by Petrova, Em
“I’m glad I’m back in time for the wedding. And while we’re on that, you hate living alone.”
“I’m a big girl now. I can handle the scary noises. Speaking of…” She fiddled with her keys for a moment, before she finally pulled one from the ring. She leaned over the table and dropped the single key into his T-shirt pocket. “You’re always welcome to stop by. It might be more comfortable hanging out at my place.”
His cock stirred, and a desire seared over him when she glided her hands over his chest, and the way she bent at the waist gave him a fantastic view down the front of her shirt. He shook aside the reactions, and centered himself in a place that wasn’t flooded with the fantasies they’d shared.
She dropped back into her seat, toying with her hair, her gaze flitting everywhere. That felt out of place. It was like a dim image of what he remembered, but someone had missed something in the forgery. Her subtle discomfort didn’t sit well with him. “Aren’t you and Archer talking?”
He knew most couples that broke up tended to not speak, but Riley and Archer were different. They always managed to make up when they weren’t involved.
She turned her attention back to her drink. “We’re working on it. It’s still awkward, but friendship first. Right?”
***
“Friendship first. Always,” Zane said.
“Which is why you and I don’t date.” Riley kept her tone light. Made sure it was clear she was teasing. She was so glad to have him back. No one knew her better than Zane, which was why she didn’t want to keep the Archer thing to herself. Except this wasn’t the Zane she hung out with years ago. The difference wasn’t distinct, but he seemed more formal around her. Less at ease. And instinct told her it wasn’t only because of the Archer mistake.
She prayed it wasn’t what happened between her and Zane while he was gone. The last thing she needed was to drive away her best friend because their online conversation got a little… intense. Maybe once they got comfortable with each other again, it wouldn’t be a big deal.
They’d flirted since before they were old enough to realize they were doing it, and once upon a time, she thought he’d be her Prince Charming. She figured out years ago their relationship didn’t work that way. He was the one man she felt comfortable saying that about. She could tease him all she wanted, and he gave as good as he got, but they both knew it didn’t mean anything.
“I know. I get it. I’m not good enough for you.” He stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout, but a hint of seriousness tinged his pale eyes.
As if. She laughed and shook her head. “Even if you didn’t mean too much to me, to just be some random hookup, I’m trying to change. I’m done falling for every guy who smiles at me.”
“So, what? You’re never dating again? Things might get a little lonely in the bedroom… You sure you can hold out?”
“I’ve got a good vibrator. I’ve also got a lot better grasp on my desires than you on your so-called celibacy. We both know how not true that is.”
His tiny smirk defied his attempt to look innocent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t been with anyone since— Well, you know.”
And… playful moment ruined. He meant Sabrina, the Air Force girlfriend. Riley studied his face—the sturdy set of his jaw, the scruff of probably two days’ worth of beard. God, he was sexy. “Still not sure what made you think sleeping with a superior officer would serve you well. And you’re being too literal.”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time. You’re not talking about her.”
She wasn’t. She was talking about all the times one of them had been lonely or horny, and their conversations became more than casual banter. “I’m guessing it’s easier to hold out when you’ve got someone on call, who you can talk dirty to.”
“If you’re saying that to cite my lack of willpower, I wasn’t always the one asking.”
“Whatever. Now that you’re back, the tail is going to be throwing itself at you. You won’t need me anymore.”
“I will always and forever need you.”
His reassurance burrowed deeper than she expected, reassuring and soothing nerve she hadn’t realized was exposed. “Me too. I mean—“
“I know what you mean.”
Of course he did. That was part of who they were. And now they could get back to normal. No worries.
Chapter Two
“What happened with you and Archer?” Zane asked.
And they were back to that. Riley stiffened her shoulders. It wasn’t a big deal, and she wouldn’t make it into one. Except she couldn’t force the explanation out, as simple as it was. “Why do you think it was anything different than any other time?”
Zane pulled his attention from his cup and focused on her. “Probably because you said this time was different. Also, you’re not talking about it.”
Riley fiddled with the locket hanging around her neck, tracing her thumb over the Friends Forever etched on the back. She didn’t want to keep her reasons from him, even if she questioned whether she’d done the right thing. “It maybe, possibly, didn’t end on the best of notes.”
“I got that much. What did he do?”
“He proposed.”
“Proposed… a threesome? New bathroom towels?”
Seconds ticked away. She stared back, pleading in her head for him to understand. A sharp chill whipped through the afternoon, and she shivered and pulled her arms tight around herself. The April sun in Salt Lake City might be nice, but the moment it dipped behind the mountains, the cold sank in. At the drive-thru, someone’s fan belt squealed. Children’s voices carried from an open car window.
“Like down on one knee?” At least he didn’t look disappointed—that was something to be grateful for—but she hoped for some kind of sign he wasn’t going to hold it against her, for walking away from something like that.
