by W.J. May
Chapter 1
Erebus
Am I alive or dead? Maybe stuck somewhere in between. Nanny once, for about a week, ranted on and on about the middle life. For the life of me, I can’t remember what all she said.
I feel weightless. I can’t even feel my body.
The scariest thing: I don’t know how long I’ve been in this state. It could be minutes, hours.
What if it’s been years?
Maybe I’m going crazy. Or worse, maybe I’ve already lost it.
Tightness claws at my chest. The panic is strangely familiar, but it terrorizes me nonetheless. It would be futile to scream. I’m trapped – forever.
I try to force in a lungful of air, but the sudden spinning inside my head means I’m going to pass out again.
I let myself drop in defeat, into the dark oblivion.
Erebus jolted awake moments later with his back resting against a pay phone. His breath shot in and out in short gasps. He still felt the panic deep inside him, but relief tasted better than the fear. He savoured it, trying to let it seep through his core. Slowly his heart began settling into its regular rhythm.
He glanced around and up at the sky. The absence of the sun indicated it was just past dusk. Reddish brick buildings and houses lined the streets. Square buildings with little history to them. Rubbing his chin, he realized he wasn't in England; the architecture was too American. It couldn’t be New York City. Everything looked too quiet, too country, with not enough skyscrapers. Then he remembered. Well, at least he knew the city, if nothing else.
Ithaca.
Gingerly, he stood. Brushing the dirt off his pants, he felt his back pocket. Thank goodness.
His wallet was there. He checked his coat pocket as well; his phone rested neatly inside. He hadn’t been mugged.
His fingers ran through his short hair as he tried to collect his thoughts. I’ve been out.
Asleep? Deep down he knew the truth but wasn’t ready to face it.
Looking both ways, he crossed the road and headed towards the Starbucks. Nestled between two buildings, its quiet atmosphere was inviting. He needed coffee. It felt too early to do anything else.
As luck would have it, the Starbucks was empty except for the counter girl. The warm tones of brown and beige on the chairs and walls looked comfortable, safe. The aroma of coffee beans filled his nostrils. He glanced at the college artwork hanging on the walls and the large shop window at the front of the café. It would entertain him as he waited.
The waitress smiled and straightened her uniform after he ordered a double espresso and grand latte. He pulled out his wallet, a bundle of fifty dollar bills nestled neatly inside. He handed the cute, dark-haired girl a crisp bill, making sure to add a twenty dollar tip. Money could talk when he wanted silence.
Carrying the coffees, he headed toward a brown leather chair near the window. He spotted an abandoned newspaper along the way and tucked it under his arm. Settling into the seat, he checked the date on the paper. Friday, October 13. No wonder I feel off. He wasn’t superstitious but it did feel slightly ironic.
He sighed. Maybe there’d be some kind of party tonight – booze and free entertainment, the benefits of living in a university town. Maybe it’d take his mind off things.
A young couple walked by outside, hand in hand. He glowered at their backs as an unusual stab of jealousy filled him. He would never have that. He’d tried, once, and it was the biggest mistake he’d ever made.
The couple disappeared around the corner, along with his thoughts of them. Fresh, cool air swept by as the door of the café opened. He ignored the new customer, picked up his latte, and cursed when the piping hot liquid spilled against his hand.
“How’re you doing this evening, Erebus?”
He cringed as he set his mug down on the table beside his chair. He’d hated his name since the beginning of time, and his dislike for the man seemed equal at the moment.
“Hello, Janus.” He didn’t glance at the man standing beside him.
“You all right?” The man moved to the leather chair and set something on the small table.
What am I supposed to say? I have no idea where I’ve been for the past twelve hours? I hate my life? “I’m fine. I feel like I just woke up.”
Janus laughed as he dug into his vintage leather briefcase. He pulled out a wad of bills and pushed it towards Erebus. “Here’s your money. Go have some fun tonight. It’s autumn; isn’t this your favorite time of year?”
“I don’t need the money.” He ignored Janus’ question.
“Take it anyway. I’m not going to stand inside some damn coffee shop window with this in my hand. Take the money.” Janus harrumphed as he shut his briefcase with his free hand. “I don’t understand you. It’s so… you’re different from the others. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you were depressed.”
Erebus sighed as he reached over to grab the cash from Janus’ outstretched hand. It was the only way to shut him up and make him go away. Janus wore his usual expensive suit, the dark looking sharp against his blue eyes and ghost-grey hair. Janus held his beige Burberry business coat neatly folded over his arm. Erebus wondered briefly if the check pattern inside the coat had faded from constant use.
