Outside, most of Bitsy’s followers were scattering; the sight of the police car had obviously scared them away. Bitsy stood her ground, but I could see her resolve and bravery fading as I listed my complaints.
The officers looked at Bitsy. “Is this true?” one of them asked her.
She squirmed. “Yes. But I don’t know anything about threatening phone calls. I think she’s making it up.”
The officer turned to me. “Do you wish to press charges against Miss Stout?”
I looked at Bitsy. “It depends.”
“I won’t do it again,” Bitsy promised. “I’ll stop being a pesky neighbor.”
“Not good enough,” I said. “I want your sour cream coffee cake recipe.” She gasped and clutched her heart. “You have twenty-four hours to hand it over. I want every single ingredient listed, and I want it printed out neatly so I can read it.”
Her eyes hardened. “I hope you know you’re going to hell.”
I smiled. “The question is, do you want to go to jail?”
A black Mercedes pulled into my driveway as Bitsy stalked from my yard and the police drove away. My mother and aunt joined me. A well-dressed man approached. “Am I to understand you are the owner of that stunning sculpture I saw on TV?” he asked in an English accent.
“Yes,” I said. “Who are you?”
He handed me his card. “I’m the curator of our art museum, and I would love to have that piece as part of our religious art. I’m willing to pay handsomely for it.”
My mother’s and Trixie’s mouths dropped open at the same time. I glanced at Mona, who winked. I knew Mona’s late husband had supported the arts when he’d been alive. “Gee, I don’t know,” I said. “It was a gift from my beloved mother and aunt. I couldn’t possibly part with it.”
My mother yanked me aside. “Are you crazy?” she hissed. “Think of the money. Think what it will mean for Trixie and me to have one of our sculptures in the High Museum of Art! Trixie and I will make you another one just like it. It’s only junk,” she added with a hiss.
“No, Mom,” I said firmly. “I don’t want a replacement. There are some things in this world that are simply irreplaceable.”
“Okay, whatever it takes,” she said.
I turned to the curator. “This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but the statue is yours. But I can’t, in good conscience, accept money. I would like to donate it to the museum.”
“You are too kind,” the curator said.
“It’ll probably take a jackhammer to get it out of the ground.”
“Not to worry,” the man said, shaking my hand to firm up the deal. He winked.
An hour later, my mother and Aunt Trixie were sitting across the table from Mona and me at a nearby pizza parlor. We’d ordered beer to celebrate the fact that the Junk Sisters would have their work on display at the art museum.
“You should have taken the money,” my mother said. “I caught a look at your kitchen. It needs serious work.”
“Actually, I’m in the process of redecorating,” I told her.
We had almost finished eating our pizza when Jeff Henry walked through the door, followed by another man close to his age. They stepped up to the counter and began studying the menu.
I nudged Mona. “It’s the vet,” I whispered.
“That’s Dr. Henry?” she said, her eyes combing him appreciatively. “Nice. Who’s the good-looking guy beside him?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
“You should call him over.”
I was just about to wave to him when the man standing beside Jeff at the counter reached over and stroked his hand lightly. The two shared a private look, then inched apart as a young girl stepped behind the register to take their order.
Mona and I exchanged looks. “Maybe you shouldn’t call him over after all,” she said.
I excused myself and headed for the ladies’ room, where I decided to hide out. Mona joined me a few minutes later. “They’re gone. They just picked up a to-go order. Your mother asked me to check on you.”
“I feel like an idiot,” I said. “I thought he liked me.”
“I’d say he liked you very much, to sit in your laundry room with you half the night after you lost Runt. I’d say you have a nice new friend who just happens to be a great vet. And who doesn’t need more friends?”
I didn’t respond.
“Besides, you’re not really interested in a new relationship,” she said. “You’re still in love with your husband. If you can’t see that, then, yes, you’re an idiot.” She opened the bathroom door and motioned me out. “After you.”
Mona drove me home, and the sisters headed back to Little Five Points. “We need to finalize plans for the mental health fair,” Mona said as she drove. “It’s this Friday.”
“You want to discuss it now?” I asked. The mere thought made me want to bail out of the car even though we were traveling at fifty miles per hour. I sighed. “Just tell me what I need to do,” I said with dread in my voice.
“You’ll need to mingle with reporters.”
I looked at her. “Reporters?”
“I’ve sent out press releases, so you should have plenty of coverage. You’ll want to act real compassionate. Also, it will give you a chance to discuss the importance of good mental health. Oh, and don’t forget to mention our open house the first Monday of each month.”
Mona dropped me off at my house. After letting Mike out, I decided to take a drive. Driving helped me think, and I had a lot to think about. And the truth was, I felt lonely.
I needed to talk to somebody, and the person I wanted to talk to was Jay. But I couldn’t talk to Jay, because I was divorcing him. It wasn’t fair to call him and give him mixed messages. It wasn’t healthy for me to listen to his voice, because every time I heard it, my heart got sucked in.
I felt desperate. That’s the only excuse I could think of for ending up at Thad’s house. Fortunately his was the only car in the driveway, so I assumed he was alone. When he didn’t answer the door, I walked around back and peeked over his fence. I wasn’t surprised to find him in his hot tub, leaning back with a towel propped beneath his head, a frozen margarita in one hand. I opened the gate, and Thad looked up.
