He looked a little hurt, but I could see in his eyes he understood why she wasn’t sure he would. “Of course, honey. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“I’m going,” Emmy joined in.
“Good, you can sit near me and make sure I don’t get too crazy,” I said to Emmy.
“Please make sure my Momma doesn’t embarrass me,” Ashley begged her sister.
“When have I embarrassed you?”
“Uh, how about when yelled out to the line judge that you thought he should learn the difference between in and out?”
Easton laughed. “Did you really?”
“The ball she served clearly landed within the line. And it wasn’t the first time he had made a bad call,” I defended myself.
Ashley rolled her pretty eyes at me while Easton continued to laugh.
“Don’t worry,” Easton said to Ashley, “I’ll keep your mom under control.”
“You just wait until someone makes a bad call against her,” I threw back at him. “I think it’s your dad you’ll have to worry about. I’ve seen him get in the face of a ref or two.”
“Basketball is different than volleyball,” he countered.
“Uh-huh,” I replied, not believing a word he said.
Ashley groaned. “Emmy, you are my only hope.”
We all laughed at our adorable teenager.
Up next was Easton’s promised chocolate cake in an orange. He had each girl scoop out the contents of an orange. He gave the oranges to me—I guess that was my dessert for the night. He then poured cake batter into each orange peel, wrapped them up in aluminum foil, and set them in the low burning coals.
While they waited for their cakes to bake, Easton taught the girls silly songs about yodelers on mountaintops and buffaloes on the wind swept prairies. The girls giggled and sang along. I watched and thought and wished. This was the life I had imagined for us so many years ago, except we were whole, not fractured.
By the time we had finished eating the cake, which by the way wasn’t half bad—Ashley had given me a bite of hers—everyone was yawning. It had been a long day and Easton wanted us all to take a sunrise hike, so we decided to turn in.
It got awkward as everyone was hugging and kissing goodnight. I hugged Ashley while Easton hugged Emmy. We traded off when Ashley hugged Emmy and Easton decided we should hug, too. It didn’t help with getting him out of my system. I felt cozy against his soft cotton tee that smelled liked smoke and his cologne, Dark Obsession. It was my favorite cologne, and he very well knew it. I hadn’t smelled it on him until today.
“Goodnight,” he whispered in my ear.
I shivered and pushed away from him. “Goodnight.” I reached for Emmy’s hand. “Let’s go darlin’.” I called back to Ashley, “Sleep tight, love.” I couldn’t look back and face Easton. I think if I did, I may have run back into his arms. The way he held me was anything but a friend type hug.
I wrapped my arm around Emmy and we walked back up to the cabin together. We each readied for bed and I tucked her into the left side of the king size bed. I smoothed her brow and stroked her pretty brown hair while humming a lullaby. I felt like she was my own. She smiled as her eyes drifted shut. I sat on the edge of the bed by her side until she was peacefully slumbering away with a teddy bear clasped against her body.
I was tired, but I had this pent up energy. I walked back and forth across the room a few times. I stretched and breathed deeply. Nothing was helping. I went to the bedroom window and peered out the curtains. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the moon on the lake, anything to take my mind off Easton. It was not the thing to do. Easton was still up by himself, sitting on his camp chair in front of the fire. He was slightly bent over, rubbing his neck and running his hands through his hair repeatedly. He always did that when he was stressed or had a lot on his mind. I could tell that, like me, he was deep in thought.
I was tempted to throw on a jacket and go join him, but I knew that was a terrible idea. I was determined to break free of my feelings for him once and for all.
I watched him get up and throw a couple of more logs on the fire. He must have been planning to stay out for a while. It shouldn’t have surprised me; he loved nighttime in the mountains. I remembered lying in his arms under the stars and moon during our first camping trip. He whispered in my ear the names of each constellation he could find and the story behind the name. We had stayed up most of that night talking. We didn’t get that chance often with our crazy schedule at the time, but I treasured those rare moments.
I closed the curtains before he could catch me staring at him. I was tempted to crack open the bag of Oreos I knew was sitting in the kitchen. It was probably a good thing Emmy began to stir and whimper in her sleep. I crawled into bed and put my arm around her. Without waking, she curled into me and quieted. I held her thin body to me and stroked her hair. I wondered what demons haunted her and what I could do to slay them.
I eventually fell asleep with my ex-husband’s child in my arms. I had never expected this when I moved here. Apathy and detachment had completely gone out the window. Holding Emmy made me realize that she fulfilled a need in me as much I as filled one in her. She needed a mother figure and I still had a whole lot of mothering left in me.
I woke up to a knock on the bedroom door. Before I could respond or even sit up, Easton peeked his head in. I barely registered it was him with the low light behind him.
“Hey sleepyheads, it’s—” He stopped and stared at me holding his daughter. I couldn’t read his expression, and I wondered if he thought it was inappropriate.
I gently extracted myself from her, sat up, and ran my fingers through my hair. “She was restless and I was trying to comfort her,” I began to explain.
All he did was shake his head and close the door.
I jumped out of bed and, in only my nightshirt, ran after him, trying to catch him before he went back outside. I didn’t have to run. I ran right into him outside the bedroom door.
