by Pam Fluttert
“Kat!”
I draw in a deep breath at the sound of my name. Is that Scott’s voice or Greg’s? Greg gets angry if I try to run away. He’ll punish me.
A dark cloak of panic wraps around me. Greg can’t catch me. He can’t touch me again. I can’t stand anymore. I run up my driveway, my breath coming in short bursts. The fear of Greg popping out from behind every shadow and tree builds inside me.
Finally, the front door. I slam it shut behind me and look out the window. Nobody is coming up the steps and Greg’s car is gone. I lean back against the door. I’m safe. He’s outside and can’t get in.
My breathing gradually slows to a more regular pace and the edges of panic start to fade.
“Get a grip, Kat,” I tell myself.
Gradually, I start to notice my surroundings. The house is dark except for a lamp in the living room. Everybody must be in bed. That’s odd. It must be later than I thought if the hockey game is over already and Dad is asleep.
Reality replaces the last edge of panic. Flinching, I remember what just happened outside with Scott. He must think I’m crazy. What happened to me out there? I think I’m going totally nuts.
“See what you’ve done to me!” I call out. Silence answers.
Chapter Eight
“Kat, Steph’s here!”
Mom’s voice, calling up the stairs, wakes me from a troubled sleep. I groan and roll over to see my alarm clock. Eleven o’clock already.
“Tell her to come on up here,” I yell back.
I had tossed and turned all night, disturbed by weird dreams. First, Greg was chasing me through a park. He turned into a lion when he leaped on me. Steph was sitting on a park bench, laughing and watching the whole thing.
Then I had a dream about Scott. I asked him to help keep Greg away. Scott took me away and hid me. I begged him not to leave me alone, but he turned into Greg, promising he would always be with me.
My head is pounding, and I’m not looking forward to seeing Steph.
The bedroom door creaks as Steph peeks around it.
“Hey, can I come in?” She looks like she survived last night’s party. The happy expression on her face makes me sick to my stomach.
I sit up on the side of the bed and shrug. “Suit yourself.”
Steph steps in and closes the door behind her. “Guess you’re mad about last night.” She sits on my desk chair and rolls back and forth, pushing herself with her foot.
Is she for real?
Steph assumes the obvious by my silence and launches into a pitiful apology.
“Come on, Kat. I’m sorry I left you alone at the party, but you didn’t seem to mind with that guy sprawled across your lap.”
I glare at Steph. “That was a drunken jerk who fell on me. He spilled a drink all over me. I wouldn’t exactly call that fun.”
I point to the shirt lying on the floor. Steph picks it up and crinkles her nose.
“Sorry Kat. I didn’t realize you were having such a miserable time. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Besides, how can you stay mad at me?”
Steph’s face transforms into a goofy pout that makes me laugh. She’s right. I can’t stay mad at her. I really need a friend right now. Scott probably thinks I belong in the loony bin.
Steph smiles when I laugh. “I’m glad you’re not going to give me a hard time. Scott already lit into me this morning for going to a party like that, for dating Mike, and for abandoning you. He was in a real mood. He’s such a stick lately!”
Grabbing my dirty shirt away from Steph, I throw it in the corner and go to my closet to find some clothes. “He was worried about you. Give him a break. Some of the people there last night don’t have the best rep.”
“He’s my twin, not my father,” Steph moans. “He used to be fun, but lately he needs to loosen up.”
I pull out a sweatshirt and an old pair of jeans. The shirt has been worn so much, it has holes in the elbows, but it’s comfortable. The jeans have a hole in the right knee.
Steph wrinkles her nose. “Why don’t you wear that shirt I bought you for your birthday?”
“Steph, you’re only forgiven if you lay off about my clothes. These are comfortable, and I don’t have plans today, anyway.”
“Okay, okay. Deal. Hey, you wouldn’t want to help me with that calculus assignment we’re supposed to have done for Monday, would you?”
Sighing, I nod. Steph started asking for my help with homework a lot last year. I get the feeling she’d prefer I do it for her. That’s probably why she asks me instead of Scott.
“Thanks,” she says and jumps off the chair. “I’ll get my books.” The front door slams a few moments after Steph leaves my room.
I head for the kitchen, grab a bagel, and wander toward the family room, where Sarah is watching Saturday morning cartoons.
“Where are Mom and Dad?”
“They left when Steph came. They told me to get you if I needed anything.”
Nice of them to let me know.
“Where’d they go?”
Sarah shrugs. “Don’t know. They just said they’d be back soon. Jared called last night.”
“Really?” I’m disappointed to have missed his call.
Her eyes light up. “Yeah, he said I can come visit him some time. That’ll be neat.”
“Yeah, that’d be cool. Maybe I’ll try to call him.”
Sarah turns back to the television. I try Jared’s number. No answer.
A knock on the door echoes through the house as Steph bursts in. “I’m back,” she shouts.
No kidding.
“Come upstairs. We might as well work in my room.”
Steph and I spend the afternoon together. We do a bit of homework and Steph whines about having to learn derivatives. She can’t think of a single time she’d ever have to use them in the “real world.” I can’t think of a use for them either, but I don’t mind learning them.
