"I stopped eating steak years ago because of mad cows' disease, and here you are pumping me full of it. If I turn into a mad cow, you're..."
As Gus flirts with unconsciousness, his oxygen starved brain thinks about whether to plant tulips or daffodils along the pastel blue picket fence surrounding his Isle of White property. His eyes flicker and he passes out and flops to the floor.
"Right" Shouts Ken. "Get the Roller Larry, we're going to Tommy's."
"The Roller's a write off love." Says Jane.
"It fucking better not be." Shouts Ken.
"Yeah. Sorry. I was standing at the main gate trying to stop Craig from leaving with Ant and Dec and your money."
"What's that got to do with the Roller?"
"I had to shoot, he was heading straight for me, he would have run me over I know he would, so I shot him and he crashed the Roller into the main gate doing about fifty."
"I bought that off Tom Jones. Tom fucking Jones."
"I know love. We might be able to get it mended." She says knowing full well you can't take a car back to the James Barclay garage in Berkeley Square London, with eight pints of blood swimming around the foot-wells, and fragments of skull and brains embedded in the upholstery; they might ask questions. Ken suddenly stops his rant and begins to think. Jane and Larry notice, and wait for the worse. Ken is remembering struggling to load a shotgun and dropping most of the shells. He's remembering pushing Jane to the ground. He's remembering looking at Craig smiling back at him. He shakes his head and looks at Gus on the floor and gives him an almighty kick; he's not believing his own memories, and even though nothing was said, Jane and Larry sigh with relief. Gus's natural survival instincts come into operation and he draws breath, jumps to his feet, and shouts 'Tulips' Ken knocks him out.
"Have you fucked the Bentley as well?" He asks Jane sarcastically.
"Oi you." She protests.
"Oi you? You've killed smart-mouth. You’ve more than likely killed Ra, Raj, what's-his-face. You've beaten up poor old Gus. You've damaged the main gate and you've written off Tom Jones's car."
"It's just a car; we can buy another one, a better one."
"A better one? It was Tom Jones's Rolls Royce." He screams. "There isn't a better one. What part of Tom fucking Jones, don't you understand?"
Chapter 28.
"So, what's it like knowing you only have a couple of months to live?" Tommy Rae asks Leonard.
"Do you really need an answer to that?" Replies Leonard.
"What goes through your mind?"
"Not a lot really. You just lay there and pray to be shoved in the back of a car boot and driven to a lunatic's house."
Tommy Rae laughs because he thinks Len is just being playful. He's not.
"Tom and Jerry isn't their real names by the way." Explains Tom.
"I did wonder, what with them both being cartoons and all."
"They're Indians, they'll sort you out, they're healers or something. I've seen it with my own eyes. Do you know I could shoot you in the back from point blank range and you'd be fine."
"Wow, imagine that."
"I know." Says a pleased Tommy Rae, not realising Leonard's 'wow' comment was pure mockery.
"So what about the Pakistani Tom and Jerry? What do they do?" Asks Leonard.
"Eh? I just told you old fella. They're healers or something."
Ken is ominously looking at Gus who is sitting on a chair rubbing his chin. In Ken's hand is the small empty glass bottle of Quianazine.
"Don't you think we should wait a day or two before going to Tommy's?" Larry asks Ken.
But Ken isn't interested in anything Larry has to say at the moment.
"Can I ask you a stupid question?" Ken asks Gus.
Gus pointlessly nods yes, knowing Ken's going to ask it anyway.
"Why would you pump this Quee. Qui. Ana. Zine, into me?"
Larry screws his eyes up at Gus in a threatening manner. He doesn't want him to tell Ken that it was him who told Gus to administer the Quianazine, to keep him unconscious.
"You had been shot Kenneth."
So far so good thinks Larry. Ken looks at the little bottle.
"But I hadn't been shot."
"No, that's right, you hadn't." Answers Gus.
"So why inject it into me then?"
"To help."
"To help with what?"
"Being shot."
"But I just said, I hadn't been shot."
"That's right, you hadn't."
"So why do it then?"
"Do what Kenneth?"
