Coach Thorn was retiring? I knew he was getting on a bit, but he still had a good couple of years left in him. I wondered for a moment where that left the team.
“Ah, man. That sucks. Who have you got lined up?” Taylor asked.
“No one yet. It’s still early days, and when the time comes I want to make sure we’ve made the right decision. They’ve made Southern League Division now and I’d hate to see them fall back.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Taylor nodded, his eyes surreptitiously meeting mine. “We should stop by and see him. It’s been a while,” he said, raising both brows. I knew it was a dig at me for keeping my distance.
“I’ll stop by tomorrow after training. Meet there?” I asked.
“Nah. We’ll go together. We’re overdue a catch-up anyway.”
“I think what Taylor is trying to say is that he’s missed you. You’re all he’s spoken about,” Lola said through a smile.
“I guess I could do that. I should be finished by three at the latest. You can grab me from the field. My car’s in for service anyway. Saves me using Rye’s car.”
“You know you can always use mine, son,” Dad said.
“Nah, it’s cool. Thanks, though. Anyway, I’ve gotta shoot,” I announced. “Thanks for dinner, Mum.” I pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“You’ve barely touched a thing.”
“Gotta watch the pounds,” I told her, running my hands over my stomach for added effect. “Thanks, though.”
“There isn’t an ounce of fat on you, but you’re welcome, Jake. You know I’m at my happiest when I’m cooking for my boys. And you, Lola, of course,” she quickly corrected herself and laughed.
“Wouldn’t dream of turning down one of your famous roast dinners, Mrs. Knight.” Lola groaned, her green eyes twinkling.
“It’s Helen,” Mum said, rolling her eyes before smiling brightly.
“Sorry, Helen.” Lola giggled again just as Taylor pulled her into his lap.
I shook my head. “Alright, well, I’ll see you guys later then.”
A chorus of goodbyes and see ya laters followed me as I slipped out of the back door and made my way down the path leading to my place. I let out a long sigh, thankful it was over. I knew I would have to face Taylor tomorrow and I needed to be okay with that. This was for coach, after all. The guy needed to know that he was appreciated and if that meant spending time with Taylor, then I would.
The moment I stepped through the door, it immediately hit me. Her scent. It drifted through the house like she was still there. I knew it was just my imagination working overtime, but a part of me still wished that she was there. She’d left shortly after Taylor’s departure and without so much as another word. I’d wanted her to stay. Fuck, I’d wanted her to stay so bad. And not just to fuck. Although I’d be lying if I said that thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Strangely enough, I found myself wanting to ask her questions that I never took the time to ask her before. She was different around me. Or maybe I just wanted to believe that she was. No. She was different. She was vulnerable and lost. She wasn’t the girl that everyone else knew. She was intriguing—a closed book I wanted to tear open and devour every last word of. But I wasn’t who she really wanted. I wasn’t Taylor. I’d realised that last year when she’d called out his name in her sleep after I’d spent hours buried inside of her. The way we’d fucked that night was like nothing I’d ever experienced. It was passionate. Raw. Then she’d called out his name and I knew I would always be second best. To her, I was just Taylor’s brother who she happened to spend a bunch of time fucking. That was the moment I told myself that I would never be second best again. If my father wanted a relationship with his son, then I could deal with that. I wouldn’t participate in it, but I would step back and allow him to have the relationship he’d deprived Taylor of his entire life. I wouldn’t stand in the way. Not ever. But I would never be second best again.
13
When I’d left Jake’s that morning I’d gone straight home and showered. I’d needed to rid myself of him and everything he made me feel: Dirty. Cheap. Unworthy. Those three words had sprung to mind as I scrubbed away at my skin, removing every feel of him. I knew I was being irrational. It wasn’t like I wanted Taylor to know about our little arrangement. Still, it didn’t stop me feeling all those things and more when I thought back on what Jake had said.
Once I was satisfied that I could no longer feel him on my skin, I dried my hair, changed into some clean clothes, and made my way over to Frankie’s apartment. Knocking on the door seemed silly considering I spent most of my free time there, but it was my first inclination when I reached the bright white door. When she answered, she told me she’d be back in a minute and to grab a bottle of wine from the fridge. I did just that. With a bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other, I headed to the living room where I sat down quietly and waited for her to return. When ten minutes had passed without her appearance, I almost gave up, thinking that maybe she wasn’t ready to face me just yet. I felt relieved because I was almost certain that I wasn’t ready to face her at all. Especially after I’d spent the night with Jake. Not much got past Frankie, so it was only a matter of time before she found out. Then she'd call me stupid, which I already knew I was, and say I told you so.
Just as I stood to leave, she was back, wearing her comfy blue lounge pants and a baggy jumper.
“Sorry. Mum called.” She sighed. “I swear, one hundred goodbyes later and she finally hangs up.”
I laughed and held out a glass.
“Thanks, babe. I seriously need this after the day I’ve had.” She groaned.
“No probs. How’s your mum?”
Frankie shrugged and took a long swig of her drink. “She’s okay. I guess she’s still holding out hope that a miracle will happen. I hate that she’s building her hopes her like this. We all know it isn’t going to end well.”
