by GS Rhodes
“Look, I know it’s not ideal, but can you just go and call Andrea or something?” Kidd said. “Or go and sit in a pub if you’re still not ready to talk to her, just please, go somewhere so I can…so I can at least try and fix this.”
Craig opened his mouth like he was about to protest.
“Just don’t, Craig, okay?” Kidd barked. “Just go, for a little bit. I’ll…I’ll message you or something, okay?”
Craig still looked like he wanted to fight about it, but quickly thought better of it. He walked past Kidd and pulled on his shoes, heading out the door without another word. That would be something else he would have to deal with later.
John appeared in the doorframe a couple of seconds later. Craig would have walked right past him. That probably didn’t help things at all. He should have sent him out the back gate or something. Or maybe that would have been worse. Kidd had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do right now.
“Do you want a drink or anything?” Kidd asked.
John shook his head. He looked utterly defeated. Kidd felt rotten.
“Living room okay?”
“Sure.”
John made his way into the living room, taking a seat on the armchair. He could barely bring himself to look at him and it was breaking Kidd’s heart. This man had been nothing but sweet and kind to him, had stayed with him when he’d had the shit kicked out of him, had listened to him when he’d been having a rough time at work. They’d laughed together, they’d loved together, and Kidd had all but thrown it away because he wouldn’t share this one part of his life with John.
It was a significant part, sure. It was the part that informed almost every decision that he had made romantically over the past few years. But if he couldn’t share that with John, who could he share it with? If he didn’t start talking about it, it would eat him alive, and he would once again end up all alone. He needed to at least try.
“So, I’m just going to start talking,” Kidd said. “You can stop me if you want to stop me, ask questions if you want to ask questions, but I’m just going to tell you absolutely everything okay?”
John nodded.
Kidd took a deep breath and started to talk. He talked about his and Craig’s relationship. How good it had been at the beginning and how, as Kidd’s workload became more hectic, it had gotten progressively worse as Kidd couldn’t figure out the work-life balance thing.
He talked about how when he and Craig were on the rocks, he threw himself harder into his work. Craig vanished and Kidd didn’t even realise he had disappeared until his parents reported him missing. He was never found, his family presumed he was dead, and that was two years ago.
“And you couldn’t let it go?” John asked.
Kidd shook his head.
“I don’t think I could have either, to be fair,” John said. “So you kept looking for him?”
“I did,” Kidd replied. He told him about searching while he was still at work, then getting signed off with stress and searching some more. He was at the point where he was about to give up when Andrea, Craig’s sister, got in touch with a picture that seemed to prove that he was still alive, and how it had ignited the search all over again.
He told John about going down to Essex to search for him, about what had happened just a couple of nights ago, how Craig had shown up out of the blue and Kidd hadn’t known what to do other than to offer him a place to stay.
“I didn’t want to just leave him out on the street,” Kidd said.
“He wouldn’t have been out on the street, Ben, you said yourself he was going to book a hotel,” John said.
“I know but—”
“But you thought you could help,” he interrupted. “You thought that whatever it was he was going through, whatever it was that had happened to him over the past two years, you would be able to swoop in and rescue him, was that it?”
Kidd opened his mouth to respond. John wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t sit here and tell him that he was. He’d wanted to help. He wanted to help the person who he had loved two years ago, the person who had gotten themselves into so much trouble that they felt like they needed to vanish.
“Yeah,” Kidd said.
“You know how ridiculous that sounds, Ben?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Do you even know why he’s here?” he asked. “Has he told you?”
Kidd shook his head.
John sighed and leant back in the armchair, turning his gaze skyward. Kidd didn’t deserve his forgiveness, he knew that. He’d kept so much from John and on top of all that, he’d lied to him too. But he was still here, at least for now.
“I wish you’d told me,” John said quietly. “You know if you’d have spoken to me about this, I would have tried to understand what you were going through. We’ve known each other for a few months, we’ve spent a lot of time together, and though I don’t claim to know everything about you, I know parts of you. And the parts of you that I know, I lo—” He hesitated. “I’m really quite fond of.”
Kidd chuckled. “Thank you.”
“For what it’s worth, I want to know everything about you,” John said. “Or at least, I did. I’m not…I’m not sure anymore.”
“I get that.”
“You kept this from me and this is huge,” John said. “I didn’t expect you to come out and tell me everything about your last relationship on the first date, I’m not completely out of my mind, but when things started happening, when you started looking, you should have said something and…it hurts me that you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Kidd said. “I know that doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t do much, but I really am. I tried to tell you, I wanted to tell you, you have no idea how much, but it’s hard to talk about him.”
A silence pushed its way between them. Maybe there was nothing left for either one of them to say. Maybe neither one of them had the strength to know what to say next. Eventually, John got to his feet.
“I’ll call you, okay?” he said.