“Kate, what a surprise! Take off your clothes and hop in. I’m celebrating.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Like I don’t know how you look naked?”
I waited. Finally he closed his eyes. I stripped down to my panties and climbed into the tub, taking care not to get my cast wet. “Oh, boy, this feels great,” I said. “What are you celebrating?”
“My little brother has moved on with his life. He doesn’t need me around anymore.”
“Of course he needs you,” I said. “You’re his brother. You’re family. Family is important.”
“Here, have a drink,” Thad said. “Your thinking is skewed at the moment. If families were so great, there wouldn’t be such a crucial need for family therapists.”
“True,” I said with a shrug. I took a sip and closed my eyes. I’d forgotten how good Thad’s margaritas were. He added a little orange juice to his recipe so that it went down more smoothly. The salt along the rim tasted good on my tongue. “This is delicious.”
Thad scooted closer. “Just like old times, huh?”
“Sort of.” I offered him the glass, but he shook his head. “You look like you need it more than I do. Bad day?”
“I keep hoping my life will become sane again.”
“You take life too seriously, Kate.”
“Maybe I need a hot tub.”
“All you need is a close personal friend with a hot tub.”
“Good idea. You just saved me about five thousand dollars.”
He was silent for a moment, as though sensing that I needed the quiet, that I needed to unwind.
“Remember Cancún?” he said after a moment. “We should go back.”
Beneath the bubbling water, I felt Thad rub one hairy leg agai
nst mine.
“Just imagine, Kate,” he said, his voice lulling me. “White beaches, crystal clear water, leisurely naps beneath a ceiling fan.” He smiled. “And room service. You know how much you love room service.”
“Room service,” I said dreamily, letting my mind drift in that direction. I would not have to eat frozen dinners that tasted like cardboard. People would deliver exotic foods on trays covered with crisp, white cloths, and nice china. As I sipped my drink, I could almost smell the suntan oil.
“You are in dire need of pampering,” Thad said, refilling my glass from the pitcher. “And I’m the perfect man for the job. Losing you humbled me, Kate.”
I gave him a look.
“Okay, ‘humble’ is a strong word, but it made me think,” he said. “I should have treated you better.”
“Yep.”
“But try to see it from my side. It has always been too easy for me where women are concerned. I’ve never had to go out of my way like I did with you. Women were just happy to be with me, you know?”
“So you’re saying it wasn’t really your fault that you were a two-timing jerk?”
He sighed. “I cheated once, Kate. And it was sort of an accident.”
“No, Thad. Backing your car into the mailbox is an accident. Stubbing your toe on the leg of a chair is an accident. Getting naked with your receptionist in your hot tub requires thought and planning.”
He took the glass and sipped before handing it back to me. “Okay, the truth is, I did you a favor,” he said.
“Excuse me?”
“I knew you were slipping away from me. But I also know you can’t stand the thought of hurting somebody. I made it easy for you to get out.”
I stared at him, openmouthed. “Are you saying you set the whole thing up on my account? That you intended for me to catch you in the hot tub with another woman so that I’d have an easier time breaking up with you?”
“My actions weren’t completely altruistic,” he admitted. “I wasn’t about to tell my friends you’d broken it off because you were bored with me. I mean, I have a certain reputation to live up to, you know?”
“I don’t believe what I’m hearing! You used a human being, a woman, so that I would break up with you in a way that would make you look like a stud to your buddies?”
“See, there you go making it sound like I did a bad thing.”
“Jeez, Thad!”
“My receptionist had been giving me the come-on for months. She came here that night uninvited. When it all comes down to it, I was the true victim.”
“Give me a break!”
“Well, look what you did! You married the first guy to come along. I guess you really showed me, huh?”
“You think I married Jay to punish you?”
“Well, didn’t you?”
“No, Thad.” I saw the look of amazement in his eyes. “It had nothing to do with you.”
“Now, Kate—”
“I married Jay because I loved him.”
“Oh.” He leaned back in the tub and seemed to consider it. “So why are you getting divorced?”
“Because Jay’s job is dangerous, and I have no desire to be a young widow.”
“You shouldn’t have to be. That’s why I’m even more convinced we should fly to Cancún. You and I were pretty darn good together, Kate. I’ve learned my lesson.”
I decided not to answer. I didn’t want to burst Thad’s ego bubble by telling him there was a difference between good and fantastic. I did not want to be the one to break it to him that there was more to a relationship than sharing a bed. I knew what it was like to share souls.
I jumped when I felt Thad’s hand on my thigh. “Don’t give me your answer now,” he said. “Let me go in and make a fresh pitcher of margaritas.”
I averted my gaze as he climbed from the tub. “I should go. I think I’m getting drunk.”
“No, you just stay put. You can always stay here if you can’t drive. I’ll make us a little snack.” He turned for the door, paused, then turned back with a grin and snatched up my clothes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Just making sure you don’t try to sneak off on me,” he said.
