by V. Theia
“Jesus. You can’t get hurt again, Sena. you can’t fucking leave me again. I won’t survive it, do you understand? If your life ends, then mine ends right along with you. There’s no question about this.”
With his heart wide open without reservation I hiccupped around a sob, tears had fallen, and I hadn’t realized until I felt the wetness coating my cheeks. The relief seeing him overwhelmed.
I clung, and I didn’t have plans to ever let him go.
My big, tough robotic Noah was wide open with emotion, his eyes glazed with it. “I can replace everything and everyone but you …. You, Sena, are fucking essential. I only have one of you. My precious girl. You I need.”
While he rested his forehead against mine, his hand curled gently around my neck locked in our own special moment of love I became aware of his family in the doorway.
Sniffling and watching us.
Watching him declare I’m everything to him.
And as his eldest sister brushed a tear from the corner of her eye I think she finally understood.
She gets it now.
We have love.
She sees it in him. In me as we clung to each other.
We’ve always had love.
It didn’t matter than no one else got it or they questioned Noah’s motives if he’d been gay all his life. It only mattered that we felt the truth.
I’m drunk on euphoria and relief pouring through my veins, so jammed full of joy, my feelings ooze out of me as I smiled and cried at the same time as everyone piled into my room.
Noah and I aren’t conventional by any means. It doesn’t mean we weren’t allowed to fall, deeply, unexplainably in complete love with each other.
It’s what we’ve done.
And we were going to be okay because we were together, always now and forever.
“I need you just as much, lion.” I confessed into his chest. His hand coasted down my spine brought more comfort than every doctor in the hospital. If Noah was saying, we were going to be okay then I believed him.
“Good, since you’re gonna be my wife.”
“Say what now?” I did my own version of whiplash by looking directly up into the most startling blue amused eyes.
His family chuckled.
He kissed me lightly.
I poked him.
“Don’t you remember proposing to me?” Oh, that smirk was devastatingly handsome.
“I did?”
Noah nodded and kissed me again.
Holy smokes!
Wait… wait… wait! “You said yes?”
Knocking my nose with his, Noah’s hand around my nape, holding me in his arms while our baby boy woke and kicked me in the bladder, the love of my life rolled his pretty boy eyes at me as if to say, duh, kitten.
~*~*~
Later, after yet another nap and much talking of this proposal I supposedly did, it was just he and I in that compact room while we listened to the rushing waves of our son’s healthy and strong heartbeat.
Noah hadn’t left my side and I hadn’t left his arms.
“Do you know what happened?”
“A cop told me a bread delivery guy passed out at the wheel. Suspected heart attack.”
“Oh, no. Is he okay?”
Noah shook his head and I frowned.
How brittle life was.
“We need to send his family flowers or something, Noah. A message of condolence.”
His smile pressed to my lips and I relished the touch. “We’ll do that, baby.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“Impossible.”
“Truth.”
We shared a soft kiss. My lips reluctant to leave his.
“You have my heart.”
“What about your gorgeous dick?”
He chuffed a laugh. “You just had to ruin a nice moment with talk of my dick.”
“Your gorgeous dick! It’s worth mentioning.”
Noah tweaked the curve of my chin.
This was us. Not always serious, but completely serious with each other.
My heart was full to bursting.
I can’t keep it off my face, I beamed my love.
The accident and hospital room aside, I’ve never felt better.
“You have that, too. All of me.”
I nipped my teeth on his jaw. “I’m keeping it.” I nestled into him. My parents would be arriving any time soon and I needed to be prepared for the theatrics my momma will throw when she saw my bruises. We’d be lucky if she doesn’t move in with us permanently.
“You need rest, baby. Close those pretty eyes. I’ll be here.”
My eyes were already dropping shut, but I didn’t let go of him.
Noah simply wrapped me in closer.
“It was love, Sena.” He said quietly by my ear.
“Hm?”
“You and me.”
I smiled against his cheek as he stroked my back, over my hip and up again.
His voice low and peppered in emotion.
Noah was dark, and I was light and somehow, somewhere in the middle of a murky gray we'd made it our own because love was determined to link us forever.
This taboo kind of love no one, least of all us, expected to happen, was real and as big and as strong as two people could love.
I mean, after all, who said you couldn't live in the gray areas of love?
Love was exactly what you made it.
It's neither one thing or another.
“It was always love.” He said against my lips.
It really, really was.
EPILOGUE
Noah
17 years later.
There’s always an eagerness to get home, even if I’ve been away for an hour or a few days, the feeling was the same.
I want home.
And I want my family.
It’s quiet when I let myself in as I knew it would be this time of day, but it won’t be for long, so I had to move quickly.
I found her in the kitchen. The heart of our three-storey home on the edge of the Hudson river. We had it built when Theo was one and Sena about to give birth to our second boy, Lachlan.
Four kids, four years apart. People told us we must be mad to have four kids all under five and when I thought my nephews were monsters individually it was assumed my own brood would be angels.
