by Petrova, Em
“This way.” He tugs me forward, down the wide road separating two rows of lockers. “2664, wasn’t it?”
I double check the letter. “Yeah. It must be up here somewhere. Look, 2653.” I point to one on my left. If my stomach was knotted before, it’s practically cramping now. Why am I so nervous? Maybe because what happens next in my life all hinges on this.
We turn a corner and I count the lockers under my breath. “2661… 2662… 2663… Here it is.” I whisper the last part but we both stop. Pulling the bunch of keys out of my pocket, I find the first one I didn’t recognize and draw in a breath.
“You want me to do it?”
I shake my head. Fingers wrapped around the padlock, I try the key, one way, then the other, but it doesn’t work. I pick out the other one, slip it in and close my eyes. Please work, please work. If this doesn’t, I’m going to be gutted.
The lock clicks open and I think we both blow out breaths. Now my hands are trembling as I draw out the padlock and hand it to Nick. Both of us slide the door up and stand back.
I blink. I was expecting loads of packets of white stuff or something but not this…
“Shit…”
I glance at Nick. Shit is about right. Apparently drugs weren’t the only thing Rob was hiding from me. The locker is jammed full of stuff. Pricey stuff. A motorbike to one side, paint gleaming and obviously new. State of the art TV, a Bang and Olufsen stereo… Essentially enough goodies to furnish a very expensive house. There’s a ton of boxes at the back too. God knows what they have in them.
“Do you think it’s stolen?” It’s the first thing that comes into my head.
“I don’t know. It might be stuff he bought with the drug money. You guys never owned anything that expensive, did you? So maybe this is where the money went.”
He’s right. We lived okay, considering we were both earning and his pay wasn’t too bad because of his rank, but we were never rolling in it. I guess I didn’t really wonder what he’d spent his drug money on. Women and nights out, I would have assumed, but perhaps not.
“Why though? What’s the point if it’s all in storage?”
“Maybe…” He scrapes a hand through his hair. “I hate to say it, Sienna, but maybe he was planning on setting up house somewhere else.”
“Without me,” I say softly, wrapping my arms about myself. It’s ridiculous. Why should I care if he was planning to leave me? I was going to leave him anyway. But the idea that I was the one going had given me a little boost. Like I was being strong for once. This just adds yet another layer to the farce that was our marriage.
God, in spite of everything, I actually thought he still wanted to be married to me. Even if it was only because I was some weird trophy wife type thing. My battered ego is about to shrivel up and die. Apparently I was no good at that either.
Nick wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Hey, you don’t know that. He might have hoped you’d go with him, you know? Rob was pretty possessive over you. I can’t see him wanting to let you go that easily.”
I snort. “Possessive? I don’t get it, Nick. I really don’t. Even if he saw me as a possession, why didn’t he want anything to do with me? You don’t treat a prized possession like he treated me.”
“Sienna, if I understood what went on in Rob’s head, then perhaps it never would have come to this. Maybe I could have talked him out of all this crazy shit.” He tugs me closer, into his side, and peers down at me, a thoughtful look on his face. “Didn’t you ever own anything just because it was beautiful?”
“Yeah, those damned red shoes.”
“I guess he thought of you like that. His perfect, beautiful wife. He obviously went to great lengths to keep things from you. I suspect Rob knew you were the only thing he ever did right and wanted to keep the bad side of himself from you. Maybe… hell, maybe he thought he was protecting you from himself.”
He holds me tight so I can’t leave his side. “You’re defending him now?”
“No. I’ll never defend the way he treated you.” Nick turns to face me, hands braced around my waist. “But I don’t want you thinking you were worthless to him. I suspect—in spite of it all—you were probably the most valuable thing in his life.”
I mull over his words. Is he right? Was that what I was? I tried so very hard to be the perfect wife. And maybe he saw me that way and attempted to shield me from himself. Did Rob actually understand how messed up he was? My mind is whirling. I don’t know what to think. I’ve swung from feeling sorry for him, to feeling angry, to regretting never understanding my husband properly.