"Inject this fucking stuff into me."
"To help."
"To help with what?"
"Being shot."
"But I hadn't been shot."
"That's right, you hadn't."
"So why did you inject it into me?"
"It was to help you."
"With what?"
"Being shot."
"But I hadn't."
"That's right, you hadn't."
Jane is poised to come to Gus's rescue, when Larry interrupts instead.
"You'll feel a lot better in a couple of days Ken. So shall we leave it awhile before going to Tommy's?"
"No." Shouts Ken.
And that's when Jane makes her move. She picks up Gus's leather medical bag, and calmly takes the bottle from Ken's hand, closes the bag and puts it on Gus's lap.
"I'm not having Tommy Tit coming here and helping himself to what's rightfully mine. Who the fuck does he think he is anyway?"
Gus calmly puts the bag under his chair and pushes it even further under with the back of his heels, then sighs with relief.
"I just meant until you feel better." Repeats Larry.
"I feel fine."
Ken gets up and tries to hide a wince of pain.
"You should listen to Larry love." Says Jane. "He's talking sense. There's no Craig remember?"
Ken stops and thinks. He knows she's right. You don't go visiting Tommy Rae with a bee in your bonnet without 'muscle' Then he has a flash of inspiration.
"We'll pick up Brutal Vicious on the way."
"What?" Says a shocked Larry. "The last time you two met you shot his toe off."
"He was trying to wallop me over the head with a baseball bat. Now give the man a call, he'll be fine."
"You and Vicious could easily take care of Daz." Says Jane. "But let's face it Ken. Vicious will be on his own."
"What do you mean on his own?" Asks Ken.
Jane gives Ken a quick sharp punch to his wound. He hits the floor like the proverbial sack of spuds.
"That's what I mean." She says. "Let him have them for a couple of days, who cares?"
Ken is still on his hands and knees.
"No." He labours to say.
He struggles to get to his feet, and when he does, Jane punches the same spot again. Ken staggers to the bed and flops down.
"He'll think I'm weak."
Jane hits him again, but softer this time.
"You are love, you are. If I can do this to you, what chance will you have up against Daz."
Larry knows a domestic when he sees one, and just stands and watches. Gus is in a world of his own replaying in his head the day his wife asked him to retire.
"He knows you're going to come calling love. But the fact you leave it for a while will worry him. It'd worry me. It'd worry you, wouldn't it? He'll be thinking 'Where is he? Why hasn't he turned up yet? He's not going to be able to do anything with them with you hanging over his head. Let's have a proper plan. Brutal Vicious is good, but let's add Dave Nash. He hates Daz, so there's two. Ronnie Dodds, three, Iron Boy, four. I know he's your brother Ken, but if you're going to sort this out, then do it properly, or not at all. That lot can hold off Tommy's boys, and you do the rest."
With pain raining down on him, and scarcely able to speak, Ken looks up at Jane.
"Do the rest?" He asks. "Take him out?"
Jane gives a slight nod. Yes.
In Ken's world 'Take
him out' means, Kill. Larry flinches, shakes his head and steps backwards. This is becoming far too heavy for him. This is a domestic with bells and bunting. He knows that a brother can kill a brother in the underworld without the usual consequences from the other crime lords; yes, it'll be discussed between them all, but they'll put it down to a 'family' and you don't interfere with a 'family' Even hapless Gus understands the terminology and shudders with foreboding. Larry looks at Jane; she's the puppet master at the moment. She's suggesting, and Ken is agreeing, to kill Tommy Rae; his own brother. This is going to happen he's thinking. Ken's body totally relaxes, and Jane covers him with the duvet.
"Larry." Jane says in an authoritative voice. "Phone Harold. Tell him to come here tomorrow about six."
"This isn't good. Why not let me try and get Rajeev and Amir back on my own, before we call Harold."
"No I want Brutal Vicious here tomorrow at six." She walks over to Larry and stands next to him, and without looking at him, she calmly and slowly whispers…
"Tommy's been a thorn in all our sides for as long as I can remember. You know that better than anyone Larry. There's no love lost between them, hasn't been for years. Let's face it, they've both wanted to do it for ages."
