He opened his mouth twice, but no words came out. His throat felt tight, and his tongue was dry. Everything he thought to say felt dumb and nonsensical. He felt utterly ridiculous. When the elevator doors opened on his floor, he hurried past the woman without a second glance. He didn’t slow down until he reached his room. Throwing open the doors, he tossed his suitcase to the side and collapsed on the bed.
His breathing was heavy. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears.
He didn’t know why he was unable to talk to her. After all, he had spoken to thousands of women over the years. Lately, his favorite past time was sleeping around. It didn’t make sense for him to become, so tongue tied after such a brief encounter with a woman.
Cash had to admit to himself that the girl in the elevator was beautiful. She looked petite and gorgeous with strawberry blonde hair and eyes to match. Any other day, Cash wouldn’t have struggled to strike up a conversation. He would have flirted easily. His confidence would have radiated off him. He was sure they would have found their way back to his room.
Instead, he froze. Just looking at the back of her head made his hands sweat. He didn’t know why. She wasn’t anything special. Sure, she was gorgeous, but so were countless other women. She wasn’t exactly his type, he usually liked women with a bit more curve to their bodies, but that never mattered to him before. The only reason he had for freezing up was being forced to be at this place. Bear Ridge Resort.
He was there specifically to find a mate. That was the sole purpose of the resort. Every male guest was a bear shifter, and every female guest was human. Everyone was there to find a partner, a mate. The idea made Cash’s stomach tighten. A wave of nausea washed over him. What was wrong with people?
Did his fellow shifters actually believe their true love was waiting for them at Bear Ridge? And what were these women expecting? Had any of them ever even met a shifter before coming here? Did they picture them as puppies? Easily housebroken and faithfully loyal? Or, did they know how dangerous they could become? Did they know that with one wrong move any shifter could kill them in a second?
Cash shook his head and rolled over onto his side on the bed. He shoved his face in his pillow and let out a soft yell. His frustration was stronger than ever. He hated Kurt for sending him to Bear Ridge, and he hated his fellow clan members for coming with him. It would be easier to stand if he didn’t have to worry about six pairs of eyes on him. If Cash didn’t join in with the festivities, if he didn’t make an effort to meet a woman, the guys would report back to Kurt.
As he thought about what Kurt’s reaction would be, Cash’s mind returned to something he’d been thinking about on and off for months. Leaving the compound wasn’t something Cash ever wanted to do. He always imagined he would live his entire life with Kurt’s clan. They were his family. The compound was his home. But, lately, it hadn’t felt that way.
More and more, Cash was beginning to wish for freedom. He wanted to live on his own, far away from other people’s expectations and judgments. Far away where he couldn’t hurt anyone if his bear took full control. Cash knew he wouldn’t survive much longer without finding a mate. His bear form was already threatening to take him over completely. Since the night Cash attacked Reid, things had only gotten worse.
Cash’s mind was so often overpowered by the bear inside of him. He could almost feel the bear’s claws tearing away at his insides, demanding to be set free. Cash knew it would be easier for him just to disappear. If he lived alone, he could shift and never change back. No one would miss him. No one would come looking for him. No one would force him to return to his human form.
If Cash didn’t get a handle on his impulses, he would risk hurting another member of the clan. He hated himself for what he did to Reid. The kid didn’t deserve that. Cash was angry and on edge. Reid was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The guys patched him up okay, but Cash still couldn’t get the image of Reid’s bloody face out of his mind. He knew he could never let that happen again.
Kurt was so sure that all Cash needed was a mate. He promised him everything would change once he got there, but Cash didn’t feel any different. In fact, his anger only grew at the resort. The second he stepped off the plane, he wanted to step right back on and demand they take him home to Colorado. Deep down, he knew that wasn’t an option. Cash didn’t want to think what Kurt would do if he didn’t at least try to meet someone.
