by Petrova, Em
He didn’t dare look at her, so he stared at the floor while she flounced around, finding clothes to put on. What the fuck was she talking about? “I’m going to work in town. I don’t want to look at you right now.”
Still staring at the floor, he only heard a rustling of clothes, and she was gone, a heavenly coconut breeze bumping by him on its way out the door.
Well, that situation had gone straight to shit.
Chapter Nineteen
Vanessa had to get away from Linc: his presence, his scent, his noises. With him working in her house, she had no hope of getting anything done. And she had to finish this novel. Her Facebook fans were clamoring for the sequel to Stirred, and she had promised it to beta readers this week. She had to get it done, and with the ending and epilogue left, she knew it was close.
But now, all she could think about was Linc, those kisses, how far they’d gotten. Jesus Christ, they’d almost had sex. He’d totally shut her down.
She couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She went to the library for some peace, hoping the musty smell of books would get her mind off Linc. Of course, the musty smell only served to remind her of the age of her house and made her wonder what Linc was doing.
Vanessa sighed heavily and set her laptop up in a corner behind some stacks, hoping that cocooning herself from prying eyes would make her more productive. She plugged in her headphones and started listening to her loop of DVBBS’ Tsunami, her best writing music.
Immersing herself in the life of Cole and Katy, she didn’t realize how angry she was until:
Katy’s heart leapt at the words Cole had just uttered, and as he turned to walk away with a confident swagger, she smiled as he crossed the street. When the truck came out of nowhere, she didn’t at first register the danger, so focused on his words and how happy they’d made her. The honk and the crash brought her out of her fugue and the reality set in.
Her heart started to pound, and nausea roiled in her stomach as she realized her Cole lay in a crumpled mass in the middle of the street, surrounded by a quickly growing pool of blood.
Wait. Did she just kill off the main male character in her story? She hated that. In her opinion, authors who did that were only copping out, creating unnecessary tension to sell books. With what had happened this morning with Linc, it was really the only way she could write this story, though. Katy was now bereft, denied her happily ever after with Cole, and that was real life.
Vanessa loved it.
Oblivious to the tears tracking down her cheeks, Vanessa wrote and wrote. Katy couldn’t see how she could go on, but she would because she had to. Vanessa knew this would either make or break her as an author. Readers didn’t love it when authors toyed with their emotions like that—making them fall in love with a character only to kill them off—but she was doing it. It was ballsy, that was for sure.
It took a while for Vanessa to realize someone was standing in front of her. She had no idea how long they were there, but when she finally noticed a pair of sparkly leggings, her eyes raised to find Tiffany staring down with a wry grin on her face. That was when Vanessa noticed the tears sliding down her face.
Sniffing, she decided she must look like a loon. She took off her headphones and offered a “Hey.”
“Hey there. You okay?” Tiffany sat next to Vanessa on the floor.
“Yeah, just finishing this up. I couldn’t work at home today, so I decided to check out the library.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, is that part two?”
“Yeah, after what I just wrote, I think I’m going with Shaken for the title.”
Tiffany had a massive stack of books in her arm and looked like she was a regular here. It didn’t surprise Vanessa. After the meetings, she’d figured Tiffany read more than all of the women combined. She needed the escape. Vanessa didn’t know much about her, but she did know she lived with her mother and her two kids and held down a crappy job at the diner to support everybody.
“I wanted to ask you something,” Tiffany bit her lip as she started.
“Sure.”
“Um, I need some extra money. The diner tips are crap, and with summer coming up in the near future, I need to find things to do with the kiddos. I have a degree in comparative lit and was thinking of starting some editing services. Would you be willing to let me do your book for you for free, and if you like it, you can give me some references?” She seemed sort of hesitant but had an excited gleam in her eyes.
“Sure. Editors are super expensive. I’d love to let you do it, especially if it’ll help you out.”