"I just think it's going too far." Says Larry.
"I thought I lost my Kenny tonight Larry. And I didn't like it. Didn’t like it one little bit. And I nearly lost him because he feels he has to pay Tommy Rae for a horse; a fucking horse Larry. Well I'm not going through this again. Kenny answers to no man, not even his older brother." She turns and looks at Ken looking ten years older than he actually is.
"Look at the state of him."
Chapter 29.
"Dodds? I know that name for some reason." Tommy Rae says to Len.
"Common as muck me."
Normally Tommy Rae would pick up on the fact that someone is constantly being sarcastic with every reply uttered, but probably because Leonard Dodds is at deaths door, and, a number of years older than he is, Tommy just doesn't hear it.
"Where are you from? Any kids?"
Before Leonard can answer 'Shoreditch. East London, and, yes, just the one kid. Ronnie' Daz walks into the room and pushes Rajeev and Amir in front of Tommy.
"Careful Daz, they're our guests."
Tommy Rae looks at Rajeev and Amir.
"Is your room ok? Comfortable?" He asks.
"It is a small cupboard" Replies Rajeev.
Tommy does a little double take.
"A what? What do you mean?"
Leonard knows what they mean and smiles and says…
"Why use the backseat of a car when there's a perfectly good boot to travel in. Why waste a room when a broom cupboard meets all your requirements?"
Tommy Rae looks at Leonard; this time he heard the sarcasm in his voice but he's too annoyed with Daz to pull him up about it.
"Have you had these two; our guests, in a fucking broom cupboard?" Shouts Tommy.
"We haven't got a broom cupboard have we?" Answers Daz.
"Where have you had them then, where are they staying?"
"Under the stairs."
"Under the stairs?" He shouts. "Under the fucking stairs?" Tommy Rae stands up. "What made you think I'd want them under the fucking stairs? Under the fucking stairs is worse than a broom cupboard."
"They look like slippery little fuckers to me. I didn't want them escaping by climbing out a window or something, and there aren't any windows under the stairs."
"Then you chain them up. You don't stick them under the stairs with the wellington boots and the brollies. I know you've only got one brain cell Daz, but try using it occasionally."
Tommy sits down and sighs, and looks at Rajeev.
"Sorry about the stairs thing, a bit of a misunderstanding you understand."
Tommy gives Daz a look of contempt and then turns to Rajeev.
"Now then, this old man next to me is on his last legs."
Leonard can see that Rajeev doesn't understand 'on his last legs' and cuts in.
"He means I'm dying son."
"Oi you." Shouts Tommy. "They know what I mean, they're Paki's, they're not stupid."
"Can I ask something?" Says Daz.
Tommy Rae is becoming more and more frustrated. All he wants to do is find out whether Rajeev and Amir can cure Leonard Dodds, so he can make loads and loads of money, but he keeps getting interrupted.
"Do you have too?" Answers Tommy, hoping Daz will say 'no not really, it'll keep' but he doesn't.
"I want to ask them something?"
"Who?" Screams Tommy.
"Those two."
"Well don't mind me, I just pay your fucking wages, yeah, you go ahead and have a right good old chitchat with them, I'll wait until you finish shall I?"
"Thanks." Says Daz, who then callously pulls Rajeev and Amir round to face him.
"Are you two Paki's or Indians? Only it's doing my fucking head in. You're one thing one minute, and another thing the next; don't you know where you're fucking from?"
Leonard just can't help himself…
"Nicely put." He says.
"We are from India." Answers Rajeev.
"What, both of you? Or is one of you from Pakistan? Is that it? Is that where all the confusion is coming from?"
"No, we are brothers. Indian brothers."
Daz scratches his head. Tommy Rae is just two notches off boiling point.
"Fatty?" Asks Daz.
It takes a moment or two for Rajeev to understand what Daz means.
"Oh. Yes. Vapi."
"Yeah, Fatty, I thought so. Thanks."
Daz turns to Tommy who is now only one notch off boiling point.
"Right. They're Indians Mr. Rae. Both of them. Brothers apparently."
