“Why didn’t you ask me to come home? Why didn’t you come for me?”
He let go of my hand and turned toward the fire. He sat there in deep contemplation for several minutes.
While waiting, I decided chocolate was in order. I opened the cooler to grab a few pieces. That act jolted Easton out of his reverie. He looked over to me as I unwrapped the red foil.
He sighed heavily again. His eyes looked so tired. “At first I was angry. I couldn’t believe you would leave me for no reason. I let my pride take over. I figured you knew where we lived. And every time I called you, all you did was accuse me of cheating on you, and I got tired of denying it. Then the divorce papers arrived.” He shook his head. “I never even stopped to consider I was the problem.”
“Easton, you weren’t the only one in the wrong.”
His tired eyes lightened a little. “I don’t know.”
“I should have told you how I really felt and what I needed from you.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and stared off into the distance. “No, Taylor, you’re right, I was selfish. I should have been a better husband to you.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that. But I had still had questions, since we were being all open and everything. “Easton—”
He looked my way.
“Were you really not seeing Kathryn?”
His eyes looked mournful. “Taylor, I was faithful to you … at least physically.”
I narrowed my eyes in confusion.
“When you left, she became my sounding board, honestly, maybe even before. I knew you were unhappy, but I felt like everything I was doing was for you and Ashley. And I was tired, too. She helped me believe it was your issue and not mine. She stroked my ego.”
I averted my eyes toward the flames. They reflected the way my insides were burning. “I see.”
“I told you I made huge, life-changing mistakes.”
“So she was the reason you never asked me to come back.”
“Taylor …”
The tears started up again. I wiped my eyes before they trickled down my face. I should have been over this, especially since it was what I had always suspected, but it still stung.
He touched my bare knee. “I’m so sorry.”
We sat there in silence for what seemed like at least an hour. We both stared into the distance, lost in our thoughts. I had too many emotions swelling inside of me, everything from betrayal to regret, lots and lots of regret. I wondered if I threw my marriage away too hastily. Perhaps it had been salvageable. Like Easton, I had let my pride take over as well. I had told myself I wasn’t going to be my mother. I wasn’t going to let a man walk all over me. I had tried to convince myself with thoughts of how patient I had been and even selfless.
Easton began to fidget next to me.
I stood up and stretched. I certainly wasn’t getting any younger. My body was feeling the effects of sitting on a log for so long. “My hand is aching. I think it’s time to go.”
Easton stood up, too. He was more than a head taller than me. “Okay.” He reached for the cooler. I assumed he was getting some water to put out the fire, but he stopped short. “Taylor, I want you to know I got my just desserts. I ended up married to someone who was even more selfish than me.”
I sighed. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No. I just want you to realize how sorry I am.”
We left it at that. I wasn’t sure what else to say, and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts as well. I watched him meticulously put out the flames.
The ride home was as silent as the ride there. He even turned off the radio. I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t bother asking. I sat there and thought about all that had been said. All that had been lost. I did hear him sigh a few times. I wondered if he regretted laying the cards on the table.
I had never been so grateful to see my little house. I noticed first thing that Raphe’s car was still parked out front. I think Easton took note of it as well, but it was almost eleven, so no rules had been broken.
As soon as the truck stopped in my driveway, I proceeded to exit.
Easton had other plans. He reached for my left hand. “Please wait,” he pleaded.
I turned and faced him. His look mirrored how I was feeling, overwhelmed with the emotion and truth the night had brought. I think we both felt worn.
“I want you to know that I picked up the phone at least a hundred times to call you and ask you to come home. I even got in the car a few times with the intention of driving to Alabama to beg you to come back. And I wasn’t sleeping on the couch because I didn’t love you. It was me being selfish and not wanting to be disturbed. But every night I would come in and watch you sleep for a moment and admire your beauty. Sometimes you would have Ashley wrapped up in your arms and I would think how lucky I was. I felt myself aching to be wrapped up in you, too, but I was so tired.” His words seemed to fall out of him like he couldn’t get them out fast enough. He squeezed my hand tighter. “I’m sorry, Taylor.”
I squeezed back and let go. “I’m sorry too.” And I was.
His smile reflected sadness. “So where does this leave us?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess where we’ve been for the last fourteen years—divorced parents of a terrific kid.”
“Sounds kind of depressing.”
“I suppose, but it’s the truth.”
He stopped me again as I tried to exit. “Taylor, will you please tell me one thing you loved about being married to me?”
I looked into his tired and worn eyes. I thought it an odd request, but the sincerity in his brown eyes pricked at my heart. It took me no thought at all to come up with something. Like I said before, there were many reasons I loved being married to him. “I loved those rare mornings when we were both home at the same time and you would put on that old Al Green CD and we would slow dance in the kitchen while you sang pitifully in my ear.”
He grinned and his tired eyes came to life. “My voice isn’t that bad.”
I smiled in return. His voice really was that bad, but at the time I didn’t mind at all. It was like music to my ears.
He reached over and barely skimmed his thumb over my lips. “I always loved your smile.”
I always loved when he did that, but I thought it best not to make mention of it. I was surprised he had done it in the first place. It seemed too intimate for ex-spouses.