Tiffany’s face broke out into a smile, and Vanessa looked at the woman. She hid something behind all the sparkle, metal, and hair dye. As someone who studied people for sort of a living, she saw story fodder, ripe for the picking.
“What’s going on with you? Do you date or anything?” Vanessa knew she didn’t, but she fished anyway, hoping Tiffany would open up to her. She made her face honest and as trusting as possible.
“Not really.” Tiffany shrugged, picking at a hangnail on her sparkly black fingernails. “I just work. Two boys and a mom at home don’t really encourage a love life, you know?”
“Not really. I don’t.” Vanessa was being honest, having no idea what it took to raise kids, and the look on Tiffany’s face said she hadn’t taken it any other way. “So what’s going on with you and Nick? I saw the way you blushed around him the other night at The Pint.”
“You going to use it in a story?” Tiffany smirked at her, and Vanessa felt good about her words. They weren’t derogatory, like most people when they talked to her.
“Possibly. I’m always looking for good conflict,” she grinned. “But I promise, all names and faces will be changed.” Holding up her hands in the Boy Scout salute, she giggled.
Tiffany exhaled, not a sigh, just a loud clearing of air, as if cleansing her mind for something difficult. Vanessa’s ears perked up. “Okay, so when we first moved here, last fall, I was at this flea market in the town over, and they were packing up. That’s the best time to go because nobody wants to pack up as much stuff as they brought and most of them will make deals with you. So, this one vendor, gave me an old desk because he didn’t want to move it back home with him. It was beautiful and he just gave it to me. I was ecstatic.” Her eyes had lit up talking about the desk, and Vanessa wondered exactly what it looked like, or how old it was, but didn’t want to interrupt.
But a book on the shelf behind her had other notions. Both women were startled by a book falling off the shelf in the stacks, as if being pushed from behind. Tiffany turned to look, and another one fell.
“I still can’t get used to that,” she shuddered. “I know they don’t mean any harm, but it’s still disconcerting. Anyway, Nick happened by and said he was going back to Mystic and could move it in his truck, since my car was too little.”
Vanessa was struck dumb at the woman just going right back into her story, as if a ghost hadn’t just made a mess behind her.
“…I’d never met him before, had no idea he was opening up a bar here or anything. But the dude is hot with a capital H, you know? And we talked a little bit and he seemed interested, and didn’t seem like a serial rapist or anything, so I let him.” She paused for a bit, as if deciding what to say next, and Vanessa just sat there silently.
A librarian walked around to where they were and rolled her eyes at the books on the floor before picking them up, looking at the spines, and putting them back on the shelf. Tiffany continued without noticing her. For someone who couldn’t get used to the ghosts, she was doing a fine job of ignoring them.
“We got back to my house, and he moved it inside, and one thing led to another and we kissed. It was just kissing, but it got pretty hot and heavy pretty quick, until he stepped on a Lego or a Hot Wheels or something, and then he just turned into an asshole, said he didn’t do kids, and left.” She ran her fingers through her hair and continued, while Vanessa remembered the ‘just a kiss’ that g
ot hot and heavy in her own living room just this morning. “We live in this tiny-ass town together and hang around the same people, but he doesn’t say a fucking word to me. Ever. So, yeah. There’s a little history there, but he’s a jackass whore and I’m a single mom with no chance. It’s stupid, really. He’ll fuck anything with a vagina but won’t give me the time of day because I’ve got kids.”
She’d managed to keep her voice down, but her whisper had gotten pretty loud toward the end there, and she subtly flipped off a lady who was staring at them by rubbing her nose with her middle finger. Vanessa giggled again, and a loud “shhhh” came from over the stacks to their left.
“That totally sucks. You could make way more money waitressing at the bar, if he wasn’t an ass,” Vanessa offered helpfully.
“Yeah, I could. But he’d never hire me.”
“Could you work for him?”
