"Sweetheart," he whispered in my ear. "Am I too heavy?"
"No. You're perfect," I said. He let a bark of laughter out and raised himself up on his elbows.
"I am far from perfect, Amber," he returned. I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, hoping he'd explain that further. He laughed again, then rolled us over so he was on the hard floor and I was lying down the length of him. He was still inside me. Just.
"Wanna know what I thought of all those times we chatted on-line?" he said softly, mischief and humour in his eyes.
"What did you think of, Eric?" I said seriously, trying not to smile.
"I fantasied about golden glitter and itty-bitty thongs. I imagined fucking you while you still wore them, leaning over your keyboard while you wrote code."
Now there's a fantasy I could get into.
But he wasn't finished. "Sometimes, I'd be waiting for your reply to a question I had typed and I'd spread my legs," oh good Lord, "undo my zip," holy hell, "pull myself out," he was killing me here, "and pretend you were on your knees beneath my desk sucking me off."
"You did not!"
He smirked. "Well, maybe not. You'll never really know. But I did spend way too many hours planning ways to seduce you should I break my rule and find out who you were."
That I could believe. Our conversations had become more and more personal as the years went by. One day, one of us, would have broken the rules. Hell, it was me, wasn't it? I was the one to try and hack him, to find out where he lived.
"Why didn't you?" I found myself asking.
"Undo my pants and pull myself out?" he cheekily replied.
I frowned at him.
"I did," he said in response. Did what? Pull himself out? "I located you. I knew you were in Auckland."
Silence.
"And that's it?" I asked once I'd gotten myself under control.
He nodded. "Scared myself shitless," he admitted, starting to brush my hair off my face and tuck it behind my ears. "Backed right off then."
"When was this?"
"Almost two years ago."
Yeah. I already knew. Not quite two years, about twenty-one months to be precise. Right before I finally gave in to Jaxon.
Because RiC3.1415 stopped answering my messages for a whole three weeks.
I closed my eyes and lowered my head until our foreheads connected.
"Dancer?" he said, concern evident in his tone. "What's wrong, sweetheart? You know we set up that rule in the beginning, you've gotta know I regret breaking it. But I did my best to not find out any more."
He thought I was upset he had done it. Found out I lived in the same city as him. He didn't realise I was distraught over the fact that he'd stopped. That he hadn't taken that next step then. I shouldn't have put that on him. I was just as capable as him to break that stupid rule and reach out. It was not his fault I sought comfort in Jaxon's arms.
From a fantasy I knew I could never have.
I pushed up from his body, breaking our connection as he fell out, and walked back into the bathroom to clean up and get dressed. Clearly I was too emotional right now to be dealing with any more upset. But I couldn't stop myself from feeling like we'd missed out. Lost a chance. Wasted two years together.
I might have slammed the toilet seat down a little too harshly, and pulled the hand-towel off its peg a little too hard. The plastic hook part snapped and fell to the floor as I watched it. Towel gripped in my good hand, the damaged one trying to make a fist. It was the pain that made me cry, I'm sure of it. The gash in my palm stretching as I curled my fist.
In the next second Ric was behind me, wrapping me up in his arms and pulling me into his hard chest.
"Amber," he murmured. "Sweetheart. I'm sorry. Please don't cry, baby. Please."
Hearing Jaxon's old moniker for me just made the tears fall harder. Because it sounded so much nicer on Ric's tongue. It meant so much more coming from him than it had ever done from my ex. An ex I shouldn't have been with if Ric had just had the balls to break our rules further and make contact face to face.
I had no doubt that if he had I would have fallen for those green eyes. Would have realised he fit every fantasy I had about RiC3.1415 and then some. Would have chosen him instead of Jaxon and then not had to see people getting shot in pictures, and know I'd never forget the fear and defeat in the victim's eyes.
But we had rules and he'd tried to keep to them. Despite his obvious curiosity and the fantasies he'd created around my on-line alias, Danc3r. I had no right to blame him. To put the past twenty months and the culmination of my own choices on his head. I had no right.
