by Paul Kidd
The temple itself was without parallel. A vast stone statue of white marble reared a thousand feet into the sky-Thoth the Ibis in his crown, with his shepherd's crook in one claw and a khopesh sword in the other. Stone wings shadowed and protected an avenue lined with two thousand armed and armored guards. The hawk-headed soldiers stood rigid and silent. Behind them were ranked stone golems, crouching like leopards and with the heads of crocodiles.
An avenue ran from broad docks upon the river, up the guarded road, and into the Library of the Ages. Here, a titanic white building held untold millions of books. Here, the reborn servitors of Thoth collected scrolls and parchments, stone slabs, and clay sheets of cuneiform. There were the metal disks of modron script, iron cubes from Acheron, and clipped feathers from the bird realms of Hadir. Here, written works from every world on every plane were catalogued and stored. Thoth, god of wisdom, kept this place sacrosanct, protecting his horde, for knowledge gave power, and power was the divine right of gods.
This realm was where Thoth's faithful were rewarded. Most of the lucky residents had been given the privilege of working in the fields of the afterlife. In hundreds of thousands, they lifted water from irrigation canals. They threshed; they planted. Day after day, world without end. They had been raised blank from the Lethe and taught just enough to be content with their lot. The benevolent god allowed them the noble bliss of toil, while trading the results of their labors with other gods and demons from other planes.
Some of the wealthiest dead had provided themselves with little sculpted models designed to perform their work for them. These lucky citizens were given more lordly duties. They served as accountants, scribes, or guards. A group of these lofty beings sat behind an alabaster table at the library's golden doors, watching as a barge disgorged a strange trio of passengers at the far end of the avenue.
A huge, muscular slave carried a roll of carpet. Beside him stalked one of the ibis-headed minions of Thoth, a being that looked anxiously from side to side as it walked. Ahead of them floated a weird ball of light-a beautiful, scintillating flash and dance of rays that shone with a benevolence so pure that it lit their hearts with smiles.
The three newcomers walked directly up the great, broad road, passing under the stares of thousands of guardians. Giant statues glowered down at them as they passed. They mounted the steps-one hundred of them in pure pink marble-and approached the mighty portal to the Library of Thoth.
Two guards, huge stone monsters with the heads of hippopotami, stood before the door. In front of the portal, the ibis-headed clerks awaited. One rose, poised and beautiful, and made a lordly gesture toward the visitors.
"Travelers from beyond the blessed realm! Know that the knowledge here is only for the children of true wisdom. Why have you traveled here, where the blessed dead bask in the glories of Lord Thoth?"
In reply, the ball of light flashed and glowed like pure, angelic sun. It shone with a warmth, a simplicity and truth that made the world seem fresh and new.
"Children of Thoth! I am an amazingly benevolent energy being from far beyond your realms! Long ago, my people evolved far beyond mere physical form. Our endless lives are spent contemplating pure goodness and philosophies of truth. I have been sent to travel to your universe to experience the lives and truths that may be found here." Gentle rays of sunshine caressed the ibis-headed men. "You are fellow cherishers of wisdom. I therefore will present you with this manuscript of quintessential truths-written here, upon this sacred hell hound skin."
The huge human servant sniffed. Built with muscles upon muscles, the dark, glowering servant held a rolled pelt across its shoulders-a pelt with a hell hound head that grinned like an insane crocodile. Beside the pelt, the second attendant stood holding a water jar, his ibis beak a little pale, his feathers ruffled.
The energy being drifted to hover over the rolled black pelt.
"The knowledge upon this scroll is so pure, so perfect, that it is dangerous for the simple minds found in this reality. Only the children of Thoth have intellects broad and deep enough to encompass the beauty of this gift. Please, may we have an escort to the, uh, the whichever place you catalogue your treasures of the mind, so that we may place this holy document in your safekeeping?"
The scribes beamed, looked at one another, and one of the creatures bowed. It took a stately staff of office from a rack and led the way to the doors of the library.