Tiffany snorted. “Have you met Marge? I think after that heifer, I could work for anybody.” Tiffany stood, her massive pile of books in hand. “But I’ve got to go. Kids to feed, bills to pay. Just had to come get my sanity fix.” She gestured to the pile of books. “You’ll let me know about that editing stuff?”
“Yeah, I will. Definitely.” Vanessa watched her friend walk away, feeling bad for her. Men were stupid. Why did they need them so badly?
Back to work.
It was epilogue time. Cracking her knuckles, Vanessa settled in to create some angst. Katy hd to deal with her life without Cole in it. By the time Vanessa was finished, she was crying again. She shot it off to her beta readers for feedback and packed up her stuff, pulling out the diary. She wasn’t ready to go home yet. Time for some light reading.
Chapter Twenty
Linc didn’t know where Vanessa went, but he felt awful. He hadn’t intended to start shit with her, but he had, and then he’d fucked it up. He’d hurt her feelings, but it was better he do it now than before things could go any further between them.
In fact, if she didn’t want Linc to work here anymore, he couldn’t blame her. It was going to be awkward at the least. He wouldn’t be able to look at her without remembering the feel of those curves, the taste, the little noises.
Fuck.
Linc couldn’t ignore the gnawing pang in his gut as he drove out to his trailer, three miles down the road. After a pimento cheese sandwich, he sat on his couch and stared at his TV screen, refusing to turn it on and succumb to the numbness. He needed to feel this. Linc needed to understand what it felt like to hurt Vanessa so he would never do it again.
At this point, Linc didn’t even know who exactly he was protecting. Was he worried about her heart, or his? She thought he just wanted a lay, but he knew he felt more for Vanessa. She was a phenomenal woman, and he would sacrifice his left nut for a chance at a life with her. It wasn’t love, but it was the closest thing he’d ever felt. But he’d kissed her and fucked it all up this morning, and now she was pissed at him, and he couldn’t blame her. He’d gotten them all sorts of hot and bothered and just…
Quit.
He needed to fix this. As he sat staring at nothing, the smell of roses once again infiltrated his senses.
“What the fuck, Harold? Are you trying to tell me to go plant a bunch of roses and shit?” Then he remembered Vanessa saying once that she loved roses; her mother had grown them. He could relate. He missed his mom like crazy. He wished every day he had something to remember her better.
With a sudden flash of clarity, he stood. He knew what to do. He could quit being a pussy and make it up to Vanessa.
***
Pulling up to her house hours later, Vanessa felt loads better about things. The book was going to be finished really soon, ready for publication, and Tiffany was going to be a huge help, as long as her editing was sufficient. Her only regret was the way she’d left things with Linc. But she didn’t know what to do about it. Until he figured out exactly what he wanted from her, she was done. He still had a job, but she wasn’t going to put herself out there anymore.
She was surprised, though, to find him working in dirt outside her house, instead of inside where she’d left him. He straightened, brushing his hands on his jeans and giving her a wary smile. When she got out of her car, she noticed he’d planted what looked like some pretty big rose bushes in a bean-shaped flower bed that hadn’t been there when she’d left that morning.
Speechless, she walked toward him. What was this about? Her eyes went from the dormant shrubs to Linc, who stood tall, looking proud of himself. He took a step toward her, and she found herself moving back.
“Why did you plant roses? I thought you were working upstairs today?” She needed him to tell her what he was doing. She was finished trying to guess at his motivations. Even when he talked to her, she still didn’t know what was going on.
“I’m sorry about this morning. They’re an apology. I remembered you saying you liked roses.” His eyes dropped to his feet, all of his apparently pride dissipating into his normal awkwardness.
“They’ll be lovely when they bloom. Thank you.” She felt suddenly shy and unsure what to say next. “You’re forgiven?”
He took another step closer. “Am I?”
Vanessa sighed. “What do you want me to say? I’m not going to fire you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m just as embarrassed about this morning, probably more than you are. So let’s just forget about it and move on.”