“Don’t take my clothes!” I said, but it was too late. I caught sight of Thad’s behind as he hurried toward the glass doors leading inside.
“Dammit!” I climbed awkwardly from the hot tub, with the full use of only one hand, and started for the door—then realized I would be asking for big trouble. I knew Thad’s game only too well. Also, I was feeling the effects of the margarita. God only knew how much tequila was coursing through my bloodstream. The only thing I did know was that I had to get out of there fast. I spied a large towel and wrapped it around me sarong-style. Then I grabbed my purse and high heels and ran for my car.
chapter 16
I grabbed the door handle, then paused. I had enough of a buzz going that I didn’t trust myself to drive. Fortunately I had my cell phone and could call Mona. I whipped it out, started to dial, then reconsidered.
Did I really want Mona to know that I had been desperate enough to climb in Thad’s hot tub? Wasn’t it bad enough that she knew I’d had a semicrush on a gay guy? I heard Thad calling me, and I jumped behind his hedges and crouched on the ground. Luckily it was dark, and Thad would probably never think to look for me in his bushes. It bothered me that this was the second time in two weeks I’d found myself in such a predicament. It was times like these that made me question whether I was really capable of treating people for psychological disorders.
Finally Thad grew quiet. I checked Information for the number of a local cab company and dialed. The cab arrived twenty minutes later. I raced across Thad’s front yard and opened the back door to the cab. “I’m sort of in a hurry,” I said, then rattled off my address. The driver glanced back at me. I recognized Tony.
He frowned. “Don’t I know you?”
“I almost never take cabs.”
“The lady in the black dress,” he said, as though a lightbulb had suddenly flashed on in his head. “Nice towel. What happened to your wrist?”
“I fell. Like I said, I’m in a hurry.”
He drove on. “When did you start working this neighborhood?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” I said.
“I’m filling in for a guy who’s getting married. Maybe it’s time you think about settling down. This is no kind of life for a pretty girl like yourself.”
“I’m not a hooker, okay? I’m just a person who makes dumb choices. Could you drive a little faster?”
I was thankful it was dark when I arrived home. “Would you cut your headlights, please,” I asked Tony as I counted out my money. If Bitsy saw me arrive home in a towel, she would think I was a sinner of the worst kind and renege on giving me her coffee cake recipe. “Could you pick me up in the morning? I need to go back and get my car. Eight a.m.?”
He nodded. “You should let me introduce you to my nephew, Tony. He’s looking for a wife.”
“I’m not interested in meeting anyone right now, but thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, eight sharp.” I climbed from the cab and skulked toward my house. Mike greeted me as I stepped inside. The good thing about Mike is that I can walk in wearing a towel, and I don’t have to try to explain it.
The phone rang as I let her out. I saw Thad’s name on my caller ID and ignored it. He didn’t leave a message. Jay had called. I played his message back.
“Saw you on the six o’clock news,” he said. “All the guys in the station said you looked hot.”
I grabbed a shower, slathered myself with my Donna Karan lotion, and sprayed the perfume on my neck. I reached for my favorite sleep shirt, then remembered the Jones New York pajamas that Mona had surprised me with some months back. Because the set was so exquisite, I had hung it in my closet and seldom wore it for fear of spilling Ben & Jerry’s chocolate ice cream on it. The material felt so good on my skin that I promised myself to wear thi
s set more often. It was crazy to keep it in my closet when it gave me such a luxurious feeling.
I slipped between my sheets, turned off my lamp, and put the day behind me, where it belonged. I visualized a sandy white beach, the sun warming my body, seagulls flying overhead, and a vast ocean. I smelled the briny air, heard waves crashing, and at last I felt my body relax.
Thad was right; I did need pampering. But I didn’t have to go all the way to Cancún to get it.
My doorbell rang the next morning at precisely eight a.m. Tony stood on the other side of the door; next to him was a younger man who had Tony’s dark looks but was about fifty pounds overweight.
“This is the nephew I was telling you about,” Tony said. “His name is Tony, too. Half the people in our family are named Tony.”
“Very nice to meet you,” I said, shaking the nephew’s hand. I looked at the older Tony. “I’m in a huge hurry.”
“That’s the problem with you young people,” he said. “You’re always in a big rush. One day the whole lot of you will be old, and you’ll wonder where the time went.”
“You’re right,” I said, and saw the surprised look on his face. “Thank you for reminding me.”
Tony-the-nephew tried to strike up a conversation with me before we pulled from my driveway. In an attempt to discourage him, I pulled my cell phone from my purse and called my mother.
“What’s wrong?” she asked quickly.
“Nothing,” I said. “I thought I’d check in, see how you’re doing.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t realize I needed a reason.”
The younger Tony shrugged and turned around in his seat.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your aunt Lou is still upset with you.”
I knew my mother was lying. She loved giving bad news. “I’m sorry to hear it,” I said, “but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t write prescriptions for her.”
“Uncle Bump is hurt, seeing as how he tried so hard to be a father figure to you.”
I said nothing.
“Lucien isn’t very happy either,” she said. “It’s sad that you don’t have a relationship with your only cousin.”
What Looks Like Crazy Page 17