by Roz Lee
“I love the sound of your screams, baby. I’ve missed them. So much.”
I twist my upper body so I can look up into his eyes and when I see the truth of his love, I can finally relax. Safe.
Escape into oblivion. Finally, I can fully let go. Finally, I’m there.
He continues to whisper sweet words of comfort in my ear, although I’m too zoned out to concentrate properly on what he’s saying. Eventually though, the soothing sound of his voice brings me back, and I realize he’s kissing me gently on the back of my neck. I love being kissed there. He knows it, too, and he does it again, and then again, as if to make up for the fury of the spanking he administered only a few short minutes ago.
“That did hurt.”
The hand stroking my back stills, and then he grips my shoulder and helps me to sit up. There are tissues on the side table, thank God, and he reaches over to snag a couple and hand them to me. I’m an ugly crier, unfortunately, and when I do cry my nose runs as freely as my tears. “You didn’t like the spanking, then?”
Laughter tries to bubble up out of my chest but I hold it in. Instead, I wipe my nose and manage a trembly grin. “No. I hated it. Couldn’t you tell?”
His frown is instant and he looks down at his hands as if they are foreign objects he’s never seen before. He clenches them, tight, and I wonder if his nails are digging into his palms. The knuckles are white. “I’m so sorry, hon, I thought—”
“I’m joking, love. For God’s sake, Henry! Coming like that…my orgasm was so strong it nearly tore me in two. Couldn’t you tell from the scream?” I repeat my previous phrase for good measure. “I loved it!”
“Oh.” He unclenches his fists and I see he has created little crescent marks on his palms. “I…I guess I hoped, but—”
I laugh again, only this time I don’t bother trying to hold it in. I think maybe he needs to hear it. I reach out and capture one of his hands in my own, stroking my thumb across his injured palm. His lips remain tight for a moment longer, and then the tautness leaves his face as he joins in chuckling.
My heart skips a beat. How long has it been since I heard him laugh? Once again my husband sounds like a stranger. “Oh God, Henry! What happened to us? When did things get so…sad?”
“Don’t know, love.” There’s a jerkiness to the shrug that accompanies his words, and then it hits me. I’ve forgotten all about his needs. His erection is massive, and leaking so much juice from the tip that his whole organ is glistening. I’m sitting here, happily coming back down to Earth in my own sweet time, and he must be in agony, waiting patiently to fulfil his own desire.
He glances at the paddle and I suck in a breath and hold it. When he used his hand it was manageable, but the paddle? That might push me… What if I can’t stop once we start? What if he can’t? What if one or both of us go too far down that road?
There’s a hidden part of me that is always afraid of what my husband might think if I really let him see how much I want this. Pain. I crave it. Not always, and not too much. Just enough that when I did let go in the past, the need bubbled up and out of me without any brakes whatsoever. It destroyed my first marriage…
It’ll be different tonight. Here in the forest, miles away from any other person, it’s just the two of us, safe in our little nest where I can finally let down my guard. And this is Henry. He’s nothing like the other one. Nothing at all.
I look up and see the impatience in his eyes, and yet I also see the softness of love. It’ll be okay. He nods as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking, and my heart swells as I realize just how lucky I am to have this man in my life. “Let go.” His tone is encouraging, and at the same time I can tell he won’t put up with any more nonsense. “From now on I’m in charge. You’ll do what I say, and I promise I will look after you. I won’t allow it to go too far.”
He wraps strong fingers around one of my wrists and lifts it up between us. It’s my left wrist. The one that sustained most of the damage last time. Some of the skin surface is still numb, but not all of it. His thumb moves back and forth, caressing me. Grounding me. “I won’t restrain you,” he says softly. “We’ll leave that as a maybe for the future. Tonight though, I’m warning you. I will need more than a simple butt spanking.”
He won’t restrain me? I pull experimentally against his grip and he immediately lets go of my wrist, true to his word.
A shiver, equal parts fear and anticipation, vibrates through me. I know what’s inside of him. I’ve always known, I think. There’s a darkness in Henry that’s kept tightly on a leash. He would never hurt me, not really. Not unless I ask for it.