“I’m sorry, again,” Kidd said, following him to the door.
John took Kidd in one last time at the door, head to toe, almost like he was trying to memorise him before he left.
“Me too,” he replied. And without another word, he left.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Kidd waited in the dark of the house for a little while longer. He sat in the living room and bathed in the silence, letting it wash over him while the world continued to turn outside. He didn’t want things to be over between him and John. He wasn’t entirely sure that they were over, but it was a heavy enough feeling in his chest that he didn’t want to do anything right now.
Eventually, he messaged Craig.
He couldn’t have been too far away because before Kidd knew it there was a knock at the door and he was letting this man that had left such a trail of destruction in Kidd’s life back inside. He was about to head upstairs when Kidd placed a hand on his arm.
Craig hesitated, confusion flickering on his face.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
Craig hesitated. “Because I want to be,” he said.
“That’s not what I meant,” Kidd replied. “I need to know why you’re here. I need to know why you came back. I need to know what the fuck happened to you.”
Craig shook his head. “No, you don’t.”
Kidd stood firm. “I do,” he said. “You know that I do. I need to know if you’re in trouble and if that is putting the people I know and care about in danger. If you’re going to stay here, you at least owe me that.”
Craig took a moment, but didn’t take his eyes off Kidd for a single second.
“I’m handling it,” he said finally. “I’m fixing it. Don’t worry.”
He headed up the stairs and out of sight. Kidd heard the door to the spare room close and he felt himself deflate because he did worry. All he seemed to do was worry.
◆◆◆
Kidd woke the following morning on the
sofa. He checked his phone to find his regular alarm had woken him, and to find that he didn’t have a message from John. His heart sank in his chest. Of all the mistakes he had made in his life, this one would go down in the history books for him. Maybe he really didn’t deserve John anymore, maybe he wasn’t ready for it.
He cast his mind back to when he’d first met him, to when John had tried to buy a drink for him and his sister at the Druid’s Head in Kingston. He had thought then he wasn’t ready. Maybe he’d been right.
But he knew there was no time to dwell on it, not really. Even with his personal life falling apart, he needed to go back to his professional life. He needed to find these children and bring them home. He needed to figure out what was going on. Maybe it would be enough to distract him.
He took a shower and pulled on a fresh suit, trying to make himself feel more awake, more alive, and he made his way down to the station. He made a point of taking his usual route down by the riverside, of looking over and seeing that crime scene along the riverbank, of keeping that in his head. That was his motivation, that was where his mind needed to be.
He arrived in the Incident Room and took his place at his desk, going over the notes from yesterday, tracking the address that Leigh Cremer had given them, keeping thoughts of anything else at bay.
Zoe arrived first, takeaway coffee cup in hand, her face immediately dropping when she saw Kidd already here.
“You’re ruining my reputation by arriving before me, you know,” she said, a smile quirking at the corners of her mouth. When he didn’t return it, she knew that something had happened. “How did it go last night?”
He sighed.
“Not well,” he said. “But I’d rather not talk about it. We should…” He gestured to the evidence board. “We should focus on this, focus on today.”
Zoe nodded. She knew the right time to pry and when not to. She made her way over to her desk and got herself ready for the day. The rest of the team arrived soon after, ready and raring to go.
Janya carried on where Campbell had left off with the CCTV, Zoe happily diving into phone calls to update Rachel Walters and Cherise Wade on everything that was going on. When Owen arrived late with a croissant crumbs on his face and an apology on his lips, Kidd had him turn around and head straight back out the door. They needed to keep moving.
◆◆◆
The address that Leigh Cremer had given them wasn’t far from the station. Quick enough that they could get there on foot, but Kidd still preferred to drive. The address was near the Penrhyn Road campus of Kingston University. Kidd half expected Joe Warrington to just pop up out of nowhere, as he seemed to do, but was fresh out of luck.
Campbell recognised it as the place that he and Janya had met with Tally Hill. The pieces fell together pretty quickly when he mentioned that. Kidd couldn’t believe quite how well-hidden the house was. If he didn’t know it was here, he would probably walk right past it without a second thought.
That’s almost certainly what they were going for, Kidd thought, as he walked down the garden path to the front door.
He knocked and was buzzed inside. The place was dimly lit, almost in total darkness were it not for the lamps on a small desk at the front, or the light peeking in from the windows on the door.
“Good morning,” a woman chirped from behind the desk. She was fairly tall, dressed quite plainly in a grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Her dark hair was tied loosely behind her head. “What can I do for you gentlemen this fine Saturday morning?”
Kidd cleared his throat as he approached the desk. “My name is Detective Inspector Benjamin Kidd, this is Detective Constable Owen Campbell. We were hoping to speak with you about a case we’re investigating. One of your employees,” —he chose his words as carefully as he could— “pointed us in your direction.”
