by Jody Holford
“I know,” she whispered, her voice pulling him out of his thoughts.
“I need you to know how much you matter to me. It’s one thing to say it, but I think I need to show you. If you’ll give me a chance?”
Her eyes burned with emotion, and he hated not knowing if it was happy or sad. With the rolls of paper clutched in one arm, she gripped his shirt with her other hand. “I’m giving you a chance. I’m giving us a chance. You matter to me, too. You don’t know how much.”
He did. He knew how much because he felt it, too. But it wasn’t fair to tell her now when his family was upstairs waiting on them, worrying about them. He’d clear things up, and then when they were alone, he’d tell her the truth he might never have realized if they hadn’t started down this path.
“I know,” he said. She met his gaze and then turned to go up the stairs. He took her hand and walked with her, letting the quiet soothe the still rapid pace of his heart. He’d fix it. He hadn’t been fair to the people he loved most.
As they approached his apartment, he stopped her once more.
He lowered his mouth, tracing over her lips with his tongue, hearing her sigh as she leaned into him, pressed her lips against his. When he felt like he was seconds away from not being able to let her go, he pulled back.
“You deserve so much,” he whispered.
She gave a laugh that he couldn’t decipher. Maybe part humor, part heartache?
“All I want is you,” she said. And his heart actually leapt at the words.
“Then let’s go in and celebrate Christmas. For real.”
Chapter Fifteen
Gabby opened one eye and peeked at the clock. Five fifteen. Only ten minutes had passed since she’d last checked. She was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t fall back asleep. Owen’s deep, even breaths filled the silence. She rolled to her other side and put a hand on his chest, focusing on the rise and fall as she willed herself to go back to sleep until a reasonable, adult-like hour arrived.
Owen had been so serious the night before. She wanted to believe everything would be okay. She’d gone against her own rules and lied about overhearing him, because she hadn’t been ready to have him say, face to face, that she wasn’t his idea of forever. So she’d pushed down her feelings, lied, and decided that if this was all she was getting, this time with him and his family, she was taking it. He was her best friend and he deserved a little faith. She wouldn’t let words out of context wreck their Christmas or destroy what she felt. No way was she imagining the feelings between them.
In her heart, she hoped by “fix it,” he meant he’d tell her he loved her or, at least, could love her the way she loved him. She couldn’t think of what else he could mean by fixing everything and had slept restlessly wondering.
At six twenty, she opened both eyes. What was that? She nudged Owen’s shoulder and heard it again. A soft knock.
“Owen,” she whispered, leaning up and putting her face close to his. She shook his shoulder. Another knock. Owen’s eyes popped open and he flinched comically, his eyes flaring wide.
“What? What’s wrong?”
Gabby laughed. Everything else could wait. She wanted her family Christmas. “Nothing. It’s Christmas.”
This time when the knock came, she wasn’t the only one to hear it. Owen glared at the door. “Ophelia, are you seriously waking us up?” he said, sitting up to look at the clock. “At six thirty in the morning?”
Excitement stirred in Gabby’s stomach. She threw back the covers as Ophelia spoke through the door.
“It kind of sounds like you’re already awake, so technically, no.”
Gabby giggled and opened the door. Ophelia stood in her PJs, her hands clasped together under her chin.
“Merry Christmas,” Gabby said.
Ophelia threw her arms around Gabby and rocked back and forth. “Merry Christmas. Get up, Owen. I already put on coffee. Santa was here.”
When Lia took off down the hallway, Gabby turned to see Owen getting out of the bed.
“Santa?”
Owen’s sleepy eyes perked up. “You’ll see,” was all he said. “Wait for me, okay?” He walked into the en-suite and Gabby did as he asked.
When was the last time you were up this early on Christmas morning? Gabby’s memories of her last holiday with her parents had faded like a worn photograph. They’d loved getting up early. Often, her father had woken her long before dawn. Since their passing, she’d grown out of the habit. She’d spent a few years with friends, and a few alone. She hadn’t felt this type of anticipation toward the morning in a very long time.
Owen came out of the bathroom and smiled at her, took her hand, and they followed the cheery sound of his family waiting in the living room. The smell of coffee and cinnamon greeted them. Gabby saw fresh cinnamon buns sitting on the counter, but before she could comment, she was enveloped in a warm hug.
“Merry Christmas, Gabby. We’re so happy to share it with you,” Beth said, then released her to hug Owen. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
Leo gave her a side-hug and Patty kissed her cheek. Gabby took it all in as coffee was poured and delicious looking cinnamon buns were passed around. Music played softly in the background and the lights of the tree flickered perfectly. Outside, it was still dark, but someone had pulled open the window shades.
Gabby’s breath caught in her lungs when she noticed the red stockings—six of them—lying on the hearth of the fireplace, full to the brim. One of them had her name written across the top. She closed her eyes, tried to stop the tears from surfacing. Owen came to her side, passing her a cup of coffee.
In a low voice that only she could hear, he asked, “You okay?”
Gabby nodded, not trusting the words to come without tears. Owen slipped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her against his side.
“See?” he whispered. “Santa came.”