Wrong.
We had a mini army of demon children.
Sena laughed her ass off at me.
I still to this day have no idea how we survived against them.
But Sena and I wouldn’t have chosen any other kids.
Now they’re mostly grown with Theo about to head off to college in a few months’ time and my girl is suffering for it.
It was pure excitement when he got not only a full football scholarship to Clemson University to study sports science, but he was also accepted early.
Sena was beside herself to think our boy was going to her hometown school, we planned every game we could go to.
And then the reality of him leaving sunk in.
My poor kitten sobbed for a full hour.
I rested a shoulder in the doorway and just took her in.
All these years later that first sight of her bottomed out my gut.
I had big plans for our night.
Big, dirty naked plans.
“If you’re going to creep over there perving on my ass, at least come and kiss me, lion.” She said over her shoulder as she finished fixing the snacks the kids would fall on like vultures.
I grinned and pushed off the door frame. “If you’d turned around I could have ogled the front, too.” Kissing the side of her neck, my arms snaked around her waist pulling her back into my chest. “Hey, baby. Good day?” Turning her head, she kissed my jaw and we just cuddled there in the kitchen for a minute.
This was home. My Sena.
A minute away from her and I was craving to get back right here.
As unquestionably as I’d take a bullet
for any of our kids in a heartbeat, this woman right here had been and would continue to be the very center of me until I took my last breath. We’d grown as a couple, bonded on deeper levels as we ambled through becoming parents.
She was all.
She was all of everything.
“Better now,” she answered curling into my chest.
Then the noise exploded through the front door and my respite with my wife was done. I held her tight even as she beamed a grin up at me.
Her chicks were home and Sena was thrilled.
Fixing her a coffee, I got out of the way as four bodies came through the archway like a tornado and made their way over to Sena.
It was always the way.
I was their dad, loved beyond measure, respected, but it was Sena who was the kids epicenter and they went above and beyond to show her that every day.
It never ceased to fill me with love for them to watch how they doted on their mom. It was rare one of them would upset or disappoint their mom and if they did they were so crestfallen I had to step in and help them out to make it better with her.
First over to Sena was our baby.
The only girl.
Raene was fourteen going on thirty-five.
She was pushing the rules and boundaries lately, I just knew she was going to be hell on wheels before long. After discipling three teenage boys I was ill equipped to deal with my girl. She was going to lead us a merry dance I just knew it.
But her sweetness was infectious with her big blue eyes and braces.
She embraced Sena first and then made room for our third boy, Sage.
He was fifteen, almost as tall as me and the quiet thinker of the family.
I was sure one day he was going to invent something to change the world. He swept his hand through his light brown hair in the style all the kids wore these days, rips in his jean shorts and glasses perched on his nose, he dwarfed Sena as he got his hug too and answered all the questions she fired at him.
“Mom, Sage has a boyfriendddddd,” Tattled my princess. I bit back a grin as Sage turned pink up to his ears. “Shut up, I do not!”
“Do too! We saw them, mom.”
“Do not.”
It was Sena who broke up the sibling bickering. “Who is this boy, Sage? Invite him to dinner, I want to meet him.” Damn kid looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. He should know by now nothing got by his mom. Any dating had to go through the boss of the house first. He toed at the floor and swept back his hair from his eyes again. “Aw, mom, it’s no one. He’s just a friend.”
Raene skipped over to me and curled her skinny arm around my waist. “Hi, daddy.”
“Hey, bunny, you know it’s not nice to snitch on your brother, right?”
“Of course,” she beamed unrepentant. “That’ll teach him not to lend me five dollars when I asked him. I mean I warned him.” Sassy. She was going to give me so many sleepless nights before long. I cuddled her in and relished she was still giving out affection and it wasn’t too cool to hug her dad.
“Lachie, how was your project?” Sena asked of our second boy.
Sixteen going on Einstein level of genius. He inherited it all from Sena.
A year ago, he was in trouble for hacking the school records in exchange for money from his peers to change their grades. After Sena and I had laughed privately and high fived each other, because that was just good fucking business, we’d read him the riot act and grounded his ass for the rest of eternity.
I made him take a weekend job and he had chores coming out of his ears.
Unless we wanted an evil genius in the making he needed extra guidance to channel all his smart into something worthwhile. Thankfully Theo had stepped in and told Lachlan of all the dateable girls at college.
Swear to God from that moment on Lachlan’s grades and focus went through the roof and we were already looking at early admission to MIT for him. My boy had the FBI in his sights. I told him better to get on their side rather than have them chasing him for hacking the fucking White House one day just because he was bored and needed a project.
Jesus, that kid.
We raised hellions. I got no clue how we survived.
Lachie shrugged and shoved a cheese square into his mouth, mumbling. “Got an A.” He grinned his boyish grin and high fived when Sena squealed holding up her hand.
My geeks.