But I think I finally no longer blame myself.
Nick drops a kiss to my lips, a brief one, and releases me. “Just so you know, you’ll always be the most valuable thing in my life. And I do want to possess you, I can’t deny that. But first and foremost, I want to love you.”
I gape, probably like a goldfish. Where Rob possessing me was kind of scary, the idea of Nick possessing me isn’t at all. Maybe because he knows and respects me. I’m not sure Rob ever understood me. Perhaps if he did, he wouldn’t have seen me as the perfect wife who needed to be kept locked away—looked at but never touched.
“Come on, let’s see if we can find these drugs.” He steps into the locker, leaving me still gaping.
While I shake myself from my thoughts, he wheels the bike out so we can get to the boxes at the back. I slide in, fighting my need to sneeze as dust swirls in the air. Nick lifts the top boxes down and passes them to me so I can dump them outside the locker. When we have half a dozen on the ground, I can’t wait any longer so I peel back the lids. My heart sinks.
Paperwork.
Stack and stacks of paperwork.
What was a soldier doing with so much paperwork?
I kneel and leaf through it briefly. It looks like real estate stuff. Something to do with his plans to leave?
“Uh… Sienna?”
Jumping up, I go back into the locker and peer over his shoulder. “Holy shit.”
Hidden carefully under more papers is what I’m guessing must be coke. It’s white anyway. Which is about all I know about cocaine.
“Do you think all these boxes have drugs in?”
Nick nods. “I expect so. I can’t see why else he’d have all these file boxes.”
“No wonder those guys wants it so bad. It must be worth thousands.”
“If not more…”
“Shit.”
He turns, places his hands on my shoulders and gives me a grave look. “What do you want to do now, Sienna?”
I scowl. “What do you mean?”
“Are we calling the police? Or…?”
“Or what?” I stare at him in disbelief. “Handing it over to the bad guys? Nick, we can’t do that!”
“You can’t. I can. Go home, pretend nothing happened and I’ll sort it.”
“No. No way.” I shake my head. How does he even expect to get a hold of these guys? I can just see Nick strolling into the roughest part of town and asking who’s missing some coke. “One, I’m not letting you do that and, two, we can’t hand over these drugs to those guys. I’m not going to be responsible for all this cocaine being on the streets. I would have thought you’d feel the same.”
A pensive expression comes over his face, his teeth grind audibly. “I don’t like it any more than you do, short stuff. But I’ve got to admit, I’m scared for you. If you hand this over, what’s to say they’ll stop coming after you.”
I sag a little, my righteousness disappearing fast. He’s right. I could probably put a banner across my apartment and declare I no longer have the drugs but who’s to say they’ll believe me? And Skinhead said he looked forward to killing me.
But this is ridiculous. I can’t get involved with drug dealers and I definitely can’t let Nick handle it for me. Time to stand on my own two feet. I pull out my cell and skim down my calls until I get to the one received from Detective Matthews.
“I can’t, Nick.” I give him an apologetic smile. I can
see the fear he has for me burning bright in his eyes. I understand because I feel it too. My hands shake a little as the phone rings. But this is who I am. I’m a nurse. An upstanding citizen. An ex-military wife. I’m a good person and I’m going to do the right thing.
***
Actually, it’s weird because by the time we’re done with the cops, I don’t feel scared anymore. I feel elated. Maybe this is closure? I don’t know. Detective Matthews was quite nice to me—probably because I just handed over the biggest stash of drugs he’s seen in a long time—and didn’t even look like he was remotely debating arresting me. Everything was in Rob’s name so I guess they couldn’t have made anything stick to me.
Nick and the detective had a long chat about something. Then Detective Matthews started going on about my safety. He seemed pretty concerned when Nick told him everything. They’ll be sending patrol cars by and making sure the bad guys know I don’t have the drugs anymore. He muttered something ensuring the news picked up on the story. I should have paid more attention but I was so exhilarated, nothing was going in. I feel like the biggest weight has come off my shoulders. This is it. I can move forward.
