla looked over the river and pulled thoughtfully at her chin. "What do you think those flying things are?"
"Dangerous." The Justicar looked at the river carefully. "Watch carefully. They keep away from the river."
"Hoopy! They avoid the river. Problem solved!" The faerie was overjoyed. "There's trees here! All we do is make a raft and float across!"
"
Escalla, the trees are made out of snakes."
"Well, I can't think of everything!"
Wearily, the Justicar pointed at the dark shapes seething beneath the water. "Escalla, the flying things keep away from the water because something in there has teeth."
"Hmmm." The faerie hovered. "Look, if we make a raft out of living trees, then the snakes and vipers will scare away the things in the river!"
The Justicar gave the girl a scowl. "No rafts."
"All right already!" Escalla thought a moment, then clicked all ten fingers on her hands. "I got it! I got it! All right, here's the plan. We get everyone inside the portable hole, then I change into something that looks amazingly evil, and I fly across the river."
Jus definitely didn't like the plan. "And the flying things?"
"I just avoid 'em! Easy." The girl put an arm about Jus's shoulder, infinitely confident. "Hey, trust me! I'm a faerie!"
Polk and Enid were already laying out the portable hole, as happy as clams. Henry secured his water bottles, crossbow bolts, and sword and then followed his friends inside. Unwilling to leave Escalla unguarded in the Abyss, the Justicar glowered at the brink of the hole. Escalla gave him a kiss, then tried to push him in.
"Come on. We have to get moving!"
Jus watched the girl carefully. "You won't do anything silly?"
"Me? Me! Hey! Get real!"
"If anything wants to fight, you drop onto an island and yell for help."
"What? No fights! No one touches the faerie!"
Sighing, the Justicar looked over the dreadful scenery. Only the fact that there was nothing in the Abyss to touch, borrow, or steal convinced him to go.
"You go fast and stay away from the water. You fly as fast as you can, and don't touch anything!"
"Jus, get in the hole before I pinch you!"
Escalla tipped him in, turned into a horrific, scaly little skull-faced horror, and flapped up into the air. She grabbed the folded hole in one taloned foot, her lich staff in the other, and flew happily away.
Inside the hole, Benelux simply glowed with pride. I do so love a woman with true heroism in her heart!
Jus looked up at the closed entrance to the hole, his big hands working with worry. "She has no idea how dangerous this is."
"Relax, son! Just watch her and learn!" Polk was busily eating a badly smoked fish, which was stinking up the entire portable hole. "See that girl? Now that's true heroism! Bravery in the face of danger. Courage in adversity. Total overconfidence no matter what the odds!"
"Polk, shut up."
"Son, that gal's one of a kind!"
"Yes." The Justicar sat hard against a wall and glared. "Thank the great sky-goat for that!"
Disguised as a flying imp, Escalla whistled tunelessly to herself as she whirred high above the river Lethe. Far below, skeletal serpents coiled and slithered in the water. The air seemed to be made from a pattern of old nightmares-broken, jarred, and clattering like glass. Escalla had never before seen a place so absolutely ugly. Annoyed rather than frightened, she flew gaily between geysers of Lethe-water, the cursed drops missing her by inches. Two large bat-shaped creatures chased her, then veered off in panic as she skimmed a wing's breadth above the churning waters. A bat dived toward her, Escalla kept a sly eye on the water before looping high, and a split second later a hideous rotting sea serpent blasted out of the water. It missed Escalla and clashed its jaws shut upon the bat. Escalla looked back pityingly at the opposition, then gave an expressive little shrug.
"Gods but it's good being me!"
At the far bank, forests of viper trees lunged and uselessly spat venom. Brass locusts launched, screeching for Escalla's blood. Annoyed, the faerie hovered and smashed the locusts apart with a swarm of her golden bees.
"Scram! Go on!"
There was no point dragging the others out of the portable hole. Escalla was clearly right on top of the dangers of the Abyss. Nothing here she couldn't handle. She followed the clear track of Lolth's spider palace straight to a vast cleft in the Abyssal wall. The web arose a thousand feet, then simply disappeared into a silvery mist, clearly interfacing with another plane. Lolth's home plane.
Escalla tucked her frost wand under one arm, held her lich staff and the portable hole in taloned feet, and soared up along a titanic strand of spider web. She slowed near the silver mist and edged into it slowly, blinking her eyes against the sudden change in atmosphere.
The place smelled even worse than the Abyss. Escalla had found a dead tarantula in a box once, and this new reek had something of that eye-watering stench about it. Coughing and wiping her eyes, the faerie fluttered over to a strand of web and looked around.
The webs formed giant roads that led to a solid silver wall. One strand headed to vast doors six stories high-apparently the entrance for the spider palace. Escalla headed over to another strand, looking for somewhere decent to set down, then spied a small door of arsenic green.