It was only when Theo took his turn to greet his mom that Sena’s eyes filled up. My heart turned over with love. She held her baby boy just that bit longer and ruffled his hair. He was another who dwarfed my tiny wife, towering nearly 6’2 he was in ideal physique for a QB with an arm like a cannon, all due to Theo’s dedication to his craft. He’d picked up a ball at six and never looked back.
He could turn his hand to any sport, but football owned his heart.
I was proud of all my kids. But there’s something about my firstborn that tugged my heart, though it’s Sena tearing up, I feel it too, that we’re losing him to go out into the world alone.
We’ve done all we can for him, now it’s up to Theo.
“Mom, I haven’t gone yet.” He complained and let her love on him with cheek kisses before she set him aside to feed him. “I still have four whole weeks.”
“Only four weeks!” Sena protested catching my eye and I winked at her and she puckered her lips and blew me a kiss.
“And you’ll see me at Thanksgiving.” He offered to appease her.
I know Sena. That’s too long to go without one of her babies.
“Dad, can you look at my schedule? They emailed it earlier.” He asked me.
I grinned at Sena’s hmph. My wife was in denial.
Leaning on the kitchen island I read through his print out. Kids surrounding me.
If Sena acted like the kids had been gone for months, instead of a day at school, then Theo’s pup, 7-year-old Jagger reacted in similar vein when he saw his master by rushing across the kitchen floor and whimpering happily to have his boy home again. Theo went down to his knees to ruffle the sandy fur.
A gift for his tenth birthday the pair were inseparable.
“There’s my big boy, you wanna go for a run? You do? Yeah, you do. Who’s gonna miss me?” Jagger, a cross Labrador bounded and wagged his tail maniacally happy around a laughing Theo.
“Well I’m not telling him you’re L E A V I N G him,” piped Sena like the dog could understand. I bit back a chuckle.
And then. “When can I move into Theo’s room, daddy?” Asked a ruthless Raene. “I can use mine for a walk-in closet. I need the space more than the boys do.”
I was not touching that. My sly little bunny was going to be such a cutthroat shark, she might even go into my line of work. She saw dollar signs in her sleep.
It took a pointed finger from Sena to close Raene’s lips.
Kids scattered to do other things. Only Theo remained in the kitchen with us. He rose. “You’ll make sure to take Jagger for runs, won’t you? He likes to go down by the pond.”
“We will, son.”
“And if he chases squirrels in the park, don’t worry, he doesn’t catch them, it just makes him feel like a big pupper.” The puppy in question leaned into his master’s legs. “Make sure to tell him how proud of him you are.”
I crossed to Sena when I saw her shoulders slump. Wrapping an arm around her from behind I pulled her into me and kissed the side of her head.
Theo went to dump his practice gear in the laundry room.
“This is so hard, Noah.” She turned and burrowed into my chest. “Maybe we can bribe him to stay home until he’s forty-six.”
“That’s a specific number, kitten.”
“It’s too soon to lose him. He was a baby five minutes ago. Now he’s talking of NFL drafts and loft apartments in New Orleans. I’m not ready.”
I kissed her forehead. “We gave him the tools to be okay alone, baby. He’s going to be just fine.”
She laughed into my pec. “I hate us, we suck.
”
We were probably going to go through the same separation anxiety with Lachie before long, but I kept my mouth shut on that.
I dipped my mouth to the hollow of her throat, sucked a little, held my hands to the base of her spine.
“When can we get rid of these kids, so I can fuck my wife?”
She laughed and pulled back. Her pupils were blown out with desire.
There was my girl.
My beautiful kitten who was sexier now than she’d ever been.
“I’m sure you can think of something.” She offered sassily kissing my neck, flaming heat into my torso with her nails stolen under my shirt to rake my belly.
Keeping her in my arms, I yelled for my oldest who appeared a minute later.
“Do you want to do your favorite dad a solid?”
He smirked. Theo could do deals as well as I could. “Whatcha need?”
“Take your brothers and sister out for dinner.”
“Sure. We’ll grab pizza. I’ll have to run an extra three mile tomorrow to burn it off.”
I handed over fifty bucks from my pocket.
Sena was already kissing me before we heard the swarm of kids leave in Theo’s car.
Burst of love and lust combined.
I’d find her wet.
I’d make her scream.
And with my body I’d make my wife feel good just as she did for me.
There’s no one else either of us turned to for anything.
We were a team of two. Soulmates with a friendship set on fire.
“Do you know what today is?” I asked into her mouth, pinning her to the kitchen wall with my hips, her legs around me. She was pumping her little pelvis, impatient as ever.
“Lion, please.”
I would. So much pleasing until she couldn’t stand it.
“Twenty-one years, kitten.”
She smiled. And then she smiled bigger, happiness radiating through her features. Fingers locked behind my neck. Her voice grew watery. “Lion.” Her face nuzzled mine.
“You walked into my club and changed my life, Sena.”
“I knocked the queer out of you,” she laughed lightly. “Do you regret it?”
“Not a thing.” We kissed slowly. She still tasted like my girl.
Sena was the best decision I ever made.