“Candlelit dinner, champagne—the works.”
“And?”
“And I turned him down, and we decided maybe it was time we went our separate ways.”
“I’m… sorry it didn’t work out?”
That lacked sincerity. “No, you’re not.”
“I’m sorry it has you on edge. I wish I knew what the big deal was.”
She twisted her mouth in frustration. “Everyone already thinks I’m a flake who can’t maintain a solid relationship. Like… everyone. My sister. You—”
“I don’t think that.” He rested a hand on hers.
Warmth spread through her at the gentle touch. “Right. All this what-happened-now and something-always-happens stuff, and you don’t think I’m a flake.”
He dropped her hand but didn’t pull back. “That’s not about you. It’s about him.”
She ducked her head, guilt adding to her lingering doubt. She didn’t want to be the wedge in his friendship with Archer. “It’s just that I had someone stable, with a good job, who didn’t expect me to buy his weed or ask me if I wanted to do my twin sister while he watched, and what did I do? Told him no and walked away. Destroyed everything. Maybe my only chance at something good.”
Zane clenched his hands into fists, his jaw growing tighter with each word she said.
Please don’t let him close off again.
“I bet he didn’t even get you the right ring.” A smile broke through his shifting expressions.
She paused, brain wrapping itself around the words. Was he really talking about…? There was no way he remembered that. “It had a diamond on it. Solitaire, pretty, princess cut. You know, every girl’s dream ring.”
“Except yours. Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
It had been over a decade, and he still remembered. The realization warmed her. They’d been at the mall, and they passed a jeweler. She’d pointed out an engagement setting in the window and said, if she ever got married, she wanted something just like that. Low profile, so it didn’t snag on anything, but brilliant and unique. She’d never seen anything like it before or since.
Back then, Zane made a face, said he didn’t understand why girls spent so much time thinking about things like that, and then tugged her toward the food court.
“I never changed my mind.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“Did you love him? Do you love him?”
She’d lost count of the number of times she asked herself that question, and she didn’t know the answer. “He’s a good guy.”
Except for every habit he had that drove them apart. And those she had, which he hated. And that no matter how many times she tried to talk to him about it, he’d been boring in bed. And he thought her art was a waste of time. And… And… And…
However, he’d never raised his hand against her or asked her for money, and he would have taken care of her.
Zane tugged at her fingers, to draw her attention. “It doesn’t mean the two of you belong together. Do you love him?” It wasn’t as if she knew what love really was. What if she did love Archer and was too dense to recognize it? “You’re the only other guy I’ve ever met who’s that considerate and fun. Okay, you’re a billion times more those things, but you’re also not the one who proposed.”
“You’re avoiding my question. If you prefer, if those are your only qualifiers for what makes marriage material, and supposedly I have them in spades, would you say yes simply because I asked?”
Her breath caught, and her pulse increased. Would she? The thought of Zane down on one knee, or even better, of her spending the rest of her life with him made her pulse quicken. She studied his face. No. Romance ruined friendships. “No. I don’t love him.”
“So you made the right choice.” He caressed her knuckles with his thumb.
She smiled, the reassurance not chasing away her misgivings, but making it easier to believe she’d been right to walk away.
“You didn’t answer my other question.” He smirked and slid from his seat to come around to her side of the table. He dropped to one knee next to her and took her hand in his.
What’s he doing? He’s teasing me, right? Blood rushed in her ears, making it hard to hear. They’d been catching up for all of half an hour, and he was talking about love and marriage?
“Riley Ann Carter”—he locked his gaze on hers—“we’ve known each other forever.”
Oh God, he’s really doing this.
“You’re the sexiest, most intelligent woman I’ve ever met.”
Riley’s heart stopped. He twitched. The corner of his mouth pulled up for the briefest moment.
He continued. “With your sister being a close second.”
Her stomach plummeted. He was yanking her chain. Trying to distract her.
“Would you”—his serious expression faltered again—“and she make out, while I watch?”
Was that really relief flooding her or just the tiniest bit of hurt and disappointment? She smacked him on the arm. “You’re an ass.”
He sat on the bench next to her, his leg brushing her knee. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”
“You’re not sorry.”
“Promise me something?”
“What?”
“I meant what I said, except that last bit. You’re the smartest, most fun and brilliant person I know. Promise me, regardless of how many guys come and go, you won’t marry one unless he deserves you—the amazing you—and that you’ll never beat yourself up for turning someone down.” He lifted her face with a finger under her chin. “Say it. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“Want to get out of here?” Zane stood and offered her a hand up.
She shivered when another gust of wind rushed past her. Some place warmer might not be a bad idea. “Dinner?”
“I’m in. Where to?”
She let him pull her to her feet and landed closer to him than she intended to. The bite in the air stole her breath, and she let her attention linger on the heat of his grip. “You pick.”