The door was attended by two figures-one female, blindfolded with a shawl over her hair, and the other a tiny demon sitting at a desk and surrounded by quills. Alcoves to either side showed the presence of at least twenty armed and armored drow.
No problem. Escalla flew straight for the imp, bypassing the drow entirely. From the mouth of the portable hole, Jus's voice came hissing out.
"Escalla, are we across the river yet?"
"Almost! Now shh! There's a big fish or something here!"
Escalla flapped up to the little demon, wrestling madly with the portable hole, and screeched to a halt. Her command of tanar'ri language came from one term of classes she had slept through at school. Bawling in a panic, Escalla skidded onto the desk outside the door.
"Hey-lo! Hey-lo! Deliverings is! Special things deliverings-yes! Moment is impregnated with urgency. Hoopla!"
The little demon scowled and tapped an absurdly long quill on the desk. The blindfolded woman leaned forward, and something hissed and writhed beneath her shawl. Escalla pretended to fight with the struggling portable hole, wailing in panic and trying to hold it back.
"Yours now! For you! Not mine! I go!"
In theory, the demon would fear the bag and wave her through. Unfortunately, the creature hopped up onto the desk and pointed at the portable hole, sensing something alarming inside and apparently demanding an explanation. Escalla screamed and ran out of patience a split second before the demon.
"Tedious conversation anyway." Escalla hit the creature with her lich staff, slinging it across the desk to crash into a pile of papers, and turned into her beautiful faerie self. "Hey, uglies! See this faerie butt? Silken pure!" She whirred backward, dashing off into the mists. "Lolth sucks rocks! Lolth sucks rocks!"
There was a roar of rage. A female voice screamed, and there was a hissing of snakes. Drow yelled at one another, armored feet tramping as they poured from their guardrooms. Escalla fled on foot, theatrically dragging one leg and wing behind her. The snakes hissed a foot or two behind her, and then Escalla laughed and broke into a run.
Another alcove opened up in the wall. Escalla dodged into it, finding a short corridor that took a sharp turn to the right. The maddened hiss of vipers followed, and shadows on the walls showed a woman with hair made from a writhing mass of snakes pelting behind Escalla, followed by a dozen angry drow.
Escalla fired her frost wand at the wall ahead then dived, hitting the wall and running madly around the bend. She screeched to a halt as a sound of crashing stone and breaking glass filled the corridor.
The wall at the corner shed a last few jagged shards of ice, the sheets crashing down onto a pile of broken stone at the foot of the wall. The medusa had been confronted with a wall of reflective ice, and her gaze had totalled the entire guard contingent. They had turned to stone, hit the wall, and broken like a pile of garden gnomes. Escalla flew over the wreckage, spotted one drow still alive and unparalyzed, and bopped it unconscious with a single blow of her staff.
From inside the portable hole, Jus's voice whisper
ed in panic, "Escalla, what happened?"
"Ha! The inevitable happened!" Escalla blew a wisp of frost from the tip of her wand. "The faerie is dealing with inferior mentalities! Now come out of that hole! We're at Lolth's back door."
The faerie threw the portable hole down on the ground. Escalla posed happily over the broken statues as her friends dazedly emerged.
"Hey, look! Wreck of the Medusa!" Escalla spied some gems gleaming about the rubble pile. "Hoopy! All this fun and cash, too!"
Annoyed, the Justicar looked over the scene. "Escalla!"
"Hey! She has some nice stuff here, and we're out of treasure!" The girl found a necklace of amber. "Ooo! Hey, Enid! Catch! This ought to pick up the color of your eyes!" The faerie coiled close into Enid's hair as she fastened the necklace about her friend. "You know a girl has to look her best."
"Best?" Enid flicked a glance at Henry and blushed pink. "Why?"
"No special reason." Fluttering upward, Escalla led the way to Lolth's back door. "All right! Tour leading to the Demonweb Pits, now departing!"
The Justicar seethed with ill humor. He kicked shards of petrified drow out of his way and pursued Escalla up the corridor.
"You promised you were just going to cross the river."
"We're across the river! Hey! Riverbanks can be kind of vague! I mean, what's a riverbank, anyway? Is it where the river stops? Is it where the river once dried? Wetlands, water meadows…"
"Escalla!"
"Hey! We're here! Trust your favorite faerie." Escalla inspected the petrified demon and stored it in the portable hole for later use as a garden ornament. "We can sneak in here. I did good!"
The Justicar looked at Henry as Polk bustled happily past them for the door.
"This is the way it's done, son! Direct, forthright, to the point!"
"Polk, shut up. Don't touch the door. It probably has an alarm spell or a trap on it." The Justicar carefully inspected the little demon's desk. "Everyone look around carefully. Watch for traps. There might be a key or a password somewhere."
"What about this?" Enid laid her face sideways on the ground, where she could take a closer look at a silver sphere the size of a lemon that had fallen off the desk. "Is this a key?"