And I never have, because I’m just as tightly controlled as he is, and I can’t afford to let my inner cravings out. The whole family relies on me to keep the peace. To manage the anger and the tantrums that have been a feature of our lives since the twins were born and Aiden’s behavior issues first began to manifest. If I let go that control, even for a day, won’t chaos take hold instead?
It’s tearing me apart, the never letting go, and in that impatient hunger seated in Henry’s eyes I see, perhaps for the first time, how much it is tearing him apart, too. In the end, if we can’t be true to ourselves, then we’re not being true to our relationship. And I do trust him. I do.
“Okay.” I nod because he’s right. Time to let out this hidden beast that lurks deep inside the both of us.
I release my breath in a rush and reach out to run a finger through the clear liquid seeping from his cock. My hands are shaking so much I have trouble connecting at first, but when I finally do, I bring the nectar to my lips for a taste. His eyes follow the movement with a ravenous look. I suck on my digit, smiling around it, then pop it free.
“Henry.” My voice wobbles, and I close my eyes for a second, before opening them again and meeting his gaze squarely. “Isn’t it time to show off some of your toys?”
4
The First Time Should Be Perfect
I lunge for the paddle and clasp it before she can change her mind. She wants me to paddle her? Now it’s me who hesitates, just for a moment, as I gauge whether I’m still in control. Can I do this? Bring real pain and pleasure to the woman I love, when I know how afraid she is to walk that delicate tightrope?
My cock is weeping and my chest is heaving as if I’m in the midst of a marathon. “Get up. I need—” What the hell do I need? More, that’s for damn sure. My breath has caught and held in my throat as she obediently gets up off the couch and stands in front of me. She lifts her arms and slides the red nightie up and over her head, giving it a light toss away from the open fire. It puddles on the floor several feet away, in a pile of shapeless red. My wife now stands fully naked before me, her creamy skin glowing in the firelight, her brown hair all tousled and wild looking, and her pussy is directly in line with my gaze.
After fifteen years it should be a familiar sight, and yet there’s something about Grace tonight that I just can’t put my finger on. She’s sexier than I’ve ever seen her. So fucking sexy. I feel like a teenager again, with excited butterflies causing strange pangs in my stomach.
This is what it felt like, that first time we made love. Not the fooling around beforehand, but that moment. You know the one, when there’s a sudden realization that it’s actually going to happen. For real. For the very first time.
My heart is pounding and I reach out to stroke her clit, just lightly, where I can see it poking out from her slit. The heat warms my fingertips, even with that lightest of touches. She hisses out a breath and her eyes half close as she gazes down at me. She’s trembling. I can feel it beneath my hand. I can see the wobble in her stance.
“Do you really want this, Grace? If you want me to stop, just say so. Any time.”
Her laughter is brief and her eyes flash with some kind of emotion that I can’t quite read. “Do you hear me using our safe word?”
That cheekily arched brow that accompanies her words sends a thrill through my whole system. My stomach clenc
hes again as the butterflies go nuts. I don’t think I was this nervous the first time we had sex. It was the third date, and we were still so young, and even then I knew she was going to be someone special in my life. I wanted the first time to be perfect for both of us. Just like tonight.
“Can’t hear anything, my love. You’ll need to say it louder.”
She puffs out a breath, slow and shaky. “Please. Don’t stop. I…want this.”
“Good girl.”
I point with the paddle to the floor, and this time she moves immediately. Down in front of the fireplace, resting on her hands and knees on the thick pile rug laid out in front of the hearth. Her head bows submissively, and my instinct is to ram my raging boner home, hard and fast. First, I’m going to give her what we both need. I kneel behind her, glad of the rug that cushions me, and study my wife’s voluptuous rear. There. I pinpoint the exact place I’ll start, and after a moment’s hesitation I swing the paddle down.
Smack! The sound vibrates through the air just as thoroughly as my stroke vibrates her ass cheek. She gasps, and then lets out another strangled sound as I strike again.
“That’s far more intense than when you used your hand.” Her admission is breathless and clipped.