“Easton,” I said, startled by his location.
He held onto my arms and steadied me. He was already dressed for the day in tight jeans and an old UAB shirt. I recognized it. He was also wearing a frown on his handsome, unshaven face.
“I’m sorry—”
“Why are you apologizing?” he asked curtly.
I was taken aback by his tone. “Because you’re upset that I was holding Emmy.”
“Not at you.” That put me at ease, but he was anything but.
“Then who?”
“At myself, at Kathryn,” he whispered, so Emmy wouldn’t hear. He looked up to the ceiling as if he was looking for answers. “Taylor, I’ve known for a long time what a mistake it was not trying to save our marriage, but now more than ever I feel the weight of it.” He looked down at me and drew me a little closer. “You … you …” He sighed and let me go. “We better get going if we want to see the sunrise,” he said in defeat.
“Okay,” I whispered.
He walked away like his life depended on it.
I crept back into the darkened room. I debated whether I should go on the hike or not. Maybe I should have driven myself up. I looked at sweet Emmy, who looked peaceful as she slept. I would go for the girls.
Emmy and I met Easton and Ashley out by the tent. Ashley looked adorable in her oversize sweatshirt and matching sweat pants. Her long brown hair had come out of her bun during the night. Despite her unpolished appearance, she looked happy as she stood there with her dad’s arm around her.
Emmy stumbled toward her dad and he took her under his other arm. I could tell it pleased him to have both of his girls, yet he still looked troubled.
We stared at one another for a moment in that uncomfortable sort of way.
Ashley was old enough and wise enough to notice. “Everything okay?” she asked through a yawn.
I turned my gaze toward her. “Yes, love.”
Easton squeezed her shoulders. “Never better,” he said.
I rubbed
my arms with my hands. It was nippy, even with my jacket on.
“Do you need a warmer jacket?” Easton asked.
“No. I’ll warm up once we start moving.”
Easton clapped his hands together. “Let’s get going then. Is it okay with everyone if we eat when we get back?”
We all nodded silently, trying to wake up. I guess Easton was used to staying up all night and getting up early; it was a byproduct of his occupation.
Easton led the way, and the girls and I followed. The only sound that could be heard for several minutes was the crunch of the leaves, twigs, and rocks under our shoes as we traversed by flashlight up the rocky path. We were headed up to a cliff that overlooked the lake, or so Easton said. I was terrible with direction, but Easton had always been good with that sort of thing.
Twilight appeared at six in the morning this time of year. The sun was tickling the horizon.
“We need to hustle,” Easton said
“I’m tired,” Emmy whined.
“Come here, honey.” He bent down and she climbed on his back. Even with the extra weight, he walked faster than Ashley and me.
Ashley and I walked arm in arm behind Easton and Emmy. Ashley leaned on me as we made our way up the steep incline.
“Just a few more minutes,” Easton encouraged us.
That was good news. I thought I was in good shape, but my legs were on fire. It didn’t help that I had hardly slept.
When we made it to our destination, Ashley and I collapsed on the hard ground. Easton laughed at us as he lowered Emmy off his back. Emmy made her way over and I pulled her to me and held on to both my pretty girls.
Easton pulled out a small camera from his pocket. “Let me take a picture of you guys.”
Ashley and I groaned. We were not looking our finest.
“You all look beautiful.” He snapped the picture without our permission.
“Please don’t show that to anyone,” I implored him when he came and sat down near us.
“I’m thinking of framing it for my office,” he teased.
“No way, Dad!” Ashley warned.
He wrapped Ashley up in his arms. “I suppose I could just show it to your dates.”
“Oh, ha ha,” Ashley replied.
A hush fell over our cozy group as the sun began to peak over the horizon. The sun’s beams burst onto the scene, replacing the pink and orange hues of twilight with bright yellow rays. It was a magnificent sight.
Easton took picture after picture of it.
My favorite was when the light reached the still lake water. As the air temperature rose, the lake started to mist over. The sight was worth the price of admission.
We sat on the cliff for several minutes until we could feel the warmth of the early morning sun.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back to bask in the warmth for a moment. It felt good on that chilly morning. My reverie was interrupted by the click of a camera. I opened my eyes to a grinning Easton. “Please delete that.”
“Not a chance,” he replied.
I let it go. I was too tired to make a big fuss about it.
We took our time making our way back to the cabin. Easton was like a tour guide. He would stop and point out different types of flowers to the girls and tell them a little something about each; he also found some animal tracks he was trying to identify. They looked small, so I wasn’t too concerned. I liked watching him interact with the girls and I particularly loved how Ashley responded to him. I hoped they would continue to build a good, healthy relationship.
The girls had a burst of energy at the end of our excursion and ran ahead of us, leaving the exes behind together.
“Did you take that picture of me to remind yourself that you dodged the bullet, not having a hot mess to wake up to every morning?” I asked him once we were alone.
In an unexpected move, he took my hand and pulled me to him. His free hand caressed my cheek. I stood breathless as I looked up at his impassioned expression.