She sipped her coffee, hoping it would help loosen the lump in her throat. A few tears escaped, but when Owen started to comment, she just shook her head and wiped them away. How could she explain how perfect this moment felt?
She had a family. Hopefully for good. Nerves swirled inside her like she’d gone over a bump too fast. Enjoy the moment.
“Let the girl sit down, son,” Leo said, moving over on the couch. Ophelia sat with her aunt on the love seat. Owen sat beside Gabby and Beth handed out stockings. When she gave Gabby hers, their eyes met.
“Thank you for this,” Gabby said, her throat still uncomfortably tight.
Beth smiled, her own eyes watery. “Oh, honey. It was absolutely my pleasure. I look forward to spending so many Christmases with you.”
Then she passed Owen his and ruffled his hair. “You see that, dear? Gabby likes Christmas with us. So next year we’ll have a bit more space when you two come home to celebrate.”
Gabby beamed at Owen. His eyes, which he kept on Gabby’s, were smiling when he answered. “We’ll be there, Mom.” He’s committing to next year. It’s really happening. She didn’t know exactly what “it” was, but she had a feeling that, in front of his family, Owen was going to spell out his true feelings. She’d thought he’d want to tell her in private for the first time, but maybe he’d taken her advice to let them in.
When everyone had their stockings in front of them, they dove in. Gabby laughed at the trinkets Beth had found. Tiny soaps and shampoos, chocolates, and a Christmas ornament.
The smell of the cinnamon buns was driving her mad so she took a break to have a bite. “Mmm. When did you make these?”
“We made them last night after all you sleepy heads turned in for the night,” Patty said, grinning as she held up candy cane earrings. “Beth, where do you find these things? You are absolutely the best stocking stuffer.”
“Thank you. It’s one of my favorite things to do,” Beth said. Leo leaned over to kiss his wife’s cheek.
They nibbled and laughed and shared stories. The fire glowed and made the room comfortably warm. Gabby tried to lat
ch on to each moment, to file it away. It was like this one morning had healed an aching part of her soul that had gone missing twelve years ago. Nothing could replace her family, but knowing she was no longer alone was a gift she couldn’t fathom.
Owen passed her a box with her name on it. “You doing all right?”
“I am. I’m wonderful,” she said.
He pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth, then leaned back. “I already knew that.”
Gabby just smirked at him and mouthed the word “dork.” He tugged a lock of her hair playfully, then nudged the present on her lap.
“Open it,” he said.
Peeling the wrap off without restraint, she found a gorgeous five-by-seven wooden frame nestled inside. The wood was purposely worn to make it look older, and the black and white picture of her and Owen smiling made Gabby’s heart burst open, like there was too much love and joy inside her to contain. She turned, wrapped her arms around Owen’s neck, and hugged him tight. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she couldn’t hold them back. Owen’s arms held her strong.
“Hey. You okay?”
She nodded into the crook of his neck, then pulled back. Everyone was eyeing her somewhat warily, like they didn’t want to further upset her. But she wasn’t upset.
“You are all the greatest people. This has been the best Christmas I can remember in so long. Thank you for making me feel so included.” She sniffed as she wiped at her tears.
Owen’s arm pulled her close and she leaned her head against him.
“You’ll always be included, Gabriella. You’re part of our family now, and if Owen does something to mess this up, you just leave him home and come spend next Christmas with us. He doesn’t even know the words to most of the carols, anyway,” Beth said.
Everyone laughed, including Owen. “Thanks, Mom. Way to sell me out.”
The morning was nothing short of perfect. Min called shortly before they were ready to eat—apparently Owen’s family ate their “dinner” in the early afternoon. Owen had pointed out she’d like this because it meant being able to snack on the leftovers later in the day and through the evening. As they waited for Patty and Beth to finish up the side dishes, Gabby grew antsy to see what Owen meant by fixing things. Thinking to get her mind off of things, she’d offered to help in the kitchen, but Patty had said she needed her own distraction and Beth had told her to just enjoy relaxing, which was more difficult than it sounded. She’d sort of expected something—she didn’t know what—to have happened by now. Until he said otherwise, she wouldn’t poke holes in her chance for happiness. She excused herself from the room and answered the call.
“Merry Christmas,” Min said when Gabby answered.
“To you, too. How are you? I can hear everyone in the background,” Gabby said.
“Ha, that’s barely half of them. I’m good. We’ve already eaten enough for a week and there’s still dinner to make.”
“Owen’s family has dinner early so we’re just about to sit down.”
“Nice. How is Owen? Did he get you something perfect?”
Gabby rubbed her chest, over her heart. “He got me a few things, actually. But the best present has been spending it with his family. They’re wonderful.”
Min was silent for a second, and Gabby could hear someone talking to her in the background. “Sorry about that. Wonderful, like I want these people to be my in-laws wonderful?”
Time to stop pretending, right? “Yes, actually. That would be the best present ever.” And one she hoped wasn’t too far in the future.
“If he breaks your heart, I break his face. Deal?”
