by V. Theia
The look on his face said he was thinking the same damn thing.
Before I could move, he’s across the bed and straddling my lap. That huge man sure can move fast when he wanted to.
He cupped both palms around the back of my neck, angling my head up giving me zero choices in where I looked. It’s at him.
His blue eyes blazed, and it translated he’s fine with me being pregnant. A weight lifted but it doesn’t lessen the piling bag of poop that’s still in my life.
What the hell do we do now?
“Did you hear what I said when I told you I wanted you?”
I nod dumbly. Of course, it was in between all the shoving and the grunting. I loved his sex talk. His sex talk pushed me over the edge more than any bullet vibrator ever could.
“Good. So, then you know I’m serious, Sena.”
Serious? About? His weight on my legs distracted me. I felt his bulge and his fingers tormented the back of my neck with idle strokes. There’s so much of Noah, his wide chest under my nose that I sort-of rested my head against his upper torso and sighed.
“I haven’t got all the baby details organized yet.” Understatement of the decade. “But soon as I do you can be as involved as much or as little as you want to.” I voiced, and it’s then the muscles underneath my head tighten. “I haven’t had it confirmed with my doctor and I need to find an OBGYN.”
“I want all the involvement. Jesus. Sena. you think I don’t?” His forehead came down to mine, resting there, his eyes so beautiful I sighed a little. “You didn’t take a lick of notice, did you? I want you. I want us. I want this between us and I fucking want our baby that we made in a hallway with my queer sperm.”
I huffed a laugh and he leaned in, kissed me lightly. How easily we slipped back into being Noah and Sena. The easiest friendship I’ve had.
He settled my heart as easy as he riled it.
The light kissing turned to something deeper, hotter, faster. Licks and tasting. He owned me with every sweep of his mouth.
As much as my loins wanted more of Noah as he slid his hands low on my waist, and then up under my boobs, my body was exhausted.
I yawned into his mouth.
He pulled back laughing. “Come on, sleepy. It’s late.”
“Are you staying?” He looked at me as if I were talking the stupid.
I grinned. Of course, he was. It was his house. Duh.
Nestling into the bed I found myself pulled into his hard chest once Noah killed the lamp and climbed under the sheets.
I sighed content and cuddled closer.
“I’m kind of a prick,” he said out of nowhere. I waited for the punchline. “I should have been more open, kitten. Don’t dismiss what I want from you. It’s not some game. I’m deadly serious about us and I promise to communicate better. I don’t know when it happened, Sena, or why. Those small details really aren’t important. What is; you’re the joy that begins and ends my day.”
Kisses dropped on my forehead.
Noah squeezed me in.
My heart exploded.
How am I expected to sleep now?
“I fell in love with our friendship a long time ago,” oh, god. My heart threatened to combust with emotion.
For a man of few words, Noah was using them all and I couldn’t cope.
I buried my face in his chest, clinging to the dip in his lean waist.
“And then I fell hard for the woman. My love for you supersedes my sexuality, kitten. I’ve never loved anyone as I do you. I fell for your atoms, your soul, your heart and your body.”
Oh. God.
Tears filled my eyeballs to overcapacity levels and I couldn’t blame it on hormones this time. It’s Noah and the way he made me feel.
“You and my family are the only two non-negotiables in who I wouldn’t give up in my life. I can’t. I won’t give you up. I want you to give us a chance. To believe what I say is the truth. Not because of our baby, we’ll be together no matter what for him. But do it for us. You and me, kitten.” Noah’s voice low, so smoky. I held onto him like he was the only man on earth who had the very last Twinkie.
“Noah…” I cried. It’s all the words I can get out of my mouth. He kissed my cheek and wrapped both arms around me.
“Talk to me.”
He coaxed with a soft kiss.
“Kitten…”
Kitten. He’d called me that for as long as I could remember and each time it struck warmth in my heart. I had a pet name from a formidable guy.
“It’s not going to be easy if we do this,” suddenly I’m envisioning people’s reaction to us. It stopped my heart.
This thing we have isn’t just going to be between us if we became official.
Every person in Noah’s life knew who he was and what he’s about. He’s never had a woman, and they all know this.
What would people say? How will they react? Would I be the joke in the room?
I groaned. “I can’t think about this now, Noah. My head is so full, I’m dizzy. We have so much other stuff going on.”
A few hours ago, I was a miserable wreck missing him so much I wanted to die.
Now we’re in bed together wrapped in his love and the smell of our sex and he’s offering me everything I could ever dream of.
And I’m hesitant.
I hesitated to give him the right answer.
Because as deeply, unwaveringly in love I am with this man. My baby daddy. I do, from nowhere, recognize the life we choose to have with one another impacts others. His family. My family. Our friends.
All will have opinions on what we’ve chosen to do. If I decide that’s what I want.
I’ve loved him for four long years. Ached and died a thousand times wanting him but never believing I would have my moment as someone other than Noah’s best friend. It was impossible.
Until it wasn’t.
And now I’m terrified to change the status quo. To step into unmapped waters and trust in a relationship that’s been four years in the making.
Am I strong enough to face negativity?
