by Petrova, Em
Zane clenched his jaw. It wasn’t an obvious movement, but Riley had seen it enough times to know how irritated he was. His voice remained pleasant. “Not all of us have more money than God.”
Scott’s smirk grew. “I never really fell into the camp that deifies Bill Gates, but everyone has their own religion.”
“And your religion is all about you?”
Damn it. Riley wasn’t interested in the whole night being antagonistic. She let out a soft growl. “Put your dicks back in your pants, boys. You’ve already impressed everyone at the table.”
Scott snorted.
“Riley Ann.” Kenzie had the scandalized jaw drop down, Riley had to give her credit.
Riley glared back. “Mackenzie.” Why couldn’t Kenzie have a middle name too—something obnoxious, to be thrown back in her face? “Don’t give me that shocked look. The two of you spend half your time throwing disgustingly lame innuendo at each other.”
“Innuendo. Not crude locker-room insults.”
Riley shook her head. “Your boyfriend’s being an ass.”
“Oops.” Scott smiled when she glared at him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Zane clench his hand into a fist. She knew her sister’s fiancé was antagonistically honest, but for the first time since Riley met Scott, she was tempted to let Zane pound some politeness into him. She sought out Zane’s knee under the table and squeezed, not sure if she was encouraging him or trying to calm him down.
Scott raised an eyebrow at the gesture, shook his head, and turned away from her glare. “You know I’m teasing, and maybe being a little overprotective of my baby sister.”
Zane’s frame stiffened, muscles going hard under her hand. His voice was calmer though. “No worries. It’s cool.”
Since Scott and Kenzie got engaged, he’d teased her about being the sister he never had, posturing about how he had to look out for her now. And Riley was used to Zane stepping to her defense. This was stupid though. Neither was a threat to her, or competition to the other, so why were they acting like posturing morons with more testosterone than brains?
A memory from ages ago, before Zane enlisted, tickled the back of her thoughts. Something about a video game? The notion slipped away before she could grasp it.
Zane’s posture relaxed, but she still felt tension thrumming through him. “Anyway… Riley says you’re almost as important as you think you are.”
“Not really. There are a couple of gamers who think so, and I let them believe it, to sell games, but I’m not.”
And now everything was fine. Maybe they were both satisfied with the way they’d marked their territory? Riley didn’t know.
“I’ve heard a lot of things about Rinslet, but the details are always vague. No one ever talks about more than how cutting edge you are. Rumor has it you’ve got an in-house rendering engine you designed,” Zane said.
The thick air around the table seemed to be evaporating, so Riley wasn’t going to push the issue. Besides, she loved listening to Zane talk shop. She always learned the most interesting things.
Scott nodded. “Yup. The rest is top secret. You know—I tell you, and I have to kill you. That kind of thing. Or hire you, to make sure no one else goes around leaking company secrets.”
Zane flinched, the movement contrasting with his laugh. “You couldn’t afford me.”
Scott stared back, but it wasn’t the challenging look he had earlier. There was more contemplation behind his gaze. “I’d offer you a company car and stock options, but something tells me you’re not talking about money.”
The offer caught Riley off-guard. Scott was generous, but he didn’t bring people on unless he thought they could handle the job. Had Kenzie said something to him? There was no way her sister had talked Zane up enough to warrant company car and stock options.
“Nope,” Zane said. He squeezed Riley’s hand under the table, sending an unexpected warm flutter through her. Fortunately, no one’s attention was on her, so no one would notice the pink flushing her cheeks.
Scott slid his business card across the table. “Call me if you change your mind.”
The entire exchange made Riley’s head spin, and she made a mental note to ask Kenzie about it later. She’d push the issue now, but the only way she could think of to phrase her concern came off sounding like why did you just offer my friend a job? What’s wrong with you? Direct, and Scott probably wouldn’t be offended, but there was no reason to talk Zane out of work options.
***
Zane shoved the card in his back pocket. “You’re not serious.”
“Completely.” Scott raised an eyebrow. “Unless you’ve already landed the perfect position. Kenzie says you haven’t been stateside for long.”
“I’ll think about it.” This was why Zane hadn’t wanted to tell Riley he was having trouble finding work. Now she had her sister’s fiancé trying to hook him up with some job born of pity.
“Are you done talking business at dinner?” A gentle warning ran through Kenzie’s teasing tone.
“Yes, Ma’am.” Scott almost looked contrite.
Zane desperately wanted to be talking about anything but whether or not Riley went behind his back to drum up a job he hadn’t earned. He spat out the first thing that popped into his head, grateful as the words passed his lips that it was a safe topic. “Has Riley told you what she’s doing with her art?”
Riley dropped her hand from his knee and turned her narrowed gaze to her drink. The glass muffled her response. “No. I haven’t really told anyone.”
“Now I’m curious.” Hesitation lined Kenzie’s response.
Zane hated seeing Riley waste her talent. If his nudging wasn’t enough to get her motivated, maybe Kenzie could help. “She’s thinking of going pro.”
The smile faded from Kenzie’s eyes, though her lips stayed frozen. “That’s a lot of work.”
