I wanted to be pissed at him but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the energy. He looked as miserable as I was. I sighed.
“It’s okay Jude. I’ll admit, I was pissed as hell at you for not being there, but I get why you had to go. If you hadn’t left, Sadie would have been stranded on the side of the road and,” I paused, blowing out a frustrated breath, “this was going to happen to Danni whether you’d been there or not.”
Jude looked devastated and I doubted anything anyone said to him at this point would make him feel any less guilty. Before I could say anything else he pulled me into a strong hard hug.
“She’s going to be okay, brother. You’re going to hold your daughter soon.”
Emotion threatened to choke me and I reluctantly hugged him back. I had already cried in front of Danni, and I didn’t want to cry in front of my band brothers right now. Before I knew it I felt more arms around me as Kris, Jessie, Sadie, and Ryder wrapped themselves around Jude and me.
We were still in a group hug when I heard someone say my name. “Mr. Cavanaugh?”
My head snapped up. “Yes?”
“We’re ready for you now,” said a nurse.
I looked at everyone one last time before our family went from nine to ten.
“Good luck, big brother,” Sadie said.
“Tell Danni I love her, please,” Everleigh added, tears pouring down her face.
“I will, Ev,” I answered.
I hugged Jessie one more time before I went in.
“Go sit down…we don’t need another pregnant woman to worry about tonight.”
She smiled weakly and nudged me.
“Go…it’s time to become a father. We love you, Beau,” she said.
I gave them one more glance and then turned to follow the nurse. Soon I was wearing scrubs and being led into a sterile operating room. Danni was lying on the table with her arms out on either side of her and they were strapped down. There was a blue tent-like thing that shielded her view of her stomach…knowing how queasy she could get over things it was probably a good idea she couldn’t see anything.
She had an oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth and her honey colored hair was tucked into a cap. Even with all of those things covering her she was still the most breathtaking woman I’d ever seen.
“Beau,” she whimpered through the mask, a tear escaping her eye. “I was afraid you wouldn’t make it in time.”
“Hell no, nothing could keep me from your side, beautiful.”
“Okay, Danni, I’m going to begin,” said Dr. Fields. “You might feel some pressure and some tugging as we get your baby out, okay?”
All Danni could do was nod and blink her tears away.
“How long will it be until you get her out once you, uh, start cutting?” I asked nervously.
“I can have the baby out in less than a minute. But since she’s been low on oxygen she will need to be seen immediately by our pediatric team,” he answered me.
“Hey doc? Listen, these two girls…they are my whole world. Please don’t let anything happen to them,” I said, looking him right in the eyes.
“I’ll take care of your girls,” he said, and I looked at Danni.
I pressed my forehead to hers and quietly whispered, “We’re about to meet our little girl, Danni.”
She blinked her big blue eyes at me and all she could do was nod. I watched her face twist in discomfort as the doctor worked to get the baby out. I could feel the fear radiating off her while we waited for any word that our baby girl was safe.
“It’s okay Danni, breathe,” I whispered to her. “You’re doing great, baby.”
“Beau,” she breathed, “what’s taking so long?”
“Just stay calm. It will be over soon, I promise.”
“Okay, Danni,” said Doctor Fields, “the baby’s almost out. Just a few more seconds.”
Those few seconds were the longest of my whole life. Our eyes never left each other’s and when I heard a tiny little cry, my heart almost stopped. Suddenly Danni’s eyes that had been full of fear and worry were now full of relief and happiness like I’d never seen in them before.
“Well, hello, little one, you gave us quite a scare,” Doctor Fields said with a smile. “Ready to meet mommy and daddy?”
We both looked up toward the top of the sheet and when my eyes landed on a perfect, tiny, crying, beautiful little baby girl the tears began to pour down my cheeks. She was gorgeous…our daughter. In that moment my heart grew and was about to explode with love. I’d only ever fallen in love with one girl and now, because of her, I just fell in love all over again.
“Oh Beau, she’s so beautiful,” Danni cried. “I love her so much.”