“I know, kitten. Sleep. It’ll all still be here tomorrow.” He brushed kisses so lightly over my neck I wanted to cry some more. He held me as I always wanted. With love and tenderness.
Also, with his hard cock digging into my thigh.
God.
“I love you so much.” He said in a voice like whiskey-soaked sand and my heart turned over in a slow, languid roll inside my chest, the desire for Noah was a giant yawning ache within my soul.
I didn’t say it back.
So, here’s the decision I’m going to have to make; Is Noah worth the fight we’ll unavoidably have to go through when people realize we are a couple?
The queer trying to be normal they’ll say, using a dim-witted, pathetic beard.
Are we worth fighting for?
Am I willing to gut my way through this unimaginable abyss we’ve fallen into to find out what we could be on the other side?
We have dogs in this fight.
We have real feelings.
But are they strong enough?
Do I trust what he says he feels is the truth?
That’s the real question because it doesn’t matter if Noah wants us.
It matters if I do.
SEVEN
The movies are full of shit.
Have you ever tried to slip out of bed and not wake the person sleeping soundly besides you, all while trying to yank the top sheet off the bed so you can toga it around you to maintain post-naked modesty?
Let me tell you, it’s not easy.
I huff and puff and curse a right fuss in my mind. My momma would have turned blue had she been here to witness it.
When you see actresses, and they wake wrapped in a crisp white sheet (plus flawless makeup. Yeah, right) and she effortlessly glided from the bed with the sheet around her, you forget she’s done that before the bitch climbed into it with the equally covered actor.
That’s not the case for me.
; I fell asleep naked and woke dying for a pee. Like really, my bladder was about to burst. But I didn’t fancy scurrying across the floor buck-ass naked, so I tried in vain to grab anything to cover tits and ass. I’d made it out of the bed, and half the sheet was off.
Success!
In the process of at least covering some of my bits I didn’t hear the stirring behind me until.
“What are you doing, kitten?” The gravel in his sleep voice hit me in several places at once. All of them happy he’s awake.
I whirled to see Noah leaning up on an elbow. The comforter pushed right down to his carved hips. His sleep face kind of scrunched as he rubbed his eyes. And yet so damn gorgeous I lost the spit on my tongue.
His heavy-lidded eyes trailed over me. The rush of heat as I desperately tried to get the rest of the blasted sheet from the bed filled my veins.
What, was it stapled to the mattress? Dammit.
“I eh, was going to the bathroom. I tried to get the sheet off. Sorry if I woke you.”
He smiled then. A dark, smirk-filled smile, guessing my embarrassment.
He had no such emotion when he moved himself across the mattress, swung his legs out and prowled towards me. A jaguar in fluid motion.
Holy Jesus from Heaven.
It’s hot as hell.
Plus, he’s naked. Which is always a bonus.
I try in vain not to scan his body. I failed miserably and ended up averting my eyes quickly in hopes he didn’t see.
He cupped my cheek. Kissed me softly after he lifted my head. Holding me there so I had no choice but to look at blues. I couldn’t knock his hand away, what with me having a death grip on the top sheet.
“You’re shy? Now?” He murmured incredulously, running his thumb against my heated cheek. “You weren’t shy at seven this morning, kitten, when you were crushing my head between your thighs.”
Bless.
My.
Soul.
A series of awakenings flashed inside me.
His stroking thumb on my cheek stirred my skin until I sizzled.
The way he moved his body into my space until his radiating heat made my insides curl and pulse. It’s a wave of longing.
He’s not wrong. I did do that.
But to be fair, he woke me with licks and sucks. I was mid-orgasm, with my knees pressed tightly to his ears before I even realized what was going on. Still in a pleasure induced daze he’d crawled up my body, kissed the hell out of me and then —and I’m not proud of this— but I fell on his dick with my mouth like a starving woman and didn’t stop my suction until Noah poured down my throat.
We fell right back to sleep wrapped in each other.
Until now I’d thought it was a smutty dream. I’ve had plenty of those.
Noah tipped my blazing face up and seemed to look at me for a long time, his thumb nonstop caressing on my cheek. “Do you need a reminder of how not shy you are?” He asked.
For the life of me I don’t know what my answer would have been because morning sickness didn’t attack like normal nausea. At least with that you get some icky warning, your belly rumbling, juicy mouth and the urge to die.
This came on like it hated me.
Before I threw up on the bedroom floor, I dropped the sheet, all modesty forgotten. I saw Noah’s eyes widen, all smoke and sex. Not now, buddy.
I pushed him aside and sprinted for the bathroom, my knees met the tiled floor, I’d register the pain of that later, but right then I’m too busy hurling into the bowl.
Oh, god. It just doesn’t stop. Minute after minute.
Big, strong, comforting hands coasted up and down my back as I emptied the contents of my belly into the toilet. I wanted to cry at Noah to leave me alone with my impending death, that I didn’t want him to see me like this.
Turned out, puking takes precedence, all the while he crouched down behind me, rubbed my back, telling me it’ll be okay and held my hair.
He seriously held my hair back.
“Don’t look at me,” I whined during the interval of my death.
I felt like utter crap.