Still, the thought of striking up a conversation with a woman at the resort made Cash’s skin crawl. All these women clearly had weird fetishists. What other reason would they have for wanting to meet bear shifters? There was no way one of these women was Cash’s soul mate. And, if they were, how would Cash know? How did anyone know?
When Kurt met Scarlett, he said it was love at first sight. Would it be that way for Cash? Would he see her face and immediately think that’s the one? Or, would it happen differently? Would he have to talk with her first? Would they have to spend hours together, getting to know each other before they finally realized their true feelings?
All these questions and more flew through Cash’s mind as he laid on his bed. His face stayed buried in the pillow as if he could block out the rest of the world. He imagined staying in his room the entire trip. Would the guys come looking for him? Would they call Kurt and rat him out? Or, would they be too busy looking for their own mates to care about Cash?
Cash didn’t know the answer to any of his questions, but he knew one thing. Whatever happened at Bear Ridge, it wouldn’t change how he felt. The second he made it back to the compound he was going to ask Kurt to set him free. He was going to ask to leave the clan for good.
Chapter 6
Cash
There was a loud knock on Cash’s door. He groaned and pressed his face further into his pillow. He was determined to ignore whoever was knocking. After a few seconds, the knocking grew louder and more insistent. Cash knew it was one of the guys.
With a sigh, he pushed himself off the bed and ambled toward the door. When he pulled it open, Jackson and Zander were standing in the doorway. Cash glared at them, and they both laughed before pushing their way into the room.
“Get out,” Cash said through clenched teeth.
“You can try that all you want,” Zander said. “But you don’t scare us. We’ve been around a little longer than Reid.”
Cash’s face flushed at the thought of Reid. He couldn’t believe Zander would dare bring that up. Didn’t he know how awful Cash already felt about what happened?
“What do you want?” Cash growled. “I want to be alone.”
“No,” Jackson said. He shook his head. “You don’t. You just think you do. And we’re here to fix that.”
“How?” Cash asked.
“You’re coming with us,” Jackson said simply. “We dropped our bags in our rooms and already scoped out some of the resort. There’s a poolside bar downstairs. Half-inside, half-outside so it has some nice shade. It’s perfect, and the ladies are hot as hell.”
“And?” Cash asked. He wasn’t impressed by Jackson’ description.
“And,” Jackson sighed. “It’s exactly what you need.” Cash felt his bear stir underneath his skin. He could feel his pace start to quicken in anger.
“Just come with us,” Zander said. He paced around the room impatiently. “This is the whole reason we’re here, man.”
“It’s the whole reason you’re here,” Cash corrected him through gritted teeth. “Me? I’m only here because Kurt forced me to be.”
“He did it for you, man,” Jackson reminded him. “He just wants to see you happy again. We all do.”
“This place isn’t going to make me happy,” Cash said. He shook his head. He looked more defeated than angry. His bear was becoming too intense, and he feared that he was at the point of no return.
“You don’t know that,” Jackson said kindly. “You can’t know that until you try.”
“One hour,” Zander said. “Come down for one hour. If you hate it
, you can bail, and we won’t bother you again. We promise.”
Cash looked up at Jackson and Zander. His eyes flickered from one to the other. He knew they wouldn’t let up until he agreed to go with them. He sighed and stood up. With a shrug, he gestured toward the door.
“Wait,” Zander said. He looked Cash up and down.
“What?” Cash asked. “I said I’d go. Don’t push your luck.”
“Don’t you want to change?” Zander asked with a laugh. “It’s an island. At least put on a t-shirt or something.”
“I’m fine,” Cash said with a low growl. Just because they were on an island did not mean that he would need to change his entire wardrobe.
“Whatever, lumberjack.” Zander rolled his eyes and led the way out of the room. Jackson and Cash followed close behind him.
As they walked down the hall, Cash instantly regretted his decision. He knew there was nothing at Bear Ridge for him and sitting at a bar for an hour wouldn’t change that. Still, it was worth it if it meant the guys would lay off him for the rest of the trip. He wouldn’t be able to take it if they continued to pester him.