I just stared at my newborn daughter in awe and couldn’t find the words to express how much I already loved that little girl. I leaned my head down and pressed my forehead to Danni’s.
“We have a daughter, Danni.”
She nodded her head as tears streamed down her cheeks.
“I know.”
Our baby was quickly handed off to a nurse as Danni asked, “Wait, where are you taking her?”
“The baby was low on oxygen for a while so the neonatal team needs to assess her and make sure she’s all right. She was crying when she came out so that’s a good sign.”
“Thank God,” Danni whimpered. “Beau, go check on her.”
“Are you sure, sweetheart?” I asked. I wanted to see my little girl but I also didn’t want to leave my wife’s side.
“I’m sure. Go be with our daughter. She needs her daddy,” she said, happiness in her tone.
I leaned in and kissed her forehead through the mask I was wearing and said, “I’ll be right back, baby.”
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere,” she tried to joke.
I stood up and walked over to where a doctor and several nurses were examining our daughter. Peering over the nurse’s shoulders, I smiled at my new little girl. She was so tiny and so perfect. Getting a better look at her, I could already see so much of Danni in her features. She had a bunch of honey blonde curls covering her tiny head and she had Danni’s full lips and nose. I’d never seen anything so perfect in all my life.
I watched as the nurses and doctors checked her out for several minutes. I ached to hold my daughter with a pain I’d never felt before. The wait was killing me. Everything the doctors were saying sounded like a foreign language and I was desperate for them to dumb it down for me so I’d know if my child was okay.
Finally after the longest wait of my life, a nurse came toward me holding a tiny pink bundle.
“Mr. Cavanaugh, are you ready to hold your little girl?”
I smiled as I held out my waiting arms and the nurse placed her into them. As I snuggled her close I was overcome with a sense of peace. From the moment I locked eyes with my daughter and her tiny little hand gripped my pinky finger, I was gone. I was instantly head over heels in love with her.
“Hi, Jelly Bean. I’m your daddy,” I whispered, afraid to scare her.
She was so quiet and calm and just stared sleepily into my eyes.
“Your mommy and I have been waiting for you, angel.”
“Beau, is she okay?” I heard Danni ask.
I turned to look at her and she had that worried mom look already.
I walked over to her, ready to show her our baby.
“She’s perfect, Danni, absolutely perfect. She looks just like you.”
“Are you sure she’s okay? She was without oxygen for so long,” Danni asked nervously.
“Mrs. Cavanaugh, your baby is just fine. Her APGAR scores were excellent and her lungs are nice and strong. We got her out in just enough time before there was any permanent damage. She’s a very lucky little girl,” a nurse said.
“Oh thank God,” Danni cried. “Beau, bring her to me, please. I have to see her.”
I sat down beside her, cradling our daughter in my arms. I held the baby up so she could see her and as soon as Danni’s eyes
fell on our baby she burst into tears.
“Oh my God, Beau, she’s so beautiful!” she cried.
“She is, isn’t she?” I whispered, emotion clogging my throat. I leaned closer so Danni could kiss her little head.
“She has your eyes,” Danni answered. “And apparently my hair.”
I laughed softly and the baby cooed in my arms.
“She’s gorgeous. Thank you, Danni.”
“For what?”
“For loving me and…for her,” I choked out, and I leaned down to kiss Danni’s forehead. “Which reminds me, what are we calling this little angel?”
Danni smiled and after a few moments, she said, “Well we decided on two names and I love them both. I will be happy with either one so why don’t you choose?”
My eyes widened slightly and I smiled. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Positive, I trust you. So,” she began, pausing for a moment before asking, “what’s our daughter’s name, daddy?”
Looking down at our little girl, I took a deep breath and said, “Harlowe.”
Danni’s eyes twinkled. “Harlowe?”
“Yeah. You like it?”
“I love it. She looks like a Harlowe, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does. Hello, beautiful Harlowe,” I whispered and leaned down to kiss her tiny little nose.
“Can I give her the middle name?” Danni asked.