“You won’t let me talk business at dinner.” The irritation was back in Scott’s voice.
Aggravation crept back into Zane. How had he forgotten this about Kenzie? If it wasn’t mainstream, it wasn’t the right way to do things. “Most things worth doing take a lot of work.”
Scott picked at a piece of bread, pulling the crust off a bit at a time. “He’s got a good point.”
“Excuse me. I need some air.” Riley pushed away from the table.
“You should probably not follow.” Scott took hold of Kenzie’s wrist when she stood.
Zane looked between the two of them, shook his head, and took off in the direction Riley had.
He found her pacing outside the front doors, her arms crossed, and a frown creasing her forehead. A gust of wind tore through the night, and she rubbed her arms. Her gaze was locked on the ground, and she didn’t acknowledge him.
“Hey,” he said to announce his presence.
She jumped and spun to face him, scowl still in place. “She’s right. I’m spinning my wheels on this.”
“She didn’t say that.”
“You know that’s what she meant.”
He swallowed the desire to argue but wasn’t sure what to say instead.
“We should get back to the table.” She ran the back of her hand over her eyes, wiping away invisible tears.
“We don’t have to.” He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and convince her Kenzie was wrong. “We’ll bail.”
The corner of her mouth pulled up. “No. It’s okay. Just… I don’t care what we talk about when we get in there. You and Scott can chest thump some more, for all I care. Just leave the drawing out of it?”
He didn’t want to swear to something like that, but he felt backed into a corner.
“Promise me.”
Make the concession to ease her mind, or push the issue and make the night more miserable? “All right.”
A heavy silence descended over them, hovering when they rejoined Kenzie and Scott. The conversation was stilted the rest of the evening. Zane spent half his time worrying about Riley, and the othe
r half trying to figure out what was safe to talk about. His frustration grew when they ordered dessert and Riley didn’t try to steal even a bite of his cheesecake.
As they went their separate ways for the evening, Kenzie gave Riley an awkward hug. Zane kept his distance, hands shoved in his pockets. Scott kissed Riley on the cheek and whispered something in her ear. She shook her head and shrugged before stepping away.
“Hey.” Scott caught Zane’s eye and tugged him aside. “Thanks.”
“For?”
Scott grinned, keeping his voice low. “Taking care of my baby sister.”
Riley stepped up next to Zane, arm brushing his. “Good night.”
Kenzie gave her one last sad look, and then let Scott lead her in the other direction.
Riley fell into step next to Zane. He held open the truck door for her, still at a loss about how to bring her smile back.
Chapter Nine
Riley managed to swallow most of her discomfort on the short drive back to her condo. She’d been embarrassed when Zane brought up her artwork. She shared the dream with him in confidence, thinking it would stay between them until she was ready to make things public. Then Kenzie had to go and confirm her worst fears. Zane was just being polite when he said she was talented, and the entire thing was a total waste of time.
She didn’t want to spend the night wallowing. She needed a distraction. Zane pulled into the visitor parking, and she spat out the question before she could stop herself. “Do you have anywhere to be in the morning?”
“Not really.”
“Stick around for a while. We’ll game or something.”
“I’m in.” He shut off the truck and followed her inside.
Riley kicked the door shut and leaned back against it, not sure what to say. Telling herself not to think about the disappointment of the night proved to be the best way to think about that and only that.
Zane studied her face for a moment, a shadow tinting his eyes. He grabbed her fingers and tugged her toward the couch. “Scott calls you baby sister?”
She flopped next to him on the cushions. A brief flash of uncertainty pulsed through her, and she decided at the last minute to keep a few inches between them. “I’m younger than he is, and we’ll be related by marriage soon. He thinks it’s a funny nickname, because I’m the older twin.”
“I guess that makes sense. Just make sure he understands I’m the one who gets to knock skulls and bust kneecaps if someone hurts you.”
The protective words warmed something deep inside her, and at the same time made her gut clench. “I’m not exactly living a life of danger.”
Silence stretched between them, the way it did far too often recently. He fidgeted, rubbed his hand over his head, and sighed several times. He might be talking about Scott, but that wasn’t where his mind was.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked.
He shifted on the couch, turning to face her and tucking one foot under the other knee. “The day I packed up and left for MEPS.”
She searched for some hint in his expression, but an impassive gaze stared back at her. She remembered when he shipped off for boot camp. How hard it had been to say goodbye at the airport. How something had been off. She’d assumed it was that his entire life was about to change.
“I couldn’t sit still that morning. Watching the clock, waiting… And then it was almost time to go. I looked everywhere for Granddad and finally found him on the back porch.”
Zane’s mother passed away when he was eight. That had been the most horrible summer Riley remembered from their childhood. He withdrew completely, and it took months to get him to talk again. His grandfather had raised him after that.
She always thought the older man was odd, even overly strict. Like when Zane was nine and had complained he was too big for his bed. The next night his bed had vanished, and he spent almost a month sleeping on the floor.
When his granddad replaced the missing bed—with something very high-end, at least for a nine-year old—he said something like, The difference between knowing a thing and understanding a thing is complacency.