The three guys walked into the bar and looked around. The other shifters from their clan were sitting at a table to the left of the bar. Jackson and Zander walked over to join them, but Cash made his way to the bar. He promised he’d go to the bar, not that he would socialize. Cash didn’t think he could stand to hear all of their comments on all of the women around them.
Cash pulled out a barstool and sat down. He pushed his flannel sleeves up slightly. There was a cool breeze blowing through the bar, and it felt amazing on his neck. He leaned his head forward and exhaled. It was the first time he felt even slightly comfortable since they’d arrived on the island.
“What can I get for you?” the bartender asked. Cash glanced up and saw that her nametag read “Allie.” She smiled at him politely. She was short with dark tan skin, brown hair and brown eyes. She had round face and a sweet smile. If Cash weren't so uncomfortable here, he probably would have hit on her at home.
“Whiskey?” Cash asked. He looked around the bar, thinking that whiskey may not be on the menus. “Or do you only serve island drinks? Fruity little things with umbrellas?”
“I can scrounge up some whiskey for you,” Allie laughed.
“Thank you,” Cash said. Allie moved down the bar and poured him a sizeable glass. She placed it in front of him before she disappeared to help other guests.
Cash sipped his drink slowly and let his eyes wander around the bar. Behind him, men and women were swimming in the pool. Cash watched as a few guys threw the girls around in the water. The girls were laughing and giggling uncontrollably. Cash rolled his eyes and looked away.
The guys from Cash’s clan were still sitting at the same table, but now a few girls had made their way over to join them. A small blonde was hanging off Zander’s arm. He was grinning at her. Cash watched them flirt. He didn’t look away until Zander tucked a stray strand of hair behind the girl’s ear. She blushed and batted her eyelashes at him. Cash felt bile rise in his throat. He couldn’t believe how pathetically desperate all these women were. Didn’t they have any self-respect?
Cash went back to his drink, but his eyes continued to wander around the bar. Couples were forming all around him. He couldn’t believe how easy it was for the other bear shifters. It seemed like they weren’t even trying. All they had to do was show up, and women fell all over them. Cash knew these girls weren’t for him, but he still felt a twinge of jealousy as he watched. What was it about the other shifters that were so alluring? Why was every girl here throwing themselves at everyone but him? Was he doing something wrong? Was Zander right about the flannel shirt? Was he just not approachable enough? Cash felt more insecure than ever.
“Another one?” A sweet voice asked from behind the bar. Cash glanced around expecting to see Allie standing in front of him, but Allie was gone. The new bartender was looking down at him expectantly. She stared at him while she waited for an answer. His breath caught slightly in his chest.
“Um,” Cash said awkwardly. “Sure. Thanks.”
The girl poured him another shot of whiskey and smiled. Cash glanced down at her nametag. Alani. Cash watched her as she served the other guests. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Whenever she moved, the sunlight caught it just right, and he could see slight tones of blonde. Her hazel eyes were gorgeous. Cash couldn’t take his eyes off her. He didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone so beautiful. When she came back over to him, he forced himself to talk.
“Alani,” he said, nodding at her nametag. “Pretty name.”
“Thanks,” she shrugged. “I prefer Lani, but my boss insisted I put my full name on the nametag.”
“That’s silly,” Cash said. “Lani it is.”
Lani smiled gratefully at him and poured him another glass of whiskey without asking. Cash held it up to her in a silent toast and took a swig. She was clearly used to serving bear shifters because she was heavy handed on the alcohol.
“How long have you worked here?” Cash asked.
“Few months,” Lani said. “I’m getting the hang of things though. You guys drink more than most.”
“We do,” Cash laughed. “It’s in our biological makeup. Our temperatures are higher than humans, so we burn through alcohol faster.”
“I thought it was something like that,” Lani said. “I asked a few guys about it, but they never gave me a straight answer. Guys here mostly just flirt and act like idiots.”