Tucking my legs under my bottom, I turned to face her. “I think she knows that, Frank. If we don’t have hope then what’s left for us? If she’s anything like you she’ll be fighting until the very end. Don’t take that away from her in fear of her breaking.”
“I know,” she admitted, shaking her head. “You’re right. I’m being selfish. I guess I just hate the thought of her losing hope entirely. I mean, after Nana goes, I’m scared how her passing will affect her. You hear these stories about grief and what it can do to a person. It scares me.”
I nodded. I got that. I remembered feeling the same when Shawn passed away. I had always been a firm believer in hope, but when he went, I found myself questioning whether it was all worth it. Worth the desperate, tiring feeling that consumed you as you hoped for a miracle to happen. Was it really worth it? “She’s tougher than she looks. Besides, she has you,” I said through a smile.
“I know. I’m being silly. Ignore me.”
“Don’t do that.” I shook my head. “It’s okay to feel that way. In fact, it’s normal to feel that way. Just don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me, or at the very least speak to your mum.”
“Thanks, Mel. I promise, the next time I have a meltdown I’ll speak up. Anyway, forget me. Where the hell have you been?”
“Just around.” I shrugged. I couldn’t tell her about Jake. Not then. We still hadn’t discussed her drunken ramblings from the other night. Bringing it up now felt like I’d be handing her another blow when she was already so messed up over Elizabeth.
“Okay. Spit it out. What aren’t you telling me?” she asked, her tone forceful and commanding.
“Nothing,” I lied. “Honestly.”
“If you say so. You’re obviously not ready to tell me, so how about we head into town and forget how miserable our lives are instead?”
“We’ve got work tomorrow, remember?”
“Since when has that ever stopped us?”
“Since Leanne became a bigger bitch than normal,” I said with raised brows.
“Oh, screw her,” Frankie said, wafting her hand in
the air. “Who cares what her uptight arse thinks? I certainly don’t.” She shrugged.
“Grrr… Okay.” I tossed both hands in the air. “Fine, we’ll go, but if I’m late for work tomorrow, I’m holding you responsible.”
“And I will happily take full responsibility for it. Now, are we going or not?”
“Going,” I grumbled. “Just give me a second. There’s something I need to do.” I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, typed out a quick message and hit send. “There. Done. I’m ready.”
14
He was late.
I had already finished my second beer of the night and ordered my third before Matt eventually arrived. He glanced my way briefly then ordered his own before he made his way over to me. I tried to read his expression but failed. The guy was good; I’d give him that.
I’d made sure to get a seat at the bay window so I could watch him arrive. When he’d texted an hour ago to say he had some things to discuss with me, I knew whatever it was couldn’t be good. Normally he wouldn’t think twice about stopping by Tanner’s apartment. Day or night, he’d drop by like the sack of shit he was just to fill me in on any new developments. I knew instantly when he’d said to meet here that it was serious. I hadn’t planned on drinking tonight. I wanted to practice first thing and I needed a clear head. But I also needed to prepare myself for whatever it was he had to say.
When he was just a few feet away, he tipped his chin in greeting. “Sorry for the short notice. I hope I didn’t get in the way of any plans you might have had.”
“Somehow, I think you already know the answer.”
“Hmm…” he grumbled in response, taking the stool opposite me. “Well, I would’ve preferred to meet with better news, but I guess you already know that’s not the case.”
“Spit it out. Where do I stand?”
“Look, Jake, I’ve just come out of a meeting with Gibbons and it isn’t good news. You won’t be signing a new deal at Winslow. Not for the foreseeable future, at least.”
“Right. We knew this, though, Matt. You said you were sorting out new deals elsewhere. That’s what you’re being paid to do.”
“Jake, you have to understand…” He sighed. “For a club to even consider signing you, you’d have to be back to full fitness. That isn’t the case and because of that, no one will touch you. At least not while you’re still vulnerable and a risk. I’m sorry. My hands are tied on this one.”
“So, what are you saying?” I ground out in frustration. “That’s it? My football career is over?”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying. Who knows what will happen in the future? For all we know you could be back to full training next week. We just don’t know. And I’m afraid, until we do, the chances of you playing anywhere this season is extremely unlikely.”
“That’s bullshit, Matt. That’s bullshit and you know it.” I shook my head and gripped the edge of the table, my knuckles turning white as I fought to keep a cool head. “Don’t you understand? I have to play. I have to play.”
“I know. I know, son. And I believe you will.”
“Just not now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What about Southampton? You held a meeting, right?” They wanted me. I knew they wanted me. They had to.
“Well, yeah… I…”
They didn’t.
“You have got to be fuckin’ kidding me? I couldn’t shake ‘em last season. What the fuck changed? I wasn’t even fit for training and they still fuckin’ wanted me.”
“I’m sorry,” Matt said, shaking his head.
Lifting a hand, I ran my thumb across my jaw and shrugged. “I guess that’s it then.”
“Look, when the dust settles and things get back to normal, I’ll be there.”
It was over.