"Then follow, O benevolent energy being. Truly you have been led to the one place of purity in all the cosmos! Here your scroll will be read by minds wise enough to cherish it. Allow me to lead you into the submissions hall."
They moved through the Portal of Purity and along the Corridor of Concepts, hung a left at the Halls of Holiness, then drifted past the File Card Index of Indescribable Illumination- five stories high and perhaps a mile long. Cool wide halls were filled with ibis-headed beings. There were emissaries from other gods and silent, unmoving guards. The air smelled of sandalwood, and the residents of the afterlife hurried to carry out all the tasks appointed to them. The energy being's guide inclined its beak to various luminaries as they passed. It gave its visitors the grand tour, explaining the glories and the mysteries for their receptive minds.
"Here is the hall of Thoth. Your gift can be made before the god himself, for here his light of truth blasts the deceitful, destroys illusions, and brings bliss to the good."
"Ah." The energy being pocketed a golden doorknob behind its back. "And, ah, this is where great and mighty Thoth inducts his new arrivals?"
"Indeed! At the far side of this hall is our cataloguing area, where new gifts are identified and filed. Such duties are the reward of the greatest in life-priests, sphinxes, and kings!" The long corridors came to an end. "But come! The god awaits your magnificent gift!" The guide ushered them through a mighty portal. "Now, look in wonder, for here is the Throne of Verity! In its presence, only truth may be told, so that all may revel in its purity."
In a hall so high that flocks of sacred birds circled the highest column tops, in a room created by the tireless labor of souls allowed nothing but the wish to serve, was a throne of gold a hundred feet high. Enshrined upon it, sat a titanic being-ibis-headed, crowned, sceptered, and armed. Ranked before him were untold thousands of worshipers, all paying homage in perfectly coordinated bows. The energy being stopped dead and seemed a little bit diminished, while behind it, the two companions stalled.
The energy being wriggled its little pseudopods in alarm.
"Oh, frot."
"Frot?" The ibis-headed guide frowned, then shook the comment away. "Now we shall approach the throne. There is a line of supplicants bearing tribute. You shall be number five thousand and eleven-a very significant number, as you will doubtless realize." The ibis-being clearly expected a reply, but received none. "In any case, how would you like your gift announced? What sort of secrets are written on this scroll?"
"None!" The energy being spoke in a screech, unable to help itself. "It's a pyromaniac sentient hell hound skin with delusions of humor!"
The ibis stared at the hell hound skin, which grinned back and happily wagged its tail.
Hello!
Blubbering, its preconditioned mind none too agile, the ibis-being looked at the visitors in absolute confusion. "B-but why? Why are you giving a hell hound skin to the great god Thoth?"
"We're not!" The energy being thrashed in panic, trying to stop itself from speaking. "It's a ruse! We're here to do an abduction!"
"An abduction?" The ibis recoiled in fright. "You? A benevolent energy being?"
"I'm not an energy being! I'm a skinny faerie with the universe's most perfect butt!" The energy being thrashed in panic. "Jus! Little help here!"
Still holding Cinders rolled on his shoulder, the Justicar punched their guide with enough force to slide the creature out of sight amongst the curtains.
"Boring conversation anyway."
"Come on!" Escalla changed back into her usual form. "Let's move!"
"Hey! We're interlopers here to expose your sham of an afterlife!" Escalla stamped and cursed. "Damn it! This tell-only-the-truth thing is screwing up my best fast talk!"
"Escalla!" Henry's feathers flapped in panic. "It's not working! Change me back! Change me back!"
"Relax, they'll fall for it!" Escalla gave an easy shrug, apparently oblivious to the two stone behemoths stomping toward them. "Trust me! I'm a faerie!"
Jus dragged his sword out from inside Cinders's rolled hide and crashed Benelux into the guts of a charging stone guardian. Benelux sheared through solid stone, spraying chips and gravel as she blasted out through the juggernaut's back. The stone being fell in two, both halves thrashing madly in rage. Jus swirled, hacked the hand off the second statue, whipped about twice more and smashed off its leg and head. He grabbed Escalla as she whooped and applauded him, breaking into a lumbering run as they crossed the hall of Thoth.