I turned in his embrace and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding on. My good cheek to his chest, as his hands rubbed up and down my back soothingly, and his chin rested on my head.
"I'm sorry," he repeated and I hiccuped as I sucked in a breath.
"That's not why I'm upset," I finally managed to say.
"Then why the tears?" he asked, pulling back to look down at me, but I just held on tighter to his waist and buried my face into his body, inhaling deeply. Taking him all in.
Twenty-months. What a fucking waste.
"You disappeared," I explained. "On-line. I thought I'd lost you." He stilled, stopped stroking me, and just held his breath. "I decided I needed to stop fantasising about a guy I didn't really know who could be living on the other side of the world and start living my life here."
"You turned to Harding," Ric guessed.
"I wish..." I started.
"I'd made contact," he finished and I nodded. "Fuck," he breathed. The word held a wealth of emotion. I felt every single one.
"I hate that I was weak," I admitted.
"Sweetheart," Ric started, but I interrupted him before he could go on.
"He was persistent, he wore me down. I was weak."
"Because you lost me," Ric mused, but I didn't reply. "Motherfucker!" he exclaimed, albeit quietly.
We stood there, in the bathroom, him dressed, me naked, and just held on to each other, not saying a word. I'm not sure how much time passed, but it was Ric who broke the silence.
"It took five years for me to face my past."
It was my turn to still, to not breathe.
"I was in the Army. And even though I was injured, I wasn't discharged immediately. I had to still attend debriefs and see their psychologists, all the while despising every single thing they stood for. Dying a little more each day I was forced to be a part of it. When they finally let me go I ran as far and as fast as I could from anything to do with the military. Ended up in Bali. A more disorganised place you could not find. Nothing like the Army."
I couldn't believe he was telling me this. Just opening up and spilling his tormented past out. I thought him brave. I thought him incredibly strong. I wanted to tell him. But I was concerned he'd clam up, realise his mistake, and shut down.
I needed to know. I needed to understand what had led him to kill that unarmed man, even though I knew it would kill me a little inside.
I needed to know.
"Nick found me there," he went on. "I half believe he hunted me down. He says he was on his way back from the States and just stopped off for a holiday." Ric laughed. "Nick Anscombe does not take holidays. Well, he didn't. Now he's got Eva he's been to Nashville twice and not done anything but sit in bars, drink beers, and watch his cowgirl sing. But anyway, he found me. Hauled my arse back with promises of a job where I could make a difference but never have to answer to The Man."
He sighed, pulled me closer, rested his cheek on the top of my head. "It had been four years since my discharge. I was a wreck and it took concerted effort on Nick's part to get me back into shape, let alone to handle a gun, but he did it. He threw code at me, he gave me state of the art electronics, and he made me accept that I was who I was because of where I had been. What I had experienced.
"I have my issues, Amber. Sometimes all I feel is pain. It's all I think I know. But without the Army I wouldn't be the
hacker I am today. Without my time in a prisoner of war camp I wouldn't have a passion for helping people in need. Without my regrets I wouldn't strive to be a better man. My past shapes me, but it does not define me."
He pulled back, placed a thumb and forefinger under my chin and tilted my head. Green held me trapped, a prison I willingly walked into.
"The past twenty months have shaped you, made you grow into the beautiful, capable, extraordinary woman I see before me right now. Two years ago you were twenty. I was twenty-nine. We might have taken one look at each other and thought, no thanks."
I doubted that, I really did, and I suspected he did too. But I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
"And now we've met," he added. "And it was the right time, we were in the right space inside our heads. It's our moment, the only moment we may have ever had for us to connect. Don't regret your past, accept it led you to me, and me to you."
Wow. Just... wow.
"OK, sweetheart?" he asked, soft green staring into my very soul.
Stripping me bare.
Was I OK?
Yes. I was more than OK. I was with my Ric and it was our moment in time.
"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm so OK."