Matt stood to leave, but before he could, I gripped his arm to stop him. When his eyes met mine, I said, “Don’t say anything to anyone. Not yet.”
His eyes softened. “Okay. But you know you can’t keep this a secret forever. The press will be all over this soon enough.”
I knew he was right. It wouldn’t be long before the whole country knew about this, but I needed more time. “I’ll tell them… soon.”
Matt nodded his head in acknowledgement. “Until then, take care, Jake.”
I nodded once and lifted the bottle of beer in salute. “See ya, Matt.” I smirked, knowing full well I wouldn’t hear from him again. My career was over. Gone. Finished. And there was fuck all I could do about it. Just as that realisation hit me, my phone vibrated on the table. I glanced down to read the message and was hit with another blow to the chest.
Mel - Sorry, this arrangement isn't working for me. See you around.
15
By some miracle I managed to get to work with just three minutes left to spare before my shift started. Frankie shot me a knowing look as I rushed past her, snatching a slice of toast from the toaster and a bag of gummies from my secret stash before heading off. She’d made sure to set her alarm, even though she started work later than I did, just so she wouldn't have to take the flack if I was late. I was more than grateful she had because I really hadn't wanted to go to the store this morning. I’d been working non-stop lately, trying to save up enough money to settle someplace else, that more often than not, I found myself ready and willing to doze off long before the afternoons rolled around. Needless to say, leaving the comfort and warmth of my bed was becoming more difficult.
Last night hadn't been as bad as I’d imagined it would be, though. We drank, danced, and laughed our way into the early hours before deciding that 2:00 a.m. was a decent time to head home. The walk back to the apartment had sobered me up somewhat, but I was left feeling more tired than usual, regretting the decision to stay out. It was as if someone was trying to convince me that my partying days were over. Maybe whoever was warning me had a point. Maybe it really was time to hang up the party shoes and try my hand at being a responsible adult for a change. It wasn't like I wouldn't be going out ever again. I’d just be toning it down a little.
The morning had been relatively quiet. I even managed to place a new stock order I hadn’t been able to do before today. I thought the sudden heavy downpour had something to do with that. I mean, who wanted to shop in this weather? While most people moaned about our lack of sunshine, I embraced it. As a teenager, I would spend many hours on the roof of my house, knees pressed tightly against my chest, head tilted high to the sky, wishing for the rain to fall. Mostly it did, and when the rain graced me with its presence, only then would I throw my arms out to the side, palms out just waiting for that familiar feeling to creep in… the one that reminded me that I was still alive and not trapped in an endless nightmare.
I felt free.
Today, though, I welcomed the rain for a much different reason. Her name was Leanne.
When she had deserted me the other day, leaving me to run the store alone, I hadn't managed to get the jobs done that I’d needed to. I couldn't leave the shop front, not unattended anyway. That meant I was behind on my duties. Lillie had left me a voicemail message asking why I hadn't done the new order yet. I hadn’t called her back. I’d hoped, by some miracle, that I would be able to get it done by the end of the day. For once luck had been on my side. Jessica, who only worked Monday mornings, had been more than happy to hold the fort for me whilst I made a start on that ever-growing list of to-dos.
Just as I finished typing out my last email, I felt a vibration in my jacket pocket. I hit send on the email before sliding my phone out from its usual resting place.
Frankie – Just spotted J at the gym. Why didn't you tell me what he looked like under all that clothing? Jeez. No wonder you're so hung up on him.
I laughed.
Me – Really? From what I could tell it looked as though he's gained a few pounds.
That was a lie, of course. He was still very much the epitome of perfection.
Frankie – Nope. Hot. Holyfreakinhot
Franki
e - Shit! He totally just caught me ogling him. Kill. Me. Now.
Me – Why don't you go over to him? Get him to poke you with his stick.
The moment I sent it I wished I could take it back. What if she did? No. No, she wouldn't.
Frankie – Hell NO! I’d ruin him
Phew. I breathed out a sigh of relief.
Frankie – Shit! He's coming over. I gotta go.
Me – What do you mean he's coming over?
Panic began to creep in. Every second she didn't reply, my heart raced faster. What could he possibly be saying to her? What would she say back? A part of me wanted to rush right over there just to see. The other part of me wanted to curl up and hide someplace safe. Just as I slipped my phone back into my pocket and switched off the computer, my phone dinged again, signalling another message.
Frankie – False alarm! He just wanted to know if I was finished using the bench.
Relief washed over me again. Feeling satisfied, I pushed my phone in my pocket and headed through to the storeroom, thankful my shift was over.
16
Who could really say that they knew exactly what they wanted out of life at the age of twenty-two? Most people found themselves in a dead end job, trying to get by in life with no real ambition to follow through and achieve their dreams. Sometimes we found ourselves living each day without actually living. Just existing. Lost. Alone. Afraid of pursuing what we wanted in fear of failing. Or getting it only to lose it. Not many people could throw their hands up and say this is me. This is it. This is the life I want and hell if I’m gonna sit by and let anyone stand in the way of that.
A Different Game: A Wrong Game Novel Page 9