We take a break from calculus and watch Finding Nemo with Sarah. After the movie, the phone rings.
Sarah answers in the kitchen, then returns to announce that Mom and Dad won’t be home for a while.
“Where are they?” I ask.
“Dad is at Greg’s, helping him fix their car. Mom did some work at the school and then went shopping with Amy.”
“Great,” I mumble.
“Mom said to order pizza for supper. We can use the money on top of her dresser.”
“You want to stay for pizza?” I ask Steph. “You could stay over tonight. It’d be fun.”
Steph shakes her head, glancing at her watch. “I can’t. I’m going out with Mike.”
“Oh.” My stomach sinks. Scott is right – Mike is bad news. I nod my head toward my bedroom, signaling Steph that we need to talk away from Sarah.
She follows me up to my room.
“Um, Steph, maybe…”
“Oh, Kat, he’s so great. We had a blast last night. He’s so funny,” Steph gushes. “He’s an awesome kisser.” Steph’s eyes glow.
Caught off guard by her last statement, I clear my throat. “Oh…that’s great, Steph. You didn’t…?”
She catches my meaning immediately, and laughs. “No, of course not. We just made out. He made me tingle all over, Kat. I can’t wait to see him tonight.”
The guy is a jerk and doesn’t deserve her. The thought of her “tingling all over” is sickening.
“Steph, maybe you should be kind of careful. He has a lousy reputation. What if he’s using you or something?”
“Mike likes me for me, not for anything else. I can’t believe you’d say something like that. What kind of friend are you?”
“Steph, I didn’t mean it like—”
“Are you jealous? Is that your problem? Are you jealous
that I attract guys and you don’t?”
I grab Steph’s arm. “Steph, that’s not…”
Steph breaks away from my grip and paces around the room. “Scott said you freaked out on him last night. I just figured it was from the party. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s more. You have been moody lately.”
“I’m not jealous, Steph. Why would I be jealous over someone like Mike?”
“So now Mike’s not good enough for you? Nobody’s good enough for you lately.”
Sudden anger clouds my common sense. “Yeah, you’re right. Nobody’s good enough for me.” I look pointedly at Steph.
“Fine,” Steph shouts and opens the bedroom door.
“Yeah fine,” I shout back. “You better get ready for your date. It’ll take awhile to make yourself beautiful.”
Steph glares at me before leaving the room. I can hear her stomping all the way down the stairs and the front door slamming behind her.
How dare she yell at me and accuse me of being jealous! Stupid, ungrateful…
“What’s her problem?” Sarah asks, stepping into my room.
“Nothing. What do you want?”
“Mom said you’re supposed to order pizza. I’m hungry,” Sarah whines.
“Fine.” I push past her to get the pizza money from Mom’s dresser.
“I’m telling Dad you pushed me,” Sarah yells.
“Go ahead, you tell him everything. You always run to Daddy.” I feel tight and ready to explode after my scene with Steph.
“I do not,” Sarah screams at me.
“Yes, you do. You always go crying to him.”
“Well, you’re mean and bossy.” Sarah sticks out her tongue.
“Shut up, Sarah.”
“No, I don’t have to. You can’t make me. You’re always telling me what to do, and I don’t have to do what you say.”
“Says who?”
“Says Daddy. He told me I don’t have to do what you say when you’re being silly, like when you told me to get away from Greg.”
This whole argument has turned serious now that Sarah has mentioned Greg. I try to calm myself with a deep breath.
“Sarah, listen to me…”
“No, I don’t have to. I’m not listening.” Sarah covers her ears. “La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la—”
I pull her hands away from her ears. “Don’t be so childish. Listen, I’m serious.” I fight against Sarah’s struggles to break free. “Sarah, you shouldn’t be hugging Greg like that. You shouldn’t be touching him at all or letting him touch you. Do you understand? Has Greg ever tried to touch you or hurt you, Sarah?”
Sarah begins to sob. “No, Kat. I’m not listening! Daddy says I can hug Uncle Greg whenever I want.”
“Sarah!” I say harshly. “You can’t do that anymore with Uncle Greg.”
With a tug, Sarah breaks free and runs away. “You’re not nice, Kat. I hate you.”
Her steps echo down the stairs and the back patio door slides open. Let her pout. I’m ordering the pizza. If she’s going to be a baby, then she can starve.
I calm down while I wait for the pizza. I didn’t handle that well. If only she hadn’t come in right after my argument with Steph, things probably would have gone better. I might have been able to make her understand how important it is for her to tell me if Greg has done anything to her.
“I’m only trying to protect you, Sarah,” I whisper, just as the doorbell rings.
Pizza in hand, I search for Sarah. I’m annoyed when I don’t find her on the swing. She does this all the time for attention. She’s probably sitting on the rock ledge beside the fire pit, pouting like a baby.
Annoyance turns into anger, then worry, when I don’t find her on the rock ledge, in the clubhouse, or down by our dock in the river. Sarah has disappeared.
Chapter Nine
“Scott? Steph? Please, somebody answer!” I shout, banging on their front door. I turn around, sagging against the door. Now what?
I try to stop sobbing, but it’s a losing battle. It seems all I do lately is cry.