I shook and muttered for Jesus to not only take the wheel but to drag me to the afterlife already, so I could welcome sweet relief. I can’t face this for weeks, months even. It’s only been a few days and already I feel ninety pounds lighter. Win. But ten thousand percent like crap. Lose. “I’m hideous.” I cried, laying my cheek against the ceramic bowl.
Noah ignored me and continued to soothe the back of my neck. It was so nice and distracted me for a minute.
“Do you need anything?” Rub. Rub. Whimper.
I think my stomach finally settled down, but the nausea remained in the background with every swallow. It’s debilitating to know I can’t get off the bathroom floor. I suddenly have a lot more pride in my sex doing this, multiple times over after knowing how bad the sickness was.
Bravo, women, we are goddesses with giant balls.
“Remove my internal organs.”
He chuckled and kissed the crown of my head.
I don’t know how he can stand to watch me puke, the bathroom doesn’t smell all that fresh either, but he stayed and then he helped me into the shower. Waited outside the stall then wrapped me in a giant fluffy towel when I was done.
He informed me we had an appointment with his doctor in the city.
He’d been busy while I showered.
With a bottle of ginger ale and salt crackers we left in his car.
A few hours later it’s confirmed. I’m so completely pregnant. With my 12-week ultrasound appointment and prenatal vitamins in my purse it all began to feel very real suddenly.
We spent the rest of the day in Noah’s penthouse. There’s no point going back to the Hamptons. I could tell he wanted to ask if I’ve made any decisions, but he gave me the space to think as I laid on the sofa with my head on his lap while we watched a Marvel movie.
Later he ran me a bath even though my own legs worked perfectly fine.
I observed the meticulous way he prepared my bath, a little more in love with him.
When it was time for bed he tucked me into his without a word of me going down to my own apartment.
There’s something so magical about Noah taking care of me.
It washed through me, warm and beautiful.
We slept spooned.
He found me in his kitchen just after 2am rummaging through the fridge.
“I thought we had burglars or a very hungry bear on the loose.” He announced amused.
I looked up in time to watch his sexy stride. Bare feet. The infamous pale blue sleep pants that shaped his hips and showcased his body like a fucking Greek statue.
Good god, my ovaries clutched.
Good thing I’m starving, or I might have drooled. I went back to filling my arms with goodies, so I only needed one trip to the island counter.
Noah scooped everything out of my arms before I could protest. “Someone found their appetite. Sit down, Sena. I got this.”
“I can do it.” I huffed tiredly but slid onto the island stool anyway. If he wanted to help who was I to complain.
“I know you’re capable of making a sandwich,” he explained winking my way as he began to assemble bread and cheese for me. I pointed to the salted ham and he slapped four slices on. “Just let me take care of you.” He sounded so earnest my heart squeezed.
Could we do this?
Build a future, a real one as boyfriend and girlfriend?
I want it so badly it’s an ache in the back of my throat.
I’ve wanted him from the moment we met, and I want him even more now. Watching as his strong hands put together my sandwich, and the tightness of his abs and his chest that is— Jesus, I’m totally objectifying him.
I inhaled, focusing on my own hands for a second until my raging hormones have calmed the frick down. Or else I feared I might crawl across the counter and make him my snack.
“Apple slices?”
“Yes, please.”
“Ginger ale?”
“Please.”
To and from the fridge I covertly watched his body move in sleek, coordinated moves. He kissed the side of my head and placed a heaping plate in front of me. We didn’t talk much while I nibbled my way through the sandwich. I made the most of not feeling crappy by eating everything on the plate. He took the dishes from me before I could rise to clear them away.
He bent over to toss them in the dishwasher.
I swallowed a groan looking at his tight ass.
If he caught me he didn’t mention it. Rounding the island, bare feet silent on the floor, he slipped a hand on my waist.
“Ready for bed or want more to eat?”
I shook my head. “I had enough.”
Lacing my fingers, he helped me down from the stool just like a Prince would. It’s ridiculous but I am utterly charmed by his chivalry, and we walked silently back towards his bedroom. It felt very domesticated and nice. Yeah, it felt nice.
“Why haven’t you asked what I want to do?” I queried as we reached the bedroom door. We paused feet from the bed. “I thought you would once we had the positive result about the baby.”
I was aware his chest inflated against my shoulder. His head sort-of cranked down so we’re looking eye to eye. “I want you for you, not because of our baby. Is that what you think?”
Shaking my head, I gave him the truth. “No.” We’d be partners for our kid regardless of being together. I’d just expected him to push the issue now we are to be parents.
“I’ll wait for however long it takes you to choose us. I want you to want me for me and not because we’re going to be parents together,” his hand dropped mine but slid around to the curved dip of my back, holding me, not pulling me closer, but the magnetic force urged my feet to close the gap and cuddle into his torso.
“What about everyone else? Our families for starters.” I can only imagine what they’d say
My brain was so crowded.
Here’s something I know; trying to anticipate someone’s reaction was exhausting.
I bounced between elation and confusion and dread.
I don’t want to be constantly fighting battles of people who can’t accept me being with a man who is only straight for me.
“I’m dating you, not them.”