The woman behind the counter flinched a little. She blinked a few times before her face formed into an approximation of a smile. It didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“We are a simple establishment,” she said once she had righted herself. “It’s a home for girls who need help. I don’t know what on earth we could do to help you.”
“I know what you do here, Miss…”
“Mrs Anna Hazelhurst,” she said.
“Mrs Hazelhurst,” Kidd repeated. “It’s lovely to meet you and we’re not trying to get you into any trouble, I can promise you that. All we want to do is speak to you about our investigation.”
She offered them a small smile. This one actually did reach her eyes so, perhaps, Kidd’s words about them not being in any trouble had sunk in. He didn’t want her to worry. At least not about that.
“What is it that you want to know?”
“We’re investigating the disappearance of a child,” Kidd said. “Her name is Maggie Walters, you may have seen it on TV or read it in the newspapers.”
“I try to avoid the news if I can,” she said. “Depressing stuff most of the time. Sorry I can’t help you.”
“You don’t know what I am asking you yet.”
“Well, I don’t know anything about it, so how would I be able to help you?” she said, her head tilting to one side. She gave him a look that felt dangerous, like she could tear him apart with a single slice of her sharp tongue. “Thank you for stopping by.”
“The father of the child had a sexual relationship with one of the women who works here,” Kidd said. “She told us that some of the girls extorted more money out of the clients in exchange for keeping their secrets. Would you happen to know anything about that?”
Anna looked at the two of them again. Her face remained calm, her tone was laced with ice. “I don’t know everything that happens within these walls,” she said. “What the girls do with their clients is their own business. I’m here to keep them safe, and I have a feeling that your presence here is threatening that safety. Much as I would like to help you find this little girl, DI Kidd, I cannot put my girls at risk, not for anyone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Kidd had known it would be a long shot. She would want to protect her girls, protect their identity. The last thing she would want to do was expose them to a police officer, especially one that she didn’t know. He didn’t want to force his way in here, not unless he absolutely had to. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. He would need to find another way.
“We may be in touch with you in future, Mrs Hazelhurst,” he said.
“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” she said. “My girls are incredibly important to me. The work they do is a valid form of work, I’m just here to keep them safe. And I will keep them safe.”
It sounded like a threat. A threat that she would almost certainly follow through on if she needed to.
They walked out of the house, heading back down the sheltered garden path until they got out onto the street.
“Hey,” Campbell’s voice next to him was loud, a little bit obnoxious. Kidd turned to him, ready to reprimand, but he took a few steps forward, approaching a girl that had just rounded the corner. “Tally?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Tally Hill folded her arms across her chest and took a couple of steps back. She stared at them both, her mouth a thin line. She wasn’t happy with being stopped by them.
“How do you know her?” Kidd asked.
“This is Tally Hill,” he said. “We questioned her yesterday about Brody Wade. You heading into work?
“Obviously,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the house they had just left. She seemed almost embarrassed to have been spotted out here, standoffish. Maybe it was in her nature, but Kidd noticed that even Campbell was struggling with it. “And I need to get there soon, I have a client coming in. I can’t be late.”
“You know Eric Wade?” Kidd asked.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, God, I know him alright? But I’ve not seen him since his kid went missing. Even when I tried to call him his wife wouldn’t let me get near him. I just wanted to know if the kid
was alright.”
“You’ve had no contact with him at all?” Kidd asked.
“No,” she said, clearly irritated. She looked at the house, then back at the two men. She just wanted to get to work. “Is that all? Can I go?”
“’Fraid not,” Kidd said. “Someone we spoke to recently was talking about other girls in the house that asked for more money in exchange for keeping their infidelities a secret. Have you ever done that?”
“Maybe once or twice,” she said, shrugging. “Look, these people have money, that’s why they do what they do. And they think they can get away with it so when you tell them that they can’t, they’re willing to pay a little bit more.”
“And has it ever gone beyond that?” Kidd’s heart started to pound. “Have you ever heard of anyone going further than just asking for money?”
Tally’s lip curled as she looked at them both.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “I don’t really know what the other girls get up to okay? We come here, we do our business, we leave. It’s not a big social gathering.”
“But do you think—”
“I don’t think anything,” she interrupted. “The girls do what the girls want to do, okay? We give a cut to Mrs Hazelhurst so she can keep the doors open and keep us safe, that’s all that happens.”
Kidd’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. Now really wasn’t the time. If it was Craig, he was ready to throw his phone underneath a moving car just to stop him from calling. He took the phone out of his pocket and saw LIZ across the screen. It could wait. She would have been happy to leave him a message yesterday, she would have to do that today.
Sorry Liz, he thought. Duty calls.
“We’re not trying to get you in trouble here, Tally,” Kidd said. “We’re just trying to get to the bottom of this, and there is a possibility, however slim, that you might have seen something or heard something that could—”