God, I want to fuck her so bad. “Punishment is never meant to be easy. You’ll know next time to be a good girl. Won’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, Sir.”
I’m right-handed, and it’s her right cheek taking most of the punishment. The flesh pinks up quickly, so I swap to her other side to even it out. As the spanking continues, her gasps become moans. She turns her head, clearly trying to glance over her shoulder toward her rear, and I grab a handful of her hair to stop the movement. “Stay where you are.”
I need her to know I’m in charge right now, but it’s so difficult to stay focused when all I want to do is bury my shaft to the hilt in her gorgeous body. I’m losing the rhythm. I can’t concentrate. And her whimpers are starting to sound like some kind of caged animal.
“Oh, Henry.” There’s so much emotion in her voice, I can’t tell if she’s enjoying this. Is she making those sounds out of pleasure or pain? Or both?
Her ass is bright pink and her pelvis is thrusting up and down as if dry-humping the air. The slick wetness coating her seam calls to me, and I’m tempted to lift her up so I can sink my face right there into the damp heat between her legs. Instead I run my hand over the rounded curve of her buttocks, enjoying the smoothness of her skin and warming my palm with the heat she’s holding there. I knead her flesh a little, trying to spread some of that heat outward from the concentrated red patch.
Time to change tack, before I cream the both of us way too early. I leave her for a moment and retrieve my bag, thinking carefully about what I can use that won’t send Grace straight back into her brittle protective shell.
She clearly enjoys an element of pain, but I will not use restraints. I tap my chin, considering, watching her there on hands and knees as her hips continue to buck a little. The movement sets her breasts swinging gently from side to side, and inspiration strikes. She has gorgeous breasts, full and fleshy with large dark-pink nipples that I love to suckle. I reach in to my bag and pull out a pair of nipple clamps I’ve been imagining on her ever since I bought them.
They’re butterfly-style with an adjustable tension, better for beginners than clothes-peg, as I wasn’t sure about her pain threshold. A silver chain connects the two clips, and I can’t wait to get these into place. She glances up as I touch her shoulder and her eyes widen when she sees what I’m holding, and then she nods.
I gesture, giving her permission to get up off all fours. Before I place the clamps though, I bend right down and do what I’ve been longing to do this whole time and take one of her already erect nipples into my mouth. I suck hard, moistening and stretching the pebbled tip until she moans above me, and then I do the same to her other side. She tastes fresh and clean, and her light floral perfume rises around me. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, and I love her so much.
When I raise my head, her lips are parted and her eyes are shimmering, more green than brown, and I’m struck by how often her eyes change to match her mood. I grab a tissue and dry off her nipples, then quickly attach the clamps in place, taking joy in her grunt and shudder as I do so. A spurt of liquid shoots from my cock in response. I know how much those things hurt. I tried them on myself just to see what it felt like. Not something I enjoy, though I can smell the heady musk of sex suddenly wafting up from my wife, mingling with her delicate perfume, and I have to admit to a faint sense of relief. Thank God. She’s not repelled by these clips.
I have to move fast now, or I’m going to come all over the floor. I lift the silver chain and place it in her mouth, across her moist tongue, loving the shocked look in her eyes as she stares up at me. I use the edge of the paddle to urge her down again onto all fours. “That puts you in charge of your own pain levels, babe. At least for your breasts. You lift your head and it will pull your nipples outward. Tuck your chin into your chest if it’s too much. Drop the chain altogether and use your safe word the moment you want them off.”
She nods and then groans loudly at the resultant pull. Her whole body trembles. Jesus, she’s sexy.
I’m more than ready, and I kneel behind her, the head of my dick poking into her seam. I raise the paddle and use it to trace her hip and a whimper escapes her lips. A whimper that sounds so pure, so full of unspoken desire, that I almost cream her rear prematurely.
It’s painful to hold on, but I’m determined to wait until she’s ready once more. Next time, we will both come together.
