by Ann Omasta
I have never wanted to hear what someone has to say more, but I don’t have a choice. It’s time to line up for the wedding. Kai and I will have to finish this potentially life-altering discussion later.
Before I know it, I am whisked away and find myself standing near the altar beside Ruthie, watching my father attempt to wrangle Baggy down the aisle. Seeming to sense that Baggy is going to be easily distracted, he locks his elbow more firmly with hers and steers her toward us.
Deciding that my father has the matter well in hand, I chance a look at Howie. He is beaming from ear to ear, as if he has just won the lottery. He has the right idea, I decide. Getting to spend the rest of his life with Baggy is like winning a huge jackpot. I just hope he is up to the challenge.
Honi and Leilani have been standing off to the side of the altar in traditional Hawaiian attire. Not having been involved in much of the wedding planning, I am uncertain what their roles are in the ceremony. I am pleasantly surprised when Honi starts playing the ukulele and singing a haunting but beautiful love song. Leilani begins slowly swaying her hips to the music. Her graceful movements are mesmerizingly smooth and all eyes are on her—all except for Kai’s.
I can feel his gaze on me. When I lock eyes with him, delicious warmth spreads over me. I like the way he is looking at me, and I don’t want him to stop. At the same time, I am desperate to hear what he has to say about my proclamation of love for him and what ideas he has for our future—assuming he wants a future with me. From the unabashed desirous look of adoration that he is currently beaming at me, I’m guessing that’s a safe bet.
When the lovely ballad ends, Nana Lana gives an extended blow into a conch shell. She then efficiently and authoritatively explains in her melodic voice that blowing into a shell or pu is a signal to the land, air, fire, and sea that something very special is about to happen. Howie tenderly kisses Baggy’s cheek. I don’t remember ever before seeing her look this lovely or happy.
The ceremony is a harmonious blend of native Hawaiian traditions and familiar nondenominational wedding customs. The bride and groom exchange platinum wedding bands and floral leis that they have woven for each other. When Nana Lana explains that these circles unite the bride, groom, and their loved ones in an eternal loop of aloha or love, I hear Ruthie sigh dreamily behind me.
My eyes travel from Kai to the nuptials, then, almost involuntarily, they travel back to Kai. He doesn’t seem to be having the same issue. Every time I look at him, he is steadily and lovingly gazing back at me. My heart melts a little more each time.
Baggy and Howie call each other “Boris” and “Natasha” when they exchange their vows. I hear some tittering from my mother, but my father manages to calm her enough that she doesn’t stop the ceremony. I’m sure her traditionalist views of how solemn and serious a wedding ceremony should be have been incredibly offended, though. Boris and Natasha don’t seem to notice that anything is amiss as they blissfully promise to love each other until death parts them.
When it’s time for the groom to kiss the bride, their lips and tongues linger beyond the nervous laughter of the crowd, beyond the uncomfortable shifting in the seats, and beyond the inevitable clearing of the throats. They kiss and kiss and kiss. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I would expect nothing less from Baggy and the man lucky enough to snag her.
I chance a look at my mother while the public display of affection drags on. No surprises there: she is pinched and pursed like someone has broken wind and she has just gotten a big whiff of it. A bubble of laughter starts to burst out of me, but I am able to tone it down to a minor giggle. Ruthie hears me, and she starts chuckling, too. Soon, several others are laughing as well. The uncomfortable factor of watching these two have a full-on make-out session is too much to take—the nervous energy has to escape somehow.
Finally, they stop kissing. Our small group of wedding attendees immediately launches into applause. We all smile at one another, probably wondering the same thing: Are we clapping because they just got married or because that extremely tongue-filled kiss finally ended? Either way, it feels worthy of celebration.
We are all so busy clapping and grinning at one another that no one notices the bride and groom have turned their backs to us until Nana Lana blows the pu once more. The conch shell horn immediately silences us. Having gained our full attention, Nana Lana presents the happy couple to the group. They turn to greet us for the first time as husband and wife, and we all freeze in place when we see their faces.
They are beaming grotesque smiles at us, having evidently exchanged false teeth with each other when their backs were turned. Baggy is sporting Howie’s teeth, which are much too large for her tiny mouth. They make her smile look like a toothy, creepy caricature. Howie’s smile isn’t much better; with Baggy’s too small teeth in his mouth, his scary grin is almost all gums and lips.
Mother flinches and makes an odd, gurgly sound. I silently pray that Baggy’s antics don’t shock her into fainting or give her a heart attack. Looking at all of our surprised, appalled faces makes Baggy and Howie guffaw with laughter. They are obviously proud of themselves and their odd prank.
Once their laughter subsides enough for her to speak, Baggy clears her throat, obviously intending to make an announcement. “Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to fess up,” she starts, making us all dread what might be coming. “Howie and I had to get married ’cause he knocked me up!”
Her announcement brings on a second round of loud laughter from the two of them. This time the rest of the group joins in with them—everyone except Ruthie, who says to me, “Baggy isn’t really pregnant, is she?”
Her question is so ridiculous that I can’t even answer her with a straight face. I shake my head even as I’m doubled over with laughter at the thought. When it dawns on Ruthie how silly the idea is, she begins laughing, too.