On the huge throne, the great god Thoth stirred. The disturbance at the far end of the hall had reached his notice. Guards ran for the little group of fugitives and were left in parts on the floor as the intruders escaped. The god Thoth pointed a finger in command, and as one, all ten thousand supplicants turned, roared, and chased after the blasphemous infidels.
Thoth stood and roared, shooting bolts of light that blasted huge craters in the floor.
With a wave of enraged inhumanity hot on her tail, Escalla looked over the Justicar's shoulder as he ran through the hall.
"Wow! These people are pissed!"
A blast of light splintered a titanic column mere inches away. Hundreds of tons of stonework thundered through the air, and the ceiling began to collapse. Column after column tilted and smashed into each other, one after another. A wall of dust and debris hid the onrushing crowd from Jus, Escalla, and Henry. The Justicar pelted around a corner, ducked a sword wielded by a jabbering ibis-man, and felled the creature with a blow of his hand.
"Escalla! Do you have any idea where we're going?"
"Sure! Trust me! I'm a faerie!" Escalla opened the portable hole on Jus's belt and stuck her head inside. "Hey, Polk? Polk! Check the thingie!"
"I'm doin' it! I'm doin' it! But you can't rush art. I've tried to teach that fact to so many, but they just don't listen. Art's from the soul, girl! Soul! You don't rush soul. You do that, you get bad-"
"Polk! We're a little stressed for time here!" Escalla fired off a lightning bolt that blasted through a dozen crocodile-headed guards. "Could you just-you know-do it?"
Grumbling away, Polk sat beside a big bowl of enchanted water. Floating on the water was a wooden disk, and upon the disk was Enid's tail. The tail swung about, settled, and ended up pointing in a steady line. Polk sniffed and, cocking one eye, looked up at the faerie.
"That way!" He pointed in the direction indicated by the tuft of Enid's fluffy tail. "Is the boy still dawdling? Are we there yet?"
Leaning through the hole, the sound of sword fighting loud behind her, Escalla gave the tail a scowl.
"How do you know it's not the other way? You know-maybe the wet end points the way?"
"Do you want art, or do you want argument?" Polk pointed an imperious paw. "I'm a quadruped. I know tails! Now get goin'. We've got real work to do elsewhere!"
"Fine!" The faerie cast a cloud of choking fog to block the passageway behind her. "Sheesh! Badgers are so grouchy before their mid-morning nap!"
Folding his paws and muttering, Polk looked over to the tanar'ri who sheltered at the far side of the portable hole. She was gnawing all six sets of nails. Polk sniffed and shook his head.
"No gumption! Young folks today just have no gumption! Stop frettin', woman! It's only the halls of the gods!"
With her scales a horrid shade of grey, Morag rocked back and forth in panic.
"Oh, we are going to be killed." The demon heard a fireball detonate overhead, accompanied by the battle cry of thousands of Thoth's followers. "What am I doing here?"
Escalla popped her head in through the lip of the hole.
"I told you! You do the teleport thing for us, and dad will have your dream castle made, furnished-he'll even put in gardens! Peace and quiet-a love nest where the Blood Wars never go." The faerie gave an airy little wave. "So chill already! You're in a portable hole. What could possibly go wrong? Trust me! I'm a faerie!"
Escalla disappeared. Seething, Morag thrashed her tail and said, "I do wish she would stop saying that."
Outside the portable hole, the battle raged. They were deep amidst vast mazes of book-laden shelves that towered a hundred feet high. Librarians atop spindly ladders clutched for dear life as Jus and Escalla rampaged below, knocking into shelves and toppling ladders behind them. Still carrying a heavy brass urn of water, still with his ibis head and beak, Henry gave an apologetic bob and nod as he passed the librarians and hurried after his friends. Polk called out from down in the portable hole, and Escalla halted hovering at the next intersection and shoved her friends into a new row of shelves.
"That way! Hurry!"
