“OK,” I said softly.
“Bye, Kyle,” I heard from a distance, and I gave a single wave good-bye.
That night I buried myself in music to forget. Angela helped me write a new song for Beauty, although she insisted Butterscotch be in it. In the end, I included the whole guide-dog class.
“So, do you think we’ll do OK on the test run?” I asked Angela before we went back to our rooms. For the final exercise tomorrow, the Canine Vision van would drop us off in the middle of Oakville with our dogs, but no instructions, and we’d have to find our way back to the building.
“Well, Butterscotch and I have it in the bag. You and Beauty, I’m afraid, may need extra help.” I knew her teasing was a vote of confidence. Still, between Beauty’s fears and habits and my own, I didn’t know if we deserved it.
I had to stop at least eight different people to give us directions back to the Lions Foundation building. Left or right, after the fourth block or on block four—who could ever get it straight? I didn’t even know who was making the mistakes, the people giving directions or me. And to make matters worse, I thought I could hear the van following at a crawl behind us. The trainers must have thought I was some directionless dweeb. But that was OK with me, as long as I could keep Beauty.
When we crossed what I thought was the last street, I finally stopped on the corner and cheated. “Home, Beauty. Just take us home, girl.” I knew that the trainers had walked the dogs all over Oakville and that as long as I was within a reasonable distance of the building, Beauty would find her way. And I was right.
Beauty and I had passed the final test. As far as I was concerned, she’d surpassed all my expectations on our Toronto outing. She was my dog.
That evening, Angela and I practiced and played the song we wrote.
CHAPTER 16
Elizabeth
Graduation I
I should have known I was in trouble since Scott never called me back, over the next week, to confirm. When grad night came, I stood on his steps, waiting. Every hopeful feeling sank lower and lower with the flash of the numbers on my watch. Six-thirty, six forty-five, seven.
Dad hollered from the van window. “We’ll have to leave now, Liz. Or we won’t make it in time.”
By then my heart was pounding from my feet, slow and painful. Scott and I were finished. I turned to leave. Of course, that’s when Scott rolled up in a strange car. He was sitting in the back with Gwen, who had returned from camp, obviously. He jumped out and the car backed up and drove away.
“Oh, man, sorry, Liz. Was tonight the night? I went to the beach and forgot.”
“Uh-huh.” I frowned. Then I threw a wild arrow at Scott, just to see his reaction. “What if it’s Gwen?”
“What? Sorry? I don’t follow you, Liz. Shouldn’t we be going?”
“No, this is important. Maybe if you don’t find anyone better by the time you’re thirty, maybe Gwen’s the one you should marry.”
Scott’s face suddenly blanched white. Direct hit, I thought, and launched another arrow. “You told her the same thing, didn’t you?” He stared down at his feet. “Wow. You’re going to keep a big list of girls, just in case you have no one to marry, aren’t you?”
Funny thing about that arrow—it hit me, too, right in the chest. It was hard to breathe for a moment. “You know what? I don’t want to get married that badly. I’ll stay single if I can’t find someone better.” I headed for the van.
“Elizabeth?” Scott called.
“Forget it, Scott. I have someplace important to be.”
We were extra late now, so Dad booted it all the way to the Lions Foundation Building, dropping me off at the door while he parked. As I ran to the lounge area I felt nightmare nervous, like everything would continue to go wrong—the ceremony might be over, or Beauty wouldn’t be there or wouldn’t know me.
Already the walls of the room were lined with clusters of people and dogs. In the middle, where rows of metal chairs faced attentively forward, a few people already sat, some with dogs at their feet.
Some of the dogs in the middle were puppies, too young to be graduates. One or two actually wore the heavy black leather Canine Vision collar—dogs at work, waiting to graduate.
I walked along the walls, checking out all the dogs, looking for Beauty. In an orange coat, the ugliest rat dog ever jumped all over a young boy. It was small, with a pointy nose and ears, too much hair around its neck and a skinny, long tail. The boy actually threw himself down on the floor with the rat, jumping all over him with the same overenthusiastic zeal.