As I scan around for Kai, I see the resort photographer unobtrusively snapping photos of all the joyous, laughing faces. These are going to make some wonderful pictures and memories, I think to myself. Well, everyone except Mother, but she never looks overly thrilled. At least she looks only mildly annoyed right now. After all of Baggy’s shenanigans during the ceremony, I would have thought she’d be fit to be tied.
As the photographer snaps some pictures of the bride and groom a passerby photo-bombs them. We are so stunned that no one says a word as he kisses Baggy’s cheek and congratulates the happy couple before moseying on down the beach.
“Was that . . . ?” I finally say, but it seems so farfetched that I don’t even bother to finish the question.
“It sure looked like him.” Ruthie answers my unfinished question, confirming what I thought.
“That Jason Mammy fellow really does look like Kai,” Baggy says to us, rubbing her cheek where he had just pressed his lips.
“Momoa,” Ruthie and I say in unison.
“I do think he lives at least some of the time in Hawaii, but that couldn’t have been him, could it?” Ruthie looks hopeful since Baggy even noticed the stranger’s resemblance to the actor.
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head and thinking that the chances of a super-famous person photo-bombing and kissing my grandmother on her wedding day are pretty slim. Although, if anyone’s known for having surprising, almost unbelievable events happen to her, it’s Baggy.
“There’s a chance it is him, though.” Ruthie is gazing wistfully in the direction he went. “I have to find out,” she adds, already following in his footsteps.
“I think he’s married,” I yell after her, but she’s already in hot pursuit. “I guess she’s over the heartbreak of losing Curtis,” I say aloud to no one in particular. Even though I’m shaking my head, I can’t help but admire her resilience.
The music starts in the reception tent, so I head in that direction. Victoria, looking mildly rumpled, is serving the wedding cupcakes. From the change in her looks, I’d have to say that Ruthie was right about what was going on in Curtis’s bungalow. Victo
ria’s slightly sex-tousled hair and rosy cheeks are a definite improvement over her previous perfectly sleek look. She had looked like she needed to loosen up, and by the looks of things, she definitely has. It’s amazing what a great roll in the sack can do for an uptight woman.
Chapter 35
My eyes search the white tent for Kai to no avail. I’ve never wanted to talk to someone so much in my entire life, and he’s frustratingly absent.
I do see Honi and Leilani slow dancing in the sand in front of the small band. Leilani gets on her tippy toes to whisper something in Honi’s ear before giving him a sweet kiss on the lips. I wonder if she shared the news of her pregnancy. After the kiss, he smiles from ear to ear, which I am thrilled to see. As far as I know, this is the first public acknowledgment either of them has made of their feelings for each other. I earnestly hope the two of them are able to make things work.
I’m also surprised to see my parents dancing with each other, which is a definite first. They normally find opposite corners to complain about each other to anyone who will listen. Mother even has her cheek resting on Dad’s shoulder. She has to bend her head at an awkward angle to make it work, but they both look content. Maybe there really is magic in the air here, I think as I look at them. That or Nana Lana slipped them some kind of love potion, which is also a distinct possibility, I snigger to myself.
Suddenly, I feel him behind me. “Hi,” he whispers near my ear. His closeness sends a shiver of delight up my spine.
“Hi,” I respond turning my head. Our lips instantly find each other’s as I lean back into him.
“Did I hear a rumor that you love me?” he asks when our lips finally part.
“Oh, it’s no rumor.” I turn to kiss him fully on the mouth. When the kiss ends, we keep our faces close together, our arms wrapped around each other. “I was miserable at home,” I confess. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I left here and left you.” I look down when I say the last two words, still uncertain if he’s angry with me for bailing the way I did. “I am going to be here with you for as long as you want me around.” It’s an incredibly bold statement for me. I don’t usually wear my feelings on my sleeve.
I want to hear his reaction. I need to know if he wants me here. I have poured my heart out to him, and now it’s time to find out if he feels the same way about me, or if I have been delusional.
Unfortunately, Baggy chooses this moment to grab the microphone from the singer to make an announcement. “I’d like to thank you all for coming and sharing in this joyous time,” she says. Just when we start to think that she might make a coherent and rational speech, she adds, “Today, I’ve made a husband out of my best friend and spy partner.” Seeming to realize that she has just shared something she shouldn’t have, she adds, “Don’t tell anyone about the spy thing. It’s top-secret.” Some amused chuckles escape from around the tent. No one seems to be certain if she is serious. My mother rolls her eyes dramatically.
“We have been called out on a mission, and we will need to head out soon,” she stage whispers into the mike as if she’s sharing a great secret with us. “We got lei’d during the ceremony”—she holds up her flower necklace to clarify her meaning before continuing with a naughty twinkle in her eye—“but we’re leaving now so we have time to really get . . .”
Thankfully, the rest of her sentence is drowned out by the whirring blades of a helicopter landing on the roof of the resort. We all know where she was going with that statement, and none of us want to think about that. She blows a huge kiss to the group before taking off with Howie toward the helicopter.