I put my arm around her hip and find her clit with the edge of the paddle. Sliding it up along her slit and back again incites a gasp from her, and I flick my wrist to give her a light tap on her pussy lips. She jerks beneath me. I do it again, enjoying the uneven puffs of breath she tries so hard to contain.
I know those clamps are ramping up her pain level when she moves, and I don’t want to take her too far, too fast. This is, essentially, our first real play time together, and I have no idea how far I can take her.
“Grace, I want to spank you there, right across your clit…” Would that punishment be too much for her? Would there be only pain? Or would the mixture of pleasure and pain heat her clit so much that the extra blood creates a more intense orgasm? If I give her a slap or two right…there…
I lower my head, ashamed at where my imagination is taking me. I don’t want to hurt my wife. And yet, a small part of me deep down inside is raging to be let loose. To explore our boundaries. To try something, anything, new, until we fully discover our limits.
I hear the delicate rattle of the chain as she finally drops it from her mouth. Her head is still lowered when she lifts one of her hands to cover mine as it grips the handle of the paddle. “Do it,” she says, squeezing tight. Her voice is low and it vibrates with some kind of emotion that I don’t quite get. This is Grace, and yet, it’s not. My Grace doesn’t sound like this, all sexy and sultry and begging for pain.
“I love you, darling. You know that. We don’t have to—”
“Do it!” Her tone is almost vicious in its intensity.
Do it? “Grace, you don’t understand. What if…” I pound my chest with my other fist tightly clenched, even though she can’t see me in this position. “I’m afraid of what’s in here.”
“Henry.” She shakes her head, and the movement must do something to the pressure of the clips as a yelp chokes out of her.
“You want them off?”
“Fuck no.” Her voice is husky. “I trust you. Spank me right there. I deserve it. I need it.”
I close my eyes. She trusts you. Trust yourself.
I position myself and she wriggles her acceptance, trying to ease her pussy lips around me. When I penetrate her it feels smooth and natural, the juices from both of us flowing so freely there is no resistance whatsoever. Her channel closes around my hard flesh, hot and
wet and tight, and I thrust a couple of times, seating myself as deeply as I can.
I center the leather padding right up against her clit. Then I strike, hard, opening my eyes again at the moment of impact, just in time to see her lurch beneath me and hear the agonized scream that forces its way out of her throat.
5
This Time We Come Together
My nipples are already on fire, and when he spanks me this time the pain is so intense it ricochets from my clit right through my whole body and back again. Even my fingertips ache. The scream bursts out involuntarily. I can’t help it; the agony is seated right there in my core. I hate it. Yet I also love it, this delicate balance between pleasure and pain that creates a power all its own. It takes away thought and reduces my calculated reasoning to nothing, until my boundaries are gone and all I can do is feel.
He lashes out again so suddenly I’m not prepared and another squeal leaves my lips at the smarting sting across my mound. The pain is different to what it felt like on my buttocks. So sharp and real that instant tears brim up and over. I like it on my ass. The pain reverberates deep and is somewhat cushioned by my flesh. I’m forty next month. I have a lot of flesh in that area, these days. But across my pussy? Right on my clit? And with these nipple clamps on… The sensation is much more concentrated, less able to be diffused.
Our safe word floats through my mind and I’m tempted, but before I can speak he pauses and indulgent fingers caress down my spine. “Okay?” His tone is concerned, loving, and in that moment I know for sure he will never hurt me the way I was hurt in the past.
“I’m good.” Tears spurt again, blurring my vision, but this time they stem from the knowledge that I’m loved, and that he will never take me further than I need. “Not as hard, please. Don’t stop though. Please, don’t stop.”
The spanking starts up again, more gentle this time, and he moves inside me in rhythm with his strokes, thrusting back and forth in a fast and slippery embrace with my cunt. The bite of his disciplinary action, and the plunging movement deep within my body, occur almost simultaneously and now the sounds that are coming out of my mouth don’t even sound human anymore. I think my whimpering goads him even further and suddenly he’s riding me as if there’s no tomorrow. His free arm, not the one holding the paddle, slides around my waist to bind us tightly together. He’s all hard muscle and soft skin. Such a contradiction, and yet it matches perfectly.