Tommy Rae lets his head fall in his hands. He doesn't look up, and quietly says…
"Leave the room Daz. Just get the fuck out of here please."
Daz punches Rajeev on the arm…
"See what you've done now."
Chapter 30.
Gus stands up.
"My wife will be wondering where I am." He says lamely hoping that Jane or Larry will say 'off you go then.' They don't.
"That's what mobile phones are for; call the woman." Says an anxious Jane looking at Larry as he hangs up the phone.
"Well?" She asks.
"Ronnie can't make it either."
"Did he say why?"
Larry shrugs his shoulders.
"He said his dad's gone missing."
"Gone missing? Lenny? Where?"
"He didn't say, but I think it's genuine. He's got the police involved and everything."
"Shit." Shouts Jane. "Try Dave Nash. I'm sure he owes Ken one.
Larry pulls a face.
"What?" She asks.
"It's the other way round. Ken owes Dave one. Big time."
Jane closes her eyes and sighs and fears she already knows the answer to her next suggestion but she asks anyway.
"Iron Boy?"
"Ken accused him of cheating in a game of poker."
"Damn." Shouts Jane as she remembers the outcome of that particular accusation. Ken breaking Iron Boy's thumb.
"Ken broke…"
"I know." Jane cuts in, stopping Larry from saying it.
She looks at Ken asleep on the bed, and turns to Gus.
"How long will that bruise on Ken's chest be painful?"
"You've punched it three times which hasn’t helped."
"Yeah and I'll punch you again in a minute; how long?"
"The discolouration will be there for several weeks. The pain, probably no more than eight to ten days."
Jane thinks it over.
"Right." She says. "We need to keep Kenny away from Tommy and Daz for eight to ten days then. He needs lots of rest, lots of sleep."
Jane just happened to say the 'lots of sleep' part whilst innocently looking at Gus, who mistook her innocent look as… he'll be expected to pump his veterinary drugs into Ken again. With that pr
ospect in mind, Gus opens the window and begins to climb out. Larry runs forward to try and stop him.
"What the fuck are you doing?" And before Larry can finish his sentence with 'you'll break your bloody neck' Gus falls the sixteen feet three and a half inches to the ground. The sound of his two ankles simultaneously breaking startle the fox, the hedgehog, and field mice, as they go about their dawn patrols. Larry and Jane look out of the window at Gus on his back crying like a baby, and with contempt in her voice, Jane says…
"Go and help him Larry."
Larry leaves the room and Jane sits on the end of the bed and looks worryingly at Ken.
"I'm not asleep." He says softly with his eyes shut. "Just a bit tired that's all."
"That's ok love."
"You're right though."
"Am I?"
"Yeah."
"Right about what?"
"About everything."
"It's a fucking mess Ken, that's what it is." She takes a deep breath. "A fucking mess."
"I'll leave it for a while; eight to ten days."
Jane smiles and gives a little laugh through her nose, realising Ken was awake.
"Then I'll sort it." Ken says. She gently holds his hand. "But I won't be taking Tommy out." He adds.
"No? Well what then?"
"He's old and tired and without Daz, he's fuck-all."
Jane's trying to work out what Ken has in mind, and then she gets it. If Ken takes Daz out of the picture, Tommy becomes child's play.
"He'll just get another Daz." She says.
"No, he won't be able to."
"Why not?"
"Because he's going to be living here."
Jane pulls her hand away and jumps up.
"Are you mad? I'm not having Tommy living here with us."
"Don't worry, you won't ever see him."
She tries to work out what Ken means again; but this time has no idea.
"What do you mean?"
Ken closes his eyes. He's ready to sleep, and settles into the mattress. Ken's decided to keep Tommy Rae locked up in his strong room, which is hidden away in the basement. After a year or so if he's still alive. Ken will push 'Clint' into the strong room with a single bullet in the chamber. And after a year of no human contact, no proper toilet or washing facilities, and barely enough food and water to live on. Kenneth Webster hopes that Tommy Rae Webster will 'take' himself out.
Million Pound Appointments Page 21