Hearing ear dog, definitely, I told myself. Then I saw three huge Labs standing together. I quickly scanned for Beauty. Nope, all black Labs. Next stood a golden retriever and next to that—my heart started beating harder now—was a chocolate Lab. Was it her? I squinted, but before I could be sure, Beauty started barking for me.
Kyle
Graduation I
Graduation night came. A whole twenty-seven days away from home come to an end. In a way, I couldn’t wait to go back.
I showered and dressed in one-bead colors, beige pants and a light shirt. A new outfit for a new me; I’d brought it just in case. Then I brushed Beauty and we both joined Butterscotch and Angela in the lounge. Shawna came over to meet “my new girlfriend,” as she called Angela, and Dad and Mom followed.
“Well done, Kyle,” Dad said, grabbing and hugging me. “I’ve always known you possessed great courage. But today you’re really making me proud.”
Mom hugged me too, and then they went to find themselves some good seats near the front.
“Neither my family nor Butterscotch’s foster family can make it,” Angela said. Angela hailed all the way from Nova Scotia. “Too bad they couldn’t see her in action.”
“I only wish Beauty’s couldn’t come.” I stood there, shifting from foot to foot, listening to all the other dogs greeting their former owners. I didn’t think I could take it if Beauty wanted to go back to her other family.
Angela kept prattling at me. “So you’ve got my email address and you’re going to write. If we both give up on law school, we could form a group.” Yadda yadda yadda. Still no foster family.
Beauty and I waited so long, I started to feel annoyed on her behalf. It was one thing to have a time conflict, but quite another just to stand her up.
And then suddenly, Beauty started barking. And I could hear it in her tone. It was a cross between yelping with pain and howling for joy. She’d found her previous owner. Listening to her, I thought my heart would crack in pieces. She loved that other person; I knew she did. And I wanted Beauty happy. She pulled forward and I heard a young girl’s voice. Oh geez, it was the girl who’d found me in the street, Elizabeth. So Beauty wasn’t just a Lab from a different B litter. For a moment I hated the girl. She had sight, and Beauty’s love.
“Could you just wait till I take off her harness?” What an idiot thing to say to someone who’s given up her dog for you. And the one thing I can never do is backtrack or apologize. I just got nastier and nastier.
Which made Elizabeth finally recognize me. “You’re the liar who accused Beauty of biting you.”
I wanted to explain to her about my horrific experience with Max the German shepherd, and how I’d hallucinated about it the night she and Beauty saved me. I opened my mouth but hesitated as, in my head, I heard this girl’s laughter in the park.
Then the head trainer called the graduating class to the front of the room, and the ceremony began.
CHAPTER 17
Elizabeth
Graduation II
I rushed toward her, and her barking sounded almost like a howl. She didn’t just sound happy to see me, she sounded desperate. I reached out to her and she leapt up to me.
“Could you just wait till I take off her harness?” a familiar-sounding voice said. “She’s supposed to be working, after all.” I looked past Beauty to see her new owner. He was young and tall, with black gelled hair and light-colored clothin
g, but he had the most stunning blue eyes. They looked upward all the time with a surprised, happy expression. I’d remember eyes like that if I’d seen them before.
“Sorry, she was jumping, I didn’t even see…” I stopped myself, watching as the guy fumbled with Beauty’s harness.
“You can use the word see around blind people, you know. You just can’t distract a guide dog in harness. There, girl, you’re free.”
Now Beauty yelped happily at me and I dropped to my knees in front of her, ignoring the guy’s stupid comment. What was his problem, anyway? His horrible attitude seemed familiar too, like that guy from school we’d found on the street. What was his name again? Kyle? Beauty waved her tail at high speed, and lapped at my face and hands frantically, as though she couldn’t lick up enough of me.
“Behave, girl,” the guy said, tugging at the leash she still wore.
I felt my shoulders climb up my neck when he spoke to her like that. She’s not my dog anymore. She’s not my dog, I had to tell myself to stop from kicking him.
“Kyle Nicholson,” a trainer called, checking something off on a clipboard. I froze. It was him. He used to wear black, and his sunglasses hid those eyes, but nothing could camoflage that attitude.
Kyle
Graduation II
This had to be the worst.