“We better get in and check on the girls.” I tried to cover up any hint that I enjoyed his touch. My hormones were kicking into high gear and begging for more. I opened my door and jumped out of the truck before my chemical reactions combusted.
Chapter Nine
They say the truth will set you free, right? I went to bed that night with my head buzzing and hand throbbing. I kept tossing around everything that Easton and I had talked about. He was right, our situation was depressing, but at least everything was out there and working its way out of my system. I felt like I had unlocked the first Chinese nesting box of my emotional issues. Now that I knew the truth, I could deal with it. It hurt, even after all of this time, but it was better than an unsolved mystery.
I tried not to think about all the what ifs. Like what if I had been more honest with him or what if I stayed? Would things have gotten better? Would we still be married? Or what if he would have come for me? I had only wanted him to want me. Then I thought, what if I had been a better wife? Could I have tried to make life easier for him? I thought I had given all I could and then some. But did I? I just didn’t know, but I guess it didn’t matter. We had been divorced for a long time and it was finally time for me to move on.
I woke up, on one hand feeling a little lighter—that knot in my chest was still loosened—but on the other hand, I dreaded today. Father’s Day. I hated going to church and seeing all the happy, intact families. I especially despised the sermons about fatherhood and how wonderful fathers are. I didn’t want to go, but I knew it would set a bad example for Ashley. L
ife wasn’t fair, and not everyone was blessed with the same things. I wanted to show her that it was okay to be different and still be a part of something like a church family. Besides, I knew she was looking forward to having her dad to attend with this year. I remember years ago when she was younger and would cry about not having a father around on days like today. She always made cards and gifts for Harry, but it wasn’t the same. She wanted her dad.
I carefully got ready with my wrapped-up hand. Easton told me I couldn’t get it wet for twenty-four hours. It hurt like the dickens and it made curling my hair fun. Thankfully, for dinner I only needed to throw a roast, special seasonings, and peppers in the crock-pot. Yes, dinner was still on with Easton. He half-heartedly tried to decline coming, but I could tell he still really wanted to. And since the girls and I had already gone to so much trouble, it seemed like a waste not to have him over.
After our conversation last night, he seemed to feel extremely guilty. He even told Emmy that she shouldn’t bother me after she asked if I could do her hair this morning. I told him and her that that was nonsense. I didn’t mind helping her at all—I kind of liked it … a lot. I missed having a little girl around and there was something about her I connected with. I just didn’t want Easton to think I was at his beck and call and that he could expect me to take care of things for him.
I appreciated that he recognized that he had and was taking advantage of me, but I would always help Emmy if she asked. So I found myself curling her hair too. She and Easton came over before church. I had a feeling this was going to become a weekly ritual. Easton didn’t say much and wasn’t his normal, happy self. It looked like he had slept worse than me. I’m sure the previous night was a shock to his system. I really think he thought he was the perfect husband and I was all to blame. Yes, I played a part and I really was sorry for that, but he was nowhere near perfect.
Grams had told me I needed to train him, when I came running back to Alabama fourteen years ago, but I balked at the thought. You train animals, not people. But looking back, I think she wanted me to be honest with him and myself. She said there was nothing wrong with telling someone what you needed or expected, but it seemed so obvious to me. I mean, how did he not get that going days without seeing your wife wasn’t okay, or that never offering to help your wife wasn’t a good thing?
I almost felt bad for him that morning. He was a good guy. He was a hard worker, and there was so much I loved about being married to him, but I had hit a breaking point and I thought he was having an affair. He acted like he was having an affair. I guess I was relieved to know he wasn’t, but Kathryn was part of the problem. I pictured her reeling him in, spinning a web like a deceitful spider trying to catch a juicy fly. I really should quit thinking about it.
Easton and I needed to figure how to be in each other’s lives without actually being in each other’s lives.
I fixed up Emmy’s hair and together we went back out to meet Easton and Ashley. They looked like they were having a heart to heart in the family room, so I diverted Emmy to the kitchen. I had Emmy help me add more peppers to the crock-pot. She wrinkled her nose at the contents.
I smiled at her. “I’ll make you something else if you don’t like this.”
She smiled back with relief in her pretty brown eyes.
I found myself trying to get her to smile often. She was too sullen for such a young girl.
It didn’t take long for Easton and Ashley to join us. I noticed they were both grinning, but Ashley looked teary eyed. I gave her a questioning look. She smiled wide, so I assumed they were happy tears, or at least nothing I needed to scold Easton for.
Easton took a large whiff of the aroma in the kitchen and his grin enlarged, if that was possible. It must have been some discussion. “Italian beef?” he said as happy as could be.
I was almost embarrassed to say yes.
“This is going to be the best Father’s Day ever.” He looked between his daughters and then his gaze landed on me. I could still see some trouble in his eyes, but there was more light in them than when he first walked through my door. He acted as if he was going to say something to me, but then changed his mind. Instead he approached me near the counter where his dinner sat slowly cooking away. “Let me see your hand.”
I held up my loosely bandaged hand. It went great with my apricot sundress. All I needed was a matching head injury to pull off the ensemble.