Chapter 21
Here We Fuckin' Go Again
Ric had a limp. I don't know why that surprised me. I knew he had a bad leg from his imprisonment and torture. I knew it had flared up again because of the fight with Jaxon. I knew all of this, but when he led me from the "safe room" out into the hallways of ASI and limped, I almost cried again.
He was in pain and it was all because of me.
"Stop it," he growled, as he saw me glance at his left leg for the umpteenth time. "It's not your fault."
"You're a mind reader now?" I accused, as I followed him to God knows where in this rabbit warren of a place.
"I just know you, Dancer. And you're beating yourself up." He stopped outside a doorway with a loud amount of chatter within. "Remember," he whispered, facing me now, one hand cupping my good cheek. "You've been in my fantasies for three years. I've hoarded every scrap of information you gave over that time up here." He tapped his head twice. "And I never forget."
I smiled. And wondered if he had picture perfect recall too.
"Every scrap, huh?" I teased.
He crowded me back against the wall. Large frame blocking out everything else, hands landing on either side of my head. He ducked his face down, amusement evident in his eyes.
"Every. Single. Thing," he whispered huskily.
I swallowed. Sometimes Eric could be so intense, with a contrasting hint of humour underlying it all. It was a strange combination. But, oh boy did I loved it. My body loved it. I melted right there, in the hallway, surrounded by him.
He made a sound in the back of his throat and then his lips were crushing into mine. The mint of his toothpaste mixed with the taste of this man made me lose all semblance of modesty. I was crazy for him, I realised. In such a short amount of time.
But then, we'd actually known a part of each other for years and somehow it made the walls you would normally construct around your heart come tumbling down.
His hard body pressed up against me, every ridge and dip moulding to the soft curves of mine. His tongue delved deep and deeper, tilting his head so he could get deeper still. I swear he was trying to eat me from the inside out. My fingers dug into his shoulders, as one of his hands fisted in my hair, the other cupped my butt cheek, then slid down my thigh and lifted my leg to wrap around his hip.
In the next instant I'd climbed him, settled in on his waist, ankles crossed just above his rear, hungrily taking everything he gave. God, I could have died right then, I was already in heaven. He rocked into me, against me, rubbing in all the right places. I knew if we didn't stop I'd come. I didn't care to stop. I wanted more. Right there. Right now.
And it was obvious that Ric was definitely on the same page. Both of us making desperate little sounds, our fingers moving with fervour, our tongues dancing and tangling with need. I felt the hand not in my hair slip under my borrowed blouse, then find its way unerringly to my breast. I was wearing one of my new High Street demi-cup purchases, amused to find Ric had kept my gift bag from when we met at Sweet Seduction. It was easy for him to pull the bra down and release my nipple for his attention. And attention he gave it.
Pinching, rubbing, gripping, soothing. Driving me insane.
I made a sound. An erotic, sensual, hungry sound... and someone cleared their throat to our side. Ric didn't stop immediately. I was sure he'd heard them like I had, but he purposely cupped my breast, giving it a reassuring squeeze, as he slowed the kiss down from flaming to just hot and then finally to warm and comforting and tender and sweet.
I was breathless when he pulled back, my eyelids half closed, my lips feeling swollen, my chest rising and falling under his still gentle hold. His hand had not moved, but his face pulled back and he looked down at me in what could only be called pure male satisfaction.
I turned my head to see who he was so pleased to stake his claim in front of and found several different guys standing in the hallway just watching.
OK. I'd expected one. The throat clearer. But, three, four, five, six! Six guys all standing around watching. How long had they enjoyed the show? Heat washed up my cheeks, replacing the warmth of lust. I was happy to display my body, but I was not an attention seeking slut.
"Um," I said, chewing on my bottom lip.
"Hi," one guy said. He had the most amazing salt and pepper coloured hair with striking features in his face. The young, athletic façade looking stunning with that shade in his hair. And quite unexpected.