I chuckled. “You carried her for nine months and went through hell tonight to get her here safely, baby. Of course you can.”
“I like Alexandra.”
I blinked in surprise. I was honored that Danni chose to essentially give her my middle name. “I like it too.”
“Harlowe Alexandra Cavanaugh,” Danni answered, staring at our daughter in awe.
“It suits her, doesn’t it?”
“Absolutely.”
I continued to hold Harlowe in my arms as the doctor finished with Danni’s surgery. As soon as they were ready to move her to a recovery room, I stood with our daughter still in my arms and stepped back to Danni’s bedside. Her arms had been strapped down during her C-section and now that they were free I knew she needed to hold Harlowe. I’d had my time with her and now it was time for Danni to bond with our daughter.
“So, Mommy, are you ready to hold our little girl?” I asked, leaning toward her.
Danni winced as she tried to sit up but still fought through it and held out her arms.
“Yes, I’m ready,” she answered, a bright smile shining through the pain she was obviously in. She held out her arms and as soon as I placed Harlowe into them, Danni started to cry happy tears.
“Oh, Beau, she’s so precious.”
I placed a kiss on her forehead as the nurses started to wheel her down the hall to her room. I watched in awe as Danni held Harlowe in her arms, staring at her in amazement and wonder. It was beautiful to see the love pouring out of Danni as she cradled out little girl. In that moment, as I walked down the hall following my wife and daughter, it hit me how truly lucky I was.
I’d married the love of my life and we’d just brought our daughter in the world, but it was more than that. It hit me that instead of celebrating, this night could have gone very differently. I could have lost both Danni and Harlowe and that thought alone sent a shiver down my spine.
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as we reached her hospital room and the nurses got Danni comfortable. I’d taken Harlowe to hold only while the nurses helped Danni get changed into some comfortable clothes and as soon as she was dressed and in bed, I handed Harlowe back to her. It was a beautiful thing to see how in the few moments she’d held our baby, Danni had already formed a bond with her. She seemed relieved when I placed her back into her arms.
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Danni’s forehead and she looked up at me with tired eyes and smiled. Her hair was up in a messy knot on her head with a few wild strands clinging to her forehead, she had a little bit of mascara smeared around her eyes, and she looked absolutely exhausted. She was still beautiful to me.
“I love you so much,” I said, feeling like I’d said it too much today yet not enough.
“I love you too, Beau. Thank you,” she said, snuggling Harlowe in her arms. “I know you already thanked me for Harlowe but I am grateful to you too. We made her together and I’m so happy we did.”
“So am I, baby,” I said, kissing her forehead. “So am I.”
I spent the next twenty minutes watching my beautiful wife as she learned to breastfeed our little girl. It was the most moving thing I’d ever seen. I was so entranced by the two of them that I barely heard the knocking on the hospital room door.
“Come in,” Danni said softly, careful not to startle Harlowe.
We both looked up as Everleigh, Ryder, Jessie, Kris, Jude, Sadie, and John walked into the room. As soon as Everleigh’s eyes landed on Harlowe she started bawling. She was holding Max in her arms but gently handed him to Ryder so she could come closer to Danni.
“Oh Danni, she’s precious!” she exclaimed. She walked to me and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.
“Beau, I’m so happy for you both!”
“Thank you, Ev,” I said, hugging her back.
“Do you want to hold her?” Danni asked her.
“Are you sure?” Everleigh asked.
“Of course I’m sure,” Danni replied and she motioned for Everleigh to come closer. When she reached the bed, Danni gently placed Harlowe in Everleigh’s arms.
As soon as Everleigh snuggled her close, she leaned down and kissed her tiny nose.
“Hello, sweet girl. I’m your Aunt Everleigh,” she whispered, and wiped a tear from her cheek before it fell onto Harlowe. “She’s perfect.”
“She is, isn’t she?” I said. “I think she looks like Danni, don’t you?”
Everleigh chuckled softly and said, “I was just going to say that. Look at her hair, it’s so soft. Oh, she’s just the most amazing little girl I’ve ever seen.”