Easton carefully took my hand and unwrapped it. His hands felt warm. “How does it feel this morning?”
“It’s stiff and it stings a little, but since I’ve survived natural childbirth, I think I’ll manage.” That was how I rated any pain. If it wasn’t as bad as giving birth, which nothing had been so far, it was manageable.
He grinned as he looked over his handiwork. “I thought I was going to have to deliver Ashley in the car.”
“What?” Ashley said. “You never told me that, Momma.”
I looked around Easton to where Ashley and Emmy sat at the island. “Yes, you were in a rush to make your entrance into the world. You were born minutes after I arrived at the hospital.”
“You should have seen your mom,” Easton interjected. “She was perfectly calm. I was a wreck, even though I had been in several delivery rooms.”
“I don’t remember feeling very calm.”
“Well, I’ve never seen anyone handle it better than you.”
I couldn’t remember ever being more nervous or in more pain, but I wanted to be perfect. Show I could handle it. It was the way I had been my whole life.
I looked at Ashley. “It was all worth it.”
She smiled back at me, but I noticed Emmy seemed uncomfortable, so I decided we should change the subject.
I looked up at Easton, who was still examining my hand. “Will I make it?”
He smiled and it touched his eyes. “I predict a full recovery, but I think you should take it easy. It’s looking a little red.” He turned to Ashley. “Will you please go get the antibiotic spray for your mom?”
While we waited for Ashley to return, Easton kept a hold of my hand and glanced toward his cooking dinner. “I feel terrible that you’re going to all this trouble for me.”
“I’m not.”
He raised his eyebrow.
“I’m doing it for the girls.”
He gazed down with intent at my hand. “Yes, of course.”
I wasn’t sure my hand needed such careful examination, but he wasn’t in any hurry to let it go.
“All the same.” He diverted his eyes to mine. “Thank you, Taylor.”
There was that electricity again between us. My heart rate rose, and for a moment I caught my breath. “You’re welcome,” I whispered. I was so grateful Ashley returned with the antibiotic spray. I was practically middle aged. It was ridiculous to still feel butterflies in my stomach, especially over a man I had divorced fourteen years ago.
Easton took the spray from our daughter. Ashley had a twinkle in her eye as she looked at both of us. I gave her a meaningful glance. She giggled and turned around. Both she and Emmy left the kitchen. For what, I don’t know, but they left me there with their father.
Easton sprayed my hand and I felt the pain ease up almost immediately. I knew it would be short lived, but I still welcomed it. I did not welcome it when Easton blew on my hand. It startled me and excited me all at once. It was completely ridiculous.
I jumped and pulled my hand away. “We’re going to be late for church.”
His eyes now danced with humor at my obvious reaction to him. I didn’t find it humorous that I was acting like a teenage girl. I didn’t even react to him like this when we were dating. No, then I was just stupid enough to marry him after only dating him for two months. It was one of those occasions I threw being perfect out the window. I knew at the time it was beyond irrational and heady, but I had never felt that way about anyone. I still hadn’t. It was like he got into my system and became a part of me, and that’s where he’s stayed. I never imagine
d myself eloping on a Tuesday afternoon with no rings, or dress, or even a friend or family member. The only thing I could think of was that Easton Cole loved me and I loved him and we were going to have the perfect life, because he was nothing like my father and I would never be like my mother.
My daughter would never see me cry over a worthless man. She would see that she didn’t need a man to make her life. She would know she could make her own life and she could be good and happy, all without a man. Even if that man was her father.
I was more than grateful that everyone assumed we would be driving separately to church. I needed some distance from Easton. Besides, I wanted to ask Ashley about what she and her dad had talked about while I was doing Emmy’s hair.
“So, what were you and your dad discussing this morning?”
Ashley carefully took her eyes off the road for a split second and smiled at me. Easton suggested she drive so I could rest my hand. “He told me he loved me.” She choked up a little, as did I. “He told me he didn’t want me to blame you for the divorce because he was solely to blame. He apologized for not being a better dad and he promised me from here on out, he would be a permanent fixture in my life whether I wanted him to be or not.”
She giggled some while I tried not to cry.
That sounded like Easton. I only wished he would have come to that realization fourteen years sooner. I didn’t agree it was his entire fault, but more than anything, I wanted him to be a father to our daughter.
“You know not to blame your dad entirely, right? It takes two people to get divorced.”
I could see her mouth curve up. “He said you would say that.”
“Hmm … Well, I’m glad you two talked.”
“Me too. I’m glad we moved here.”
That I wouldn’t agree with, but for her sake I was happy.
We all sat together again. It seemed pointless to argue about it. It was the same arrangement as the week before except Easton sat between his daughters and held their hands. It was sweet. Raphe also sat across from us again. From talking to Ashley the night before, it sounded like we would probably get to know him better. She seemed to be smitten, and from the longing glances he directed toward Ashley, I would say he felt the same. I laughed inwardly when Easton caught him staring at our daughter and gave him a warning glance. Raphe quickly looked forward and Ashley giggled into her hands.
Taylor Lynne: The Women of Merryton - Book Two Page 9