The sound of the pursuing multitudes was like an onrushing tidal wave. The Justicar led the way, Cinders's smoke trailing behind him as he ran. The big man turned a corner, there was a thunderous roar, and the bookshelf just above him blasted apart as a huge lion paw came crashing through the air.
A titanic being loomed over the intruders. The creature was monstrous-a huge statue of black marble thirty feet high. Part hippopotamus, part crocodile, part lion, it roared and smashed down with a paw. Shelves splintered and tumbled in all directions. Escalla went tumbling in midair and landed hard upon her backside, bruising it fiercely. She shot to her feet, chittering in rage.
"You cut-price bag of golem puke!" She flew at the monster in an insane rage. "I'll get you for that!"
Jus stamped in anger as he saw her shoot by.
"Escalla! No!"
The faerie flew at the monster like an enraged gnat attacking a bear. She whacked the creature on its backside with her newly recharged lich staff. Stone chips flew, cracks began to work their way through the behemoth, and the monster whirled awkwardly around and about like a monstrous dog chasing its own tail. It crashed into shelves five stories high, which tilted, crashed, and fell into more shelves, then more, then more…
A crash and jumble came as the wisdom of the ages hit the floor and was trampled underfoot. The multitudes pursuing the interlopers were buried under the shelves. Somewhere in the distance, the god Thoth could be heard roaring in anger. All hell was breaking loose. The Justicar stopped in place, opened his hands and formed magic between his palms. The wooden shelves of the nearest library racks suddenly burst to life, shooting out leaves, branches, and tendrils. The vines snatched at the huge monster, forcing it to blunder clumsily about. Taking Benelux in his hand, the Justicar ran straight for the behemoth's nearest paw.
"Henry! Charge!"
Benelux crashed into black marble, showering chunks of stone across the floor. Henry carefully set down his sealed brass jar. He was just in time to hear the thud and see Jus knocked off his feet by a blow of the monster's foot. Jus flew one way-Cinders fluttered in another. They both hit the ground rolling, the Justicar coming up with his sword flashing in a parry and a massive stroke that severed the statue's paw. Roaring, the titan reared-still with Escalla battering its backside into rubble. As Henry charged, he heard her voice jabbering away in a frenzy of hate.
"I wear a thong! Do you know what this is going to look like in a thong? Do you have any respect for art? Do you? No! Well, respect that! And that! And that! And that!" The power charge of the lich staff had run out again, and now Escalla was just hitting a huge stone statue with a stick. "Oh, you're gonna play dumb? Well, take this!"
Jus tossed his magic rope to Henry. Henry whip-cracked the rope and swung up onto the statue's head, smashing his own sword down onto the monsters eye, making it shake its head and rear in anger. Henry was thrown clear, crashing through a bookshelf to land beside Cinders, who lay grinning atop a pile of magical scrolls.
Hello!
"Hey, Cinders." Henry blinked. His brass jar was a dozen yards away, still miraculously intact. "Having fun?"
Fun!
Escalla finally jumped free and whirred down to ground level. Jus pointed at the monster's flank, meeting Cinders's eye, and the hell hound enjoyed his friends clever idea. As the monster came close, Cinders wriggled forward, reared, and blasted his flames. Hot enough to melt steel, Cinders's fire sent ripples chasing all through the marble along the monster's side, and the dozens of cracks from Escalla's lich staff glowed white-hot.
The Justicar disengaged, and his huge voice bellowed at Escalla through the smoke. "Escalla! Frost! Go!"
The faerie unshipped her frost wand and opened fire. Extreme heat followed by ice cold did the trick. The cracked stone burst, and the statue splintered like glass.
The Justicar parried falling rubble with his sword, too angry and too dangerous to dodge. As the dust settled, he strode through the ruins, collected Escalla, then signaled Henry and Cinders to regroup. The hell hound rippled over the wreckage, moving like a huge furry caterpillar, and behind him, hundreds of Thoth's followers came charging down the paths between the shelves. Some of the larger creatures forsook the paths altogether and scrambled over the mounds of scrolls, books, broken shelves, and stone.