“Are you?” Janus slipped the jacket back on before Erebus could double check. “I’m not depressed. I just don’t need the money.” I don’t want your money.
“Try to spend it more frivolously this time. Loosen up a bit and have some fun. You’ve had a lifetime to practice, and still you suck at it.” Janus straightened the belt on his coat. “I have a few others I need to meet up with. I’ll see you again next Friday.” He patted Erebus on the back near the shoulder. “By the way, Coty’s looking for you.”
Erebus stiffened when Janus touched him. He said nothing as Janus left Starbucks and disappeared around the corner. He stuffed the bills into his already full wallet. It barely folded shut now. Shoving it into his back pocket, it amazed him the thing still fit.
Exhaling noisily, he turned his attention to the front page of the paper lying on his lap, checking the top corner. It called for a seventy percent chance of rain tomorrow and the sun would be rising at 6:14 a.m.
He drank the rest of his latte and then shot the espresso down his throat. Though glad Janus had gone, a small part of him wished he’d stayed. He wished he could find some inner peace – answers to the questions he never dared to ask. To find a way to erase the longing he couldn’t explain.
“Not tonight.” He wasn’t going to linger on the depressing unknown. Grabbing the empty cups, he dropped them off on the counter before going out the door.
Although dim outside, the dark felt comforting. Erebus decided to follow his feet – let them lead tonight.
He headed towards the university campus. Cornell’s red buildings were always an inviting sight. The heat from the day’s sun seemed to linger on the bricks for hours after it had become dark. The warmth covered holes inside him he never understood.
As Erebus passed a tall glass office building, he stopped momentarily. The streetlight behind shone extremely bright, giving the appearance of daytime. His eyes blended in with the color of the charcoal glass. He hated their odd, steel-grey color that set him apart from others. It didn’t help he wore a charcoal shirt and blue jeans. They just brought more attention to his eye color. Irritated, he looked away and continued walking.
“Think about positive bits, enough of the loneliness and self-pity.” The phone in his jacket pocket began vibrating. He pulled it out and checked the screen. His buddy, Coty.
Before he could even utter a hello, Coty started yelling, “’Bus! I need your help! Hurry!”
Erebus stopped mid-stride, one foot still dangling in the air. “What’s going on?” There was panic in Coty’s voice.
“I’m in serious trouble –”
“Again?” Erebus didn’t mean to interrupt. He’d meant to keep the comment in his head. A quick laugh on the other end. “Yeah, I know. But serio
usly…”
Shuffling, and other strange noises, came through the line. Erebus resumed walking, his pace twice as fast as before. He had no clue where he needed to go but going somewhere fast seemed the right thing to do. “Coty?”
The line went quiet.
“Coty!” Horrible images of his friend kidnapped, mugged or worse, murdered, flashed through his mind.
“I’m…here,” Coty whispered, out of breath. “Where?” Erebus whispered back.
“Pi Kappa Phi.”
“A Fraternity?” He stopped for a moment, unsure. Was Coty serious? No time to contemplate. Erebus changed direction, heading towards the other side of campus. He needed to cut over the pedestrian bridge. It would save time. As he jogged, phone snug against his ear, he imagined having to fight fifty frat boys to get to Coty. He hated confrontation of any kind but he knew he’d do it if he had to. “Coty, you still there?”
“Ridgewood Road. They’ve got me at the back of the house. This is gonna get me killed.” More muffled noises and shuffling echoed through the reception.
“I’m on my way.” He shut the phone, keeping it tight in his hand. Just last night, he’d bugged Coty for putting highlight tips in his hair and going to a damn tanning bed. Coty had argued it gave him a sandy-beach look and he picked up chicks better. Coty was all about image.
Erebus shook his head. Since then, he’d lost twelve hours and Coty lay in mortal danger. He pictured Coty’s hair matted with blood and bruises covering his friend’s body. He picked up his pace.
Loud music bounced off his chest and into his ears before he even turned onto Ridgewood Road. Drunken idiots having a party. Coty must’ve gotten himself into some serious shit. He’d probably slept with someone’s girlfriend or sister. Or probably both, at the same time. The guy had no morals.
Muffled music came first followed by the blur of the lights from the house which slowly came into focus. People congregating on the grass and front porch of the house solidified that Erebus had found the right house. Talking and laughter accompanied the crappy rap music. Heart pounding, he cut across the yard and bounded up the porch steps, taking two at a time. Shoving people out of the way, he earned dirty looks and rude comments. He didn’t care.
As he charged through the front door, Erebus felt a jolt that made him slow his pace. Out of the corner of his eye, he could’ve sworn he’d just seen an angel. Or something with wings.
Except that was impossible.