I almost fall when the door opens behind me.
“Jeez, Kat. What’s up?” Scott catches me under the arms before I land on the porch.
“Scott…I need help.” I gasp in air, trying to control my sobs.
“What happened?” Scott steadies me and turns me to face him.
“Sarah’s gone. I can’t do anything right. Steph is mad at me. So is Sarah….She’s mad at me…. Everybody is mad at me, and she’s gone.”
Staring into his concerned face, my knees buckle and I sag again. His grip on my arms tightens, stopping me again from falling.
“She’s gone, Scott. She ran out of the house and disappeared. I didn’t handle it very well. I didn’t handle it well at all.”
“We’ll find her. I’ll help you. Okay?”
I nod my head. Scott grabs my hand and leads me across the road to my house. “Think,” he says, looking back at me. “Where would she go?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head.
“Let’s start back here.” Scott leads me toward the backyard.
It’s a relief to let Scott take charge of the situation. For once, I can just follow without making any decisions.
Scott pulls me along, the freshly cut grass clinging to my shoes. The setting sun stretches the tree shadows down to the river beside our property.
It’ll be dark soon and we have no idea where Sarah is. Mom and Dad will shoot me and ask questions later. Guilt, worry, and anger wage war inside me.
“Do you think she would be in there?” Scott points toward the clubhouse.
“No. I already looked in there.”
“Let’s check again, anyway.” Scott pulls me toward the clubhouse. Selfishly, I hope she’s not there. The clubhouse is my private spot – my sanctuary – and I don’t want to share it. My heart skips a beat when we come to the door. I hold my breath as Scott looks inside, releasing it when he shakes his head. She’s not there.
“It’s getting dark. Let’s call her. Maybe she’ll answer.” Scott gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and calls Sarah’s name.
“Sarah!” We take turns yelling her name, but the only reply is the occasional squawk of a bird and the plop of a fish jumping in the river.
Another voice rings out across the evening shadows. My father calls my name and then Sarah’s. They would have to come home now. My pulse rate increases, and my ears ring at the thought of telling Dad that Sarah is gone.
“I guess I better tell them.” I pull away from Scott trying to spare him from the inevitable confrontation.
“I’ll go with you.” A strange emotion clouds Scott’s eyes, but I’m too focused on my inner panic to question it.
We run up the riverbank and across the lawn. As we approach, Mom steps through the patio door with Amy and Greg following behind her.
Oh, no. Not Greg. I can’t deal with him right now. My feet feel like lead and I can’t lift them.
“Scott, I can’t. You tell them. Please.”
Scott pulls me by the hand. “I’ll be here with you. It’ll be fine.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, Scott.”
“What’s going on, you two?” Dad demands. Greg steps up beside him and watches me with narrowed eyes.
Scott looks at me, waiting for me to speak. I stare back, pleading with my eyes. I try to position his body in front of mine, shielding me from Greg and my father.
“Kat, what is it?” Mom asks.
“Mr. and Mrs. Thompson…” Scott begins. Dad’s eyes swing from me to Scott. “Um…Sarah seems to have run away.”
My father’s eyes return to me, burning a hole through my skin. I expect to smell smoke and burning flesh any second.
“
Is this true?” he demands, as if Scott would lie about something like this.
Nodding my head, I look down, avoiding the condemnation in his eyes.
My mother’s gasp draws my attention toward her.
“What happened, Kat? What did you do to make her run away?” Dad’s voice is laced with venom.
My eyes remain focused on Mom. If she looks at me the same way Dad did, I won’t be able to take it. Scott takes another step forward. “Mr. Thompson…to be fair, she—”
“Fair? Kat seems determined to give her sister a hard time. Kat doesn’t want to be fair to Sarah or anybody else living under this roof. So being fair to Kat is not my top priority right now.”
Greg puts his hand on my dad’s shoulder. “Now Dave, take it easy. We don’t even know what’s happened. We need to concentrate on finding Sarah right now.”
I stare at Greg, trying to read what this will cost me. Why would he want to help me? Just when I think I hate the guy, he turns around and becomes the Uncle Greg I want him to be.
Amy approaches, putting her arm around my shoulder. Most of the backyard is cast in shadow. In another ten minutes we won’t be able to see each other without the patio light on.
“Where have you and Scott looked?” Amy asks.
I remain silent. I’m not surprised that Dad blames me, but I did not expect him to be so – well – so cold. How could he say something like that in front of everyone? He just announced that he doesn’t give a damn about me, or my feelings.
“Kat?” When I look up, Greg is standing in front of me. His hand touches my shoulder. After Dad’s words hitting me like an ice cold shower, Greg’s touch feels welcome. He cares, and my father doesn’t.
I watch my Dad pace across the patio. My mother tries to stop him with an outstretched hand. He brushes it away, ignores her, and continues marching around, mumbling to himself. His hands rake through his hair while he glares toward me every few seconds.
Mom whispers something to him.
“No, I will not calm down!” my father shouts. He kicks one of Mom’s petunia pots. Dirt and a rainbow of pinks and purples fly through the air. The flowers land on the ground, close to my feet.