Gabby shook her head. Maybe Min was connected. She was almost scarier than Wyatt. On a laugh, she replied, “Deal. I gotta go. Love you.”
“Love you, too. See you soon. Tell dream-geek I said Merry Christmas.”
“I will. Tell your family the same from me.”
She stood in the hallway a moment, just listening to the chatter in the other room. It made her smile. Everyone was seated when she came back into the dining area. Owen stood when she walked in.
“I was just going to come get you.”
She set her phone down, walked to her seat beside him. “Sorry. It was Min.” She looked around the table. “She’s my friend and my co-worker. She says Merry Christmas.”
“Oh, you should have asked her to join us,” Patty said.
Gabby laughed. “She has a gigantic family of her own. Her mother would never tolerate a missed Christmas.”
Beth raised her wineglass. “Hear, hear. Sounds like a smart woman to me.”
Owen laughed and sat down when Gabby did, smiling nervously at her. “Okay, Mom. Message received.”
Patty said grace, which Gabby found heartwarming. While everyone had their heads bowed, she snuck a peek at each person and said a silent thank-you for the chance to be at this table with these people.
“Amen,” everyone said together.
The food was passed and huge helpings were dished up. It smelled amazing, and Gabby figured the bounty rivaled whatever Min was eating. They chatted—or more accurately argued over which movie to watch after dinner. It still felt more like lunch to Gabby, even though it was the best Christmas supper she could remember having in far too long. She’d taken her last bite when Owen tapped his wineglass with his fork.
“Son, I think that means you’re going to kiss your bride,” Leo said. Everyone laughed and Owen’s cheeks colored slightly. Gabby’s stomach tumbled and her breath caught in her throat.
“Very funny, Dad. But I’d like to say something and in a weird way, it’s sort of related to what you just said.”
Now Gabby’s breath evaporated completely. Her chest was a vacuum of space as Owen set his fork down and looked around the table at his family, his eyes settling on Gabby for just a second. He took a deep breath that she wished he’d share with her because she really couldn’t catch her own. If her heart had tiptoes, it would be on them, pressed against her ribs, listening to hear the words she’d wanted Owen to say for so long.
“I have something to tell all of you,” Owen said.
Everyone stopped eating, but it was Beth who spoke. “Is everything all right?”
Owen nodded. “Yes. Sort of.”
His voice wavered and Gabby’s brows scrunched together. Sort of? What does that mean?
Owen took a deep breath, let it out. “I’ve been lying to all of you and in doing so, I’ve made Gabby do the same. Which was not only cowardly and wrong, but unfair to her.” Owen paused, looked at Gabby. “I owe it to you to be honest.”
Oh God. He hadn’t been lying to her, had he? About which part? Gabby’s heart beat so loudly it was a wonder she could hear him. Would he tell her right this second, with an audience, that he loved her back? Butterflies grew giant wings in her stomach and flapped restlessly…happily. She gripped the edge of the tablecloth, squeezed the soft fabric between her thumb and finger.
Leo was easy to hear when he asked, “What are you talking about?”
Owen took another gulp of air. “Gabby and I are not and never were a couple. Everything you’ve seen between us has been…fake. A farce. I asked her to pretend to be my girlfriend because I’d lied about finding ‘the one’ and I didn’t want to tell you guys.”
Breath whooshed back into Gabby’s lungs, almost choking her. Everything you’ve seen between us has been fake. A farce. Owen wasn’t declaring his love. He was coming clean to his family to rid himself of guilt. For her. He thought this was what she wanted more than anything else. The truth. And he was being pretty damn clear about it. They weren’t a couple. And never had been.
Owen cleared his throat. “We’ve never been in love. At least, not with each other.” She could feel his eyes on her, but couldn’t meet them. She couldn’t look at any of them. He’d given her so much and was ripping it away from her. It felt like he was tearing her ribs out, one by one.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied and more, I’m sorry I asked Gabby, w
ho really and truly is my best friend, to lie. She told me it would only lead to more lies and complications. And she was right. I thought it would be simple, but instead, it’s just complicated everything. I’m hoping it hasn’t lost me my best friend. Or the trust of my family.”
Gabby’s eyes darted upwards. Leo had his forearms crossed, resting on the table. Patty sat back, her arms also folded. Ophelia said nothing, but just stared in Owen’s direction. Beth had tears trailing silently down her cheeks.
“Mom. I’m so sorry.”
“Why? Why, Owen?”
He fidgeted beside Gabby. “No reason I give is good enough. It started because I was too chicken to tell you I hated all the noise and bluster of last year and the year before. I love all of you, love being with you. This has been the perfect Christmas, and I should have just told you how I felt, that crowds of people, especially people I don’t know, stress me out. All I need to make the holidays is the people I care about. But in trying to get what I wanted, I hurt everyone I care for most.”
He reached for Gabby’s hand but she pulled away. She heard him whisper, “Gabs?”
“This is stupid, Owen,” Ophelia said.
Gabby looked up. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. With shame. She’d lied to all of these wonderful people. She’d done that, taken that leap, despite her own beliefs, because she loved the man next to her. And all it had yielded was half a dozen broken hearts.