My gaze skipped off him as another guy said, "How're you doing?" This one, just as big as salt and pepper, with broad shoulders and a tall frame, looked Asian, maybe Japanese in heritage, but had a completely Kiwi accent.
I moved on from his cute appearance to the next guy, who literally stole all my attention for a split second. He smiled, as he said, "Welcome to the madhouse," which made his blue-blue eyes light up and draw me in. He was the only one dressed in a suit. An expensive suit. The others were all in black jeans and t-shirts, laden down, like Eric was now, with various weapons and gadgets on their belts.
"Now that was entertaining," another guy drawled, this one I recognised from Sweet Seduction. Blond hair swept off his face, mischievous glint in his deep blue eyes, clothes too tight to be legal, showing off an awesome body any woman would have drooled over. I hoped I was better than that. But who knew, at present I think my mouth was gaping.
The fifth guy was Māori and I had the unusual sensation that I'd met him before, but I couldn't place all that bulging milk-chocolate brown skin. He didn't say anything, just leaned back against the wall of the hallway, several feet away, watching the scene play out. He didn't need to say anything. This man had menace written all over him, from his Tiki tribal tattoo on his arm, to the way no one got in his space.
The others were all fairly well crowded together, but the tattoo-guy took up his own spot in the hallway and then some.
All of them had presence. All of them looked buffed and ready for action, although the suit wearing guy looked more like he was ready for action in a boardroom, but they all carried themselves as if they could flick a switch in a second and become someone else.
Threatening, powerful, and still staring.
This had only taken a few seconds of observation while receiving their greetings, but it felt like I'd walked into a different world. One that seemed too familiar, but I fervently hoped was nothing like the world I'd just escaped. Chills washed down my spine and I shivered in Ric's embrace. I'd lowered my legs to the floor, but he remained pressed up against me, his eyes on my face, not the threat of the men.
"We're about to have a late dinner, Amber," the final guy in the group said. He stepped out from the others and held his hand out to shake. A normal, friendly greeting. But still I hesitated. "I'm Nick Anscombe, and this lot are part of my
team." He threw a nod over his shoulder to indicate the men now at his back.
I accepted his hand tentatively and shook.
"Except the uptight one in the suit," he added. "He's my brother, but don't let the threads fool you. He frequently plays bodyguard when his wife lets him."
"Genevieve doesn't have to let me, Nick," suit guy said.
"Yeah," Nick replied, releasing my hand and stepping towards the door at our side, where I noticed the chatter within had stopped. "Like any of us believe that."
The rest of the guys all started chuckling as the one in a suit, Nick's brother, coughed out a good humoured laugh. One by one they all passed us, nodding their heads in further greeting and smiling widely, showing off amused and surprisingly friendly grins.
I'd initially felt overwhelmed and a little scared, if I was honest. But as they all walked past, taking their too big for the space presences with them, I realised I'd relaxed at Nick and his brother's banter, and actually felt calm.
Or that could have had something to do with the way Ric hadn't left my side and even now was softly stroking his hand down my back in a soothing gesture.
When they all disappeared inside the room and the chatter returned to an unbelievably loud level, Ric said, "You OK?"
I nodded, still biting my lip.
"They're harmless. Well," he added with an amused grunt, "except when they're doing their job. Then they're lethal. But you couldn't get a better group of men to have at your back. Even Dominic."
"Dominic?" I asked, wanting to keep him talking and not eager to walk in that room where I could hear female voices as well as the deep bass of the men.
Or maybe Ric's voice just soothed and I desperately needed to keep listening.
"Nick's brother. The suit. He's a lawyer, married to Genevieve, or Gen. She owns Sweet Seduction and her brother is Jason. He must be in control, because he wasn't with the guys just then."
"Ah-ha," I murmured, as he kept going.
"Jason's living with Katie, Nick and Dom's sister. Ben was the Māori, his partner is Abi, who also works for ASI. Then that just leaves Adam, who you saw at Sweet Seduction, and Brook and Koki, who you just met."
Sweet Seduction Stripped (Sweet Seduction, Book 7) Page 16