We cheer and wave them off. Kai and I exchange curious looks after the helicopter whisks them away. It’s a much more dramatic departure than either of us had been expecting. “You don’t suppose they really have some sort of legitimate mission, do you?” I ask him.
“Nah,” we both say in unison.
“Baggy is much too outlandish and loud to be able to blend in like a wallflower and not be noticed,” I point out.
“Which might just be the perfect disguise,” Kai adds, making us both consider the idea again.
We give each other a long, pondering look before we both say once more, “Nah.”
Chapter 36
Kai takes my hand and leads me to the sandy dance floor. I watch my mother swaying to the music in my father’s arms. Her sandals are dangling from her finger. She looks lovely and relaxed—more relaxed than I have ever before seen her.
The sand feels cool on my feet as Kai and I slow dance to the reggae tune the band is playing. I’m glad that Baggy insisted that Ruthie and I go with bare feet (like her) for the ceremony. The sand in my shoes would have been driving me crazy by now. As I look around, it’s easy to see that pretty much everyone has given up on wearing shoes.
“My feet are going to be so soft. This sand is better than any loofah scrub.”
He stops dancing and looks down at me with a look that I can only describe as pure adoration. I have never before had anyone gaze at me like this, and it makes my heart melt. I’m sure I am giving him the same sweet look. He stuns me by saying, “Marry me, Roxy.”
My eyes immediately dart to my mother as if they are seeking her approval. I can’t process what Kai has just said. I look back to him, assuming that he must be joking. He looks completely sincere. I can feel myself blinking way too frequently and my chest feels heavy like I can’t quite take in enough air. His words don’t make sense. We barely know each other. We can’t promise to spend the rest of our lives together after such a short period of time—it’s not logical.
It may not be logical, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with Kai is thrilling, and the idea makes my heart race with happiness. It would be a dream come true. He is sweet, kind, thoughtful, funny, beyond handsome, and his kisses make my knees quiver, but I can’t marry a man I’ve known for such a short amount of time. My mind is warring with itself. The rational side of me says no way; but the recently found, whimsical, seize-the-moment, be happy, and live-life-to-the-fullest part of me says go for it.
“You want a wife with soft feet, huh?” I joke, trying to buy a little time and make light of the timing of his comment. Dodging the subject will give him a chance to think about what he is saying. I don’t want him to rush into something he will regret later.
He gazes steadily at me, not accepting my implied offer to laugh off his proposal. My heart is slamming into my chest as I give him another out. “You just want to have sex,” I accuse, smiling to let him know I am teasing him.
“That would be an amazing perk.” He chuckles, leaning in to nibble on my ear. “But the truth is, I just don’t want to waste another minute without you.” His wonderful words tell me that he is not going to take me up on this second chance to laugh the topic off as a momentary lapse in judgment. When he continues, I can barely manage to breathe in and out. “I know that you are the one for me. If you feel the same way about me, let’s throw caution to the wind and do what we know is right for our future.”
Verifying that he is sincere, he gets down on one knee in the sand. My mind is swirling as he begins speaking. “Roxy, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are the happiest woman on Earth. Will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?”
I am in shock and my mind feels sluggish—like my thoughts are wading through Jell-O—but I am coherent enough to know that this is exactly what I want and need. It may not make sense, but it makes me happy. What more could a lady ask for?
“Yes,” I say to Kai, and he rewards me with an enormous, slightly gap-toothed, yet perfect smile. He stands and pulls me into his arms for a knee-bending, soul-shattering, and mind-numbing kiss.
When we finally break apart, I am practically incoherent with giddiness—until I look around at the attention we have drawn and see my mother’s face. She is clearly not pleased. The other r
eception guests smile and give us a spontaneous round of applause. Honi appears at Kai’s side and hands him a vibrantly colored lei to place around my neck.
As Kai tenderly eases the flower necklace over my head, I can’t keep the flicker of thoughts about my previous engagement out of my head. It had featured an enormous diamond ring and a fancy restaurant. Gary had executed the ideal proposal perfectly—according to what societal customs dictate a wedding proposal should be. It should have been a dream come true, but if I’m completely honest with myself, I knew even that night that our whirlwind of an engagement wasn’t right. It didn’t feel at all like Kai’s proposal feels. Kai didn’t present me with a fancy ring or have a string quartet on standby to serenade us after my acceptance, but it is perfect—perfect for us. I know in my heart that this is right.
Several people give us congratulatory hugs. We smile and say “Mahalo”—the Hawaiian version of thank you—to everyone. When Nana Lana approaches us, she shakes a bony finger at me. “You take good care of him,” she warns me sternly, implying that I’ll have her to deal with if I don’t.
“I’ll do my best,” I reassure her.
When she reaches up to give Kai a hug, he stoops down to speak to her. I try not to eavesdrop, but I am secretly thrilled when I overhear him say the words, “the one I’ve been waiting for.”
Just as I’m wondering if it’s possible to actually burst with joy, I see my parents approaching us. Nana Lana floats away just before my mother’s voice intrudes on our bubble of happiness. “Have you two thought this through at all?” she asks incredulously. “There are so many things to consider—like where do you plan to live?”