I peek at Nick out of the corner of my eye. He’s still tense, his knuckles white as he grips the steering wheel. I get that he’s worried but I don’t see why. I don’t have the drugs anymore so what would be the point in coming after me now? It would only draw attention to them. This is it. Call it womanly instinct if you want, but everything’s looking up from now on.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Nick says through gritted teeth.
“Looking like what?”
“Like you want to pounce on me.” He offers me a twisted smile but it’s not very genuine.
I giggle out of shock. Okay, so maybe I do want to jump his bones but I didn’t think I was that obvious.
“Can’t I look at you without you assuming I want to fuck you?”
He lets out a startled cough and flicks his gaze briefly to me. “Sienna, are you trying to kill me?”
“What? I didn’t do anything!”
“You look at me like that.” He lifts his hand from the steering wheel and gestures to me. “You lick your lips like that.” I bite my lip to keep my tongue from darting out. “And you say f-f…”
“Yes?”
“Fuck.”
“And your point is? Come on, Nick, it’s not like you’re a prude.”
“Yeah, but I’m trying to concentrate on keeping you safe and when you do stuff like that… say stuff like that. Geez, Sienna, all the damned blood rushes right out of my brain…”
I glance down at his crotch and my cheeks flame as I realize he’s right. Shit, for all my bravado, I’m not as bold as I’d like to believe. I didn’t realize my teasing was having that kind of effect.
But then just him sitting next to me makes me ache.
I fold my arms and slump in my seat. “Sorry,” I mumble.
Nick gives me a sideways grin and pats my knee. “Don’t be… just save it for later, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Good.” He doesn’t glance at me. Just keeps his eyes ahead. “’Cause I cannot wait to get you into bed. I’m going to kiss you and lick you all over. I’m going to spread your legs and bury my tongue in your sweet p—”
“Nick!” I clap my hands over my ears. He’s teasing me and getting his revenge but his words are making me so hot and bothered, it’s all I can do not to jump on him and make us crash.
He laughs and my stomach does a little dance of excitement. I love this. I love him. I love that we make each other laugh and turn each other on. I love that I feel so secure with him and that he knows all my little—and big—flaws. He sees me when I’m a wreck in the morning and somehow still adores me. When he looks at me, I know he doesn’t see my imperfections. He just sees someone beautiful. It’s pretty heady. I feel a little like when you have that first drink after a long week. My limbs are warm and loose, and my heart feels full.
When my cheeks have cooled, I risk another peek at him and note the stiffness in his arms again, the rigidness in his expression.
“You know you don’t need to play my protector any more, right?”
“Babe, I’ll always be your protector.”
Oh God. It’s such an old fashioned notion but I love it. The idea of being all protected and loved. I guess as much as we’ve evolved, some early human instincts will never disappear. But still I can’t have him going around looking like he’s my bodyguard. I want fun, casual Nick back. I’m planning on going go back to work the day after tomorrow and I want to make the most of our time together.
“Relax,” I insist. “Nothing’s going to happen now.”
He pauses to glance in the rear view mirror yet again and narrows his eyes. “I’m not so sure about that. I think we’re being followed.”
I twist around and his hand comes to my shoulder to stop me. “Seriously?” I study him to see if he’s joking but that sexy mouth is pulled into a firm line. “But why?”
“Who knows? But that car out there this morning was theirs. It’s the same one. Maybe they were hoping you’d lead them to the drugs.”
“But I don’t have the drugs!”
“They only started following us a few blocks back. I don’t think they picked up our tail until then. Maybe they don’t know we found them.”
“Picked up our t— You’re not a fucking cop, Nick. Or a bodyguard! What are you talking about? Are you sure you’re not just being paranoid?” This feels like it’s all getting a little silly.