Cash laughed and said, “I can see that.”
“I’m sorry,” Lani said quickly. “I probably shouldn’t have said that. Some of these guys are your friends, aren’t they?”
“That group over there,” Cash said, pointing toward his clan members. “They’re in my clan, but I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. We’re more like family. Bonded.”
“Clan?” Lani asked with a frown.
“That’s what we’re called,” Cash explained. “There are groups of us all over the states. We stay in different compounds. Each compound is called a clan.”
“That’s cool,” Lani nodded. She watched Cash with interest. “I never knew that.”
“You would think you would,” Cash pointed out. “Working here, I figured you might pick up on a few things about our lifestyle.”
“As I said,” Lani said. “No one here is really into talking. It’s flirting or nothing and most of the time these guys choose nothing. Employees aren’t allowed to date the guests, so we’re kind of useless to the guys here.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Cash said. He shook his head and took a sip of his drink.
“Do what?” Lani asked. She grabbed a towel and wiped down the counter.
“Work here,” Cash said. “Watch these ridiculous mating rituals all day every day.”
“It’s not so bad,” Lani shrugged. “A lot of times the guys are pretty cool. The women kind of suck, but you learn to ignore them.”
“Suck how?” Cash asked with a slight laugh.
“Well, look around,” Lani smiled. “Do you notice anything?”
Cash glanced around the bar again. He took in the women on either side of them. All of them were talking with one bear shifter or another. None of them were talking to each other.
“They only talk to men?” Cash asked.
“Exactly,” Lani said. “They are here for one reason and one reason only: to find a guy. I’m not much help in that department, so they tend to ignore me.”
“Their loss,” Cash shrugged.
“My coworkers are great,” Lani said. “We explore the island on our days off. It’s fun. It’s really not a bad place to work if you can look past all the desperation.”
Cash let out a loud laugh and said, “And here I thought I was the only one that noticed that. It’s exhausting just watching it.”
“Why are you here then?” Lani asked. Cash glanced up at her awkwardly. He didn’t know how to ex
plain his situation or even if he wanted to. For some reason, he didn’t want Lani to think badly of him.
“My Alpha made me come,” Cash said. “He didn’t want my guys here without supervision. They can get into trouble.”
“I bet they can,” Lani smiled. “So, you’re just here as a chaperone? No interest in finding your one, true mate?”
Cash could tell by the look on Lani’s face that she was messing with him. Her eyes were alive with flirtation, and her words dripped with sarcasm. He found her even more beautiful. Her wit was just as attractive as her body.
“Somehow, I don’t think any of these women are for me,” Cash said, gesturing around the bar.
“No?” Lani teased.
“Not so much,” Cash laughed. It felt strange to him, sitting there laughing and smiling with a woman he’d only just met. It had been months since Cash smiled a real, genuine smile. He felt lighter than he’d felt in ages.
“What do you think they talk about?” Cash asked suddenly.
Lani shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Sometimes I overhear their conversations, but they’re never very interesting.”
“Like what?” Cash asked.
“’Where are you from? Wanna come back to my room? Let’s get out of here.’ That sort of thing. Nothing at all original,” Lani said.
“My Alpha met his wife here,” Cash said thoughtfully. “They’re really in love.” After being around Scarlett, Cash could tell that she was not like any of these women at the resort. Kurt got lucky in finding her here.
“Maybe it really works then,” Lani shrugged. “At least for them.”
“I like to think it does,” Cash said wistfully. He looked around at his clan members. They all looked happy and relaxed. Cash had to admit; it was nice to see. He understood the pain of not having a mate, and he didn’t wish how he constantly felt on even his worst enemy. “If not for myself, then at least for them.”
“You really care about them,” Lani noted. Her eyes softened as she took in the details of Cash’s face. Cash looked back at her and felt his entire body relax underneath her stare.
Furever Always (Furever Series) Page 11