Suddenly, he reached for her hand, and tugged on it. “Come, sit with me a minute. I want to talk.”
Great. Those words always foretold doom.
“I like you. I want to be more than your employee, but I don’t… date much. I don’t really know exactly what I’m doing. But I want to try. When I said you didn’t deserve me, you took it wrong, or I said it wrong.”
He dropped her hand to reach behind his neck and rub it, but Vanessa pulled his hand back to hers and forced him to look her in the eyes. Her ghost with the cool hands apparently approved of this conversation because she caressed Vanessa’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
“I probably overreacted. I was frustrated,” she allowed, trying to get him to continue. Vanessa wanted him to continue, and the anticipation of what was coming next had her heart pounding out of her chest. The spectral hand removed itself, and she wondered vaguely if it was squeezing Linc’s shoulder now. But his next words brought her up short, and Linc suddenly had her full attention.
“And that’s my fault. See, I don’t want to just have sex with you.” He must have seen her face fall, because he rushed on. “I want you to be my girlfriend, Vanessa. I want it all with you. I want dates and movie nights on your couch. I want to take you to my place and cook for you, ‘cuz your cooking sucks. I want to paint your toenails and kiss you while you paint walls.” His words were spilling forth now, as if he couldn’t control them, and Vanessa was spellbound. “I want to read this diary with you, the one that gets you so twisted up. I want to be your boyfriend, as stupid as that sounds. I want you. All of you. But that’s not enough.” He looked down at the ground, and she felt his frustration seeping out of his pores. “I’m doing this wrong.”
“No, you’re doing it pretty right, Linc.” Vanessa was breathless.
“But I’ve got to tell you some stuff, too. There’s a reason I don’t really date, and you need to know why.”
She squeezed his hands. “If you want to do all that with me, I imagine we’ll have time to talk about your reasons.” She was dying of curiosity, and wanted to know his story, but also knew some things took time. Vanessa wasn’t ready to talk about her twisty family dynamic and figured that was probably something like he was talking about. “But sex is on the horizon, right?” She bit her lip to keep more embarrassment from spewing forth.
As soon as he looked up at her, the smile twinkling in his eyes filled her with relief. They both barked laughter simultaneously and the sudden joy spilling forth from the porch made it all worth it. This was what this house was b
uilt for. Laughter.
“So you’ll go out on a date with me?” He still looked unsure of himself again, and Vanessa wanted to nip that shit in the bud.
“Absolutely. I’d love to.”
Tension left Linc in a wave as his shoulders slumped and his face relaxed into a smile that stole Vanessa’s breath. It was like his entire body turned to mush, and she realized just how much she’d been stressing the man out lately. Before she could think on that too hard, though, he’d taken the steps to close the distance between them and held her face in his rough hands.
Vanessa’s heart swelled at the tenderness shining from Linc’s eyes. As his face hovered over hers, their lips less than an inch apart, he whispered, “Thank you,” and swept his mouth across hers in the gentlest of kisses. Her body melted into him, and as the strength of his arms held her up, the warmth coupled with the power coming from this exchange made her forget words altogether. There weren’t any to describe this.
Vanessa’s fingers scraped the back of his neck, consciously smoothing down the hair he’d ruffled, a gesture she’d been longing to do since she’d first seen him. Resting her hands on the back of his neck, she felt the strength of his back in the muscles playing as he twisted his head to deepen the kiss. He tasted of mint and smelled of earthy mulch, and the coarse skin on his hands rested on her waist, just under her shirt. He didn’t go further, like he had that morning, and she didn’t need him to.
This wasn’t that kind of a kiss.
This kiss spoke of something more than a quick roll in her sheets. With trembling restraint, he was kissing her of his intentions, instead of telling her, if that was possible. She had visions of lying in bed with him on lazy mornings, passing the diary back and forth, drinking coffee, and laughing. Together.