Ryder came behind me and clapped me on the back.
“Congratulations, Dad. She’s beautiful, man,” he said, peering over my shoulder to see Harlowe’s face. “You’re right, she does look like Danni. Thank God,” he teased.
Everleigh sniffed and turned to face the group.
“I don’t want to hog her. Who wants to hold her next?”
Sadie inched away from her place next to Jude and held out her hands.
“My turn,” she said, smiling. Everyone that knew Sadie knew she wasn’t a crier at all, but if there was ever a moment in our lives that I thought she might shed a tear, it was this one.
Everleigh moved to her and gently placed Harlowe into Sadie’s waiting arms. Seeing my kid sister holding my daughter for the first time is a memory I will never forget.
“So,” she asked, “what are we calling this little angel?”
I looked at Danni, and she nodded at me. “Go ahead.”
I placed my hand gently on my daughter’s head and said, “Okay, everyone, I want you all to meet Harlowe Alexandra Cavanaugh.”
Everyone murmured approval of her name.
Sadie kissed her nose and whispered, “I like it. You look like a Harlowe.”
“That’s what Danni said too,” I told her.
“Well, Harlowe, I’m your Aunt Sadie and I can’t wait to teach you everything I know.”
“Now there’s a scary thought,” Jude chuckled.
Sadie moved to him and said softly, “And this is your Uncle Jude. He can be a big pain in the ass, but you’ll learn to love him.”
She winked at Jude and he held out his arms to hold Harlowe.
Once she was in his arms, I saw his face soften and I could tell he was instantly as in love with her as we all were.
“Well hello Harlowe,” he whispered, bending his head to kiss her. He looked almost funny as he held her in his big muscled arms.
“I’m Uncle Jude and I think you are just about the cutest girl I’ve ever seen.”
; He paused and right before he handed her to Jessie, he looked at me and said, “She’s so beautiful, man. She looks just like Danni.”
“Thank you. She does, doesn’t she?” I asked.
“So, how much did she weigh?” Jude asked.
“Six pounds, twelve ounces,” I answered proudly.
“You’re just so tiny, aren’t you baby doll?” Jude cooed at Harlowe.
Everyone took turns holding Harlowe for a few moments and after Ryder had gotten his chance, he handed her back to Danni.
“So,” Everleigh asked, snuggling Max in her arms, “are Dan and Brenda on their way?”
“Yeah, I called them right before you all showed up. They should be here any time,” I answered.
“They are going to be so happy,” Everleigh answered. “She’s amazing, you guys, truly.”
At that moment Max started fussing in her arms and his little head was nudging around her chest.
“Oh, sorry, looks like he’s hungry.”
“How can you tell that?” Jude asked her.
Everleigh smiled at him and said, “Because he’s rooting.”
He started at her dumbfounded. “What the hell is rooting?”
“Babies are smart, Jude. He’s searching around looking for my nip-”
Jude put his hands up and said, “Okay, got it. Stop. Geez, kid already sounds like his dad.”
Ryder put his arm around Everleigh and answered, “You know it, bro.”
I looked around and smiled at my family before turning back to Danni, who was holding Harlowe. She was looking down on her with such reverence and love, and I closed my eyes for a moment to take it all in. I was a husband. I was a father. I was truly happy and for the first time in my life, I actually felt like I deserved it.
Chapter 17
Danni
The moment I saw my daughter after she was born my heart melted at the sight of her. However, when Beau placed Harlowe in my arms and I held her for the first time, I changed. I never thought I could instantly love someone so completely as I did when I first held my daughter.
I also didn’t know that I could love Beau anymore than I already did. But after Harlowe’s birth my heart just swelled with so much love for him that it almost took my breath away. Because of how much he loved me and how hard he fought for us, Harlowe was here now and I was a mother. My baby girl would forever be a beautiful reminder of how a love that I thought was long gone could be found again in the darkest of places, and how that love could create something so beautiful.
Reckless Redemption: A Bad Blooded Rebel Novel (Bad Blooded Rebel Series) Page 24