Regardless of his quirks though, the man was always kind to Riley, and Zane saw him as a father, so she gave him some leeway.
“And?” she asked.
“He didn’t say anything for several minutes.” Zane rested his arm on the back of the couch, staring at something past her she knew she wouldn’t see if she turned around. “I’ve never forgotten what he said when he spoke.”
She couldn’t help but frown at his distant look, and didn’t dare interrupt the half-memory.
“He told me my mother had always had an uncanny talent for bringing joy and comfort to those who needed it.” He clenched and unclenched his fist. “That he’d known from the time I was five that I wouldn’t be the same.”
“That’s not fair.” A wave of fury rose in her.
He held up his hand. “He was right.”
“No.”
Zane gave a tiny smile. “He told me people like us—him and me—that it was our personal responsibility to see that people like Ma”—he trailed off and then finally gave her his full attention again—“and you always had that opportunity. That men like me were born evil, and that was our redemption.”
“What does that mean?” Riley couldn’t fathom a person saying something so cruel, especially to someone they’d raised as a son. “You’re not evil. You’re as far from it as possible.”
“Are you sure? I’ve thought about that a lot since.” His face was devoid of emotion. Which was a little eerie, considering the haunted look he’d worn so much lately. “You know how I spent my life before I enlisted. Just because I wasn’t shoplifting or mugging people doesn’t mean I wasn’t a thief. I stole electronic versions of games. I hacked security systems, because I could, and took what most would call insider information, to see how it would play out on the stock market.”
“But…” She struggled for an argument, but it was true. Those things had been wrong. She still didn’t get evil from them, though.
“Enlisting gave me permission to do it legally.”
“Except you walked away,” she said. “You hit that point where you knew it was wrong, and you left.”
“Walked away. Right. Granddad said the job offer was coming too. That people with my gray-area ethics were sought after. That someone would buy me, and they’d meet my price.”
Riley didn’t know what to do with the information. She did know there was too much pain and self-doubt associated with it, and she couldn’t even begin to touch it. “Except they couldn’t buy you. If he were right, you’d have taken the CIA job.”
“Right. Exactly. I turned them down.” His words sounded hollow. Lacked conviction.
Zane couldn’t have done anything too bad. He was lost in a guilt she didn’t understand but wanted to help erase.
She leaned her head on his arm. “If that’s all that happened, it’s not a big deal.” Is it all that happened? The question stuck in the back of her throat. It was rude to ask, but a tiny voice said maybe she was terrified he’d give her an answer other than yes.
He didn’t look convinced, and the haunted look of the memory lingered in his gaze. “But what if I’d done something else?”
“You don’t have to keep that stuff to yourself. I’m always here to listen. I know you look up to your granddad, but he’s wrong about this. You’re not evil.”
Whatever doubts nagged in the back of her mind, they didn’t deserve her attention. Zane needed her. He’d do the same for her, not that she could imagine being that lost in her past or keeping it to herself if she was.
She stood, ignoring the question on his face, and pulled his foot out so it was straight on the couch. She turned her back to him and sat between his legs. Pulling his arm around her, she settled her back against his chest. Maybe he didn’t need the comfort, but after a revelation like that, she didn’t know how someone couldn’t. She was relieved when he didn’t pull away.
“Enough about my demons.” His voice was low when he spoke again. “Tell me what you got up to, while I was gone.”
She felt selfish. He carried an invisible weight on his shoulders, and she was going on about things like art and whether or not she knew what love was. If he wanted to change the subject, though, she wouldn’t push back. “That’s an open-ended question.”
“So pick something to start with, and we’ll go from there. Like what made you decide to get more serious about the manga or work or anything. Except maybe Archer. I think I know enough about that.”
She pulled his arms tighter around her. Maybe if she wrapped them both in normalcy, it would help. “Well, it did start in his comic shop…”
He stiffened.
“I promise, that’s where the Archer part of things ends.” She drifted into the explanation. In the back of her mind, Zane’s story about his past still taunted her. Not only what he said, but the things he kept to himself. And as much as she tried to pretend it wasn’t there, the nagging voice in her skull knew it gnawed at him, and wondered if he’d be able to handle whatever he hid before it devoured who he was.
Chapter Ten
Riley blew a loose strand of hair off her forehead and let the tension of the workday melt away. She loved handling accounts, helping customize benefits packages, and working with clients, but it still took a lot out of her.
She wove her way through the pack of coworkers leaving for the day, pausing for the occasional car before continuing toward her own. It was a gorgeous evening—sun, a few clouds, and the perfect temperature. Too bad she’d been stuck inside for most of it.
Her exhaustion melted away as she rounded the corner in the aboveground parking garage and her car came into view. She couldn’t hide her smile at the unexpected sight of Zane leaning against the hood, legs crossed at the ankles and hands shoved in his pockets. The casual posture elongated his thin frame but drew the eye to the definition under his shirt.
Too bad they were somewhere public. Memories of their bet the other night mingled with fantasy and teased her with possibilities. He met her halfway and wrapped an arm around her waist, to steer her in a different direction. This was much better than the Zane who was lost in a world she couldn’t reach.