“It’s the same guy. He was outside your apartment. I had a little word and told him to scram. Seems he didn’t get the message.” He scowls as he peers in the mirror. “And he picked up a friend.”
I slap a hand over my open mouth, speaking from beneath it. “You had a word with him? Nick, you could have been killed! Why didn’t you say something?”
“I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Well, you’re scaring me now.” Hands clenched together, I watch the blue car in the side mirror. “You shouldn’t be taking those sort of risks.”
“I was born to take risks, babe.”
I narrow my eyes at his flippant remark. “You’re not on the battlefield now, you know. This is their territory. And I don’t see you carrying around an AK.”
“An M16,” he corrects.
I’m about to respond with something snide when he takes a turn. “What are you doing?”
“Going to try to lose them on the freeway.”
“Wouldn’t it be safer just to go back to my apartment and call the cops?” I don’t like this big man act. These guys are genuinely dangerous and I can see the adrenaline has caught up with him. He thinks he’s some kind of spy or something. I get that he’s got this idea in his head that it’s entirely up to him to keep me safe, but I don’t want him putting himself in danger for me.
“There’s two of them in there now. If they decide to do something, I’m not so keen on my chances of protecting you. I’d feel a lot more comfortable losing them now.”
Well I guess he has a point. And at least he’s realized he’s not Superman. Though I imagine I’ll always think of him that way. I hold back a sigh as my annoyance disappears and my need for him swells suddenly inside me. Damn, he is amazing.
“Sienna,” he barks, “you’re doing it again and I could really do without it right now.” His gaze is intent on the road. He begins weaving in and out of the traffic. I have to brace myself on the dashboard as he applies the brakes unexpectedly. “Hold on, short stuff,” he orders.
I swing my gaze from the side mirror to in front of us and practically bite my lip off trying to keep my squeals at bay. Nick’s a good driver, if a little aggressive at times, but he’s hardly been trained in evasive maneuvering or whatever. In my mind, I see us plowing into every car we zip past, but somehow Nick avoids them.
However the sedan is close behind us.
They’re not exactly being sneaky about it. I wonder if they’re deliberately trying to scare us. Or even attempting to catch up enough to run us off the road. My palms grow clammy as images of twisted metal spring up in my mind. I try to gulp but the tension in my throat is too great so I hold on and hope for the best.
When we nearly crash into the bumper of another car, I close my eyes briefly. Nick swears and presses his horn but no crunching of metal comes and we’re still in one piece. Abruptly, he slips in between two vehicles and takes us off the freeway. As we go down the off ramp, I keep an eye on the cars behind us but don’t see the blue sedan.
“I think…” My voice comes out strained and high-pitched. “I think we’ve lost them.”
Nick nods but doesn’t look at me. He still drives like a madman and we both keep checking in the mirrors. Only when we’re back in the outskirts of the city, and a few blocks from my place, does he seem to relax.
“I think we’re okay,” I say, trying to reassure myself more than anything.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“What could they have wanted? They weren’t trying to be very stealthy.” I’m no expert on car chases but I thought the idea of following someone was to not be seen.
“I guess they were hoping to intimidate you. Get you to give up the drugs.”
“Well, they did a good job of it.”
I glance down at my hands and realize they’re shaking. God, this was meant to be over. Nick reaches over and wraps one warm hand around both them of them when I clasp them together. His touch is an instant comfort and my thudding heart begins to slow.
“Don’t worry, Sienna. Nothing will happen to you. Hopefully they’ll realize you haven’t got the drugs after they put that news piece out and leave you alone. There isn’t anything for them to gain in coming after you then.”
I nod and concentrate on breathing slowly. He’s right. That’s what I was telling myself after all, wasn’t it? Just got to lay low and wait for it to blow over.
Nick pulls up in front of my red brick building and turns off the engine. His hand remains over mine, one rough thumb smoothing across my skin and suddenly I feel all hot and breathless again. When I glance up at him, I can see he’s having similar thoughts. The warm blue shade of his eyes has darkened as his pupils have dilated.