I wished that Beauty’s foster owner hadn’t come. To know that Beauty loved Elizabeth better than me—and yet sat tall in front of my feet, her back against my legs, no whimpering, no straining at the leash, perfectly loyal—I just wanted to give her more, to be more, to deserve that loyalty.
The evening dragged on as all nine of the smaller hearing ear dogs and their partners got their graduation certificates. Then the trainer showed a video and the dogs barked at their partners when a phone rang on the screen. Everyone laughed, and so did I—heh, heh. Even though I just wanted to tell Elizabeth that I would love this dog she’d given me with all that I could. That maybe I wasn’t the perfect owner yet, but that I could learn to be.
When the video ended, the concert began.
Angela and I sang the Elvis “Hound Dog” song and while I kept her leash under my feet, I felt and allowed Beauty to raise herself and sway. Together we all got a great round of applause. Who could resist a canine Elvis? The number that Angela and I had written together was scheduled for the grand finale. I wished we could fast forward, but the trainers handed out certificates alternately to the foster families and the dog sponsors, drawing it all out with lots of appreciation speeches.
When would this ceremony part be over? Finally, January called the girl’s name: “Elizabeth, accepting for the Kerr family.” That was our finale cue. When Elizabeth reached the front, the trainer was to signal us. She touched my shoulder. I nodded to let January know I was ready and she addressed Elizabeth.
“Kyle Nicholson wants you, especially, to hear this song from him. Please take a chair.”
I started strumming. Then I sang the first verse about surfing in Waikiki and losing the beauty of the sunset on the waves. I could picture it all in my head, a pink and gold moment I’d never experience again. Angela joined in on the chorus:
Because of you, I’m learning to
Feel a different kind of Beauty.
I cannot see, but I can be
A person whole and full of Beauty.
I love you the way I do, the way I can.
Only you can help me. Without you, I can’t be.
Chopin, Fenway, Digby, King, Butterscotch— Angela harmonized as I sang the names of all the other dogs in the graduating class.
I didn’t know what Elizabeth was thinking; I couldn’t see her face. All I could do was continue with the other four verses and hope she would forgive me. For thinking her dog had bitten me, for not being the perfect owner, for being nasty to her…the list stretched on.
I sang about how Beauty had kept me warm and put a light inside me the night I’d collapsed on the street— even though, before, dogs had inspired only terror. About how she’d stopped me from walking in front of a car. How I’d never loved any other dog before. And then Angela joined me in the chorus after each verse. When we hit the closing bar, I ad-libbed, making up a verse: apologizing, explaining, begging. The whole graduating class joined in on the final chorus.
When we were finished, there was a long pause before a huge wave of applause. At last, January thanked everyone and declared the graduation over.
I stood up and walked forward. “Find Elizabeth, girl.” Beauty moved only slightly and then stopped. “Elizabeth? I really want to thank you for bringing up Beauty.”
Total silence. Was she even there? Of course she was. Beauty wriggled in her harness and whined.
“Do you think maybe…that is to say, is there any way you think we could go for a walk sometime?… Or, do you by any chance like French fries with cheese and gravy? I mean, I just want you to stay in our lives.”
More silence. I threw up my hands. It was just too hard talking to someone when you couldn’t see or hear any reaction.
More silence. Then, “Have you ever tried Roller-blading?”
“Can’t say I have. Why?”
“Because I think you’d like it just as much as surfing. Especially on this hill we have in the park. Would you take Beauty’s harness off again?”
“For sure.” Before I could bend over, I felt Elizabeth’s arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I hugged back and heard Beauty bark. I smiled.
“Hold it right there, you two. I want to take your picture.” My mother’s voice. I heard the click of the camera. What did that remind me of? I saw it all again in my head: the tourists poised with their cameras along the beach at Waikiki, trying to capture forever an image of the sun melting into the ocean. And I could almost feel again that sense of balance I’d had as I’d stood up on the surfboard. In balance with life, even as it hurtled me forward to unknown destinations.
“One more, just in case,” Mom said.
This moment, right now, was pink and gold too. I could feel the sun rise inside me again. And after Mom finished taking our picture, Elizabeth chatted with January about raising another puppy.
THE END
Different Kind of Beauty Page 15