“You were, and are, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I would give anything to wake up to you every morning in my bed.”
His hand slid down my cheek and tipped my chin up. I could see in his eyes where this was leading, and for a split second I was going to let it happen. In that moment, I didn’t want anything more than to feel his lips on mine. But we couldn’t, we shouldn’t.
I pulled against the magnetic force that held us together. “We can’t,” I cried. The adrenaline helped me find the strength to jog away from him.
“Taylor,” I heard him call from behind me.
I didn’t stop. I kept on jogging until I could see the cabin and the girls searching through the cooler for something to drink. I needed something cool to drink, or maybe a dip in the semi-frigid lake. I felt like I was on fire.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I informed the girls as I jogged past them.
“Dad’s making breakfast,” Ashley called out to me. “Oatmeal with fresh berries, especially for you.”
I nodded in acknowledgement but kept on going. I didn’t need him to remember how much I liked oatmeal and berries in the morning. And I especially didn’t need him to remind me how much I wanted him.
I prayed silently in the shower for help to get over Easton. To find a way for us to be friends and parents to our daughter without us losing our heads. I had been praying for the same thing for years. Maybe not so much the friend part, but the part where I was no longer in love with him. The part that would help the ache for him go away. I thought moving back here was my answer to that problem. Instead, it had only exacerbated it. What did God want from me? And then the quieter thought came, What did God want for me?
After getting ready for the day, I figuratively tiptoed back out to be with everyone else around the fire Easton must have built while I was in the shower. The girls were drinking hot chocolate out of large Styrofoam cups and Easton was making bacon and eggs.
We locked eyes as I approached.
Act normal, I reminded myself. Though I wasn’t sure what normal was anymore. “Smells good,” I said as I reached the group.
Easton, at least, grinned. “There’s oatmeal for you in the pot.” He pointed at the cast iron black pot off to the side sitting on a grate.
“That was thoughtful of you. Thank you.”
“The girls washed some berries for you.”
“Thank you, girls.”
While I put my breakfast together, I listened to the chatter and talk of our plans for the day. It sounded like we were in for some time out on the lake in a rowboat, maybe some fishing, and a nap. It all sounded great to me. I would read my book on the boat while they fished.
As the day progressed, I thought Easton and I were both taking the same approach to the incident early that morning—pretending it never happened and moving on. I was sure Easton saw the wisdom in that. He had to know it wasn’t a good course of action for us to take.
We had a pleasant day of basking in the sun on the lake. Easton and the girls all caught a fish. Easton was planning on making their catches dinner, except for Emmy, who hated fish. He brought alternatives for her. I felt bad, like he was some short-order cook taking care of each of our different food preferences, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was friendly—but not too friendly—during our interactions throughout the day. Even that night at dinner he was acting like himself, joking around with the girls and teaching them more silly songs. He made an amazing dinner of trout, grilled vegetables, and peaches. It was fabulous. And like the night before, Emmy and I went to the cabin, and Easton and Ashley took the tent.
All was well.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep and a full day of activity that I fell asleep in an instant snuggled up to Emmy. I wasn’t sure how long we had slept, but I woke up to a fitful Emmy who was crying and thrashing about.
“Emmy, honey,” I tried to wake her up gently. It took me several attempts to get her to come out of her
nightmare. I had almost gone to get Easton, but I was afraid to leave her alone. I had never seen a child behave like that in the night before. I could tell she was afraid of something in her dream, but I couldn’t tell what.
She sat up and clung to me as soon as she was aware of herself.
“Shhh, honey, it’s all right. I’m here.” I tried to comfort her. I held her tight as she soaked my nightshirt with her tears.
She continued to cry her little eyes out as I held her.
“Honey, tell me what’s wrong. Did you have a bad dream?”
She nodded against me.
I stroked her sweat damp hair. “It’s only a dream. It’s not real.”
“It is real,” she cried.
“What’s real, sweetheart?”
“My mom.”
I was taken aback by her response. “Do you mean something happened to your mom in your dream?”
“No,” she whimpered.
“Then what, honey?” I had a feeling I didn’t want to know, but I knew Emmy needed to talk about it.
She curled more into me and spoke into my chest. At first I had a hard time hearing her, or maybe I wanted to be mistaken about what she said.
“My mom hates me.”
“Why do you think that?” Surely it wasn’t true.
“My dad and mom used to fight all the time.” She paused and paused some more.
I could tell she was building up the courage to say what she needed to say. I kept silent and rubbed her back. I wasn’t going to push her.
Through tears she confessed, “I heard my mom tell my dad that she never loved me, and the only reason she had me was because he was going to leave her.”
I knew something was off with Emmy, but this not only broke my heart. It infuriated me. “Honey, sometimes adults, we say things we don’t mean when we’re upset. I’m sure your mom loves you.”
She shook her head against me. “No, she doesn’t. She was always mean to me and she told my dad when she left that he could have me because she didn’t want me.”
I felt my own eyes well up with tears. My heart was breaking for the sweet thing shaking in my arms. “Does your dad know you heard these things?”
Taylor Lynne: The Women of Merryton - Book Two Page 23