His gaze searched her face. “I’m fine with whatever.”
Her thoughts fuzzed, and all she could make sense of was the fading sunlight and the stillness around them. She didn’t pull away, settling a hand on his chest instead.
His heart pounded under her palm. It was as though he was terrified of being so close to her. The realization dug deep. Maybe if she brought up the one topic they both avoided… “About what happened while you were gone.”
“Which what?” His voice came out as a dry croak.
Tingles rose under her skin from the way her body molded to his sturdy frame. “The flirting. The dirty talk. The long-distance mutual masturbation.”
His gaze caught hers, and he placed his hand against the small of her back, holding her tight. “Sounds familiar.”
Heat flooded her, chasing away the chill in her legs. “Was it a mistake?”
“Do you think it was?”
As enticing as the thought of continuing things in person was, something ran underneath, tempering her desire. “It was fun, but we were both heartbroken and lonely. Besides, in person is a different story.” Understatement of the century.
He dropped his arm from around her waist and stepped back. His shoulders relaxed, but the corners of his mouth tugged down. “It’s true.”
“I told you things I’ve never told anyone.” She hadn’t meant to admit that. “But having the expectation out there—”
“Exactly.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “It puts up a wall I don’t want.”
The conversation was rapidly deteriorating into a wall of its own. “So we’re still friends, what was in the past is in the past, and we can move on?”
“No assumptions, no expectations. We don’t have that kind of physical relationship.”
The tension evaporated from her neck. “I appreciate that.”
“Besides”—he relaxed—“I’d rather be friend-zoned than what you did to Archer.”
Her back went stiff. “What happened to it not being my fault?”
He shrugged, his smile wilting. “I’m not saying you were wrong to turn him down; I completely agree. But you know… on again, off again. Giving him hope, when you know you don’t love him.”
She clenched her jaw. “If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have given us another try. You know me better than that.”
She thought he did, anyway. The reason she flitted from guy to guy was because she was looking for that special something. Love was such an elusive thing, she didn’t want to miss out because she refused to look.
Zane crossed his arms. “It never works out. You destroyed that friendship a long time ago, and you keep trying with him. When you’re together, he’s this controlling, possessive jackass, and you keep going back to him anyway. It doesn’t bother me that you’re looking for something special, but you keep investing so much in these fucking losers. They’re not right for you—it’s obvious—and you still dive into it. It always ends with both of you miserable, and it wouldn’t have to be that way if you recognized it from the start.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t realize you thought so little of me. So… what? This friendship is your version of pity for the girl who can’t make up her mind because she’s delusional about finding her Prince Charming? Or maybe you’d prefer I ran my choices by you first.”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying you’re too good for these guys. The same way I tell you every time you end up with another doorknob.”
“Really?” She couldn’t keep the hurt coursing through her from leaking into her reply. “Because it sounded like you were accusing me of being a heartless devourer of souls.”
“You’re being melodramatic.”
“You’re being a jerk.” This was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. Six years apart, and they’d kept in touch… until two years ago. They’d remained friends while he had a psychotic fiancée. Now they’d been back together for less than an hour, and it was tearing them apart.
“No, Riley.” He reached for her, but she pulle
d away. His frown deepened. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Drop it. Don’t make this worse.”
“Please?” He grabbed her hand, holding her fingers between his. “You’re this amazing, beautiful soul, and I get it—you see good in people who don’t deserve it. It gets painful to watch sometimes.”
That’s what she got for dissecting her relationships with him online. A tiny voice whispered she was overreacting, and most of her agreed. That didn’t stop Zane’s words from digging deep, echoing with her own fears and insecurities. She swallowed it all, leaving a lingering bitter taste in her mouth. “I don’t mean to do that to you. Dinner?”
“Yeah. All right.”
The foot between them as they walked to his truck felt wider than the thousands of miles that had been there a week ago. Riley had no desire to be mad at him, and wanted to see this from his perspective. When she tucked aside her defensive reactions, she knew most of her destroyed relationships were meh at best, and had been from their inception. She couldn’t let this amazing one get away from her.
Chapter Three
Zane didn’t know what to focus on first, as he parked his truck on the street in front of the remodeled Victorian. Frustration? Hurt? Annoyance? Dinner conversation was stilted, and they both made their excuses to get back home soon after sitting down. He never had to watch what he said around Riley before, but apparently things were different now.
He made his way up the sloping lawn to the storefront. Archer had inherited the house in The Aves from his grandmother. It had taken a lot of petitioning, to get the city to license the project, but Archer finally got the permits to turn the main floor into a comic-book shop. The top floor was Archer’s pad, and he’d converted the middle floor into two apartments, one of which was Zane’s until he found a new source of income.
Work. The single word added another layer of dread to his dark mood and made his phone feel heavier in his pocket, weighing down his thoughts with the ignored text from Sabrina, which he knew was a job offer.